In the Footprints of Father Time
by Ikrani
Summary: "Time is like a river: you cannot touch the same water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again." Ur enjoys her life, watching her two students grow into men. But one night, a stranger appears, bringing with him a gift from beyond the grave. Just like that, the river begins to cut a new course. (slow burn; Nali, Gruvia, so many ships, we'll have a navy)
1. A Day to Change Your Life

**Chapter 1: A Day to Change Your Life**

All around, the cold raged. Wind like a howling demon screamed; snowflakes like one million razor's edges cut and sliced at the side of the mountain.

Rock peeked out from beneath the white bank, yet another temporary shield to ward off inevitable, icy death. It wouldn't be long now: oblivion awaited, beckoning, pulling as the flickering heat faded evermore into the pale abyss.

Nevertheless, she had come this far. This was just another prison, with walls she couldn't see and bars she couldn't touch. Even if she died here, just to _see_ it, to pass away looking at home, to reassure herself that it existed. That would be enough.

Flexing her tiny muscles, forcing blood to keep flowing, to distribute what scraps of body heat she could muster, she broke from her black bulwark and sprinted across the slope, her knees almost touching her chin for how high she had to lift them. Mercifully, she found the footprints again, deep ones, from where he'd waded ahead of her through the deluge of frostbite and hypothermia.

She quickly realized, glancing around, squinting as her eyelids tried to keep the blizzard's knives from reaching her eyes, that there were no rocks around. Her only hope, once again, lay at the end of these tracks.

Treading on a decomposing lip, she fell to her side and began to slide down the mountain. Snow gathered about her legs, going up her parka and soaking through the cotton of her holey old gloves. She scrambled to find something, _anything_ , but all her hands grasped was more snow.

Suddenly, there was no ground beneath her feet. Then, her legs. Then, her bottom, and her back. Gravity took her lower half, and she began to fall.

Her descent was arrested by a pair of strong, leather-bound hands, grabbing her by the wrists and lifting her away.

She looked up to where his head was, framed by a fur-trimmed hood. She tried to speak, but her clattering jaw would have none of it. Her savior wrapped his huge, wool-lined cloak around her, hugging her against his chest. She sank between the outline of his pectorals, clinging to his torso as he turned, leaned forward, and began his slow climb away from the cliff. Already, his supernatural body heat was trickling through her limbs; her sore, swollen fingers tingled at the intake of warmth. Just like previous times, it was like he was directing it, for she knew enough to know her core needed heat before her limbs could recover.

Her eyes closed, she sank further into his cloak, her lungs filling with warm air from the pocket he'd made. Eventually, she felt him turn left, but unlike previous times, he did not set her down. Instead, he hoisted her further up, a muscular forearm beneath the backs of her legs as he sought a better grip. Onward he trudged, holding her as closely as he might hold his own brood. Perhaps not, since she knew he didn't have, nor ever had, any children.

Despite her renewal, she still felt herself slipping under. It had been a long hike, and her skinny legs were now burning from exertion, instead of frostbite. Maybe just a quick nap…

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The raven-haired girl felt herself jolted by the arms that held her. Instantly, her eyes shot open, well used to rude awakenings. She crawled along his wool shirt, using the outlines of his muscular torso to help her find hand holds, and poked her head out of his cloak. Looking over his shoulder, the exposed skin beneath feeling warm to the touch, she saw two trenches going back through the snow, side by side, until they were lost in the haze that pursued them.

Her sight blurred as she was gently spun around and set down, squeaking in surprise. The snow even _deeper_ here than it had been before, riding up her parka and starting to soak through her pants.

Looking up, the one who'd carried her slipped the ceramic-looking, shield-like disc off of his back, sliding his arms out from the straps that clung to his shoulders. Setting it down concave-side-up, and pushing it back and forth to smooth out the beginnings of a runway, he sat down. The thick black boots he wore anchored in the snow before him, he gestured for her to climb on. The girl had learned very quickly that refusing this offer would mean walking down on her own, and by now, she was sick of snow.

Leaning back while his charge seated herself on his thighs, the disc-rider sunk his hands in the snow behind him. Back came one foot, then the other, stray clumps of snow spilling into his vehicle as he folded his legs.

Then, with a push, down the slope they went.

The petite girl's arm flew to her face as the blizzard was pushed full-force against her, snowflakes nipping at her cheeks and lips. She felt an arm wrap around her left side, and leaned away from it as he'd taught her. The line of their descent became an arc, listlessly curving as their speed grew more fervent. She dared not look, another lesson learned from previous experiences travelling on this disc. The coachman of this carriage knew what he was doing, and hadn't crashed since their second ride.

As the angle of their descent began to feel less steep, she felt his arm tighten slightly and suddenly they were jerked right, their trajectory unchanged. Once again, something the little one had gotten used to. She couldn't hear the line that his right hand was carving into the snow, despite the lessened wind around them. Her own hand left her face and moved to the bottom of her jaw as she was tilted back more, his body almost flat beneath her.

His arm elbow-deep in the snow, eventually they slowed to a stop. His ward hopped off and stretched her legs, the powdered frost not even reaching the top of her boots. Marveling at the sight, she'd forgotten what shallow snow felt like. She then turned to her guide as he banged the snow off his shield with his knee.

"There," he said, pointing.

She hadn't even a chance to speak, but turned to follow his direction anyway. "There", no more than fifty yards away, was a lonely log cabin. Situated out in the wilderness, its only companions were a small lake and two towering pine trees. Smoke drifted from the chimney, before being carried away in the wind, and a flickering light could be seen from the glass window. Unsurprising, snow covered the roof as well as the porch, two dark brown columns poking out of the frigid blanket, to mark the trail to the door.

The girl whirled back to him. "Is that it? Really?!" she asked, her knees knocking with barely-contained energy.

The nod she received was her signal to about-face and _sprint_ across the hillside, falling over no less than three times before she sank her fleshy fishhooks into the bumpy walls of the outside, and hoisted herself up to the window.

There, next to the mantel, a roaring fire coating her left side with dancing yellow light, cross-legged on a bearskin rug in front of a comfy-looking chair, sat Ur.

She wasn't alone.

Two boys sat opposite her on the rug, looking roughly the same age as each other. Both were without shirts, with wiry, athletic builds to them. The first, an eager-looking youth who sat closer to the window, was leaning back on his hands with his feet resting flat on the floor in front of him, his knees bent. A head of spikey blue-silver hair swept up and away from his left eye, a few stray bangs hanging out over said eye. His eyes were wide and filled with energy, but they gazed past Ur and off into somewhere else.

The second, a mellow-looking boy, had his legs crossed like Ur as he leaned his cheek on his fist, elbow resting on the soft part of his knee joint. His eyes were more attentive than his posture let on, slightly obscured by the brush of black hair that raggedly curved about his cranium.

They were her children, these two.

The petite girl didn't know what she wanted to do. Did she want to cry? To scream? To curl up in a ball and finally let the mountain have her? To bash her fists against the log cabin and bang her head until she lost consciousness?

What she ended up doing, finally, was reaching up to furiously swat away a strand of black hair that had spilled into her eye. Then, she turne around and marching away, back up the trail she'd left.

"You lied to me!" cried the girl to her benefactor, pointing a finger up at his chest.

The muscles in his forearms rippled as he crossed them. "Did I?"

"You said you'd take me home, and this isn't home!" she wailed, running up and kicking the thick leather that lined his shins.

"I said I would take you back, that you may _find_ your way home," he reminded her, reaching down to lift her from under her armpits. She still thrashed in his grip, battering at his arms to no avail, oblivious to the wind that had once tortured her so.

"If you wished," he continued, "I would return you to the station, and from there, you would be free to wander."

His arms bent as he brought her to his chest once more, wrapping her up. She hadn't felt the wind, but she felt its absence, lip quivering in a huff as she felt him carry back towards that cursed cabin.

"Your faith has been well-placed thus far," he murmured as he trudged. "Shall I fail you now?"

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"I'm not," Ur replied humbly.

"Yes you are!" Lyon, the silver-haired boy, exclaimed, his hands slapping the rug. "I know you're just being humble about it. You're the best wizard in the world!

Ur shook her head. "I'm no slouch, Lyon, but I know my place." She turned her gaze to the southern window, perpendicular to the front door. She hesitated to speak, because for a moment, it looked like something had pressed up against the glass: a tiny lip of snow on the three-by-three squared frame had been disturbed, looking like someone had taken a bite out of it. Weird.

"Out there, whole groups of wizards come together to do jobs for people," she said. "They're called 'guilds'."

"The jobs?" asked the other boy, Gray, itching his left nostril.

"The wizards," Ur corrected, swatting his hand away from his face. "The guild masters are wildly competitive, so they try to lure all the best wizards to their roster. Those wizards? They're in a level all their own, the cream of the crop."

"And you're one of them!" Lyon insisted. "Nobody's better than you!"

"Like how no one's got ice for brains like _you_ ," Gray remarked to the other boy.

"I do not!"

"Gray, tone down the razor wit," Ur told him, sarcasm in full swing. " _And put your damn clothes back on!_ "

"It's not like we're in public," he mumbled. "Besides, you're the one who gave me this stupid habit."

"Exactly my point!" A wad of fabric crumpled against Gray's head. "So _put 'em on!_ "

As if to support her, the door picked that moment to jump off its latch and fling open, setting every freezing-cold inch of blizzard loose in the cabin. The fire didn't go out (thank whatever god made _that_ miracle), and while Ur was one to get close to the snow, she didn't want it as a roommate. Her choice of slacks-and-shirt humiliated by the weather, Ur stood up to ensure the outside stayed out.

Right as her hand touched the wood, a monster of a man stepped into the doorway. He came from nowhere, materializing out of the blizzard like a person emerging from a fog bank. A gloved hand pressed against the door, stopping it dead. There was no worry about the cold, for this freak of nature's sheer size almost completely blocked the wind.

He wore an unbuttoned winter vest beneath an enormous crimson cloak, the split down the middle showing off his extraordinarily muscled physique, as did the lack of sleeves. Black wool pants descended down his legs, disappearing into a set of heavy-duty brown boots. Going back up, Ur started as she saw his face.

Or, rather, didn't see. From the clasp on his cloak that secured it to his neck, to the top of the hood that adorned it, lined with white wool, there was nothing. The only thing in that hood was black, inky and dark, the complete absence of light.

His boot clomped down as he took his first step inside. Instantly, Ur was ten feet away, fist slamming against her open palm as she began conjuring her Ice-Make magic.

"Boys, get behind me."

"No way!" Lyon retorted, jumping to his feet and mimicking her stance.

"Gotta go with Lyon on this one," Gray added, joining the line-up. As they were, they looked like they were about to launch into song-and-dance, something their uninvited guest found quite amusing.

"The spirit of youth," he chucklingly boomed, a deep bass voice emanating from whatever orifice allowed him to speak. "How soon it fades."

"You want something?" Ur said, a white aura beginning to surround her while she did her best to not flip her lid. "'Cause in case you didn't know, this is _my_ cabin you just broke in to."

"You assume it was I who opened your door," said the figure.

His cloak shifted slightly, first to the left, then the right.

"What _are_ these?" Gray gritted his teeth a little at that, as the man's hood edged back to gazing at Ur. "The substitution of one child for two?"

" _Piss off!_ " Ur snapped, a mist forming around her body as the magic thickened.

The stranger crossed his ripplingly-muscled arms. "I meant to observe."

"I don't care what you 'meant'," the woman snarled. The two boys were eying her, wondering if maaaybe they _should_ stay out of this. "Now get out."

His arms uncrossed.

"Waspish, as well: quick to sting any hand that may jostle the scale," The sinews in his shoulders crackling as they loosened up. "The Bureau of Magical Development might have proved a more nurturing parent."

" _Ice-Make…"_

Now her students both took a step away from their master, Gray in unease, Lyon in awe. She drew her hands back, then threw them out before her.

" _ **Rosebush!**_ "

A tangle of glowing briars, refracting the light from the fireplace, wound to life around the intruder. His towering form disappeared in the hurricane of thorns, the needles viciously spearing out in all directions, outward and inward. Ur's eyes narrowed; would it really be _that_ easy, against someone who'd weathered the frozen hell outside?

In a moment, she had her answer. Water began pooling around the bramble bush, and in a moment, the ice melted in the shape of the hooded figure, leaving a perfect imprint of himself behind.

"Do you deny it?" he asked.

A jagged, sparrow-like bolt flew up at his head, coming not from Ur but from Lyon. His arm unnervingly fast, he snatched it out of the air and crushed it in his hand.

"Do you, Ur Milkovich?"

" _Like Hell if I don't!_ "

"Hmh," he hummed, of the non-belief variety.

Ur scowled.

" _Ice-Make_ _ **Rose Garden!**_ "

This time, there was no warning. A sphere of ice appeared around the bastard who'd _dared_ to waltz in here and start speaking to her that way, Ur's personal touch molding the sculpture's surface into petals. Crevices dug deep, but not so deep as to touch him that stood within, and as the ice finished hardening, a small stem sprouting from the low end of the back.

Ur and the boys stood there, watching the stranger's body for a sign of life. Even now, his face remained shrouded in shadow, completely indiscernible. When no water pooled around the floor, the raven-haired woman allowed her breath free.

"Glad that's over with," she sighed, lowering her hands.

"Who _is_ that?" Lyon murmured. "And how did he break through your magic?"

"I don't care, and I don't care," Ur exhaled, running a hand through her shorn bangs. "Now put your clothes back on, Gray."

"Fine," grumbled the boy, picking up his pants.

That's when they heard it: the eerie, nerve-wracking, unmistakable sound of ice beginning to crack.

Ur slammed her hands together, calling her magic back, but it was too late. The thing in the red cloak burst free from its cage, jagged debris scattering about, another puddle of water about its feet, quickly shrinking.

" **Enough** ," he boomed, his arms spread high, voice going from a humanoid bass to that of a deep brass warhorn. " **I did not brave wind and fury for you to shame your magics 'fore studious eyes.** "

He lowered his arms. "Nor invade to do harm."

Picking a small chunk of ice off his shoulder, and flicking back out the door, he continued. "I have come to hear news of your daughter, Ur Milkovich. What would Ultear think of this reckless abandon?"

"Ultear's dead," Ur spat. "She doesn't think of anything now."

The Thing in the Crimson Cloak folded its arms once again.

"Enlighten me," he rumbled.

She said nothing, just glaring at him, prompting him to add, "And I shall depart."

"Is that really it? You came all this way to ask me about my daughter?"

"No," he admitted, "but she is all I shall ask of you."

Ur sighed, running her hand through her hair again; her nails dug into her scalp.

"You talk like you know about her already," she growled, positioning herself before her big comforter-chair. "Fine. Close the door."

"I shall close the door when I leave."

" _RRGH! FINE!_ " She collapsed in the chair, nodding at Lyon to help Gray find his left sock, her fingers still clawing at her skin. "What do you want to know?"

"Put simply," came the Thing's voice, "why."

"Why what?"

"Why did you abandon her?"

" _I DIDN'T ABANDON HER, YOU SON OF A BITCH!_ " Ur screeched.

Nearby, Gray smirked a little. He was learning all _kinds_ of new words today.

" _Ultear had_ -" The ice mage unclenched her jaw. "Had too much magic in her body. I thought the Bureau's doctors could help her, so I left her there."

The muscles in her arms slightly, but visibly, clenched, as did her lower lip. "If I'd known about her full condition… I would have kept her."

"To what end?" The Thing asked. "You would deprive her of care?"

Ur shook her head, a single tear forming below her eye.

"It wouldn't have mattered. Ultear was never going to survive." Her head wobbled a little atop her neck, dipping forward ever so slightly before she regained control of herself. "I told… I _demanded_ they give her back. I knew she was stronger than that, to let my best present be the death of her. They said her body was too ravaged for me to look at, and no matter how much I begged they wouldn't let me see my daughter. I…"

Just like her ill-fated Rose Garden, Ur broke down and caught herself in her hands, her tears freezing as they struck the floor.

"I couldn't accept it," she sobbed.

By now, Gray and Lyon's sock-search had ground to a halt. They looked at each other, Gray's outward expression frosty as usual. The silver-haired boy nodded at their teacher, but Gray didn't understand. Lyon went over and slung his arms over the armrest of Ur's chair, looking up at her like a hound looking at their bestricken owner. Gray, meanwhile, stood his ground. Glaring at the hooded man, nor taking his eyes off of him, he slowly shuffled to Ur's other side. All the while, he felt like he was being ignored. Ur continued.

"After a while, I realized they were actually doing this for _my_ sake." The woman ran her fingers along her temples, curling her digits into fists. "Seeing my daughter… The state her body must have been in..."

"Once more," The Thing's voice carried, "why?"

She looked it dead in where its eyes would be: defiant, grief-stricken, tears now streaming down the sides of her face.

"Because I wanted to be her mother," Ur forced through her grimace, "for however long I could."

The Thing in Red cocked its head to one side, the cut of its hood swaying along with it.

"What of these two?" The Thing said, freeing a finger from its bicep, to point to the boys on either side or her. "Are you not mother to them?"

"I am."

"Then why do you pine for a daughter long dead?"

"Because, you stupid _ass_ …" The ice mage spat, her fire returning to her. "I'm still her mother. And I still want my daughter back."

The cloaked Thing said nothing, not a sound from its invisible lips. It stood motionless, looking like some eldritch statue carved from flesh, the only telltale sign of life being the rhythmic expansion and contraction of its abdomen.

"Now would you _please…_ just _go._ "

It still didn't shift. The trio of ice mages could feel its eyes, and they knew it had eyes, sweeping over them, dissecting them, scrutinizing them like a scribe might scrutinize ancient text, carefully analyzing every sign, every stroke, searching for meaning within. These ice-wielders, knew, at that moment, that whatever orbs gazed down on them couldn't possibly be human.

Ur was an unorthodox teacher. Even with Gray and Lyon's limited exposure to the tutorings of magic, their first lesson with her had been odd. Lyon, and later the both of them when Gray became her pupil as well, had been made to strip down to nothing but underwear, then sprint through the snowy banks of the mountainside. It was to "become one with the ice", so they could learn to control it. This was hardly the end of the trial-by-freeze, as Ur had them soaking in the tub, filled with ice blocks, and later swimming beneath the frozen lake next to the cabin. When it came time to learn magic, both Gray and Lyon _were_ the cold, completely able to tolerate it as well as their master.

Yet, as each of the three looked up at the black void bottled within the cloaked visitor's hood, each of them, one by one, shivered.

"Go, I shall," he said, leaving a wet circle beneath his heel as he turned and walked out into the snow. They could still hear his bootsteps as he clomped along the porch, before the sounds stopped.

"Jerk didn't even close the door," Gray muttered.

"So why don't you, Gray?" Ur asked, her voice beginning to stabilize.

"Why me?!"

"Well, since you're so concerned about it being open," she remarked sweetly.

That's when the bootsteps began returning. His voice echoed in Ur's thoughts.

 _I shall close it when I depart_.

Closer and closer those heavy sounds came, stopping just beyond their vision. It was only now that Ur realized that, even without the stranger's bulk, the wind and snow were still being shunted away from the door.

There he was again: half-visible out of the side, his right leg and arm obscured by the wooden tree trunks that formed the wall of the cabin.

He said nothing, did nothing, for a moment. Then, his crimson hood tilted down toward his immediate side, hidden from view.

" **You heard, child** ," he insisted, that shred of warmth dissonant with his warhorn-like voice. " **Go on now.** "

Now from the side of the latch peeked a much smaller form. First its glove, a disheveled mess of black cotton and fabric, looking like it'd been mugged by a woodpecker. Then its other glove, in similar disrepair. The fluffy edge of a small, tan parka's hood peeked around next, and finally, the first signs of a face.

She was young, there was no question about that. Her big, brown eyes emphasized her small frame, as yet ungrown into womanhood. Shoulder-length, dark-purple hair cascaded down her back, the salwan locks billowing in the mysterious back-draft around the doorframe. Her frightening escort's arm slowly swung up, and she was pushed further into view of the Milkovich household.

Her parka was in far better condition than her gloves: well-worn, caked with white snow, but hardly disastrous. That dishonor went to her pants, a patchwork crime scene of browns and greens, from how many squares had been sewn over beaten cloth. Winter boots, smaller versions of the one the first stranger wore, covered her feet, the newest-looking of the ensemble. Holding her hair back, the tips tucked neatly behind her ears, was a think pink band.

Her face did nothing to hide how nervous she was, lip shifting, eyes flicking about. Despite what was clearly an effort on her part, the girl couldn't help but swallow as she stood there, feeling four pairs of eyes spotlight her.

"H-" She floundered for a moment, then forced herself to look directly at the woman.

"Hello," was all she could manage before her gaze blinked away. "Mother."

Once more, silence fell upon the cabin. Lyon and Gray peered at this girl, jaded in spite of their young age. Her eyes were the same reverse-horizon shape as Ur's, sure. And her hair was almost the same color, so dark that if not for the fire, they wouldn't make out the tinge of purple. Ur herself was having similar thoughts, while tracing her hairline with her finger. This, too, was mirrored in this small girl.

"How…" Ur swallowed, eyes growing wider by the second. "How old are you?"

"Seven," said the girl, still looking away.

 _You can't be_ , the ice wizard mouthed, the armrests steadying her hands as she began rising from her chair. "The doctors said you died."

"...They were lying."

That, merely three words from a girl who looked exactly the age she claimed, was all Ur needed to hear to rush forward and scoop her daughter up in her arms.

" _Ultear!_ "

The young Milkovich girl's feet went slack as her mother lifted her up, then they clung to Ur's hips as Ultear returned a hug that had been years overdue. The deluge of joy that poured from the ice wizard's eyes absolutely soaked Ultear's parka, melting the speckles of snow that had yet hung on to it. Her arms crushed Ultear to her, afraid that she might wake up at any moment, to a cabin with no daughter, no miracle, just the familiar ache of six months of worrying, followed by five-and-a-half years of mourning. Her fingers slid among the locks of her daughter's hair, feeling the channels formed by the follicles. She knew no dream could replicate this feeling.

"It's really you… Ultear…"

" **Indeed she is.** "

Not even the imposer's booming voice could bring Ur down from the joy she was riding. Never would such happiness find her again, nor would it Ultear; this, they both knew. So they continued to hug each other, the exposed fingertips of Ultear's hands sending chills down Ur's spine as her daughter wrapped her diminutive arms around her mother's neck.

"Ultear…" Ur said it like an incantation. "Ultear… You're finally home. Ultear…"

"This is getting kind of mushy…"

"Shut _up_ , Gray!" Lyon quietly scolded.

Nevertheless, the ice master, her heart completely melted, felt a debt settle on her shoulders. She opened her eyes, looking into that same black mass that moments before had frightened her, and whispered, "Thank you."

The stranger's hood shook itself side to side. "Not I, Ur Milkovich. Your daughter's cry for freedom is what brought her to you."

Ur felt the child in her arms push against her shoulders, turning herself to look at their deliverance. "Thank you," Ultear echoed.

The stranger gave a slight nod. "You're quite welcome."

His crimson hood returned upright, and he leveled a finger at the four of them.

" **Now hear this** ," he thundered. " **The time will come when fate will call, and you** _ **all**_ **must answer. When the moon spills blood between the twin tusks of the Earth, and whispers of death wander the land, make with all haste to the city of Brago. Brave the hellscape that unfolds, and follow in the winged demon's wake. Through fire and** _ **to**_ **fire, destiny awaits.** "

The echoes of his prophecy dying down, the hooded stranger turned and lumbered back through the door. Then, he stopped, one foot yet to touch the snow.

" **And, Ultear?** "

The girl showed no signs of fear, even as her mother held her a little tighter.

The crimson hood and torso swiveled around. Whatever eyes that lay within that inky black nebula, they held no power over Ultear as they had her new family. One last time, the stranger spoke.

"Have a wonderful life."

He turned forward again, leaving the Milkovich household behind, stopping only to reach in and shut the door behind him. The only noise that followed was the muffled howl of the blizzard.

"Well," Ur choked, still misty-eyed and stuffed-up, "let's get you into some decent clothes."

She set her daughter down, then went to the wardrobe and began rifling through the bottom drawers.

"I know I kept them _somewhere…_ " she muttered. "Boys, introduce yourselves."

"Oh, uh…" Lyon was the first, offering Ultear a hand and a grin. "Lyon Vastia. Nice to meet you!"

The girl just stared at it, wondering what he was going to do next. Lyon rattled his extremity for good effect.

"You gonna shake it or what?" he asked.

Tentatively, Ultear grasped his palm with her first two fingers and thumb, before Lyon caught the rest of her hand and gave it a good wringing.

"You, um…" Ultear looked away from him. "You already know my name, I think."

"Well, your mom only said it about twelve times," remarked the other boy.

" _Gray! Show some manners!_ " Ur barked. " _And don't strip in front of my daughter!_ "

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he grumbled, looking at the wall, hands in his pockets. He hadn't even taken his shirt off and Ur was already being a nag again.

"I'm Gray. Gray Fullbuster," he muttered. "Not like you care…" As Ur finally found some extra clothes, Gray looked back at Ultear, then jerked a thumb towards the door. "So who was _that_ weirdo?"

The newest addition to Ur's cabin simply stated, "He said his name was Father Time."


	2. Make It New and Bright

**Author's response:**

To anyone who leaves a review: I always appreciate it. I won't always respond, as I won't always have something to say in return, but know that I read each and every review my stories receive (yes, "stories", plural). Feedback is the fuel for the machine that is my writing, and I don't think I'll ever get enough. So write away, readers, tell me your thoughts. Even if you don't hear from me, you won't ever be ignored.

Take, for example, the guest reviewer "Ranty Tail". Read your review, thought about letting slip a plot detail, but I couldn't find a way to word it without being too specific. Surprises are meant to surprise, after all.

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Make It New and Bright**

"Would you just hurry it up and do it already?" Lyon complained, his breath visible as he clutched at his arms, wearing only his boxer shorts. "I already had to go through this _twice_."

Gray eyed him, equally undressed. "Don't see me complaining, do you?"

"I'm not stripping," Ultear stated again, levelling eyes at her mother. "I don't have a bra like you, and I don't want Gray's bad habit."

" _My_ bad habit?! Listen, Ultear, I wouldn't even _have_ this stupid habit-"

"-if you weren't such a slouch during your lessons," Ur finished for her student. No _way_ was he going to try that line again.

Lyon laughed. "She got you there, Gray."

"Oh yeah? Last I checked, I knew how to do this stupid Ice-Make stuff as well as you, Lyon!"

The boys literally butted heads, pushing against one-another. "But can you make it dance, ice-flunky?"

"Like _you_ can, teacher's pet!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Well just watch me!"

Shoving Gray away, and placing his fist against his palm, Lyon began channeling his magic.

"Ice-Make… Uh…"

The whirling white around Lyon's fists dissipated. "Never mind."

"Something like this, Lyon?" Ur called.

The boys turned and their eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as they saw Ur waltzing around the banks, a stick-man made of vines with a rose for a head as her partner. She led, it followed (not that those two would know anything about ballroom dancing), until she whirled it around and let it disintegrate, scattering the gleaming powder through the air and watching it glisten as it fell.

"Ur, that was amazing!" Lyon's eyes were glistening as well.

"All of that starts with this simple exercise," Ur said, turning back to her three- her _two_ students. She looked around. "Ultear?"

Following the tiny footprints, it appeared Ur's daughter had gone back to the cabin.

The woman shook her head, muttering, "Sure, I can take another handful. Not like she gets that from me, anyway."

Meanwhile, shutting the door behind her, Ultear sank down against it, breathing a sigh of relief. Her discomfort with stripping was only part of it. After the hell she'd endured to get home, Ultear was in no hurry to freeze to near-death again. At least another week next to the fire, in her bedroll, reading: maybe then she'd be able to stand looking at snow, much less disrobing in it.

On the other hand, she'd have to go outside to get firewood, because this cabin wasn't much better than the outside and she wanted to change that. So-

"Changed your mind?" asked her mother, who was right outside the door.

"No," said Ultear, looking up at her, ignoring the fact her mother was still three-quarters naked. "I just want a fire."

"Tell you what," Ur said, squatting down in front of her, leaning on her knees. "I'll help build you a fire, if you keep it going for the rest of the day."

"I will."

" _And_ ," said the wizard, holding up a finger, "you have to gather additional firewood barefoot. Think you can handle that?"

Ultear's hint of a scowl was all the answer Ur needed. Any denial on her daughter's part would be a lie, and they both knew it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Aaah, this is the best," Lyon sighed, wiggling his toes as he sat splayed-legged in front of the mantle.

"I guess…" Gray muttered, having de-clothed himself yet again. "Still kinda chilly in here."

"Don't you blame me," Ultear called, stumbling through the door with another armful of lumber. "If you don't like my fire, then you can sit outside."

Gray glanced at her, then returned to glowering.

"Why do you act like that all the time, hm?" Ultear asked demandingly, plonking the pile down against the side of the brick-and-mortar mantle.

"You're one to talk," the boy quietly countered.

Ultear's mitten-clad hands rested on her hips as she stood over him, leaning forward. "I'll have you know that I smiled when I first saw this house. Father Time could tell you that."

"But he's not here. Anyway, what's that got to do with me?"

Now Ultear was returning outside, hoping to hide her slight smirk from her foster brother. "You haven't smiled in seven days."

"Gray never smiles," Lyon told her, looking her way. "Ur says he's got some kind of darkness in him, and she's trying to banish it."

As Ur's daughter returned to the frozen hellscape, she heard Lyon again.

"Well you do!" the silver-haired boy insisted. "I knew you even longer, and I never saw you smile, either."

The apprentice mage returned to looking at the fire, muttering to himself.

By the time Ultear had gathered up another armful from the stack that lay buried beneath the wool tarp outside, the boys had started an argument.

"It's none of _anyone's_ business, got it?" Gray jabbed a finger into Lyon's chest. "I can take care of myself just fine!"

Lyon brushed Gray off, then riposted with a poke of his own. "Then why are you still here, huh?"

" _Lyon!_ "

The boys both flinched at Ur's voice. By the way they shrank before her mother, Ultear could only deduce that she came from the bloodline of a truly frightening woman.

Gray glared at the back of Lyon's head, as the other boy was now looking at his teacher. "It's fine," said the troubled youth. "I'm here to learn the _really_ powerful stuff."

His knees bent as his legs collapsed into a cross-legged sitting position. "Once I do, I'm outta here, so keep your hair on."

"Any particular reason why?" Ultear asked, moving over to stand on the warm stone near the fireplace, dumping most of the wood beside it.

"My parents are dead," Gray said, turning his back to the fire and scooting away from it. "A demon called Deliora killed them and everyone else I knew."

"But not you," Ultear pointed out.

"What about it?" Gray crossed his arms. "The only thing I plan on doing once I learn all the best Ice spells is ditching this stinking cabin and killing that demon. After that, I don't even care."

Ultear accusingly looked up at her mother, who was relaxing in her comforter chair. The woman shrugged.

"He's a work in progress," she admitted, leaning on one hand. "But, I'll do whatever it takes, even it means fighting Deliora myself."

"Don't even think about it, Ur," Gray warned.

This got him a knock on the head.

" _Don't you order me around, kid!_ " she snapped. " _You still got a lot to learn before you're on_ my _level!_ "

"We both do," Lyon whispered to Ultear. "But someday, I'll be even better than Ur."

Ultear looked at Gray, who was protested his head-bump, and Ur, who was still chewing him out for being a bratty little so-and-so. Then, back at Lyon.

"You have my sympathy," she told him. With that, she turned and walked back out into the snow, feet still bright pink.

Lyon watched her go. "Sheesh, who's the one who hates cold again?"

"You were, when you first got here," Ur reminded him. She looked up at the departing form of her daughter, who was now going for the whole trilogy of wood-gathering, still shoeless. "Give her time. Then she'll be streaking with the rest of us."

The silver-haired youth pursed his lips, his head sinking in front of his neck. "You didn't have to say it so weird, Ur…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I heard from my cousin, Hrodgar," said the muscle-bound "tradesman" sitting on a barstool, itching the underside of his chainmail shirt. "Mr. Sacks started his rounds back home this year."

"I take it your cousin had to pay tribute?" said the other "tradesman", drumming his fingers along the haft of his bearded axe. "What'd he give?"

"One of his cracked whaling spears. Just-" The first man clicked his tongue and mimed a throwing-motion with his arm. "Chucked it right in, head-first."

This got a laugh from the other man, to join the raucous sound that was the inside of The Forlorn Fisherman. "What, did he think he could punch a hole in the bottom?"

"All know is _I'm_ not staying home for Twelfth Night!" he roared merrily. "I left ten ingots for Mr. Sacks, and if Hrodgar wants to be a stingy bastard, he can have whatever he gets!"

"I'll drink to that! HA!"

Ultear, now eight-years-old, was seated with her mother, at a table not too far from these "merchants" from the far-north. She watched these two smash their mugs together before downing the frothing brew in one go.

"If you're curious," her mother's voice told her, "then ask them."

The girl turned back to Ur, who was leaning her chair back on its hind legs, enjoying a cup of warm cider. Ultear had her own brew, albeit non-alcoholic.

"It's none of my business," Ultear replied, blowing on the drink before taking a sip. "What they keep in their sacks, stays in their sacks."

Ur sputtered into her cup, spilling droplets on the wood, before setting it down and chortling loudly. "Maybe." The wooden table groaned a little as Ur leaned her arms on it. "But you might not get another chance to find out."

"They might take offense," Ultear offered, shifting uncomfortably in her seat.

"If they do, then I get a bonus and you get to watch Mother in _real_ action." Ur nodded to where the two meat-monsters were tearing at their dinner: massive bird legs that usually fed a party of two. These men had one a piece. "Besides, you're a wizard now. You can't be afraid of getting into fights, not if you want to join a guild someday."

Sighing, realizing that she wasn't getting out of this, Ultear took another sip for moral support and scooched out of her chair. Walking over to the burly northlanders, she realized they were even larger up-close, easily three-times her size.

"Excuse me?"

One of them looked down at her, pushing his bushy beard against his neck with one hand. Yes, he was _definitely_ looking at her.

"Need help, little miss?" he asked. "Are you drinking right?"

"I'm too young to drink."

"Where we come from, children are _weaned_ on mead!" the trader's un-bearded companion shouted. "Keeps them well, makes them strong!"

"Regardless," Ultear continued, knowing her mother was probably laughing at her latest machination, "who is Mr. Sacks?"

In but a moment, the laughter of the two northman died down.

"Mr. Sacks," said Hrodgar's cousin, "is the spirit of winter."

The man set his mug on the table, then began slowly waving his hands and drumming his fingers through the air.

"Every year, two days after the season begins, Mr. Sacks begins making his rounds through the houses and towns that call upon him," the man said cryptically. "No one ever sees him, not during the day, but at night, we all stay up for The Watch."

"It's always just before midnight," said the bearded one, setting his mug down and wringing the froth from his facial hair. "Mr. Sacks goes to houses, knocks on the front door, holds open his sack, and asks for tribute. You can give him whatever you like, even nothing at all. But he remembers what you give, and you get yours come Twelfth Night."

"Which is…?" These two seemed to have forgotten who they were talking to.

"The night which Mr. Sacks makes his rounds one last time," said the cousin. "He leaves things for anyone who marked their house. I've even seen homeless beggars get a package from Mr. Sacks, so long as they have a place to sleep. Even woke up to him once myself, while he was shifting a poleax under the bed."

"So, he _is_ real?"

" _ **HA!**_ "

Two massive hands slapped two massive thighs.

"These outlanders, Logan," remarked Hrodgar's cousin, looking at his companion while slapping the bar with his hand. "Lucky Mr. Sacks doesn't pay _them_ a visit."

The bartender quickly filled the man's mug, while "Logan" returned to his telling.

"Everything that goes into that sack is gone forever. No one ever sees it again. In ancient times, when all the north was under one rule, the jarl declared that no one but his hold was to call on Mr. Sacks one year."

Ultear didn't know what "jarl" meant, but she deduced it quickly enough.

"This jarl," Logan continued, "had Mr. Sacks at his door all eleven nights of The Watch, and he had eleven different house members give a gift. Come the morn after Twelfth Night, he gathered all the parcels in his great hall to see if anything that was given made its way back to the hold."

Both men began to crack up. Ultear thought she could hear her mother doing the same.

"And?" she asked impatiently.

"Mr. Sacks gave them all coffins! _Filled with chicken dung!_ " Hrodgar's cousin bellowed, roaring with laughter. "The entire hold was abandoned, the stink was so bad!"

"No, wait! Remember?" Logan corrected him, laying a hand on his companion's shoulder. "Not all of them! Old Jarl Sigurd got a note from Mr. Sacks personally, telling him to never deny him tribute again…"

The man could barely contain himself for what he said next. "And _skrub af!_ "

Hrodgar's cousin only guffawed harder, so hard he fell off the stool and landed on the floor. Even there, he continued to choke on fits of hysterical laughter. Ultear could only guess at what "skrub af" meant, if it was enough to form a punchline.

"So is this Mr. Sacks ultimately benevolent?"

"Benevo- _what?_ " The bearded man scratched his temple.

"A good spirit."

"Aaaah…" Logan climbed back into his seat. "No one knows, really. He's never not given to those who've paid tribute, but only those who pay receive his surprises. He's never passed on the downtrodden that have called him on themselves, but even the poorest men have still been approached."

"Up north," Hrodgar's cousin said, slurping back his drink (how many did that make?), "twelve nights is a long time when all you have is a fur and maybe a freeholder's livestock to stay warm. Never knew anyone who had the courage to refuse Mr. Sacks."

"Why d'you ask?" said Logan, leaning on his knee. "Thinking of calling him?"

Ultear inspected the floorboards. "I was just curious."

" _Huh_ ," snorted Logan, reaching into one of the large pockets of one of his pants.

He then produced a small wooden figurine, about as tall as the length from Ultear's wrist to her forearm, dressed in miniature cloth attire.

"If you want to try your luck with Mr. Sacks," Logan informed her, pressing the doll into her puny-looking hand, "set this somewhere in your home, and ask for Mr. Sacks to visit every night after the sun goes down."

"But hasn't he already begun? I wouldn't think he'd come if I start late."

"Miss…" Hrodgar's cousin laid a hand on her shoulder, encompassing her entire shoulder, half her upper arm, and the base of her neck on that side. "If there's one thing you should know, it's that Mr. Sacks is _nothing_ … if not generous."

"As the dung-filled _coffins_ would tell you…!" Both men began laughing again. Looking at their size, Ultear could only imagine how enormous those coffins would be for men of their size. She sensed that she'd been forgotten about, so muttered an excusal and shuffled back to the table.

There, she showed Ur the figurine that the man called Logan had given her. It was then that they both decided to give this "Mr. Sacks" thing a try. Hopefully, he delivered to where they lived.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Ice-Make…"

Ultear stood perfectly still, the meat of her fist against her palm, her imagination starting to run wild.

" _Dahlia!_ "

From magic came a stem, and from that stem sprouted layer upon layer of florets. Just in time, too, because the chiseled mountain cat had just about reached her. It crashed into the flower, scattering them both to glittering glass.

"Ice-Make _Sparrow!_ "

Another arcane circle appeared before Lyon's hands. Continuing his offensive, boots planted in the white field, a flock of prismatic birds materialized and flew at Ultear.

" _Rosen Krone!_ "

Twin tails of thorny brush exploded from the ground around Ultear, winding through the air and spearing through the avian projectiles. The girl pressed them onward, swatting more of Lyon's conjured pets out of the sky. Victory was as good as hers.

That is, until the last Ice Sparrow twisted in mid-air and spun away from Ultear's counterattack, flying straight for her. In a panic, she leaned back to dodge it, but lost her balance and fell, the toes of her shoes digging up snow.

" _Yes!_ Still the best!" Lyon pumped his fist, forgetting that _die Krone der Rosen_ was still in motion. The next instant, he was uprooted and flung back, the tendrils boring into the ground where he'd stood.

"I'll take _that_ victory, thank you." Ultear was now sitting up, smirking at her fallen opponent.

Lyon jerked upright, snow no doubt melting through his pants. "No fair! You moved first!"

"But my attack was still in motion." Ultear folded her arms, still smiling in triumph. "That's what gloaters get."

Nearby, Gray was having worse luck against his teacher. He was throwing everything he could think of at her: spears, arrows, even a big hammer to swing down at Ur. She countered with the same large ice-leaf: first sprouting up to block the spears, then growing a vine with which to catch the falling arrows, and finally turning into a giant blade with which to snap forward and cut Gray's hammer at the haft. Immediately, the head began to fall, and Gray darted back, losing the game.

"Interesting choices, Gray," Ur called, beaming at him with pride. Shrugging her coat's sleeves back up to her shoulders, she made her way over to her pupil. "What made you think of all that?"

"Just came to mind," he replied, putting his hands in his pockets (thereby getting snow in them). "I still think you're holding out on me."

At this, Ur's smile grew a little stale. "I told you, Gray: Maker Magic can be as powerful as you want it to be. The only limit is your imagination, and your magical power."

"Hmph." Gray looked down the trail that led to the nearby town. "We going grocery shopping or what?"

" _I'm_ going grocery shopping," Ur said, walking over to a nearby rock and retrieving her burlap sack. "You're free to come, as always."

"Sure."

"Wonderful. Lyon?"

"Course I am!" Lyon sprinted over. "I wouldn't wanna miss another fight!"

"I wouldn't get your hopes up." Ur laid a hand on his head and ruffled his hair. "Don't think any sailor's gonna try anything. It's too early to start drinking."

The master then looked to her third protégé. "Ultear?" she called.

The nine-year-old shook her head. "I'll stay here, thanks."

"She always stays here," Gray commented.

"Her loss." Lyon grinned. "She's missing the master in action."

"You talking about me, or yourself?" Ur inquired, playfully suspicious.

"Don't worry, Ur," Lyon told her as they began their walk down the trail. "I won't call myself a master until after I beat you."

Atop the hill, by the cabin, Ultear waited until they were out of sight. Dashing inside, she flung her boots off her feet and ran over to her bed. Pushing aside the basket of clean clothes beneath, as she'd done so many times before, she retrieved the rectangular-shaped package, wrapped in that same strange weave. Ultear had never been able to find out what it was: black in color, always cold and stiff to the touch, but nearly as flexible as the paper it shrouded.

Carefully untucking the outer flap, Ultear gently removed the tome within. Opening it, she repeated the next step in her clandestine little ritual.

 _As you've now conquered the cold, mayhap you wish to broaden your studies. Learn well, practice often, and_ never _break the taboos. You will go far in life. – "Mr. Sacks"_

Exactly one year after Ultear had come home, this book had appeared beneath her pillow, bound in a white hair ribbon. She'd decided to keep the book a secret. Great master or no, her mother's feelings were still human.

On the other hand, the magic gleaned from this book could most definitely be called "diverting".

The secretive student flipped to the table of contents. Listed was entry after entry of spells, exponentially growing in complexity. Unlike her mother's magic, these spells required not just imagination and power, but a fundamental understanding of the element manipulated. Sparrow, spear or rosebush, magical ice was still magical ice.

Glancing at a few broken twigs next to the fireplace, she concentrated her magic into her eyes, then let it flow through her gaze. Slowly, one twig knitted itself back together. Then, two more, then three, and as Ultear walked over to start re-breaking them, she wondered if this "Restore" spell could work on larger, more complex objects. After all, the book never said it couldn't.

Stepping outside, tome still in hand, the next spell to reprise was "Continuum". Despite its disappointing effect in practice, it was the principle of the thing that mattered. Concentrating hard, visualizing the thread of fate woven before her, Ultear swept her free hand forward and willed the snow to move. Instead, all it did was melt.

"Augh, _why?!_ " she frustratedly fumed. It seemed she'd forgotten the principle again. Thus, she settled in to another afternoon of the gnashing and grinding of teeth.

By the time she heard her mother returning up the trail, Ur's alto voice carrying well through the snowy pass, she'd only _just_ gotten the hang of Continuum again.

"Another time, I suppose." Tucking the book back into its protective weave, Ultear made to run back inside but slipped and fell on the front step.

"Ow… Wait."

The book had landed in the half-inch slush of her footprint.

"No." She snatched it up and hurriedly began swiping the melting snow away. " _No no no no no no-_ "

Sweeping a foot behind her (lest her family find the square-shaped imprint in front of the door), the dread-wracked Ultear pulled the book out of the weave.

It was dry.

Not damp, not slightly moist, but as dry as the desert that surrounded her old prison.

Ultear jerked her head up. No time to think about that! Had to get inside! Boots off, book under bed, move the basket back, now just to conjure a cover story-

"Well I'm going!"

Gray's voice came from outside, the only warning Ultear had before the door was flung open. The boy was more PO'd than usual, angrily stomping over to his hamper and tossing his things into a nearby rucksack.

"If any of you think I'm gonna pass this up, then _you're_ stupid!" He pursed his lip, not even acknowledging the girl who was watching him. Ur and Lyon appeared at the door, Ultear's mother looking far more stoic than the girl could recall seeing her. Lyon's big eyes showed off his worry, watching his friendly rival sling the rucksack over his back and stomp his way out.

"If you go," Ur said, her head remaining fixed even as Gray strode by, "you'll no longer be my student."

Gray stopped at the front step, but only long enough to turn and say, "You taught me magic. So if I die, it'll be _your_ fault."

Ultear's eyes _flared_ at that, and it took everything she had to not run out the door and slap Gray so hard that his head spun off.

"The _nerve!_ " she fumed, fists clenched at her sides. By her expression, she looked like she was trying to suck her own lips through her teeth. "Who does he think he is, burdening someone with his own idiocy?"

Ur shook her head. "His bed's made, now he has to sleep in it." Without another word, she closed the door behind her, leaving Gray to wander on his own.

"Where is he going, anyway?" inquired Ultear, simmering down.

"To Brago," Lyon answered, flopping down on his bedspread and staring up at the ceiling. "Some people we heard on the way back up here said Deliora's headed that way."

"Deliora?" Ultear knew that name… "The demon?"

"The one that killed Gray's parents and destroyed his home town." Ur looked at the ground. "I can't believe he thinks he can kill it."

"Well, why not?" Lyon tilted his head to look at his mentor, his voice a little shaky. "He learned from the best. He's got the spells. And he's pretty good for third-place."

Ultear responded before Ur could. "He lacks the conditioning. Even the most powerful magic is worthless if the caster's body can't handle it."

"And he knows that." Ur sighed, sinking into her chair, leaning back to join Lyon's ceiling-stare. "But he still wants to throw his life away."

"You're not going?" Ur's daughter eyed her mother; her affinity with the cold was only supposed to run skin-deep.

"I won't let Gray endanger anyone else." Ur reached up and began thumbing through the bookshelf above the mantle, her expression completely neutral. "It's his life, and he may spend it however he likes."

That was the last thing that was said for the next hour. The remaining three occupants of Ur's cabin went undisturbed, unspeaking. They lounged around, Ur rereading an old romance novel from her shelf, Lyon poking at the fire. Ultear was shifting around uncomfortably, pacing between walls. She remembered those years past, before her journey home, before Father Time had found her, when the Bureau of Magical Development held her prisoner.

 _It's what your mother wanted. Once we've expanded your magical power, she'll be back. You'll see._

Always those words, repeated to her over and over again by the white-haired monster than ran the asylum, and it _was_ an asylum, in all but name. The electrodes had always been the worst of it: injecting her frail body with Etherano, forcing her power to grow, feeling like her organs were ready to explode inside herself. She'd swallowed that power whole, over and over again, until she remembered not even feeling the swell. Her flight from that horrifying place hadn't been so much an escape as the beginning of a warpath. All of that raw magical energy, stuffed and pushed down inside her small frame, had been unleashed, discharging in blue wave after blue wave that toppled the crescent-shaped cell block and saw an end to the Bureau's cruelty. From there, it had begun.

"I'm going, too," she announced, ceasing her back-and-forth.

"You sure about that?" Ur asked, not even looking up from her read.

"I'll talk to him," the girl fibbed.

Now Ur _did_ look up. "No, really, Ultear: you sure?"

The girl looked her mother, her teacher, straight in the eye. "Do you know why he's doing this, Mother?"

"Because he's arrogant and angry." Ur returned to reading, but she was just as bad at lying as her daughter. "A bad combo, if you ask me."

Being the child of a parent, and now speaking to that parent, Ultear couldn't resist.

" _Are you suuure?_ " she asked, as smugly as her tiny voice could convey.

" _All right, Little Miss Know-It-All,_ " Ur barked, slamming the book closed and standing up. " _What am I missing here?!_ "

"Oo!" Lyon's hand shot up in the air.

"Deliora took his parents away from him," Ultear explained, still smiling (and ignoring her foster brother), "and since he can't have them back, he wants the next best thing. It's _all_ he wants. Everything else is there to either help him, or to hinder him. There's no middle ground, in his mind."

Ur crossed her arms. "Really," she huffed sarcastically. "Is that how you see it?"

"That's how I saw 'it'…" Ultear paused, drawing back for the killing blow. "…when I decided I wanted to come back to my mother."

And what a glorious strike it was. Not even the all-mighty Ur of Isvan could stop herself from recoiling in surprise.

It was right then, with Ur's eyelids just starting to relax from the shock they'd received, that the starlight shining through the windows began to fade to pink. Then, orange. Then...

"What the-" Lyon was the first to the glass. "Where's that coming from?"

Ur tried the northern window, the one facing the mountain slope. "Not from over here."

"…I see it."

The diminuendo of uncertainty, slowly releasing its grip on Ultear's vocal chords, only added to that gnawing feeling of dread that clawed at Lyon and Ur's guts. Master and pupil dashed to meet their third, and beheld the horrifying source of the light.

It was the moon. But not just the moon: in a full lunar eclipse, larger and more imposing than even Ur could remember seeing it, staining the sky red, sitting just above the Twin Peaks overlooking the frozen lake.

 _When the moon bleeds between the twin tusks…_

"…Hey." Lyon nervously turned to his mentor. "You think that guy was just talking about Gray when he said that?"

" **I was not.** "

The three all spun around. That voice came from everywhere, even the woodwork.

Ur smirked at it. "Well, no time like the present." She went to her large wardrobe, cast a spell on the strongbox that sat atop, and removed every Isvanian Mark she'd saved up, just in case something like this.

"Grab what you can," she ordered her pupils, stuffing the money down her pockets. "Don't know when we'll be coming back."

Ultear started for a moment, in the midst of stuffing her small shoulder bag with spare clothes. There was just enough room, and if she was quick about it…

"What's that?"

" _NOTHING, LYON!_ " she squawked, hugging her precious tome to her chest.

She couldn't see it, but she just _knew_ he was grinning. "Then why're you bringing it with us, huh?" He began poking her back. "Is it your diary? Lemme see it!"

" _I SAID GO AWAY!_ " She thrust a hand towards him and a magic circle sprung forth. Lyon fell backward, hand shielding his face as his thoughts scrambled to recollect a counter-spell.

" _That's enough!_ "

The ice mistress's hand actually passed _through_ the arcane circle and scattered it.

" _We're going to have enough problems without you two trying to kill each other over a stupid book!"_ Swatting her child's hand aside, Ur sucked in a breath, exhaled, then opened her eyes. "If it's that important to you, Ultear, I want to see it after this Deliora bastard gets what he's owed."

"So we're all coming back, eventually," Lyon tentatively offered, shrugging his backpack over his shoulders. He swiveled around, his eyes a little wider than usual. "Right?"

"Well, I don't know about you two," Ur grinned, "but I don't plan on going anywhere."

"Besides Brago?" Ultear offered.

"Besides Brago." Ur opened the door, which mercifully did _not_ let the cold in, as the wind was dead tonight. "Hopefully we can catch Gray before he goes and does something _really_ stupid."


	3. Bitterness Abounds

**Chapter 3: Bitterness Abounds**

The lowest level of hell was a cold place. The furthest from the sun, it was reserved for only the worst of the absolute worst: traitors and oathbreakers. Down here, the inmates had all frozen over, those betraying their lords having been completely entombed in ice.

The people of Brago weren't about to join them.

Instead, they faced their damnation at the fiery roars of a demon, lumbering its way through their city, shouldering buildings aside with its sheer bulk. Fires burned across the skyline, immolating the dead and dying as their homes collapsed on top of them. Even from this hill, Gray could hear the screaming.

An awful, gut-churning sound, one that the boy had only ever heard once before. Scattered fragments of memories long suppressed and yet clutched close resurfaced, snippets of a rampage seen first-hand from within a dying town, his hometown. Familiar voices that had only ever laughed, jeered and cried to Gray's ears had been twisted into the unholy screeching, that could only be wrought by something as evil and monstrous as Deliora.

Truthfully, he didn't care about these people. Gray had never been to Brago, he did not know Brago, what even was Brago to him? A name, and a point on a map, nothing more. At that moment, and for every moment that preceded it, all the way back to the words "Did you hear? They say Deliora's on its way towards Brago," Gray had only thought about one thing. It was a memory that hadn't fractured with the rest, one he'd re-lived every night. It was a visage that had gnawed at him for the past two years, filling him with a grim resolve that Ur thought she could just teach out of him. It was something that no boy his age should ever have had to bear.

It was the sound of his mother's voice, dropping from a full-volume wail to a deathly silence, in the time it took for Deliora's molten roar to incinerate her.

"Deliora..." He could see its black silhouette among the carnage, as fell as the day he'd last set eyes on it. Even now, he felt his knees wobbling, trying to cop out and run back home to Ur and Lyon and Ultear. He knew the real reason: they thought Ur was hiding something from him, something that he could use to definitely beat this thing. "One more lesson," they said, "just one more and the demon's as good as dead."

Ur made it clear, though: this level of training was the best she could do, and anything else was on him to develop. Well, he'd spent years preparing for this day, and Ur knew that.

So why did he get the feeling that she hadn't? That her magic wasn't for devil-slaying?

"Doesn't matter," he muttered to himself. He was here now, and the point of no return was rampaging below him. He lifted one foot and ran full-tilt towards it, the clouds parting above and the moonlight tinting the snow a faint red.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Damn that stupid kid!"

Ur had to conjure a ice-made block, just so her fist had something to slam against. There was no snowfall tonight, and it had taken a good five hours' walk through the trails, but those footprints leading down into Brago could only have come from a child, foolishly running towards their own death.

"He..." Ultear was afraid to pry, the subject always a touchy one during her time home. "He's not serious, is he?"

Lyon looked at her, shocked. "You think he'd run all this way as a joke? How stupid can you get?!"

"Lyon..." Ur was uncharacteristically muttery about Lyon's discourtesy, a hand on her face further muffling her scolding.

The boy sighed. "I know..." He raised his head to the tiny Ur lookalike. "I'm sorry, Ultear."

Being sorry won't help things. But, Ur withheld her comment.

"Well," Ultear said, sucking in a lung-full of cold mountain air and striding forward, "let's go get him."

"The demon," Lyon inquired, "or Gray?"

"Both," Ultear told him, stopping to turn and smile at her foster brother. "Though, not in the same way."

Lyon laughed. "Yeah, for sure!"

Ur chuckled as well, then redirected her gaze towards the black shape standing among the ruined blocks and crumbling flats.

We're all gonna die.

"Ultear!" called her mother. "Leave your things up here! We'll come back for them once we find Gray!"

Below, Lyon obeyed, tossing his rucksack behind a nearby boulder, but Ultear did not. Sighing, with her long legs, Ur easily overtook the children.

At the edge of the city, when one of their feet met the ground at the right moment, they began to feel small tremors, washing over them from the center of Brago.

As they ran through the suburbs, where the squat, pointed-roof houses seldom reached taller than the trees beside Ur's cabin, they realized that all was silent. The crackle of flames raging, yes, and the repeated thump of those tremors, but not a single sound of human life. With two nervous, waist-high glances directed at her, Ur steeled her grit and pressed on.

It was at the main road, once filled with heavy traffic, that they discovered huge divots smashed into the smooth stonework. Each was as long as Ur was tall, in the shape of an edge-toed foot.

"How big is it?" Ultear asked. "Have either of you ever seen it before?"

"I saw these prints when we found Gray," Ur told her, electing to not mention-

"But they were smaller last time."

"Lyon!"

"What? They were! You remember, Ur!"

Meanwhile, Ultear touched her hairband, double-checking its security. It wouldn't do to have her hair come loose while fighting a demon, she told herself. The small girl wared another look at those frightening prints, each one in front of a different house, so far apart were they. What kind of monster waited at the end of them? All she could see ahead was smoke, ash and embers of a Brago's funeral pyre.

Ice wouldn't do against fire. Seizing the moment while her mother and Lyon sniped at each other, the young wizard slung her sack off her back and removed the reason she'd kept it: her precious tome. Flipping to the second entry, there was no time for her warm-up.

Ahead, she spied a small well, eerily untouched by the havoc that surrounded it, ignored like an ant beside a boot.

"Arc of Time," she whispered, thrusting her hand at the snow atop its roofing, "Continuum."

After a moment, the snow melted.

It took more effort than she would have liked, given her record for performing this magic, not to utter a "colorful metaphor", as her mother called them.

"Ultear, what did you do?"

The girl froze. Her rucksack was behind her.

Ur watched her daughter wrestle with her parka for a moment, then turn around. Ultear had a rectangular bulge on her front, that her hands being behind her back only served to

"I did nothing, Mother."

Damn, if that kid didn't have a natural-born talent for lying through her teeth. Where the hell did she get that from? Such thoughts of levity were quickly dispelled, as the tremors, which had ceased briefly while the trio had stood by, were not growing stronger.

Now through the smoke that settled at the other end of the plaza came a small shape. Running as fast as his legs could carry him, Lyon appeared with Gray on his back, the black-haired boy clinging to his foster brother while his eyes fluttered in and out of reality. He was covered in ash and soot, and pink burn marks pocked the side of his arm and face.

What emerged next was a nightmare incarnate.

The haze drifted up quite a ways, the slanted-top houses on either side of the street keeping it confined until it ascended past the roofing. Even then, the demon still stood head, shoulders and chest over everything in sight. Black were its eyes, so much so one might mistake the sockets for being empty. Bone plating lined its forehead and jaw, the upper curling away from its face as it ended in two horns. It had no lips, just two rows of jagged teeth sprouting directly from its face, the hole between them serving as a suggestion for a mouth. Hair like a lion's mane jostled along its back with every thunderous step it took, smoke clinging to its mammoth hands and titanic armored legs as it finished wading through the haze. More spiked bone adorned the backs of those hands, and along where its ribs would be, if this abominable titan could ever be likened to mankind.

From that maw that hung open, Ur caught a glimmer of jade light.

" _Lyon! Move!_ "

Fist slamming into her palm, she didn't have time for a full incantation. As the hellish green light grew brighter in the demon's maw, it suddenly found itself gorging on an ice rose. One snap of its jaws and the rose was shattered, and its attack resumed. Having ducked into nearby ruins, Ur, Ultear, Lyon and however much of Gray's mind remained cognizant were witness to Deliora's awful power.

The green energy shot from its maw, carving a trench in the ground from the plaza to the rear horizon, twinkling out of sight as its release died down. A moment later, as if Hell itself had been unearthed, fire and brimstone rose forth and spewed a perfectly vertical curtain, momentarily out-dyeing the red sky. From their hiding place at on the opposite side to the boys, in the roofless wreckage of a toymaker's shop, Ur and her daughter could still feel the heat.

When the curtain fell, the hellfire was swallowed back up by the chasm that had spawned it. Ur let go of her daughter, and with a wave of her hand dispelled the shell of ice that enveloped them.

"Lyon? Gray?" She bolted out of cover, leaping across the street, over the deep trench, which still glowed from the melted rock that pooled within.

"...Ur?" Gray's voice was soft, weak, a far cry from its usual subdued bite. Ur found him leaning on a charred post, with Lyon passed out in front of him.

Gray's jaw clenched, tears beginning to freeze on his face, and back came that bite. "It's too strong..." he muttered, distraught and frustrated. "I didn't stand a chance."

Ur squatted down to examine him, but with a growl, the boy pushed her hand away and faced the demon again. "Deliora!" he shouted. It continued to ignore him.

"Gray," Ur said, snapping her fingers a few times to draw his attention. "What happened to Lyon?"

"When the lava hit, he was in front of me," Gray said. "I think he got too much heat."

"What about you? Are you hurt?"

The boy bit his lip, saying, "I'm fine..." like it was a bad thing.

Ur stood, smiling. "Of course you are. Ultear!"

Her daughter came running. "Yes, Mother?"

"Stay with these two, and make sure they don't get into any more trouble."

Her daughter nodded, then watched as her mother ran down the street to confront the demon. It looked down at her, and Ur felt like a small pebble, about to be kicked by a half-aware street-stroller.

Deliora's clawed fingers clenched, which was all the warning Ur had. She dove to the side as its fist moved at _blinding_ speed, cratering the stones beneath her before sweeping towards her. It stopped just short of the wizard, fused to the ground in a poinsettia of ice.

" _Come on, you bastard!_ " Ur yelled, willing briars to form on the inside. " _I'll make cheese out of you!_ "

The ice shattered, Deliora's claw rising.

"Ice-Make _Rose Vine!_ "

Tendrils coiled around its body, like an octopus strangling its prey. Deliora's raised paw was stalled, its body trembling as it began to exert its awesome might. The tendrils carried thorns, which began to grow as the crystalline vines wound tighter. With a last-gasp effort, Ur abandoned the vines and forced all of her magic into the thorns. As the vines shattered, the thorns remained a moment longer, lancing into Deliora's hide.

Or would have. Most of them broke as easily as the rest of the ice, Deliora's armor too tough.

Opening its mouth again, no light came, only the thunderous bellow of its rage. Its talons left deep wounds in the ground as it careened through the burning buildings. Ur leapt back and quickly froze the ground around herself, sliding away from Deliora even as its foot crashed down on where she'd stood. So much for _that_ plan.

"Alright, big guy," she muttered, "try stepping on _this._ Ice-Make _Rosen Decke!_ "

Dozens of thick brambles began crawling out of the white-blue circle of Etherano, carpeting the streets around Ur. They quickly enveloped the ice wizard like a blanket, giving her an opening to skirt away while the demon trod all over the thorns.

Peering through the gaps in the ice-made brush, the wheels in Ur's head began turning, a hell of a lot faster than Deliora's simian mind. Mist blowing from her mouth with each heavy breath, she slapped her fist against her palm, the demon still swiveling around, searching for her.

"Mother!" called a petite voice. "I'm coming!"

Right away, Ur burst from her hiding place.

" _Ultear! No!_ "

It was too late. The demon spied the little girl and twisted its bulk towards her, cold, dead eye sockets scrutinizing her. Sucking in the smoke with its enormous breath, the demon opened its mouth to roar.

Then a hint of green glowed at the back of its throat.

" _NO!_ "

Ultear had never heard her mother's voice crack before, but that scream took its toll. A man-sized, pointed bud sprouted in front of the ice wizard, then a cart-sized one after that; the one that struck Deliora was easily the size of a house.

" _NO!_ "

Another speared at the demon, icy petals slamming into its chest.

" _NO!_ "

And another.

 _"YOU STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM_ _ **MY DAUGHTER!**_ "

This one was smashed to pieces before it could even bloom. Ultear's eyes glowed and the fragmented ice quickly pieced itself back together, growing and smashing into Deliora a fourth time. The creature's mouth opened again.

An unholy star twinkled in the demon's maw, Ultear too terrified to move. She could only manage one thing.

"Mother!"

The infernal heat was dizzying, and for a moment, Ultear thought she'd died and gone down below. When she opened her eyes, she was still in Brago, though she couldn't imagine Hell being much worse. Her mother's imprint was in the snow in front of her, where Ur had snatched her out of harm's way. Of her mother, there was only a set of footprints leading away. One foot's shape looked jagged, as if it were chiseled out of rock.

 _Did I lose consciousness?_ It occurred to her that the snow was no longer pink, meaning the eclipse had ended. The horizon was now stained jade. Ultear shakily put her hands on the crumbling wall behind her and climbed to her feet, her vision blurring slightly as she tracked her mother's trail with her eyes.

It led towards Deliora; the monster still towered above its ruinous work.

Ultear pushed herself off the wall, stumbled forward a few steps, but her legs refused to cooperate and she toppled into the snow. Thinking quickly, she stripped herself of her parka and a cloud of steam burst free from her bare skin. Her loose-fitting cyan dress was all that separated her body from the cold, yet she felt none of it. Quickly the child checked herself for blisters, pink skin, any sign of burns.

She'd been spared, for now.

Ultear had no intention of testing this newfound luck on her mother, and so dropped her tight wool pants and flopped down in the snow. More steam rose from her legs, the excess heat quickly leaving her in a puddle; thanks to her foresight, she wouldn't suffer hypothermia via damp drawers.

Springing back to her feet, and re-clothing herself, Ultear took off alongside the tracks: glancing around, silently watching for her mother and foster brothers. Closer and closer she strayed toward the bone-faced behemoth, finding the crumbling remnants of a tall ice-chute her mother appeared to have conjured above the ruins. A speedy way back to Gray and Lyon, to be sure.

Ultear stopped dead when she heard a faint shout of, "Ice-Make _Rose Garden!_ "

Looking up at the demon, no more than fifty yards away, she saw it was ready to fire another blast from its mouth. A glacier zoomed in from the right (its front) and Deliora was suddenly encased, jagged chunks of ice crawling over its form and forcefully tilting its head back. Green energy obliterated the glacier, evaporating it instantly, before digging into the ground and erupting into that hellish wall.

Quickly Ultear ran parallel to the orange harbor wave, not even watching her path, her head fixed left as she passed empty street after empty street. "Street" was hardly the word, as by now, little more than bricks and crumbling foundations remained of this area. The curtain fell, and at last, Ultear spied her mother, standing amidst the rubble with Gray behind her an Lyon still unconscious.

Deliora, meanwhile, had turned away. What need had it to verify? A mere fly on its back was worth no more of its attention. It was off to destroy more cities, kill more people, ruin more lives as demons did.

"Ultear, you finally made it back," Ur remarked warmly as her daughter raced into her arms. The woman felt a fist pound her ribs as her daughter began bawling.

"Why did you leave me?!" Ultear wailed. "I thought I'd never see you again!"

Ur smiled at that, laying a hand on her daughter's head and stroking her black hair.

"You came back to me once already, and that was before I made you a wizard," she said, kissing her on the forehead. "Besides, I had to make sure Gray didn't pick another fight with Deliora."

"Rgh, _really?_ " Gray complained, Lyon's limp body hoisted on his shoulders. "You think I'd go after it like this?"

Ur stood, wiping away her daughter's tears with her finger before looking to Gray. "Take Lyon and go, all three of you."

Without another word, the Ice-Make wizard began walking away, back towards Deliora's departing form.

"Why'd you come after me, huh?" Gray furiously called. "I thought I wasn't your student anymore!"

Ur stopped, her back still turned to her three children.

"A friend said something recently," she told them softly, audible even over the rumble of Deliora's steps. "She said I deserved to be happy. It shocked me, because I've never thought of myself as _un_ -happy."

Silence stood for a moment.

"She just doesn't understand."

The look in Ur's eyes as she turned her head to gaze at them was devoid of all fear, all fury, all sorrow, everything Deliora had brought from her. It was tearful, joyful: the look of a woman with absolutely no regret.

"I have three adorable little students, that I spend each day with." Her voice began shaking. "And I watch them grow into strong young wizards."

At that moment, Ur took her first and only step back. "What more could I want?"

Gray was dumbstruck, glancing to Lyon's unconscious head as if it would offer him something to say. Ultear was just as speechless, until she noticed...

"Mother, your leg."

Ur chuckled a bit, clinking the roughshod, leg-shaped sculpture of ice that protruded from the half-roasted sleeve of her right pant leg. "You noticed. My Maker Magic's not so lame after all, huh?"

Now Gray was crying, too; rather suddenly, from how well Ultear knew him.

"I vowed I'd free you from the darkness inside you," Ur assured him, returning her gaze to the creature's bulk, "and if that means fighting this demon, then so be it."

Gray sniffled. "Ur..."

"Now get out of here and let me do this."

" _No!_ " piped the children.

Gray was the first to speak up. "It's _my_ fault this happened! I'm not leaving you!"

"Neither will I!" Ultear added defiantly. "I-... I have my own magic, mother! I taught myself using a book Father Time gave me! I-I can help you fight it, and we can defeat it-"

"No one's at fault, except Deliora," Ur interrupted. "And I wouldn't dream of endangering my precious daughter." She resumed walking. "This is just something I have to do for us to be happy again."

"Wait. Ur..."

Two shoes hit the stonework on the ground, standing next to the surprised Gray.

"I thought you were out of it!" he cried. "Listen, we need to get out of here and let Ur-"

"You're going to defeat it, right?" Lyon asked his master, his eyes unnervingly wide. "You're talking like you're..."

Ur could see something in Lyon's eyes: straining, reeling, about to break.

"...not gonna make it," he finished.

"Lyon, come on," Gray urged him, grabbing his sleeve, "we gotta go!"

" _Get off me!_ " snapped the boy, tearing his arm away. All the while, his gaze remained on Ur, looking into her orbs like a condemned man staring at the gallows. "Y-you can beat that thing no problem! You're the strongest wizard alive; that demon's as good as history!"

Ur couldn't bear to see that look anymore, but masterfully disguised her nausea. Turning away, she spoke in a soft voice, "Lyon... How many times do I have to tell you? There's _always_ someone better."

"But that can't be true..."

"In the western countries," Ur continued, "there are dozens of wizards. Fiore alone has a network of guilds, with guildmasters easily more powerfu than me."

"No, that's not true."

"Beyond that, a council of mages who govern those guild masters, and regulate the use of the country's magic."

"It's not!"

"And above them, even some they call 'saints'."

" _If you're not the strongest, then why did I spend so much time training with you?!_ "

Ur held in a sigh; it was as she feared.

"Someday you'll surpass me," she quietly spoke. "When that happens, I hope you'll move on to loftier goals."

At this, Lyon was speechless. Not silent, for the jittery, half-crazed sobs were audible even with Deliora's rumbling walk. Ur gave him all the time she was willing, then sucked in a breath, and prepared to do battle again.

Then Lyon ran past her.

"Lyon!"

"If you're not gonna give it your all, then I will!" He skidded to a stop, then crossed his arms out in front of him, forming an "X". His hands were open, the top palm facing down, the bottom palm facing up.

"Lyon, that stance!"

The dread Ur felt only grew as a massive white circle sprung to life on the ground, Lyon at its center.

"Since you didn't wanna teach us the _really_ powerful stuff," he said, his mania rising with every word, "I went to the storehouse and read all your magic books!"

Northern winds began to howl; misty tendrils whirled.

"You hid magic like the Iced Shell from me," he shouted, "because you were scared!"

The gales were whipping about them now, a hurricane pregnant with magic. Ur had to shield her eyes in order to see.

"Did you even read the whole passage?" she shouted. "You know what'll happen if you cast that spell?!"

"Lyon, stop this!" Ultear called.

" _I asked you a question, Lyon!_ "

Lightning began to crackle as more and more ethernano gathered around the crazed boy. "Yeah, I know what will happen: Deliora will be frozen forever." He grinned as the demon halted in the distance. "It can stand here, to commemorate my magic!"

"Lyon, man, you're crazy!" Gray barked.

Ultear ran to the hurricane's edge. "Stop this right now!"

Now Deliora was turning around; its eyeless head stared straight at them. Ur cursed her student's obsession: it was coming back.

"If magic's too weak to kill Deliora," Lyon declared, "then I'll seal it in ice for eternity!"

There was a blinding flash from behind him, and the only one sealed in ice was Lyon.

"Sorry, but that's not happening!" Ur stood from her knee and retracted her arm, watching her daughter collapse in surprise.

"Why?" Gray asked, watching Deliora approach. "What's gonna happen?"

"When Iced Shell is cast, the caster's body becomes the Iced Shell itself." Ur relaxed, then strolled past her frozen student. "Damn if he didn't hit the nail on the head, though."

A frozen aura flared to life around Ur; even from here, with their lack of experience, Gray and Ultear could feel its power.

"Hey, wait! Where are you going?" Gray called.

"I must've taught him better than I thought," Ur murmured as she continued to walk.

"Mother!" Ultear exclaimed, making a run for her beloved parent, only to be stopped by a thick wall of glass-like ice.

"Stay back!" Ur lowered her hand, then mirrored the position Lyon had taken up. The aura flared brighter and chunks of rock began to tear themselves from the very ground around here. "It's a sacrifice...!"

Her voice dropped to a whisper. "-that I have to make for the three of you."

Arcane circles, each as large as Deliora was tall, boxed the demon in. Behind her, Ur heard ice breaking ice. No doubt Gray and Ultear were trying to tear down the wall; some heartwarming attempt to help her.

"Gray," she said, her words carried through her magic, "tell Lyon I died. If he found out I became the ice, he'd probably waste his whole life trying to undo the spell."

"No!"

"Mother, please! Stop!"

"I want Lyon to see the world," said Ur, watching as the demon curiously eyed the things which would... _seal_ its fate. The ice master chuckled; she'd always hated puns, and now look at herself... "I want him to live a full, happy life."

She could feel it: the wall cracking, and her final spell reaching the peak of its crescendo.

"And I want the same for you two, as well."

Deliora was starting to grow impatient; it resumed its lumber forward, nearing the circle in front of it.

" _END OF THE LINE, YOU MONSTER!_ " Ur screamed. " _ABSOLUTE FREEZE..._ "

Her whole body tensed; those first four words applied to her, as well.

" _ICED..._ "

" _ **DELIORAAAAAA**_ _ **!**_ "

A bright orange blur dragged a howling gale behind it as it zoomed past: through Ur's magical tempest, through a gap in the massive arcane circles, and likely through Deliora if not for its armored hide. The blur glanced off the side of the thing, leaving a molten scar on the plating and sending the demon stumbling back. It crashed through the circle behind it, and all of that magic exploded back into Ur.

Through the haze on her vision and the roar of the monster, Ur heard a thousand hard objects strike her ice wall, shattering it.

 _That wind..._

She struggled to her feet, but her limbs wouldn't obey. She'd forgotten: on instinct, that energy had gone into her ice leg, vaporizing _it_ instead of her. She knew she got lucky. Well, since standing was out of the question, she might still have enough strength to roll to her back and lift her head.

What she saw when she did so was a truly spectacular sight, one that made her motherly heart swell with pride.

There stood her daughter, hood down, mitted hands raised, with dozens upon dozens of stones, shingles and beams hanging in the air around her. It looked like a magical painting, where everything wobbled slightly, and that included Ultear's hands. Gray lay off to the side, against the fractured foundation of the ice wall.

She had no idea what kind of magic Ultear was using, but she was damn proud that her little girl had learned to do it all on her own.

"Ultear-" Ur's voice seized. She had no words; nothing she said could do her daughter justice.

Although, speaking of would-be fate, there still remained Deliora.

Feeling began to return to her upper arms and thighs. Rolling back on to her fe- _foot_ , she went from one awesome sight to another.

Deliora's fist was careening through buildings, a glowing orange smear on the front as its knuckles slammed into the ground. From the cloud of rubble, an orange beam flashed and speared Deliora between the eyes. With its other paw, the demon appeared to itch at the spot.

That smear became an ooze, corkscrewing up and around Deliora's outstretched arm before jumping off its bicep towards its face. The demon caught the ooze with its itching-hand, but the ooze flowed between its fingers and took on a vaguely humanoid shape.

From the humanoid's back sprouted a pair of large, bat-like wings.

The webbing on the wings quickly receded as the humanoid collided with Deliora's face. Its feet stood on the spiked armor of Deliora's jaw. This orange destroyer's forearms extended into mantis-like blades, its elbow joints reversing as it plunged those blades into the beast's eye sockets. Deliora _screamed_ and clawed at itself, but its fingers passed through the figure like water.

Those feet that rested on the armored jaw began to force it open. Digging deeper, the orange assailant's wings dropped lower on its back, losing their webbing completely and becoming another pair of mantis-blades. Ur couldn't make out what it did next, aside from sending those blades into Deliora's mouth. There was a moment where nothing occured, aside from the monster's continual flailing. Then, the sides of its mouth began to glow red, then orange, and finally its whole lower mouth dropped limp like a puppet on a string. The creature pulled its blades from Deliora's eyes, put its newly-formed hands on its victim's face, and pushed.

Ichor and fluids spattered the nearby buildings as Deliora's jaw was torn off.

"Kids, don't look!" Ur found her stamina again, and quickly ran to shield her children from the gruesome sight. The surroundings flashed green, and a massive blast of heat washed over them, but no fire came.

But one of them saw, and voiced his opinion with a meek utterance of, "Whoa."

Quickly turning them around, Ur ordered her students not to turn back unless she gave the word. Facing the demons once more, the ice wizard was greeted with an almost comical sight.

The smaller, orange demon, its winged unfurled once again, was sucking up the magmatic column rising from the ground. From the tip of the flow, this newcomer's mouth was far larger than a human's, at almost half the height of its face. Its body showed no signs of fullness as it continued to gorge on the fell power.

Once satiated, it resumed its flight, Deliora already swinging at it.

"Come on..." Ur never thought she'd be cheering on a demon.

Said "friendly" demon once again caught the closed hand head-on. However, it appeared to steer the punch away, light firing from the webbing of its wings. Its legs morphed into stiletto-like appendages along with its arms, latching on to the fist like a tick.

Then, unlike a tick, it fired its wings again. Lifting the humongous monster clear off its feet, it swung Deliora over itself to bring it slamming back down to Earth. The shockwave was so strong that Ur almost lost her balance; she heard a hairline crack appear in her ice-leg.

"Ice-Make Pillar!"

Ur spun to see Gray ascending to the skies on a wide, ice-made column.

"Yeah!" Gray was boxing the air with his hands. "Give that bastard-!"

" _Gray, watch your language!_ " barked his teacher.

Deliora's torturer wasn't done. As the destroyer (well, the _initial_ destroyer) of Brago fired one last, desperate, unfocused beam from the hole in its throat, its attacker responded in kind.

The concentrated supernova that burst from the orange gargoyle's maw literally hurt to look at. Ur shielded her eyes, Ultear doing the same by her side. They, and Gray, watched as the silhouette of Deliora's head began to disintegrate at the neck. The orange demon flew forward, still spewing its white-hot death, keeping its target focused as it set about hollowing out the roof Deliora's mouth. The behemoth lay prone, helpless, as molten-hot fractures began to appear about its skull, glowing brighter and brighter, until with a final wail, Deliora's head exploded.

The winged scourge's beam widened, sweeping back over Deliora's corpse and the buildings beyond _._ There was nothing left in its wake: a semi-circular valley had been bored into the rock, and the rock was _on fire._

The glowing gargoyle flew low, hovering to inspect its handiwork. Its wings didn't flap; it anything, they now seemed purely decorative. Seeing nothing left of the other monster, this smaller demon leaned forward and was gone in an instant, the air of its wake blowing out the fires it created.

All of which Ur had a hard time making out, thanks to the cone-shaped spot left on her vision.

"What the hell was _that?_ " she mused aloud.

"The winged demon," said Ultear simply. She looked up at her mother, reciting those words from the night of her return. "'Through fire and to fire, destiny awaits'."

Ur looked at her daughter, then at the glowing cocoon-shaped valley left by that thing's last attack.

"How 'bout we go _around_ the fire instead?"

"Not too far," Ultear suggested, as her mother went back to tend to Gray. "It's cold out here."

"Think of it as extra conditioning," Ur called, kneeling before her other student. "Gray?"

The boy sat in a pile of crushed ice, his clothing littered around him. "What?"

Ur smiled. "How do you feel?"

He crossed his arms, and looked away from her. "Okay, I guess."

"That's good to hear." A pair of pants swatted him in the face. " _Now put your clothes back on!_ "

"Yeah, yeah, I'm doing it," he muttered. He then remembered Lyon, still frozen in that giant rose, and nodded towards him. "Shouldn't we get him out?"

"We should," Ur agreed, standing up.

"But," Ultear interjected, " _must_ we?"

All three looked at their icicle of a companion. That crazed, wild-eyed look was still plastered on his face.

"Why not let the heated rocks thaw him?" Ultear suggested.

"That'll take a while, Ultear," Gray countered, slipping his shirt over his head. "Magical ice takes a while to melt."

Ultear beamed at him innocently. "Precisely."

"Ha!" Ur couldn't help herself, even as she looked up at the starry sky. "So that's north..."

Using her arms like compass hands, she oriented a rough heading based on the melting crevice. "West-southwest..." A tap of her foot shattered Lyon's rosey imprisonment. "Looks like we'll _all_ be seeing the world."

"Why?" Gray asked, standing over Lyon as the boy started to come around. "What's in _that_ direction?"

"Well, once we're through Stella," Ur began, "there's Bosco after that, with Seven to the north-"

"Seven?" Ultear piped up. "Merely 'Seven'?"

"M-hm," Ur nodded. "Beyond that, the only thing between Bosco and the ocean is Fiore."


	4. From People All Around

**Chapter 4:** **From People All Around**

They were all thinking it, and Gray was the first to say it.

"What kinda weirdo town is this?"

Even from the forest, they'd spotted the tall rooftops of Magnolia peeking out from above the trees, like children spying on an older sibling. When the trio had actually _reached_ the town, though, they found it was in a considerably different state.

The buildings around the outskirts were raised on giant stone platforms, so tall they'd make castle walls feel self-conscious. Far to the west, Ultear had spied a dried-out water channel, the stones still wet from water splashing down from above. Lying in front of them was a long, _long_ roadway, conceded by the shifted ground. Tiled arrows pointed ahead, to a structure that looked like a keep, giving the impression that these walls were more a polite request than a stalwart command.

"I'll say this," Ur commented, shielding the sun from her eyes as she tried to make out the figures gathered at the edge high above, "this sure beats the red carpet treatment."

"So where do we go, anyway?" Gray muttered, eyeballing the same crowd.

"Aside from straight ahead?" said Ultear.

"Well _yeah._ Obviously."

Ultear smirked. "Yet you still had to ask..."

"Y- _shut up!_ "

"Alright." Ur had the two squabbling pups by the backs of their collars, four feet off the ground. "You can bicker all you want when we find the guild."

"Fine," said the children.

Their freedom regained, Ultear spent the walk with an eye on Gray. He looked straight ahead the whole time, which meant he couldn't spot any chances for a little petty revenge. She knew better than to mention it, but given the number of times on this journey alone that he'd tried to vindicate his losses in their Standing Ground duels, Ultear had to wonder if his vendetta against Deliora hadn't been somewhat internal. The demon had been a monster, and the world a happier place now that it was quite literally dust in the wind, but Gray had proven himself to be a bit of a sore loser.

On the subject of Deliora, there was the more terrifying prospect of the monster's executioner. Father Time made no mention of many things that had happened in the past two, going-on-three years, including his own delivery of Ultear's Arc of Time tome, her… "Arc of Tome?" No, much as it would annoy her mother, and the girl did find no end of amusement from wedging a chisel into the sanity of her parent. Gray too, for that matter.

"Ice-Make Slide!"

As Gray ordered, so he got. A massive helter skelter slide spiraled to life around a thick pillar of ice, catching a figure who'd slipped and fallen off the edge above. He didn't slide so much as tumble, going quite literally head over heels around and down until he rolled out of the chute to crash against the wall.

"Ahp!" He held up a slice of red-stained berry pie in his hand, perfectly preserved. "Still safe."

The orange-haired stranger seemed oblivious to the conjuration that had "saved" his dessert, or children and woman standing before him. Slicking his already-slicked hair back, he popped the pastry into his mouth.

"Uh, you're welcome?" Gray prodded.

"Fuh wuh?" asked the man, catching a few crumbs with his chin.

"The giant ice-slide?" Ultear said, gesturing to Gray's creation.

The stranger rubbed the back of his bruised head, and swallowed. "Oh, that? You didn't have to do that for me, kid."

He stood, ruffling Gray's hair with his clean hand. "Quick thinking, though. Creative, too."

"Yeah?" Gray pushed his hand away. "What would _you_ know?"

"About ice magic? Not a whole lot." He strode passed them and up to the construct, his brown cloak billowing a bit.

"Glad to see I'm still the expert," Ur muttered, smiling a little.

"Still," the stranger said, "can't put the town back with this thing in the way. Hate to do this to your masterpiece, kid, but..."

Putting his hand against the side, the helter skelter disintegrated into neat little cubes, in what could only be described as a controlled explosion, its silhouette still intact for a moment before gravity asserted itself and the cubes all fell to the ground. "Woah," was the collective consensus.

"That was hardly anyone's masterpiece, sir," said Ultear, "especially Gray."

"And what's that supposed to mean?!" Gray demanded.

"Easy there, kid. I think the little lady was paying you a compliment," the man interjected.

"Hmph." Gray put his hands in his pockets and resumed walking. "Whatever."

"Oh yeah, this long..." Ur turned to the man. "You're from around here. What do you call this thing?"

"I don't call it anything; never really had a mind to think about it." He thrust a finger to the sky as he fell into step behind Gray. "People up there call it 'accommodation'."

"Accommodation for what, exactly?" Ur inquired, trailing alongside him.

"Fairy Tail's top mage."

With the next step, only one foot hit the ground. The other three hovered in mid-air as their owners digested what they'd just heard. Fairy Tail's best was so strong he needed the _whole town_ changed to accommodate him? What kind of crazy-strong guild were they about to stroll in to? On the bright side, maybe Lyon's crazy ideas about Ur could die another day, if they hadn't already.

Ur sighed. Lyon… She had known he would be upset, but…

"Excuse me, sir," said Ultear, tugging on the mage's coattail, "but you never introduced yourself."

"Almost forgot." He gave them a polite nod. "Gildarts Clive. I'm a Fairy Tail mage."

"So I gathered," Ultear replied, though not discourteously.

Gildarts glanced down at his chest. "How?"

"You're a mage who could fall a great height and emerge unscathed, in a town with a guild."

"Well," said Gildarts, grinning, "maybe I'd be from a rival guild, looking to cause trouble for 'those damn fairies'."

This earned him a glare from Ur, which he surprisingly _didn't_ shrink from.

"But you're not," said Ultear.

"But how would you know if I hadn't told you?"

The girl broke eye contact and blinked. "I see. Forgive me for assuming."

In a short while, the quartet had arrived at what looked to be the town's "keep", given its design. It had an Eastern design, with a three-tiered roof of shrinking proportions as the curved shingles grew closer to the top and to the center. Pentagonal windows of light-brown wood with a heart motif lined the first floor, the second floor's having a more square-shaped Western design. Three banners adorned the third floor, and back below, above the main entrance, was a huge sign embroidered in bronze that read-

"Fairy Tail?" said Ultear.

"The one and only," Gildarts replied as he leaned on the double doors and pushed.

" _GILDARTS IS BAAACK!_ " The onslaught of excited voices hit them like the Fiore Express. Dozens of people leaped off of bar stools and picnic benches yelling things like "We missed you!" and "Fairy Tail's back at the top, baby!" Atop one table, a well-endowed woman in a hula skirt and bikini top ceased her dancing, the crowd of people gathered around turning away to join her and the rest in the welcome-home cacophony. Mugs clamored on tables and boots on floors as the trio of ice wizards were given a full-blown dose of Fairy Tail's attitude.

All of which was immediately drowned out by a massive fireball fwooming out from behind the bar. This was followed by a rapid-fire flurry of angry muttering in a foreign language. The patrons on the stools were laughing and joking at the voice's source, and while most of the responses were equally foreign, the last one containing the words "grill", "nervous breakdown", "I gotta sing to it", and "my fashion sense no' gonna burn the food.

"Not yet, at least!" laughed a goateed young man with spiky hair as blue as his long-sleeved shirt. His joke was shared by the rest of the guild.

Gray had his hands in his pockets, shying towards Ur. "These people are nuts."

"And you're an expert on that, yes?" Ultear said haughtily.

"Creo que-." The hooded barman fidgeted a little, ran a hand along his exposed goatee (as that was the only feature on his face anyone could make out, the rest obscured by the shade of his hood), then tried again. "I think you should know El Patrón is looking for you."

"So come on over and share a pint!" called one of the patrons, a man with a tanned jacket, a pipe, sunglasses, and a pompadour of _legendary_ proportions. "Might be your last one!"

"Don't remind me..." moaned Gildarts as he strode over to slug one back.

"So, who's the babe and the kids?" asked the blue-haired man.

" _Actually_ ," said Ur, "we're-"

" _Gil-_ _ **DAAAARTS!**_ "

"Wh- _Kh-hough!_ " It sounded like some went down into Gildarts's lungs, wiping the froth from his stubble as he stood up.

" _ **YOU DESTROYED**_ **HOW** _**MANY TOWNS ON THIS QUEST?!**_ "

The mage thought for a moment. "Seven, I think?"

" _ **THIS REPORT FROM THE MAGIC COUNCIL SAYS OTHERWISE!**_ "

"So that must be the guild master," said Ur, amusedly watching the wizards cower in fear.

Gildarts shrugged. "I offered to help them rebuild, but they always wanted me out."

" _ **THAT'S HARDLY THE POINT!**_ "

"Hey," came a voice to Gray's left. A _young_ one, too. His turn revealed the sight of a girl his age, with brown hair and tanned skin, dressed in a yellow plaid dress that complimented her brown ponytail. "So what _are_ you guys doing here?"

"I could ask you the same," said Gray, leaning his head back into his hands as the guildhall, having weathered the guild master's wrath, resumed its merry day-to-day.

"Well, this is a wizard's guild, isn't it?" The girl stuck out a hand. "I'm Cana."

"Ultear Milkovich," said Ultear, taking Cana's hand when Gray just kept staring at it. "It's very reassuring to see you. We were uncertain if children like us could join guilds."

"Oh, it's fine!" Cana assured them. "I joined about two years ago, and I didn't even know magic at the time! I'm not actually a full-on wizard; you have to be at least 12 before you can take on jobs."

"We can't be mages?" said Gray. "Then what're we doing here?"

"Practicing," said Ultear, looking back to Cana. "Would I be correct?"

"Pretty much. Plus, if you're a kid, you don't have to take the test."

Ultear and Gray looked at each other. They both had that same nervous look in their eyes, one that Cana was quick to remediate.

"Hey, I'm sure your mom'll be fine!"

"Not my mom..." Gray muttered.

Cana didn't hear. "As long as you can do magic, and you're as crazy as the grown-ups, Fairy Tail's open!"

"That remains to be seen, Cana."

Before them (and Ur) stood some old codger not much taller than the children themselves. His hat looked like it was pregnant, with a sizable round lump atop where his skull ended. One hand clutched a gnarled staff. His other was on his chin, beneath a bushy white mustache. The furls of his cobalt blue coat wavered as he rubbed his jaw, his eyes inspecting the new prospects.

More specifically, he was inspecting Ultear's mother. More specifically than that, he was inspecting her legs.

Ur narrowed her eyes at that, not maliciously, but perplexed. For his was the same voice that had struck fear into the guild members.

"Master Makarov!" Cana exclaimed.

"A guild needs strong wizards to be the best in all of Fiore," said Makarov, still perusing Ur, before moving on to inspect Gray and Ultear (maybe he wasn't a dirty old man after all). "There's only so many hours a day for an old guild master's children."

"That guy has kids?" Gray whispered, before being shushed by his foster sister.

"All of the members of Fairy Tail are my children," he said, looking over his shoulder at Gildarts. "Even if _**SOME OF THEM ARE**_ **LITERALLY** _**MORE TROUBLE THAN THEY'RE WORTH!**_ "

"If they didn't want my help, that was their choice!" Gildarts called.

" _ **PROBABLY SO YOU COULDN'T LEVEL THEIR TOWNS A SECOND TIME!**_ But regardless..." The old man turned to Ur again. "Are you responsible for these two, miss?"

Ur sighed sardonically. "I'm afraid so."

"And you're a wizard yourself. Then let's see what kind of members we'd be welcoming. Macao!"

Mr. Spiky Blue Hair set down his drink, flicking some froth from his fingers. "Me?"

"Give Miss… What was your name, again, miss?"

"Ur Milkovich."

"Right. My name is Makarov Dreyar, but my children are far too formal to call me by my surname." Makarov turned back to Macao. "Give Miss Milkovich the test."

"Not back five minutes and the excitement keeps on coming," said Gildarts, draining his stein and hopping off his bar stool.

Ultear leaned closer to Cana's ear. "What's 'the test'?" she murmured.

"Just a magical spar," Cana quietly replied, following as Macao got up out of his seat and led everyone, including Makarov, Gildarts, and even Macao's pompadour'd friend out in front of the guild. "We started doing this a while back. One of our S-Classes suggested it."

Outside, the town had returned to a more normal-looking state, with a small courtyard set up between a ten-foot-high stone wall and the guild hall. Rolling his shoulders, Macao stopped in the middle and clenched his fists.

"The idea is to fight until one of us gives up," Macao informed his soon-to-be opponent. "I hope you don't think I'll go easy on you just because you're a woman."

Ur smiled at that. _No, too easy. I'll let him have that one._

Macao clenched his fists and began balling up a wad of dark purple flames between his hands. Ur's fist met her palm and began pooling power of her own.

"What kind of flame magic is _he_ using?" Ultear asked, nudging Cana's shin with her toe.

"Well you see, kids, Macao has more control over his fire than most wizards," the pompadorian explained, leaning over them. "He once burned down a Dark Guild's hall because the morons never figured out water wouldn't cut it. You'd think the rain would've tipped them off."

Ultear was getting more and more uneasy about this "best guild in all of Fiore" that she'd heard about in every hovel and town they'd stopped in from here to Isvan. "And they let him fight in town?"

"That's what the stone wall's for." The man took a puff on his pipe. "Can't have Gildarts smashing holes in it, can't have Macao burning down the rest. He's got it under wraps, but you can't be too careful."

The test commenced with Macao thrusting his hands forward and shouting, "Purple Rain!" Dozens of small violet spheres shot from his larger one and sped towards Ur.

The test abruptly _ended_ with Ur's proclamation of, "Ice Make: Rose Garden!"

Macao blinked and right after that found himself sandwiched between two jagged walls. Oh, he _tried_ to fight out, and even managed to smash the ice with his flames. But a dozen prickly vines crisscrossed about his body, their thorns pulsating bigger and smaller like an excited heartbeat.

Ur folded her arms, clearly amused but not quite impressed. "I win yet?"

"Yeah." Macao sounded afraid to breathe, like those thorns were angling for his neck.

"Good." With a wave of her hand, Ur dispelled the vines into glitter.

Gildarts, who stood by the Master, whistled. "Must be our lucky day, if those two are _her_ kids."

Makarov nodded. "Indeed. If this kind of power is being passed to the next generation, Fairy Tail's future is assured." He grinned and looked up at the red-haired mage. "By the way, Gildarts, you'll never guess who's going to help me write those apology letters."

"Apologizing for what?"

"In fact, for a certain S-Class mage and his leveling of towns." Makarov's grin grew wider. "I hope you didn't have plans for this afternoon!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gray scoffed at Cana. "How the heck is today my lucky day?!"

"Look, I just _read_ the cards, and I didn't read 'em wrong."

Gray sighed, already shirtless again, when that same shirt was draped over his head.

"Perhaps your luck will change," said Ultear, tugging it over his had as she sat down next to the fortune teller. "Cana, do the cards say _how_ lucky his day will be?"

The Card Mage reshuffled her deck and shrugged. "'Lucky' just means 'lucky'," she said. "Though if Gray's had a rotten day so far, maybe that means it'll balance out by the end."

"Yeah, balance out losing my wallet..." huffed Gray. "Sure..."

"Look," said Cana, leaning her elbows on the table. "Your day's gonna be lucky, so quit whining already!"

"But today totally sucks!"

"Perhaps it's about to change," Ultear murmured. Gray and Cana wondered what she meant until they they, too, were curiously inspecting the small girl who'd just wandered in. She looked around their age, reminding Ultear of how she'd been when she first escaped the Bureau: tattered blue dress, no shoes, her scarlet hair matted and unwashed, and a look in her eye to scare away the Reaper. Her _single_ eye, for the other side was covered by a leather strap.

"Somebody's kid wander in here?" said Wakaba, after which he did a routine combing of his pompadour.

The girl walked into the middle of the hall, completely oblivious to the stares she was getting. She stopped just shy of the bar, for no particular reason, and only now looked around with her one eye.

"Well, don't just stand there feeling sorry for her," whispered Gray, nudging his two female friends. "Go say hi!"

"Why not you?" countered Ultear, starting to get a tingle at the base of her spine.

"I'm a boy. Duh!"

"What does that have to do with it?"

The girl finished her search. "This must be the guild Grandpa Rob was talking about," she said. "Fairy Tail."

She then turned to the front door. "How long are you going to stand out there?"

"Shh!" came a child's hushed voice. "My treads ain't straightened-out! I can't walk in like dis!"

Wakaba's head swiveled from the red-haired girl to the door. One side of his mouth curved into a grin, and he took a few puffs on his pipe. Amazingly, the pink smoke that came from the pipe morphed into a cloudy hand, stretching over to the door and slowly pushing it open fully.

There was another kid standing behind it, doing his best to straighten out a brown bag on his head that he'd folded into the shape of a fedora. Thus far he was unsuccessful, the bag remaining as tattered and creased as his white tank-top and green shorts. His black hair looked less filthy than the girl's, thought that might be attributed to its natural color. A pair of narrow sunglasses hid his eyes, though from their cracked lenses and bent stems, they might've been someone's trash before the boy's treasure.

He froze, hands still on his head, as dozens of pairs of eyes saw him in his un-dandy state. "Uuuuuuhhhh..."

"And who might you be?" asked Makarov, hopping down from his spot atop the bar (literally; the Master had an odd aversion to using the bar stools) and walked up to the girl. She froze, too, but was quickly rescued by her companion.

"Deh name's Mad Dog Wally," he said, sticking out an unwashed hand. "Wally Buchanan. Dis here's Scarlet, first name Erza."

"Y-Yes..." murmured Erza.

Ultear couldn't believe it. _She's shy, too?_

Master Makarov cocked his head to the side. "By any chance, would 'Grandpa Rob' be Rob Breag?"

Erza and Wally both nodded.

"And how is Rob keeping up?" asked Makarov, before starting abruptly. "Where are my manners. I'm the guild master of Fairy Tail, but my children call me Makarov."

"Yuh kids?" Wally quickly spied Ultear's trio. "We wasn't lookin' fuh adoption, yuh know."

"That's quite alright," said Makarov, smiling. "I consider all the members of Fairy Tail my children, and I take it you two haven't come all the way here just to sight-see, have you?"

"Whudevuh." Wally said, waving a dismissive hand. "And yeah, we _was_ lookin' to get made. As fuh Rob..."

"He's dead."

Wally spun to her. "'Ey, c'mon, Erza! Yuh don' just spring that on a guy, it ain't dandy!"

"What does it matter when?" replied the redhead. "They'd find out eventually."

Makarov's smile didn't waver, not even a little. "Well, let's get you two into some clean clothes, then we can discuss your arrangements."

As she watched Makarov lead them up to the second floor, Ultear by chance locked eyes with Erza. She couldn't explain it to herself, but the Time Mage felt a small spark, like she'd just found a kindred spirit. Both girls quickly broke eye contact, Ultear returning her attention to her friends.

"Huh, no test?" said Gray, slinging his arms over the back of his chair. "I thought we had rules around here."

"They don't test _kids_ , dummy!" Cana scolded. "Besides, who'd even do that?"

" _I_ could do it!" Gray stood up, thumping a hand on his chest. "I'm the best wizard out of all of us anyway!"

"Forgetting that _I'm_ here," Ultear commented smugly, "the strongest wizard isn't the one who tests."

"Yeah?! Well-" Gray's lips snapped shut as his brain did a hard reset. "The Gray can do both, because he's _that_ good!"

"Talking about yourself in the third person," sighed Cana, drawing a card from her deck and looking at it. "Huh. Better sign than I expected."

"A sign of what?" asked Ultear.

"That 'The Gray' has a prayer to check that ego," chuckled the Card Mage, as Gray got up and went outside in a huff. Cana watched him leave, asking, "Was he always like this?"

"Once he was told who taught him magic," Ultear replied. "I had no idea my mother was famous."

Cana shrugged, leaning on the table. "I guess that's what happens when you fight a demon of Zeref."

"I believe there's more to it than that," said Ultear. "Namely, my mother's prowess as a mage."

Cana sighed. "Geez… At least wait until she makes S-Class."

"Knowing _my_ mother, it won't take long," Ultear declared proudly. Her friend said nothing to that, merely resting her chin on her hands and leaning further on the table. Ultear felt horrible; she didn't know what she'd said, or did, but she made a mental note not to gloat about her esteemed parentage in front of Cana again.

"I'm sorry if I offended you," offered the Time Mage.

Still, Cana said nothing. She was elsewhere now, her eyes half-closed as her vision turned inward.

In no time at all, the guild was celebrating their new prospects with a wild party. Ur had by now returned, a thick wad of jewel in hand, just in time to give Wakaba a good smack when he hit on her _yet again_. This, as was often the case, quickly descended into anarchy. Benches were broken, tables tipped, plates of food splattered into people's faces as the mages of Fairy Tail brawled it out. Ur stayed by the bar the whole time, playing goalie for the kitchen and cook, catching people sent flying her way and punting them back into play (which the hooded chef appreciated). Gildarts did little more than slug drinks back at a table, swatting away anyone too drunk to remember who he was (and leaving more than a few craters in the ceiling from the people-projectiles). The hula dancer, Enno, never stopped her tabletop performance, gracefully gliding from one stage to the next as the objects she was standing on were systematically destroyed. Those mesmerized by her movements got a good crack by whatever opportunist caught them in the act, all except Macao. If anything, he only seemed to get better whenever Enno looked or danced his way, kicking two mages back while holding a third in a headlock.

Wally took to the mosh like a duck takes to water, too young to drink but quick and nimble enough to topple the stronger and heavier adults, going for their legs and wielding a stool leg as a club. Erza, on the other hand...

"Man, what's eating _her?_ " said Gray, having just returned with a growling stomach, but finding the path to the bar blocked by a sea of wild wizard limbs. So, he took a seat at the side, where Cana and Ultear likewise steered clear of the melee.

"Something," Ultear replied, Cana too busy watching the fight to hear. "I tried to welcome her, but she ignored me."

"What?!" Gray stood up. "Who does she think she is?"

"Someone who'd probably prefer to be left alone," said Ultear, looking at the breastplate and pauldrons the Master had provided for her, along with leather clogs and a black skirt with white leggings. Her friend Wally had "scored" (as he'd put it) some slick purple pants and white button-down shirt that made him look about ten years too young for that style. Still had his paper fedora, though, in the minute before a drunken mage knocked it off his head and sent it spiraling away in the brawl's draft.

"Well, she's not gonna get anywhere in this guild if she doesn't wanna talk to The Gray," said the ice mage, much to Ultear's annoyance.

"I hope you don't intend to keep that moniker!" Ultear called as "The Gray" waltzed over to the one-person table where Erza sat, taking bite after timid bite out of a loaf of bread.

"Hey. What's up, new girl?"

Erza didn't even look at him, merely taking another bite with a sip of water.

Furious, Gray booted the table with his bare foot, Erza's bread the only unscathed piece of food.

 _Now_ the redhead looked at him. Or rather, his feet. "Is there a problem?"

Gray tensed up; he hadn't thought this far ahead. "You know this is a wizard's guild, right? That stupid armor's not gonna do you any good."

As if to contradict him, Wakaba came flying at their conversation with a fist-print on his swollen cheek. Erza merely gripped her chair and hopped it back, just enough for the adult wizard to pass her by and smash into the tipped-over table.

"At least I have the decency to wear something," Erza said, turning away from him in contempt. "That's more than I can say for you, perv."

Gray started at that, making Wakaba laugh.

"Woah, watch out. Looks like we got a live one," he mocked, adjusting his miraculously unbroken sunglasses. "She sure figured _you_ out, Gray."

" _What…_ " The young lad looked ready to pop a blood vessel.

"'Ey, Streak."

Gray spun at that. The other new kid, Wally, was behind him, his fedora recovered and his eye blackened from a well-placed knuckle sandwich.

"What did you call me?!"

"I called yuh 'Streak'," said Wally, poking him in the chest, "'cause 'Perv' just ain't 'you' enough, get me?"

Now he and Gray were literally butting heads, their noses almost touching one another.

"I think that stupid paper hat's cutting off the blood to your brain," Gray angrily muttered.

"And I think you bettuh apalagize before you get hurt," Wally shot back.

"You actually think I'm afraid of you?"

"Oh not me, Streak," said Wally, calmly jerking a thumb at his companion. "Her."

Gray's eyes met the eye of Erza, that single orb unreadable. "So?" he demanded.

"If yuh smart, you'll leave 'er alone, Streak."

" _Stop calling me that!_ " He tore his forehead free of Wally's to glare at Erza again. "And _you-_ "

Whereupon Erza, having had just about enough of him, spiked Gray's head straight into the ground as if it were a volleyball.

"You don't have to stand up for me, Wally," she said to her friend. "I can take care of myself."

"'Ey, fuhgeddaboudit." The tough urchin waved her off before walking off. "Just bein' dandy."

Cana and Ultear had seen the whole thing, Gray's table-kick enough to snap Cana out of her funk. The two young girls looked at each other, then back at the redhead. Was there some other reason she didn't jump in the brawl?

Well, regardless, it quickly died down once Fairy Tail had burned out all its excess energy. The winners, by virtue of not being laid out, were Ur, Gildarts, Enno, and Macao _almost_ made it, but had the misfortune to collapse when Enno trotted over. That sunny smile of hers did him in.

Wally dragged himself over to the kids' table, flopping his swollen face down on the nice, soft wood.

"Mighty fine place yuh got here," he commented. "Ol' Rob was right on the money."

"Wally said while looking for his lost teeth…" Cana muttered jovially, making Ultear laugh.

"Yeah, well…" Wally attempted to sit up, but his battered body wouldn't let him. "Compared tuh life on the inside, we got it _made_."

* * *

 **Author's question:**

Do you guys want me to keep exploring people's childhoods, or just speed on ahead to adulthood? Honestly, I could go either way.

Also, feel free to request a particular ship. I got quite a lot in mind, but only a few of them are directly tied to the course of the plot. Gimme a good idea, and who knows? Maybe I'll figure it into the lead-up to the finale.


	5. Pride and Precognition

**Author's comment:**

Well, while few voted on the poll (especially after I took it down), there _was_ a clear winner among the choices. Second-place was the request of "No OCs because I [the voter] don't want OCs in my Fairy Tail fanfiction". Somewhat surprising, considering what won.

Third-place was a tie between the choices of San Rabano; an elderly Irish man on a tricycle-wheelchair with a sawed-off shotgun; an pirate with the pocket-cannon; and Brian Blessed. No votes for any of the other named guys, or for the disembodied coat-and-hat tag team, nor for the game's dirtiest player. Shame about that since I was looking forward to digging through Ric Flair's career, but what can you do?

So, who won? Well, much to my surprise, having completely underestimated how crazy this poll looked to people, the #1 pick was "No OC, please, because I [the voter] am afraid of whatever spore of madness led to these poll choices." Surprising, yes, but oh how I could not be happier. For you see, if anyone had bothered to _think_ about that choice before voting for it, they might have realized…

It's the same spore of madness that _created this fic! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!_

* * *

 **Chapter 5: Pride and Precognition (Sort of)**

"You got a problem with me?!"

"You're the one getting all up in my face!" Gray shot back.

"Maybe I don't like that stupid look on it!"

"Well maybe _I_ don't like the cut of your jib!"

"Least I _got_ a jib!"

"What's _that_ supposed to mean, Pinky?"

"A jib is obviously a shirt," the new kid growled, tugging at the collar beneath his white scarf, "'cause you don't got one!"

"He's got you there, Gray," chuckled Cana, seated nearby.

And that spark was all it took to light the powder keg. The adults at the bar watched as Gray and the new kid descended into a dust cloud of kicking and biting, throwing names at each other as fast as words would form.

"Feisty one, isn't he?" said Wakaba, sipping his mug. "He'll fit right in around here."

"That he will," said Ur, rising from the bar and striding over. "Still..."

Erza beat her to it. "Stop it," she said, pushing the two brawling boys apart.

"What, you want some, too?!" Pink-Hair barked.

Ur sighed, and just as she predicted, the new kid was hammered into the wall, a fresh crater marking the impact zone. Gray was right beside him, though his crater was in a block of ice.

"Why me, though..." moaned the ice wizard. "Thanks, Ur."

The woman smiled at him. "You're quite welcome, Gray."

"Idiots just the same..." grumbled Erza, before glaring at Gray. " _You're not to fight. Are we clear?"_

"Yes ma'am!" yelped Gray.

The new kid tumbled down from the wall, clutching the welt on his noggin. "Scary..."

Ur chuckled. "Maybe I should take few cues from you, Erza. Then Gray might actually behave himself."

" _Please don't! I'll be good!_ "

The shirtless boy was on his knees, hands clasped and body abased before his teacher. Erza was terrifying enough with how strong she was, but if someone like _Ur_ started acting tough…

Erza turned her glare on the new kid. "That goes for you, too," she said, before breaking out a simultaneously warm yet intimidating smile. "I'm Erza. What's your name?"

"Huh?" said the kid, before looking away. "Natsu..." he angrily muttered.

"'Natsu', huh?" said Erza, perfectly imitating his defeated tone, her smile only growing. "Let's get one thing straight, Natsu: this guild hall is like our home. It's not a place for fighting, understand?"

"Yeah..." he sighed, still ashamed that he got KO'd by a _girl_ of all people.

"Well then, welcome to Fairy Tail," said another voice, and Natsu heard bits of ceramic and stone reassemble themselves behind him. He glanced behind him, looked back, then did a double take when he realized the crater he'd left was gone.

"Woah! How did-?! _What-?!_ " The next moment he was back on his feet, clutching his head. " _I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!_ "

"Time Magic," said that same voice, which Natsu discovered belonging to a black-haired girl in a purple one-piece dress and blue wool parka. From her seat on a table bench she smiled at him, warmer than Erza had, yet there was something about it that made a shiver crawl down his spine. She continued, saying, "I'm charitable, as you only just arrived, but from this moment, you will clean up your _own_ damage."

"Yeah sure, whatever," huffed Natsu, hands behind his head to prop up his bravado. He was a little surprised when the girl patted the spot next to her, inviting him to come sit. Erza had left him, as had the jibless kid, Gray, so with nothing better to do he shuffled over and plonked himself down.

"Ultear Milkovich," said the girl, giving him a courteous bow. "You're a wizard, I presume?"

"Hell yeah I'm a wizard!" Natsu proclaimed, thumping his chest. "Not just any wizard; I'm a Dragon Slayer!"

"I've heard about those," said another girl, this one a brunette. "Dragon Slayers use a unique kind of magic centered around an element, right?"

"Yeah! I'm a Fire Dragon Slayer, trained by an actual dragon!"

Ultear frowned at that. "A dragon taught you to kill dragons?"

"No! Well, yeah, I mean… Urgh, I didn't make the stupid name, that's just what Igneel called it!"

Cana began tapping her chin. "Igneel, Igneel..."

Ultear shook her head. "I'm not familiar with that name, Cana."

"Geez, come on!" Natsu leapt up on the table. "Igneel's a fire dragon! He eats lava and sleeps in it and flies around volcanoes and stuff!"

"We deduced as much," said Ultear, before Natsu's stomach let out a low growl. "As we deduce that you haven't eaten in a while."

"Me neither, I'm starved!" Natsu exclaimed. "What's there for grub around here?"

"Ask our chef," said Cana, pointing towards the bar. "He makes great stuff."

Even from atop the table, Natsu could tell this cook was a weird guy. His back was turned to the hall, stooped over a sizzling friar (Natsu wasn't the best at spelling), and a cream-colored hood and cape covered his back. His arms were exposed, pale from being indoors for so long, but they looked like they were kept in shape. He turned, apparently at the sound of himself being mentioned, and-

He had no face.

Well, he had a mouth, a chin, and a doorknocker goatee, but aside from that, even though the midday sun kept the room well-lit, the shadow of his hood completely obscured his face. Below the… Clasp? His hood didn't have a clasp, just a woven stretch that sat on his collarbone, leaving his neck visible. The shadow under his jaw was also pitch-dark, stopping just above the slight bulge of his vocal chords, connected to the shadowy mask about his face. What made it weirder was that Natsu could see the _natural_ shadow his jaw cast on his neck, so what gave?

At least this guy had a good taste in clothes. He wore a vest like Natsu, though _his_ shirt was black instead of red. Natsu didn't hold that against him, even if the poofy white pants he wore made it look like his legs were about twelve times fatter than they ought to be. His shoes were weird: pointed toes, an elastic ring around the ankles to hold them on, and no laces.

"Somebody say food?" he said with a heavy accent, one that Natsu'd never heard before.

"Yeah." Natsu hopped off the table and ran to the bar. He hit a little snag with the barstool, the seat of which came up to his eyebrows. "Urgh! Hgh! _Come on!_ "

"Well, that's why we make 'em so tall," joked a blue-haired guy nearby. "So underage kids can't drink."

" _I'm getting up there!_ " Natsu barked with Cana and Ultear looking on, waiting to see which way this ended. Natsu shuffled back, got a running start, and- "Ha wo-o- _oa-_ Oof!"

What arrested his fall was an opaque crystal sphere, though it couldn't save the chair from a rattly landing. Natsu put his hands on his new ride and hoisted his butt between it and him, rocking from side to side to test its balance.

"Don't worry, I won't allow you to fall," said Ultear, her hand outstretched.

"How are you _doing_ that?" Natsu asked, amazed.

"I told you: Time Magic. I'm keeping my orb locked in time. It won't move unless I will it to."

"That's so cool!" This of course meant that Natsu had to prove her wrong by pushing, pulling, and jumping up and down on it, but true to Ultear's word, it didn't budge an inch.

"Now, I believe you wanted to sit?" said Ultear. Natsu nearly fell again as the orb slowly floated backwards, before it dumped him butt-first onto another stool and vanished.

"Whoa, where'd it go?"

"Well you can't expect her to keep it around _all_ the time!" said Cana, demonstrably more experienced when it came to climbing bar stools.

"I simply moved it to a different future," said the time wizard. "If I require it again, I'll call it back."

Cana huffed. "Yeah, real simple, Ultear."

"It was, actually," replied the girl, showing off by jumping in the air and making it reappear. Landing gracefully, her orb now gave _her_ a ride up to the bar. Stepping off with the grace and poise of an aristocrat, Ultear dismissed it once more and sat down.

"So, niños," said the cook, "what are we ohngry for?"

" _Food!_ " Natsu shouted, banging on the bar before jabbing a finger in Ultear's face. "And when we're done, I wanna fight _you!_ "

The impact of Natsu's chin hitting the bar was enough to rattle other patrons' mugs, his stool whisked out from beneath him.

"Do I win yet?" asked Ultear snidely, the seat hovering five feet in the air.

" _Hey, no fair! That's fighting dirty!_ "

"You knew I could do that," Ultear replied. "How is that unfair?"

"'If you gonna fight," said the cook, "do i' somewhere else."

"Oh yeah?!" Natsu barked, back on his feet and scrambling up to stand on the countertop, looking the cook right in the… "eye". "Why should we?!"

"Responderé con otra pregunta," said the cook, grinning at him. Okay, Erza's had been intimidating, Ultear's a little unnerving, but this guy's crooked-toothed smirk took the cake for skin-crawling creepiness. "'Ow many pairs of underwear you 'ave, Natsu?"

Natsu frowned, trying to keep his knees from wobbling. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"Because," said the cook, his voice dropping to a sinister murmur, "if you _think_ abou' fighting in my keetchen, you gonna need a change of clothes when iss over."

"Shade, stop it," someone (a man; Natsu didn't know him yet) called.

The grin vanished, and the cook, Shade, went back to the stove. "'Ey, whatever it takes, Gueeldars," he said with a shrug. "Now get off the bar, Natsu."

Natsu harrumphed. "Not because you told me to..."

"No, because you wanna eat." When Shade turned back, a small platter of chicken wings, cheese-covered chips, and miniature beef sirloins had materialized in his hand. "¿Sí?"

Natsu stared as the platter was set in front of them. "I don't know what that means but yeah!"

Cana immediately went for the wings. "Oh man, I love it when you make stuff like this."

"Here here," said Ultear, plucking a wing off the platter before Cana could devour them all. As both girls discovered, though, it was Natsu who would be inhaling the guild's pantry from now on. So enthusiastic was he that he accidentally took a bite out of a wooden spoon. Ultear giggled at his frustrated yelling, for that spoon cost him the last wing. She decided that she liked their newest hothead.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Makarov was just returning from his afternoon stroll when, lo and behold, three more children stood outside the guild hall. Perhaps it was the young spirit of the first guild master haunting the place, perhaps it was sheer coincidence, but for some reason an adult hadn't joined the guild since Ur, and that was four years ago.

These three must've been siblings, as they all had the same white hair. The eldest and youngest both had fair skin, but the middle child was more tanned. He was most definitely a boy, with a nicely-kept suit and bow tie to complement his already mighty jaw. His had the sturdiest build of the three, limbs and body filling out the suit's sleeves. No doubt he'd outgrow it in short order.

The other two must've been girls, judging by the youngest's magenta-trimmed pink dress and the eldest's long, wavy side-bangs. It was hard to say what the latter wore, as it was all covered by a deep purple cloak. They and their brother were all at the window, peering inside at a conversation between Natsu, Gray, Cana, and a newer girl named Levy. Makarov didn't know what was being said, but from the smiles on their faces, he knew how his children probably looked to these newcomers.

"Looks nice, doesn't it?" said the old guild master. "Why not take a gander inside?"

Ah, now he knew: that shared look of unease said it all. These children weren't looking at his pupils as an invitation to socialize, but how they might mournfully view a pastry in a bakeshop window. They had no intention of joining in, merely watching and lingering on the if-only's.

Well, this old man would fix _that_.

"My name is Makarov," he said, circling around in front of them. "I'm the master of the Fairy Tail guild."

"What's that?" asked the eldest, who even at her young age stood a good foot over him. Gods, how he _hated_ being old.

"That," said Makarov, "would be this place. Says so on the sign."

Sure enough, the emblazoned letters above the front door read "FAIRY TAIL". Seems they knew how to read, these three, so what were they doing away from their parents? Knowing the crop of other kids in this guild…

"Something the matter?" asked Makarov. Not very extroverted, these three. The older one's arm shifted beneath her cloak, and Makarov caught a glimpse of a smooth garnet tumor surrounded by gnarled, bark-like flesh. True, it was none of his business, but damn it all, this was a wizard's guild and helping people was part of the job description.

"Come inside and let's have a look at that." To emphasize his point, and his command, he gestured at the girl's arm with his walking stick. No playing dumb, they knew _exactly_ what he was talking about.

The girl with the afflicted arm, Mirajane, just stared at the man as he turned and walked towards the main entrance. Pinning her possessed limb between her ribs and her other arm, something about the elderly gentleman's voice compelled her to obey. Elfman and Lisanna looked to her to lead the way, as they always did, and so they didn't object when she followed.

The hall was jam-packed with people. Most looked like the people who'd chased her out of her home: grown-ups. Grown-ups who thought they knew best and feared anything they didn't understand. The same kind that hated the fact that out of all of them and their know-it-all, do-it-all attitude, a 13-year-old had been the one to go in that church and try her luck with a demon.

Mirajane looked at her arm again. _Some luck_ , she thought.

Then she realized that every single person in here had their eyes pointed her way.

She cursed herself for being such an idiot: she'd just walked in to a place she'd never been before! Of _course_ people would be looking at her, even without her demonic appendage. Worse was that they thought their whispers would go unnoticed, but she heard every word.

"Do you see that?"

"What _is_ that?"

"After Natsu, gotta wonder where the old man finds all these weird kids."

"Now _there's_ some powerful stuff. Must be pretty strong for her age."

If not for that last comment, coming from the bar where the old man was leading them, Mirajane would've turned around and _booked it_ from this awful place.

She endured the frightening looks while Makarov examined her arm, his hand glowing as he waved it over her, poking and massaging the twisted brown skin. All throughout, Elfman and Lisanna stood by, her little sister hugging Mira as if it would act as a shield against the scrutiny.

Looking around again, the oldest of the Strauss siblings was surprised to see _no one_ looking her way. Every person in here had gone back to what they were doing; she was pretty sure the other kids hadn't even noticed her. Didn't these people know a curse when they saw one? Were they _that_ ignorant?

Makarov's explanation answered everything. "I'd say it's Takeover Magic," he said, hopping up on the bar as, almost on cue, a beer stein was placed beside him by a man in a hooded cloak like Mira's. Taking a swig, Makarov continued. "It's a perfectly normal Caster spell. You aren't possessed by any demons, dear, merely taken to the form of one."

"Then how do I undo it?" Mira pleaded, thrusting her cursed limb out in front of him. "I don't want this. Take it away!"

Makarov shook his head. "The magic is in you, Mirajane. The best I can offer is a lesson in how to control it."

"I'll teach her!" proclaimed Mira's only complementeer, a tan-skinned gentleman with slicked-back red hair.

"I saw 'er first; _I_ train 'er!" This came from behind the bar; evidently the bartender had been eavesdropping while serving the guild master.

This got a sly, alpha-male smirk to rise from the corners of the red-haired man's mouth. "You sure about that?"

"You?"

From below, Mira's siblings couldn't see who was feuding with Mr. Redhead, but they _did_ see all the nervous looks their little spat was causing.

Lisanna, Mira's little sister, knew when things were getting out of hand. "Sirs, it's really-"

"Didn't know you were so charitable," said Mr. Red, not hearing a word of it.

"Didn't know you lost _anohther_ woman."

That got Mr. Red's feathers ruffled big time, and he slammed a fist down on the countertop. "Best of one, _chef_."

"Gueeldars, you 'ave a deal."

The crackling of ligaments was audible, from the kinks being cranked out of an arm. Mira looking from the red-haired man to his cloaked challenger, her siblings equally clueless as to what was going on.

"Ready? An'..."

Now people around the guild hall were nervously shuffling away, save for a dancer on the tables (who simply worked herself towards the exit), a black-haired woman at the end of the bar, and the kids Mira had seen on the way in. The tension thick,

"One two three! One two three! _One two three! One twothree! Onetwothreeonetwothreeonetwo-"_

 _SMACK!_

"I ween," declared the chef. The gloating was so rich it could appease a pretentious wine taster.

Rubbing the fresh pink handprint on his cheek, Gueeldars grinned. "You _know_ I can't let that stand, right?"

Now the chef vaulted over the bar, revealing his full look to the Strauss siblings. Lisanna shrunk a little into Mira's leg, frightened by the cook's faceless look, especially when he slurred a low, excited, "Ssíííííí."

" _ABSOLUTELY NOT!_ " Makarov bellowed. Seems whatever line was to be drawn, Gueeldars and Chef were about to cross it as the guild master jabbed a finger at the former. " _I DON'T NEED YOU CAUSING ANOTHER CITY-WIDE CATASTROPHE, GILDARTS!_ "

Gildarts (as his name was _actually_ pronounced, apparently) shrugged sheepishly. "You say that like it would go like last time."

"AND AS FOR YOU-" Makarov whirled but the chef had already retreated back to his stove.

"You call, jefe?" he chirped innocently. "Shall I comb your mustache, jefe? You know I'd never do _ehhhnything_ to upse' chu, jefe."

If Makarov was angry already, this remark made his face fill up like a thermometer. He sunk back down, grumpily gripping his beer stein. "Damn them, if all of my children's tongues become as barbed..."

At that moment, though appeased by all the excitement, Lisanna's stomach began to growl. She hadn't eaten in several days,

"Excuse me, sir?" asked the girl. The hooded chef came back and leaned out over her, almost like a vulture leaning over soon-to-be-prey.

"Shade, quit being creepy!" Gildarts called from down the bar.

"Wha-at?" he protested. "I cahn't see 'er from 'ere!"

"'Shade'?" Lisanna repeated. "Your name is Shade?"

"Ees 'cause," said Shade, "tha's what I wear on my face!" Smiling nonchalantly, he hooked a thumb under the heavy black shadow that clung to his head and pulled, stretching it out and exposing the skin of his right cheek. "See?"

"Oh, it's a mask!"

"Sí."

Her brother pressed his index fingers together. "Um, if you don't m-mind me asking, sir, but..."

"Butts are for seetting on," observed Shade.

"Why do you wear a mask?"

"Well, why don' _chu_ wear a mask, eh?"

"I, um…"

Lisanna sighed. Why did Elf always have to be so shy? It's not like _everyone_ was as bad as their old neighbors.

"I don't have anything to hide," he finally said.

"Keed," said Shade, resting an arm on the bar, "if you wear a mask like this to 'ide, then you doing i' wrong. Some people 'ide behind the mask. Me?" He grinned. "I wear it to stand _ou'_."

He jerked a thumb at himself. "Ain' no one gonna forget _thees_ face, and you could pu' money on tha'. An' you-"

Now Mira was subject to Shade's attention, the hooded cook pointing to her arm. "Why you so eager to ge' rid of that, ah?"

Before Mira even finished opening her mouth, Shade continued, which Lisanna thought was quite rude. "Lemme tell you, _chica_ : wha' chu got there is something to be proud of. 'Ow many people could fight a demon an' leeve _?_ And 'ow many of those people could walk away with iss powers? You keep that power, _chica_ , because if you gonna be a wizard, tha's gonna make you stronger _now_ than most of the people 'ere."

"Keep dreamin'!" someone shouted.

" _YOU JUST MAD 'CAUSE ISS TRUE!"_ Shade barked back.

"We'll see about that, Shade," said a woman, walking over to join them. This was the same woman who'd shown no fear at the prospect of Gildarts "not standing for [a literal slap in the face]".

"I say 'most', Ur," replied Shade. "You too self-conscious, you know tha'?"

"Don't you have a job to do?" Gildarts called.

" _AN' I CAN DO I', SO SHADDAP!_ " Sheathing his sharp tongue, Shade had one last word for Mira. "If people gonna trea' chu bad no matter wha' you do, why should you care wha' they think? They wanna see a demon? _Show_ them a demon! Jus' gimme a mohnth, and by the end, you'll be rubbing that arm in _everyone's_ face!"

Mira sighed. Despite his enthusiasm, Shade didn't seem to understand what she'd been through. "I highly doubt that," she replied, to which Lisanna and her brother concurred.

"Doubt later." Shade reached down and flicked her hood back, revealing her long white hair for all to see. "Now..."

From out of nowhere came an enormous platter of sweets: eclairs, cream puffs, cookies, so much sugar that Lisanna honestly felt sick just looking at it, and in the best possible way.

"Oo's ohngry?" he asked.

Now _that_ got the other kids' attention, especially a pink-haired boy.

"Oh yeah, _goodies!_ " he shouted. "I'm gonna stuff my face until frosting comes out of my- Rrgh, _STUPID CHAIR!_ "

The bar stool not cooperating, the boy kicked it, only for it to bounce off the counter edge and hit him square in the face. Furious, the fire mage (as that's what he was, apparently) proceeded froth at the mouth and bludgeon the furniture to ash with flame coated fists. He now stood on its blackened remains, hunched over like a forest vulcan and breathily grunting like one, too. The other guild children were all looking at him with a different emotion: concern, contempt, and the last one with comical amusement. Lisanna felt with the latter, and began to giggle for the first time in what felt like ages.

The pink-haired boy's ears were sharp, picking her out and glaring at her. He had a cute face, and the contrast with his angry expression only made Lisanna beam brighter.

"What's so funny?!" he demanded.

"You are, silly!" she replied sincerely. That shut him up good, his lips puckering like he'd eaten a sour grape.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 _One month later…_

"And what if I did, you goody-two-shoes tomboy?" Mira growled assertively, a dominant grin on her face. It went well with her skull-emblazoned tank-top and torn jeans, her purple cloak a thing of the past.

"I was saving that cake for a special occasion, you white-haired skank," Erza shot back.

"Hey, um..." Elfman was trying to come between them again. "Is this really worth fighting over?"

" _Yes,"_ said both girls simultaneously, before returning to their glares. Glares gave way to blows in a matter of seconds, sparks literally flying as absurd amounts of magical energy clashed within the guild.

Ur stood by the bar, as usual, and shook her head. "Well Shade, you really have created a monster."

The cook poked his head up from washing out shot glasses, and smirked. "Tha's what it takes to make S-class. _Righ', Gueeldars?!_ "

"Hate your guts, Shade!" he called back cheerfully, before the sparks made his drink explode into his face.

"I can live wi' that." Even when the shot glass he was holding exploded in his hands, he never stopped grinning. Neither did Ur, watching the children continue to grow.

* * *

 **Author's update:**

Ideally, I'll be posting a new chapter each week, alternating between this ans my Sekirei fic. If the quality ever dips, you just let me know, lickety-split.


	6. C Drives Me Crazy

**Author's note:**

By the by, _fantastic_ song, this chapter's title. Check it out some time. No, it's not a typo.

* * *

 **Chapter 6: C Drives Me Crazy**

"Hey! Hey! Look!" Natsu appeared before Gildarts and Ur, safely guarding the bar (well, Gildarts more his drink than Shade's precious faculty) as the mid-day wore on, tension and energy in the guild running high. The pink-haired boy was excitedly waving a paper around.

"What's that?" Gildarts curiously took the paper from Natsu's hand, read it, and shrugged. "Well, as long as you think you can handle it, kiddo."

Ur quickly skimmed it over. "He's got guts, I'll give him that. Pay isn't bad, either."

"You bet I do!" Natsu exclaimed. "Got guts, I mean."

He swung his leg up and stomped it down, swaggering off towards the front door. Lisanna was nearby to see him off.

"Bye! Come back soon!" called Lisanna, even though they were mere feet apart.

Unfortunately, so was Mira.

"Where're _you_ going?" she asked snootily.

"Check it out!" Natsu held up the flier. "I got my first real magic job!"

Once glance was all Mira needed to start ribbing him. "Did you actually _read_ that, or just that number at the bottom?"

"Uhm, yeah!" Natsu was suddenly looking at it with a suspicious level of scrutiny. "It says… Well..."

He spun away, nearly sticking his face into the giant worm-creature sketched on to the front. "Please get rid of the thingy that's somewhere doing something… For fifty-thousand jewel."

" _It doesn't say that!_ " Lisanna interjected.

Natsu looked a little hurt. "Lay off, okay? Whatever it is, I can do it."

Mira snorted. "Are you telling me you're so stupid you couldn't read a single word on that thing?"

"Mir-a, be nice!" Lisanna scolded.

"I can read!" Natsu shouted. "Igneel taught me to read all kinds of stuff! It's just that nothing on this stupid flier makes any sense!"

"Natsu," Lisanna began, "I didn't mean to-"

"I know the names of all kinds of foods!" the boy ranted. "Hamburger, spaghetti, pizza-"

"Hey, food's dandy," said Wally, sauntering up and planting himself atop a table. "What else yuh got, Natsu?"

"I got… Um..." Grimacing, he reached up with both hands and began pulling at his hair. "Rrgh, I know more than just foods, I swear! Igneel taught more than just numbers and food names. He really did, you guys!"

"I coulda taugh'chu all that," called Shade, snapping his hand away from a sizzling slab of meat.

"Maybe," Gildarts commented sardonically, "but you're not a fire-breathing dragon, now are you?"

"Buh' _chu_ are," Shade shot back. "I can smell it."

"Me too," Ur chuckled, waving a hand around her nose, smirking at the S-class wizard. "At least Natsu knows decent oral hygiene."

"But I know more than that!" Natsu protested, now on the verge of tears. "Igneel taught me… He…"

Mira blushed. "Aw, are you gonna cry? That's so cuuute!"

"Hands off, Mira!" barked Lisanna. "And stop being creepy!"

"Alright, all of you calm down," announced a stern female voice.

"Erza..." murmured Natsu.

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about," said the armored mage-in-training. "I'm sure Igneel did his best. Reading's just hard to master because there's so many words."

Natsu turned his nose at her. "Know-it-all..."

"All it takes is patience and diligence," said Erza, "and I pride myself on having plenty of both."

"Uh-uh, no way! You're way too scary!"

From the side, another voice chimed in. "Very well, then." Erza chanced a glance over to where Ultear sat, "reading" her precious Arc of Time book. In actuality, the time mage was peeking over the top, her eyes glittering with mischief as she watched.

"Ultear can help you," Erza announced. Almost on cue, the ravenette sprung from her chair and walked over, Natsu rubbing his forehead at the sight but far less hostile towards the notion.

"Indeed I will." Ultear smiled, taking Natsu by the hand. "In three days, you'll know all you need to be an effective wizard."

Natsu huffed. "Okay, _fine_..."

"-and Erza will be your instructor."

"NO! PLEASE!" The Dragon Slayer began yanking and pulling at his hand but Ultear stalled long enough for the fearsome Erza Scarlet to catch him. "AA-AAGH!"

"I can't imagine what's so scary about a vocabulary lesson," Erza muttered, she and Ultear dragging him away, the boy's free limbs flailing in panic. Mira was left in stitches, doubled over and clutching her sides with laughter.

"I'm sure you'll do well!" Lisanna called. "You'll be happy when it's done!"

 _Three days later…_

"Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" Ultear asked the gray-faced boy.

Erza had adopted a "no learn, no eat" policy to whip Natsu's brain into shape. She'd cram as much grammar and vocabulary into his skull as she could, and whenever meal time came, Ultear would pick a long, random, complicated word from her tome and show it to Natsu. If he read it correctly on the first try, he got food. Stumbling was okay, as he was still learning, but any mispronunciation of a syllable meant an empty belly for him.

So, naturally, Natsu hadn't eaten in three days.

"Can't talk, too hungry!" Natsu sprinted to the sanctuary of Shade's bar as soon as he smelled food.

"So, wha'chu want?"

"Something meaty!"

Ultear chuckled. "Ask a redundant question..." She then noticed that someone was missing from this picture, someone who she wasn't used to being absent from her life. "Where's Mother?"

"She's taken a job tracking down a highway robber," Makarov informed them as the pair approached the bar. "She expects to be back within the week."

"Oh…" The time mage looked like she'd stepped off a boat in a foreign land. "I see." A quick ride on her orb saw her sitting next to Natsu, the boy having finally conquered the once insurmountable might of the bar stool. She was surprised to see Lisanna seated on his other side.

"So, Natsu..." the girl asked shyly. "I was wondering if maybe… I could go with you?"

His mouth full of charred beef (as he liked it), Natsu shrugged. "Uh dhn nh-"

"Swallow before speaking, please," Ultear said rather sternly. "Didn't Igneel teach you manners?"

"Nhp!" Natsu declared, swallowing before grinning like an idiot. "Not a bit!"

The time mage sighed. "As I feared..."

"I told you we should have added etiquette to his lessons," said Erza, seated on the far end of the pack.

"Perhaps," said Ultear, watching Natsu tear through his well-deserved lunch. "But a man is only half of a man on an empty stomach, or so my mother taught me." She chuckled. "Perhaps in Natsu's case, a quarter of one."

" _Now what's that supposed to mean?!_ " Natsu leapt up. "You wanna go, Ultear?!"

 _THUD!_

Shade's fist hitting the counter top silenced any further provocation.

"No fighting a' my bar," he said.

Natsu sank back into his seat. "Yes sir..."

"Bien." With that, Shade returned to the grill.

Lisanna tugged on his sleeve. "So, what were you saying? About us going on a job together?"

Natsu leaned back, promptly forgot his stool had no back support, and was only saved from falling off by Ultear's orb.

"Thanks," he muttered, before looking back to Lisanna. "I said I dunno why you'd need to. I can handle it."

"But won't you get lonely, all by yourself?" She smiled at him. "I'll let you keep all the reward money, if you want."

"Nah, I wouldn't do that to you." He waved her off. "Really, I appreciate it, but I got this."

"Snooze you lose," came Mira's voice, striding over and smirking her evil smirk at the quartet. "I came back from that job _yesterday,_ while you were busy re-learning your ABC's."

"Hey, that was _MY_ job, Mira!" Natsu protested angrily. "I found it, I picked it up, I called dibs!"

"But you didn't turn it in to the Master before Ms. Goody-Two-Shoes tried to teach the stupid out of you," sneered Mira, "so _tough,_ Pinky."

The sound of glass shattering drew everyone's attention over to Erza. She'd asked for a milkshake, her weakness for sugary delights overwhelming after three days of schooling. She'd looked forward to sending Natsu on his way, the product of hers and Ultear's hard work. She'd been as excited for it, along with her self-appointed reward, and now she would get neither, for in her anger she'd crushed the glass in her hand, spilling sticky pink ice cream and whipped topping all over her fingers.

" _Why..._ " Her teeth were clenched; Ultear hoped she hadn't bitten her tongue. "Why would you do this, Mira..."

Mira leered at her, maliciously smirking. "Because I knew it would piss you off."

She wasn't wrong.

Erza's fist slammed into Mirajane's cheek, knocking her for a loop. She countered with a high kick to Erza's ribs, and soon the two were disintegrating tables and chairs alike in their mutual hatred towards each other.

"Yeh, you _better_ no scratch the bar," Shade muttered, watching his pupil waste her talents.

Meanwhile, Natsu remained beside himself, glumly resting his head on the hard wooden countertop. He'd been looking forward to his first job, and the money to pay for… Well, whatever he wanted, since he had his own place and caught his own food at home. _Now_ what was he going to do?

As if in reply, he felt something flat and wavy push at his skin, crumpling a little when his forehead refused to part with the bar. Rolling his eyes towards it, the first thing he saw was a money symbol. Bolting upright, he found a hand at the other end of the paper, belonging to Ultear.

"I found this on the job posts," she said, a pitying but sincere smile on her 13-year-old features. "Care to read it off?"

Natsu sighed. "Sure." He slid it in front of himself and began scanning it, his eyes roaming left to right.

"She meant out-loud, Natsu," chuckled Lisanna. "You're so silly."

"… I knew that. 'Wizard, our town of Cedgewick has been beset by a blight'. Wait, how can a town be sick?"

"Keep reading and hopefully find out," said Ultear.

"'We've done everything in our power to right it, but to no avail. Something is wrong, and we have no time to plant again. Please come. Details to be provided upon arrival. Payment-"

" _TWO HUNDRED_ _ **THOUSAND**_ _JEWEL?!"_ all three kids exclaimed simultaneously.

"For something so simple?" said Ultear. "I took this for an extermination job!"

"Those poor people!" Lisanna held her hands to her mouth. "They must be in dire need to send for a wizard's guild."

"Whatever they need, I could build a pool at my place with _that_ kinda dough!" Natsu leapt out of the chair. "I'm gonna-"

"Wait a moment." The flier flew from his hand and into Ultear's. Already taller than him thanks to her advanced age, the bar stool kept it well out of reach. "If you wish to go, then I will, too. I chose it, after all."

Natsu tapped his foot. "Okay, you can come."

"You're too generous."

"May I come, too?" Lisanna eyed her sister, still waging all-out war against Erza. "I feel I should to make up for what Mira did."

"Fine! Whatever! Let's just go already!" Natsu hurried along to find Gramps (a.k.a. Makarov) and get the job notor-… Notomot-… Nautomatic… "Turned in"!

Ultear glanced at her fellow Fairy. "That was your best excuse?" she asked quietly.

"Like yours was any better," Lisanna whispered back. Genuinely curious, she then asked, "Why do you want to go with him?"

"I could ask you the same. Besides, what makes you think I'm going 'with' him?"

Neither girl ended up answering.

Soon enough, the three were ready to go. Behind them, Ultear left several tables repaired. These were quickly smashed when Macao was dog-piled by thirty other men, all of them trying to stop him from doing something. The children didn't know what, but just before that, Natsu thought he heard Macao mention the dancing lady, Enno.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Uuuuuugh, I'm gonna blow chunks..."

"Then would you mind directing them somewhere else?" said Ultear.

"Aw, Natsu," Lisanna lamented. "Here, I'll make you feel better."

The petite white-haired girl scooted over on the cushioned seat and draped herself over Natsu. She could hear the rumble of the train tracks through his shoulders, closing her eyes and listening to the sound. Lisanna had heard about people being rocked to sleep to this rhythm, constantly keeping the same beat as the train rolled on. Hearing his growling stomach, his groaning, he was like a sick little puppy to her!

Natsu, on the other hand, felt more like a lizard, as the taint of girl-cooties had his face changing colors.

"It seems to me," said Ultear, "that your doctorate is a ways away."

Lisanna pouted, still hugging Natsu. "Hmph! At least I'm _trying!_ "

"Trying to exacerbate the problem, from the look of things," smirked Ultear. "Natsu, what've you eaten today?"

"Rr-rrg..." Natsu's head began to wobble like ship on the ocean. "Four hamburgers, three rotisseries and a couple gallons of fizzy stuff."

"No wonder you're sick!" Lisanna exclaimed. "That's barely a snack for you!"

"Wally said the food weighin' me down..."

" _Wally_ told you this," Ultear repeated. "Wally."

"I lost a fight to him yesterday." Natsu's throat let out a low groan. "Too slow…"

"There there, we'll be arriving before you know it," said Lisanna, patting him on the back. This made his face turn blue; his cheeks bulged like a bullfrog's.

" _DON'T YOU DARE!_ " Ultear screeched. " _NOT IN THE CAR!_ "

The window curled into the cabin like a bean burrito, the roaring wind drowning out the twisting metal and shattering glass. Lisanna pulled Natsu away but quickly found herself playing tug-of-war with his scarf as Ultear tried to use her magic to dump him out the window.

"Ultear, what are you doing?!" she hollered frenziedly.

"Saving our _own_ meals!"

Lisanna's physical strength lost and Natsu came loose in her hands, his head flying out the window and both girls bearing witness to his nauseated discharge. Ultear was looking a little green herself; perhaps this hadn't been the best idea she'd add. She assured herself that even the greatest geniuses had their off days, and she was no exception.

Natsu couldn't finish soon enough, at least in the girls' eyes. Having exhausted his supply of chunks to blow, he slid back down the window and onto the seat, the broken glass and metal flying back into place, cutting off the cacophony.

"Feel better?" Ultear inquired. _**Please**_ _let him be better_.

Natsu coughed. "Not... Really..."

The two girls sighed. This was going to be a long ride.

Unbeknownst to them, there was another passenger a few cars down, legs crossed and swaying as she anxiously awaited her arrival. Hopefully, her quarry waited for her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The short, bald, well-dressed mustachioed gentlemen wouldn't stop banging his head on the floor. It almost looked like he was trying to smash his glasses, along with his nose.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou _thaaaaaank_ you, good wizards!"

"Uhhh..." Natsu wasn't sure how to take this guy. Did he _enjoy_ hurting himself?

Ultear politely waved the man off. "Please, keep your thanks until the job is complete," she said. "We'll accept it then."

They were all thinking it. _Along with that two-hundred thousand._

She'd folded up her parka and moved it to a different future, leaving her dress and skin-tight pants to cover herself. Cedgewick was a hot topic, as it turned out, for being at the bottom of a rocky desert canyon meant there was little wind to disperse the heat from the rocky ground. Living in this town was like an oven; how _anything_ managed to grow here was baffling.

"Yes yes, quite right." The mayor ceased his masochistic abasement and stood, coming up only a little taller than Ultear, who had yet to hit her growth spurt. "We just never thought that someone would actually come! For weeks I've been sending requests to the magical guilds, and not a soul has replied! Not one! We'd all but given up hope."

The mayor then waddled over to the window, his office the tallest building in town at only two stories. From here, the trio of Fairy Tail wizards could see the whole town. It wasn't much, little more than a collection of shops, merchant hovels and a few hotels and saloons for the weary traveler. Beyond that was field after field of plowed land, filled with row after row of what used to be vegetables and premium crops like cacti. Now even the cacti were dying, the harsh canyon floor too much for even their sturdy constitution. The rest of the crops never had a prayer.

"For generations, we've relied on the Harvest Guardian to breathe life into the land, sowing it with life and allowing their crops to grow. The ravens kept pests from eating the harvest and their master kept the crops from dying."

The rotund man sighed. "But it seems he has forsaken us, and no one has provided an answer."

"Why's that?" Lisanna inquired.

"Well, _duh!"_ said Natsu. "If they knew why, then they wouldn't have to ask!"

"No, Natsu, I meant why can't anyone at least guess?"

The mayor sighed, then pointed at the cliffs that bottlenecked the town from the fields.

"The spirit came here with our ancestors, and ever since has lived high up on the cliffs, in a cave overlooking the canyon. Only he could say for sure, and it would take wizards to scale those rocks."

"A rope and hook would work, and would be considerably cheaper," Ultear pointed out, her nose curling a little at the circumvention. "Why send for wizards?"

"Well..." The mayor began to fidget, twiddling his fingers as beads of sweat began to swell across his forehead. "Despite the merchants and stores here in the center of town, the truth is that most people here are farmers. They live off the land."

"How does anything live off of _this_ land?" said Ultear. "Your founders couldn't have chosen a worse spot to farm."

"Ulte-ear!" piped up Lisanna. "Don't be rude! One Mira is bad enough!"

"No no," said the mayor. "In light of our current predicament, your sister has a point."

" _Sister?!_ " The two girls spun to eyeball at each other. Where had _that_ come from?

"We'd need a wizard to speak on our behalf. Heaven forbid, if Ravenlord should be angry..." The mayor shuddered.

"'Ravenlord'?" Lisanna repeated. "First Shade, then Ur's Tear, now Ravenlord."

Ultear looked the tiniest bit miffed at that. "Is there a problem?"

"Oh no! Not at all!" Lisanna smiled. "It's just that there's so many unique names I've learned since joining Fairy Tail."

She looked over at Natsu. "I was just thinking about what I could call my own children, when I'm older."

Now Ultear looked _really_ miffed, and Natsu had no idea why.

" _It could be the end of life as we know it!_ " the mayor squeaked, turning about and banging his head on the floor some more. "Please, appeal to great Ravenlord! The town begs you!"

"Geez, mayor guy, what do you think we came here for?" Natsu asked, hands on his hips. He took the girls by the hand and pulled them towards the door. "Let's go kick this Ravenguy's butt!"

Lisanna pulled on his hand, a small blush on her cheeks (for some reason). "Wait a minute, Natsu!"

"Yeah, you're right." His stomach growled. "Can't kick butt on an empty tank, ya know?"

"Agreed," said Ultear, allowing Natsu and his keen nose to lead her down to the mayor's front door. "We can talk over a hot meal."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"What _is_ this?" Natsu asked, swirling his spoon around in the brown, sludgy slop that sat before him, darker than the brown wood table it sat upon. He scooped some up and sniffed some, wary of its beany scent.

"Try some! You'll like it!" Lisanna urged him, shoveling soup into her mouth like a well-oiled machine: not a drop spilled, not a mess made, but she'd quickly reduced the bowl to half-full.

"I dunno," Natsu said warily. "Smells kinda funny."

"Agreed," said Ultear, politely sipping the beany broth. "You'd best not eat it. Growing a third arm would be more trouble than it's worth."

"You serious?!" Natsu shouted. Three seconds later the bowl was empty. "Aahh… Is it working? Can you speed it up, Ultear?"

"I can't speed up the human body," she said. With a glance down at her chest, added an inaudible, "Unfortunately..."

"What about the Ravenlord?" Lisanna asked hurriedly.

"Let's kick his butt!"

" _Natsu,_ " both girls sighed simultaneously, before giving one another the hairy eyeball.

"We don't know a thing about him," said Lisanna. "The mayor wants us to convince him, not hurt him."

"So we convince him by hurting him; what's the big deal, anyway?" Natsu demanded. "He can't be too nice if he's lettin' people starve."

"Actually, that may be a good place to start," said Ultear, thumb on her chin. "If the spirit of this valley has forsaken it, the people might've blasphemed."

"Blasted what now?" Natsu snorted. "Speak regular, Ultear, geez."

"Maybe something changed with the people to cause the change with the Ravenlord," Lisanna translated. "Let's go out in the fields and ask the people."

Ultear concurred. "We could gather information on this valley's history. Perhaps the locals could provide a clue."

" _Then_ can we kick his butt?" Natsu whined.

" _No._ "

"But-"

" _No_."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Um..." Despite her best efforts, Ultear was absolutely hypnotized by the massive elderly woman's swaying jowels, her face looking like it was about to slide off and flee from years of self-abuse. Each step that didn't shatter her ivory walking cane blew Ultear's mind to smithereens. She had to wonder at the strength of the dining room table at which she sat, for if it creaked under _her_ prepubescent elbows, how did it hold up 400 pounds of arm flab?

"But as I was saying, the land has been quite good to me!" She took her pudgy fingers out from beneath the amorphous white whale that had long ago evicted her chin and strummed it on the abused handle of her overworked walking stick. "This plantation has been my family's for generations, along with the peons that staff it. Never once did it fail to deliver a good harvest, until now."

She sighed, her gold jewelry jingling as the floorboards groaned under her over-weight.

"What will I do?" she asked. "If you wizards can't fix this, I'll have to abandon the estate and move the peons somewhere else."

"Another question," said Ultear, getting back on task, "what sort of preparation goes into the harvest? How do you appease the Ravenlord?"

"'Appease'?" said the portly woman. "Ravenlord's never asked for appeasement. Since before our ancestors migrated here, he's always been their guardian spirit. In fact, some old stories say it was he that guided us away from whatever war uprooted our ancestors in the first place."

"So nothing's changed, then."

"None at all."

"And everyone in the valley reveres him?"

"To my knowledge. It's hard to hate the thing that supplies your livelihood."

Ultear sighed. "Well, thank you for your time and patience. I should leave."

"Oh, fosh to that!" The inflatable boulder that was Ultear's host snapped her fingers and instantly a servant was bringing a slice of pie to them on a plate. Suddenly, a lot of things began to make sense.

After excusing herself, and finally done with her fruitless inquiries, the time mage returned to the center of Cedgewick. Finding a bench cast in the shade of the local general store, she sat herself down and stared up at the cloudless orange sky. Lisanna and Natsu were still talking to the farm hands, and the shopkeepers were by and large foreigners who'd emigrated in to take advantage of the local wealth.

But the utter _complacence_ of these people! Ultear was ready to hide herself under a bridge and pretend to be a troll, if it meant spending a minute free of this heat. Her dress was clinging to all sides of herself from the sheer output of sweat, and that was just from the walk back. Having to spend _hours_ a day, for _weeks_ working in this weather, only to be called "peons" and "serfs" as if the sheltered buffoons who employed them were self-made royalty… How could anyone stand for this?

"There you are!" Lisanna's voice cut through the time wizard's stream of contempt, towing their pink-haired third behind as she jogged up the lane. "Something wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Ultear assured her, failing to notice that she and Natsu were holding hands again.

Natsu huffed, let go of Lisanna and flopped down on the bench. "Well, it sure is if you didn't find anything out. How the heck did no one get the low-down on this Razorlord guy?"

"Natsu, I told you," said Lisanna, seating herself next to him. "Those farmers are afraid. The Ravenlord's their only way to live and they don't want to make him _more_ angry."

"So that's the story from your end?" Ultear shook her head. "I suppose that only leaves-"

"Plan C!" shouted Natsu, slapping a fist into his palm. " _Kick-his-butt!_ "

Lisanna hung her head. "I was hoping we could finish this without fighting…"

Natsu looked at her like she'd just grown a second head. " _Why?_ "

To which, Lisanna pointed to a nearby wind vane. It was made up into the outline of a raven, something all three of them could tell given the ravens that were perched on the vane. Looking at them, it dawned on the three children just then: all of this talk about ravens, all of these locals who literally _worshipped_ them as flying harbingers of prosperity, all of this reverence and iconography dotting what was otherwise a quaint little town...

And that hunched-over, molting, _mangled_ looking bird was the first one of it's kind they'd seen since arriving.

"Without a harvests, there's no bugs for them to eat," Lisanna said sadly. "The birds are starving just like the people."

Natsu hunched over. "I getcha, Lisanna: why would Ravenguy do this to his own flock?"

"Actually," said the white-haired girl, "some people call groups of ravens 'conspiracies'. I find it much more interesting than 'flock', don't you?"

"I guess," Natsu conceded, leaning back and looking at the salwan-feathered birds. He failed to notice Lisanna crossing her arms and plopping her tush down in a huff.

Ultear remained silent, scanning the cliffs that encased the town. Towards the edge, where the crag bottlenecked from a wide canyon to a narrow crevice, there lay a small hole in the rocks. A hole from here, at least, but judging by the scale of the cliffs, it would be enormous up-close. The surface below was an unpolished drop, the sediment showing no signs of ascent. No trees, no vines, no protrusions would help should a foolish climber try to scale it. A few ravens hopped around the mouth of the hole, pecking at the ground; even from here, they looked malnourished.

The time mage stood. "Let's find out."


	7. Grey Morning

**Chapter 7: Grey Morning**

"Well, this is gonna suck," said Natsu, staring at the top of the cliffs. "Hey Ultear, think you could give us a lift?"

"I could..." she said. There was an audible "but" in her voice.

"So?" Natsu said, impatient as ever. "What're you waiting for?"

"It's… complicated," said Ultear, clutching her shoulder with her hand. "Moving one object into the future is easy, but three would require I stop them from colliding with one another. There are many variables introduced when I'm moving something, and exponentially more with each new one added."

She sighed. "We'd have an easier time growing wings …"

It was at that comment that Lisanna, who'd been mirroring Natsu's previous posture, looked back to her friends and took a step away from the rock. "I can get us there, Natsu!"

The boy wasn't buying it, though he'd never call Lisanna a liar. "Uh, how you gonna do that, exactly?"

Lisanna spread her arms. "Watch me now!" The little girl's body began to shine like a star. "Animal Soul, _Quetzal!_ "

Twirling around, with a smile and a wink, the light swallowed her form. When it died down-

"Woah!" Natsu was starstruck. "What the heck happened to your arms?!"

Indeed, where once had been human skin (and presumably human bone) was now replaced by two enormous bird wings, and exotic green ones at that. They were made even bigger thanks to the longer black feathers that lined the lower edges and wing tips.

Lisanna giggled, twirling her new feathers around like an equally exotic dancer. "It's my magic, Animal Soul! Like it?"

"If it gets us up to Riverlord, then yeah!"

The girl's feathers drooped as she sighed. "You're getting worse, Natsu..."

Ultear cut in. "Then let's finish this job and be done with his pronunciations. Can you carry the both of us?"

"Sure I can!" Kicking off the ground, Lisanna hovered a good six feet off, not even flapping her wings. "See? No hands!"

"Very amusing," said Ultear, failing to hide a mirthful smirk. Natsu didn't get it.

Their first idea was to simply have Natsu and Ultear each grab a leg. However…

"Ack!" Lisanna tumbled sideways and fell to the ground, landing on Ultear.

"You still think you can carry us?" Ultear asked rather smugly.

"It's not that!" Lisanna said, and her face said she wasn't having any of her partner's attitude. "I was too unbalanced. You're heavier than Natsu is, Ultear."

"Quick!" said Natsu, pointing Ultear to the ground. "Start doing push-ups!"

Now the time mage was lost. "What for?"

"Do enough and you'll drop weight so we'll balance out!"

Even Lisanna was hurt by that one. "Nat-suuu! You don't talk about a girl's weight like that!"

"Why not? We gotta get places."

"That may be," Lisanna huffed, ruffling out her feathers, "but it's not nice!"

Before Natsu could perpetuate the cycle he'd started, Ultear spoke up. "I have a better idea."

Plan B took the shape of a ladder: Natsu holding on to Lisanna's ankles, while Ultear held on to Natsu's.

"Hold on tight!" Lisanna called, before snapping her wings down and shooting up through the air. Natsu's mouth was stretched wide and his cheeks flapping in the turbulent air, while his eyes began to water over. Ultear had the sense to keep her head level and avoid similar annoyance. It was a speedy ascent, to be sure, but one nearly rebounded when Lisanna ran into a bit of a roadblock.

A flock of ravens had begun to circle above her, flying around and beginning to caw. Black feathers drifted down around them, Lisanna beginning to slow as more and more birds grew closer and closer to her trajectory. Halfway up the cliff, the birds started swarming, beating their wings about Lisanna and squawking like a rioting crowd of workers.

"Shoo, shoo!" The Take-Over mage swatted at them with her wings, dropping a few feet.

"Focus, Lisanna!" Ultear called from below. "We don't have time for this!"

"I'm trying!" came the response, "but they won't let me pass!"

"I got this," said Natsu, sucking in a deep breath. " _Fire Dragon-_ "

"No!" The pink-haired boy was lurched forward, spilling magmatic drool on the ground below as Lisanna attempted to filer the cacophony of cawing. "Look at them! The poor birds are hurting enough!"

"So tell 'em to get lost, then!"

"I don't think they'll listen, Natsu!"

Ultear called up once again. "Lisanna, we're still going down!"

"I..." The two hangers-on felt their ride list aimlessly to the side, Lisanna's breath growing heavy. She'd barely moved, yet it wasn't her body that was straining itself. The random shifts in movement weren't doing Natsu any favors, either. His face was turning a deep shade of blue, a line of drool leaking out of his pursed lips. Any second now, the hardy shrubs lining the cliff would get a dose of black bean rain.

To which Ultear, also due for a noxious shower-bath, muttered, " _Never_ while I live."

A large sideways-hill chunk of stone broke free from the cliff, rotating so the more-or-less flat surface pointed up. It zipped over to where the trio dangled, Ultear letting go and dropping on to her makeshift flying carriage. Natsu by this point had lost his grip and tumbled down, crashing face-first on to the rock, cracking it upon impact.

Ultear took it rather well. _I half-expected you to shatter it,_ she thought, amused. Focusing on the stone's abnormal time, she zoomed it up and caught Lisanna in mid-fall, the white-haired girl landing on her tush.

"Ouch… Thanks, Ultear."

"Thank me if we reach our goal." Indeed, Ultear was already starting to sweat. Being from a cliff, the rock was already decomposing when she tore it free, and keeping it together was proving to be more difficult than she first thought. The fact that three humans had struck it meant she had to reinforce its stopped time, lest it crumble from beneath them, and then add in the power to keep it from falling…

 _This rock couldn't have been any less stable, now could it?_

Chips were starting to flake off the sides, its circumference shrinking as the lack of support and Ultear's dwindling concentration chiseled away at the trio's ride. Her arms spread like wings of her own, Ultear's teeth were clenched and there were still twenty agonizing feet between themselves and the cave mouth. Slowly the rock platform floated, bits of it tumbling down to the ground below, as if to mock the thirsty plant life with an abhorrent parody of rain. She couldn't hold on. Ten more feet, her willpower draining as fast as her magic, her physical strength pouring into her magic to no avail. They were going to fall…

"C'mere, I gotcha!" Ultear felt an arm snap around her waist like a weighted chain, and a shoulder in her back propelled her forward, leaping across the gap and at the rock wall. With what little power remained, she willed handholds to blast themselves into the stone, allowing her a leg to stand on. Her rescuer, Natsu, simply heated his hands and _smashed_ them into the rock, sinking in all the way up to the elbows, Lisanna holding on to his back.

"Don't let me fall, Natsu!" Lisanna pleaded. "I don't want to make this climb ever again!"

"Hold on and ya won't have to!" Natsu grinned, baring his fangs towards the cave mouth above them. "Beats climbing the whole way, though since we don't got an elevator-"

"Rrgh! I'm such an _idiot!_ " Ultear cut him off, wanting to smack her skull against the rocks. "Natsu, can you hold me?"

"This ain't the time for hugs, Ultear."

A small vein of annoyance bulged in the time mage's forehead. "Can you or not?"

"Pretty sure, but not for long."

"Plenty of time," she said. "Catch me!"

She hopped sideways, her hands letting go of the rock and starting her descent. Her fall was quickly arrested by Natsu, straining as his grip on the rocks was slashed from two hands to four fingers.

"Hurry… up… Ultear…!"

Her hands free, Ultear's fist met her palm. "Ice-Make _Rosen Krone!_ "

From the cliffside sprung a thick bramble vine, its thorns blunted but long. Catching hold and riding it up, Ultear was still flagellating herself for her thick-headed bluster.

 _If I hadn't goaded Lisanna into wasting her magic… I even forgot about my_ _ **own power!**_

It seemed she'd gone too long without practicing Ice-Make. Her other clue was that the vine's base began to crumble as it snaked around through the air and sped towards the cave mouth.

"Natsu, Lisanna, jump!"

"I'm gonna hurl..."

"Then I'll hurl _you_ , Natsu!" Lisanna declared. "Animal Soul: Quetzal!" Her body shone again, and with one swat of her newly formed wings and enhanced chest muscles, she flung Natsu from the ice and into the cave, gliding down behind him and landing on top of his back.

Lisanna giggled. "You make a nice cushion, Natsu."

The boy could only grumble inaudibly, rather than say what he _really_ thought about this whole thing. That and Lisanna was always too nice to him, and Igneel taught him never to bad-mouth cute girls when they complimented him.

Nevertheless, the trio were _finally_ inside, the ravens at the mouth having scattered at the ice tendril's approach. It was less a cave than a single tunnel, tilted down and the bottom smoothed out from ravens (and likely their deity) walking all over it. No bird poop, no nests, which was a little weird; this place looked too clean to be home to the master of freakin' birds. At the end of the tunnel, where the slope evened out, a faint yellow light reflected off the stone. With a shrug, and seeing no place else to try, the three made their way down.

What they found was… Well, none of them had been sure _what_ to expect, but a large chamber whose only features were a stone throne and single glowing orb affixed in a makeshift chandelier hadn't crossed anyone's mind. Next to the orb, a single large raven roosted in a stone bird hanger, which unlike the chair was _not_ melded to the rock and was in fact made up of several interlocked parts. The raven fidgeted when it saw them, fluttering its wings before returning to its calmer status quo.

"Hey, anybody home?" Natsu called. The chamber was large enough for resonance, but too small for an echo. A short drop down the ledge saw them standing before the throne, empty save for a few black feathers. "Guess not."

"This would certainly explain the drought," said Ultear, looking around for some clue as to The Ravenlord's fate. "But why would the spirit suddenly decide to abandon its followers?"

"Maybe he has something important to do?" Lisanna suggested, peering around the cave. There were three-lined markings on the walls and floor, and faded cracks all around, like old spider webs in the stone. The throne had suffered a bit of abuse, chips and cracks blemishing what was otherwise a perfectly smooth carving. The top-right corner of the seat back had been broken off, with the chunk lying in two pieces nearby. The raven from above flew down and landed on the seat, pecking idly at the fractured section of the throne. Now that they had a better look, Lisanna realized that this was the only healthy-looking raven she'd seen so far on the journey.

Lisanna had a sinking feeling in her stomach. "Or maybe..."

The raven hopped around and looked at her, tilting its head sideways.

"Maybe something happened to the Ravenlord," said the Take-Over mage.

The raven atop the chair ruffled its feathers. Spreading its black wings, it hopped off the seat back, flapping them gently. As it did, the feathers on the edge grew longer, the meat of its wings extending and thickening into strong, athletic arms. The same went for its chest and head, pale skin poking through its face as the feathers receded and the beak shortened into a nose. From the bottom of the nose, a mouth crawled down to settle between a pair of black lips, a shine to them from the light above. Eyes opened, outlined in black and irises yellow in color. The stick-like legs grew meatier and more rippling. The spindly claws curled in to form what might have been human feet, covered as his body was in a black, feathered one-piece bodysuit. It clung to him like a second skin, perfectly outlining everything from his fingertips to his calve muscles. Where it faded into a gradient was at his neck, where it _seemed_ to fuse with his skin, and the hard spines of feathers could be seen, but Lisanna wasn't sure. The way the feathers lined his neck area, in a perfect circle no less, they just seemed a little too uniform to be growing out of his body.

Lisanna knew, without even having to ask, who it was that stood before them.

He smiled at her, his voice as nearly-androgynous as his appearance, silky smooth, though definitely a "lord". "But I'm right here!" He chuckled. "Not very observant of you, darling."

The girl shivered at being called that. Her eyes suddenly widened. "Natsu, don't!"

"Fire Dragon _Iron Fist!_ " The boy came rocketing from the side, swinging a flame-coated fist at the eldritch being. Like his knees were spring-loaded, The Ravenlord bent so far back that the back of his head nearly touched the ground, swinging around like a weighted sack. Natsu flew over him, crashing shoulder-first into the throne's seat back, cracking it further.

"Owowowowow..."

"I'll forgive that," said The Ravenlord, "though I believe my poor chair has suffered enough."

Despite that, he draped himself on the seat, slinging one black-coated leg over the arm rest, his opposite elbow resting on the other one. Ignoring Natsu, he looked to Lisanna, then to Ultear, his yellow eyes inviting them to speak.

"Good sir," Ultear began, bowing respectfully towards him, "I mean no offense, trespassing though we are on The Ravenlord's-"

"No no, not a title," he said, interrupting her. "I am not _The_ Ravenlord, I am Ravenlord. Title, name, and creature all in one. No article preceding it."

"I apologize," said Ultear, bowing again. "We've come to parley on behalf of the people of Cedgewick."

Ravenlord raised an eyebrow at this. "They hired wizards as diplomats? Children, no less? They must be confident in your natural-"

His gaze drifted down to where Natsu lay, still clutching his injured shoulder. "Chaaarrmm," he slurred, annoyed.

"Regardless," said Ultear, not about to start making excuses for _Natsu_ of all blunderers, "why have you withdrawn your patronage from the valley?"

Ravenlord's eyebrow went up again. "Withdrawn? My dear, I have never been their patron, contrary to what they might tell you. I've flown down, lingered among them, watched them from the rooftops. I know what they think: that I've abandoned them, that the gift of life was withheld because of some offense they've committed. In truth, I've never used my power on their fields, not once. It was not I who made the ground fertile, nor willed the fields to grow, nor kept them fresh for the harvest. Not once, not ever."

Beside her friend, Lisanna hung her head in despair. So they'd come all this way for nothing. Not only were the three of them going home empty-handed, but the people of Cedgewick would be starved out of house and home. What had changed? What were they doing wrong? Had they been so focused on pleasing this spirit that they hadn't tried looking for other causes? Lisanna certainly hadn't; she'd only asked about Ravenlord, not what had been tried to fix this disaster. Maybe something went wrong with the land. Maybe there was some underground water source that dried up. Maybe some kind of worm got into the soil. Maybe-

Seeing her like this, all flustered and wide-eyed with panic, Ravenlord's lips slowly twisted into a smirk, his eyelids drooping into a look of utter, arrogant contempt. "No, you see, that would be my _predecessor's_ doing."

…

…

Ultear was the first to snap out of her shock. "Your… 'predecessor'?"

The spirit beamed at them, his brightened expression still carrying that smug air about it.

"Oh yes. For you see, I am the new, improved, more… _judicious_ Ravenlord," he said. "And as such, I do not coddle fools and simpletons."

He sneered, eyeing the girls. "Especially when they come to lick my boots..."

"You don't even _have_ boots, you jerk!" Natsu barked, springing up and hitting his head against Ravenlord's. The usurper didn't even flinch, while Natsu dropped right back down, this time clutching his skull.

"Hmph. Such impudence."

"Like _you're_ one to talk!" Lisanna snapped.

"My air is more than earned, _girl,_ " Ravenlord scornfully spat at her, deigning to rise from his throne and address these little upstarts. "I came to this valley as an outsider, bringing naught but the clothes on my back, the coin in my purse, and my own curiosity. Even the farmers looked down upon me, so self-assured in their good lives, showering me with boasts and bounties from their fields."

He shook his head. "Oh, how they tried to pass their facade as 'Cedgewick generosity'. Their intentions were clear: they sought to flaunt what they had. They told me of their patron spirit, how he'd allowed their excess to metastasize, such wanton avarice and pride. So, I took it upon myself to scale the rocks and put an end to their enabler."

His expression had started out chipper. By now, his lip was curled into a scowl.

"Even then, the fools refused to believe it. I gave them a week to realize their time was up, that their cycle of greed had ended. But no, rather than admit, they instead looke to _appease_ me: rites, rituals, even the slaughter of animals, expending precious resources that had been rendered finite, all to jumpstart their precious wellspring again. Even while the fools tightened their belts and locked their larders, they refused to even _court_ the notion that Ravenlord had abandoned them."

Realizing he'd been looming forward, hands tightening on the stone armrests until they were cracked beneath his fingers, Ravenlord let out a long breath and sat back. "So, as you might imagine, I'm not too fond of these people."

"...That's it?" Lisanna asked, a single tear falling down her cheek.

"What is 'it'?" Ravenlord asked back.

"You let these people starve… _Good_ , hard-working people…" Lisanna head snapped up, angrier than Ultear had ever imagined she could get. "BECAUSE THEY WERE BEING _SNOOTY?!_ "

Ravenlord snorted. "Oh, please. I'm not _that_ petty. Had they been less of the self-entitled refuse that greeted me, my actions would have been the same. They could've been the kindest souls I'd ever encountered, in fact, true saints among savages, and… Well, I might've been a bit more _open_ about my interference, but interfered nonetheless."

He swept a hand up to his chest, furling his cloak. "For you see, the day Ravenlord reneged on relieving these rainless wretches of their _relentless_ rapacity…! Was the most important day of their lives. But for me?"

Another smirk stretched his face, and he shrugged. "It was Friday," he said, "and _I_ had nothing planned for the evening."

That was all Ultear needed to hear to cinch down that particular tone, one that she'd spent her early childhood growing up with.

"You're a monster."

"Hmph. Hardly," he replied. "If I could slay Ravenlord, then someone else would have, eventually. All I did was hasten the inevitable."

Ultear's hair began to rise around her, sparks of magical energy corkscrewing along her body. A white aura surrounded her boy, the gaze of death spearing out from her eyes. "Then I'll do the same to you."


	8. Waiting for Their Deity

**Author's reply:**

 _To Guest:_ Ask not why Jellal is absent, but rather, why Wally was the only one with Erza.

 _To Earth Dragon Arnighte (Ch 4)_ : The reason I chose Wally was because I'm starting to think that the majority of Fairy Tail's characters are rather samey. There are minor differences, sure, but the core of everyone's character is the same after a certain point in the canon. I was going to go in-depth, but I'd rather people go on enjoying Fairy Tail than risk telling them something they _really_ didn't want to hear. So, here's the last third of that digression:

Wally's unique character and dialect aside, _his_ goal isn't altruism, but rather aspiring to a childhood ideal that _lends_ itself to altruism. It allows him to stand up for Erza even though she doesn't need it, but it also allows a situation to get personal for him, for reasons _other_ than "They hurt (one of) my friends" or "They made [female character's name] cry." He's a different character for whom altruism is a _result_ of his character, not a _part_ of it, if that makes sense. That instantly makes him different than anyone else in the guild, and someone whose goals and honor code could easily conflict with a guildmate's.

 _To Earth Dragon Arnighte (Ch 7)_ : Pertaining to which ship involving Natsu will set sail, the answer is "Yes". Can't have a navy without a flagship.

* * *

 **Waiting for Their Deity**

"Well, you'll certainly _try,_ I'm sure _..._ "

"Ice-Make _Rosen Krone!_ "

The tendrils that leapt forth crushed the throne of rock. However, Ravenlord was already in motion.

The malevolent wanderer-turned-spirit moved ten feet to the right, arms spread wide so that his feathered suit stretched from hand-to-hip like a glider. The vines chased him around the room, cornering him against the wall, whereupon he beat his wings and zoomed upward, the thorns burying themselves in the rock. Before they could tear free, he dropped down and lashed out with his foot, shattering the magical ice.

"Ice-Make _Rose Vine!_ "

From the broken stumps came newer, smaller tendrils, reaching for him, snaring his leg and winding around to his thigh. Before they could lance their barbs, however, he flexed his muscles and cranked his leg in, crushing them between his hamstring and calf. Then, it was a dive at Ultear.

Quickly she threw up a barrier, only for the spirit to smash through it and clock her in the forehead with his arm/wing. She was knocked reeling, Ravenlord soaring upward, laughing as her tendrils lost direction and turned on themselves.

"Foolish girl, your magic is far too slow!" cackled the spirit, landing upside-down against the ceiling, hooking his hands and feet into the rock. "If you couldn't catch a bird with that, you'll never touch me!"

"We'll see," Ultear spat back, sitting up and striking her fist to her palm again. "Ice-Make _Petal Storm!_ "

Dozens of razor-thin leaflets scattered from the mage's hand, spiraling upward like a swarm of insects.

Ravenlord didn't even blink. Cocky smile on his face, he ripped a melon-sized chunk from the rocky ceiling and hurled it into the oncoming cloud. It smashed the first few rows of petals to pieces, before stopping in mid-air.

" _What?!_ "

"I have you now!" shouted Ultear, sweeping her free hand in front of her. The petals flowed around the stone and crashed into Ravenlord. The gust from flapping wings beat them back yet again, before that cannonball he'd torn free smacked him in the jaw, shattering against him. Tumbling down, he beat his wings once more, but this time, dozens of black feathers flew like knives and canceled out the petals. Soon, both swarms had obliterated each other.

His breathing a bit weighted, Ravenlord touched down on the ground… Only to eat a faceful of rock again.

 _KROK!_

The _same_ rock, in fact, mysteriously reassembled from its shattered remains.

Flat on his back, the usurper rubbed his freshly pounded cheek as Ultear strolled over.

"Now return the fields to normal," she commanded.

Ravenlord smirked contemptuously. "And if I don't?"

The stone reassembled yet again, this time in the palm of Ultear's hand. "Then we continue until you change your mind. I can reassemble this stone all day."

The spirit raised an eyebrow at that, and began climbing to his feet. "Oh, you mean..."

Once standing, he reached out and daintily pinched the cannonball-stone with his thumb and index finger.

Shattering it into pebbles.

" _This_ stone?"

Ultear's eyes widened. "Ice- mmph!"

That hand now clamped around her mouth, suffocating her and cutting off her incantation.

"What was that you were about to say?" sneered the spirit. "Something about conjuring another block of ice for me to shatter?"

She lashed out with her foot, kicking him under the armpit, where no muscle would ever grow on the human body. Ravenlord didn't even flinch.

"Your out of your league, girl," he said, beginning to rise up from the ground. "Were you an S-class wizard you might've threatened me. Your powers aren't so pitiful as to be _completely_ useless. However..."

Reaching the ceiling, Ravenlord drew his fist down and shot it upward, blasting a hole all the way to the surface, the light of dusk tinting the sky orange.

"You failed to reckon that I was strong enough to best Ravenlord _before_ I acquired his power."

Still digging his fingers into her prepubescent cheeks, the spirit continued to ascend, going higher and higher, as he leaned close and whispered, "And his power is all I've shown you thus far."

Ultear was starting to feel faint. The pressure on her jaw was excruciating, like it was about to crumple in his iron grip. Her legs flailed beneath her, her neck too sore to stand risking another good kick. Natsu was still dazed from striking Ravenlord, and Lisanna…

Where _was_ Lisanna?

Not below her, soaring up at Ravenlord like a volcano's molten discharge. No, that person would be-

"I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET, BIRD-BRAIN!" Natsu bellowed, twin tails of fire spewing behind his legs as he rocketed through the hole in the ground. "FIRE DRAGON _IRON FIST!_ "

He'd chosen his angle well. He came up from the side that Ravenlord was holding Ultear in his hand, meaning the spirit would either have to use his leg, which limited his range of motion, or pivot his body to strike at Natsu some other way, allowing the Dragon Slayer some advanced warning. Truthfully, this was the best plan he could've thought of! Go him, the smartest kid in Fairy Tail!

That is, until Ravenlord tossed Ultear with a flick of his wrist and spiked Natsu's head like a volleyball. Those under-grown arms of the young Slayer's didn't afford him much reach.

Natsu was concussed once again, free-falling in a daze, a black shape fighting a blue blur above him. Suddenly he was looking at them through the mouth of a cave, growing smaller and smaller, the ambient wind cut off by the soft sound of still air, disturbed only by his presence. When he felt an enormous pressure on his shoulders, he remembered he was falling.

 _Huh. That landing wasn't so bad,_ he thought.

As it turned out, it wasn't the ground he'd hit, but the upturned bird feet of a Taken-Over Lisanna.

"I got you, Natsu!" she declared, wrenching him around to arrest his descent. Alas, the sudden change in direction left his stomach about three feet behind schedule.

"Uurrrgh..."

"You can't afford to feel sick right now," Lisanna urged him. "Ultear needs your help."

"Tell that to my lunch…" Natsu groaned.

Sighing, Lisanna quickly sped up their ascent, flying back through the hole and dropping Natsu onto the top of the rocky canyon. With the sun still setting on the horizon, this would've made a fantastic view, if the Strauss sister had any time to admire it. The only view she could afford to take in was the view of Ultear, high above and performing combat acrobatics with some help from her conjured orb. Even now, the Time Mage was falling off of it to let it shoot up and clock Ravenlord in the ribs, before swooping around to catch her before she could fall further.

 _Wow, she's amazing_ , thought Lisanna. She was almost tempted to _not_ let Natsu join in, since he'd probably share Lisanna's admiration. However, now was not the time for petty jealousy.

"Come on, Natsu! Snap to it!" Lisanna began shaking him, trying to rattle his brain back into alignment. "Ultear needs you!"

"I need a barf sack," Natsu replied groggily, "and a hot water bottle."

"Uh-, uh-, uh-!" The white-hair mage was starting to panic. She didn't know what to do! Everything was happening all around her and she couldn't think of one solitary good idea to boot! The first thought that popped into her head, she obeyed, and that was to take Natsu's head and lay it in her lap. Hastily she began stroking his hair, fearfully looked up at the dogfight that raged on above.

Ravenlord had the advantage in maneuverability, that much was certain. His wings seemed more symbolic than functional, since he hadn't flapped them once while getting up there. As such, he could float around at his leisure, pivoting and pinwheeling to avoid Ultear. But Ultear had unpredictability on her side, taking wild risks with her orb by jumping into open air or at Ravenlord, sometimes landing on her orb between strikes, other times letting herself fall a little in order to gain some distance between the two. Plus, Lisanna realized, Ultear was slowly luring Ravenlord down towards the ground.

"Please," Lisanna whispered, hugging her friend's pink-haired noggin, "we need you. _I_ need you."

Ultear's body crashed to the ground, flat on her stomach, startling Lisanna's gaze off of Natsu for what the white-haired girl said next.

"I'm scared..."

Descending from the sky like some kind of anti-angel, complete with black wings, Ravenlord touched down on Ultear's back, compressing the air out of her lungs.

He leered at Lisanna. "Then you're not without sense."

The Take-Over mage attempted to stand, her knees wobbling beneath her dress. Scrunching her eyes shut, she muttered an incantation and transformed. This time, her arms remained the same, but her hands were replaced with grey paws, as were her feet, both with feline claws to match. A new pair of ears sprouted from her head, thought from the length of her hair, her human ears could very well still remain. From the base of her spine had sprouted a tail, whisking from side to side in a flurry of anxiety. Her claws were only half-extended as she stepped over Natsu, swallowing visibly as she bared her paws in front of her.

"G… Get off of her," she stammered fearfully.

Ravenlord raised an eyebrow at that. Glancing down at Ultear, her black hair having splayed out around her head, he kneaded his heels into her back, drawing a discomforted groan from his beaten foe.

"And why should I?" he asked. "This girl accosted me. Are you suggesting I not defend myself?"

"Tha-, that's not it," said Lisanna. "She's beat, so stop hurting her."

Now, Ravenlord placed his foot on Ultear's head, and began wiping the bottom on her salwan locks. "Or what?"

"Or-" Lisanna's paws eased off, drawing closer to herself. "Or I'll-"

" _You'll what?_ " Suddenly Ravenlord was in her face, his goblin-like smirk-scowl filling her vision. She fell over Natsu's body in shock, eyes wide with fear, whereupon he bent down and scurried over Natsu like a massive four-legged spider. " _By all means, girl, tell me. I'm all ears. What righteous comeuppance do you offer?_ "

Lisanna's transformation sizzled out in white light, leaving her in her dress. Speaking was out of the question; she was too frightened to even maintain her spell. What was she doing here? She never would've come if this had been in the posting! Ultear-

Ultear. She was still lying on the ground, battered and beaten by this bully who called himself Ravenlord, the same bully who stood in the way of Lisanna helping her. The first thought that came to Lisanna's frightened mind was to start murmuring, asking someone, _anyone,_ for help.

Her silent prayer didn't go unanswered, but the response came from no one she'd wanted.

"Praying? Really?" sneered Ravenlord. At the very least, he stood back up, his face no longer inches away from Lisanna's. "Here I am, right before your eyes, ready to beat you into ground meat, and your best option is to ask assistance for someone who may not even exist.

A wickedly smug thought came to his head. "Why not pray to me? The valley certainly has, and look what _that's_ gotten them. _HA!_ " Grinning maliciously, he tightened the grip on his spectral hands. "No miracles today, not for you, nor for Cedgewick. I make the horoscope, and today's a bad day for all!"

His grin devolved into a smirk. "Except me, of course."

Ultear heard every word. She grit her teeth, ethernano sparking around her form as she rose to her feet. "Let me give you some insight," she spat. "I'm a time mage. That means I can manipulate the future. With me here, your horoscope is destined to be wrong."

Mercifully, Ravenlord backed away from Lisanna, leaving her to cradle Natsu's head in her arms. He once again looked to Ultear, the only one of the three to challenge him.

"I'd say it's more accurate than yours," he replied. "That's twice now you've failed to foresee coming disaster."

Ultear smirked. "Have I?"

Suddenly, there was no ground beneath Ravenlord.

Caught off-guard, the usurper began to plummet before his wings shot out to stabilize himself. However, being made of rock meant that the ground he'd fallen through made excellent projectiles for Ultear's _Continuum_ spell. Jagged pieces of stone rocketed down at him, one at a time, his legs and arms only partially shielding him. Looking down into the hole she'd made, Ultear aimed for his softer spots; rock-crushing strength or no, blunt force would leave him broken if there was no muscle or tissue to soften the blows.

Now he'd begun swatting at them, bashing the rocks aside with his hands, still falling. He finally hit rock bottom with a stoney crunch, flattening what remained of his chair. A dust cloud kicked up from the powderized throne, and a moment later he was coughing it from his lungs.

Lisanna trotted up beside Ultear, nervously peering down into the raven's den.

"Is he… Finished?" she asked hesitantly.

"Those cat's ears can hear him, if I can," Ultear replied. "Why are you even asking?"

"I just want this to be over," she groaned. "I hate fighting."

Ultear's eyes drooped at that, skeptical. "And the fact he's stronger than us?"

Lisanna sighed, sitting down, waiting for Ravenlord to pick himself up and come at them again. "Makes me wish we'd taken a different job."

"If we hadn't come, the people of Cedgewick would've starved to death," Ultear pointed out.

"But if Ravenlord doesn't change his mind, then they'll still have to move," Lisanna replied.

"Geez, Lisanna, quit being so negative! It ain't like you."

The girls' faces lit up.

"Natsu?"

"You're okay!"

Natsu winced. "Ow! Hey, watch the claws, Lisanna."

"I'm sorry, I just thought you'd gotten hurt."

"Pff, please. I've hit my head harder falling on the ground." He jerked a thumb towards the hole. "That joker's gotta bust his feathery butt if he wants to beat me."

" _Duly noted._ "

That was all the warning they had, and even then, it was too late.

In the time they'd gathered around the hole, looking down, their shadows from the setting sun had been cast within, over the debris cloud that hovered over Ravenlord's fall. It was like a gray-white ball of fog, floating about, not changing shape, even as the lungs within hacked and coughed it up. What none of them had noticed, however, was that another shadow, this one in the shape of Ravenlord, had cast itself _on_ the cloud from within, linking to theirs, with Natsu's being the last.

Ravenlord's coughing had masked an incantation; the cloud had masked a spell circle.

Now the children's shadows turned much darker, completely black, twisting and winding up their legs before lumping around their torsos in the shape of giant fists.

"Ack… Crushing..." Ultear sputtered.

"This. Ssuuuuucks..." Natsu concurred.

Only Lisanna still had air, though she still struggled to break free. "Let us go!"

"Perhaps," Ravenlord replied, floating out of the hole. The tails of the fists linked back to his left hand, holding them like leashes. "If I let you go, will you attempt to fight me?"

" _Hell yeah I will! I'm all fired-_ aaagh..."

"Natsu..." Ultear, too, was allowed a breath to voice her response. "Have you never heard of lying?" Then she, too, was once again being crushed.

That left only one, whom Ravenlord quickly turned his piercing yellow eyes upon. "What of you, girl? Care for fisticuffs?"

Lisanna swallowed, looking to Natsu and Ultear for help. Their eyes gazed back at her, pleading for her to say no, but to fight once free. She couldn't, though! But she'd have to! But she didn't want to, even while her friends were hurt. She was…

"Drop the kids and step away, freak show," barked a commanding and all-too-familiar woman's voice. "You got two seconds."

Ravenlord cast his gaze to the newcomer, raising an arrogant eyebrow at her demand, while gesturing at the lack of ground beneath him. "If you'll note, madam, I can't step anywhere at the moment. Perhaps-"

"Two."

The children dropped to the ground as Ravenlord was encased in a rose of ice. The _he_ dropped back down the hole.

"Mother?" Ultear cried, running to her. "I'm so glad that you're... Wait. What _are_ you doing here?"

"Me?" she asked in mock disbelief, all while embracing her daughter. "I'm supposed to ask _you_ that. You're the one tangling with spirits, _and_ you're my daughter. So spill."

Natsu waddled over, still a little loopy from so many shots to the head. "What? We took a job and fighting that jerk was part of it."

"Natsu, we were supposed to _talk_ to him, not fight him!" Lisanna was there to steady her friend as his legs nearly failed him.

"Y-yeah, but he started it!"

"And I grow tired of it."

Exactly like last time, Ravenlord hovered out of the hole. _Unlike_ last time, he was visibly more cross.

"If you can best me, or force me to concede defeat, I shall restore the fields of Cedgewick for one more season." He glanced at Ur. "One or three. Otherwise, no deal."

Natsu leapt forward "I'll take that bet- Woah." He put a hand to his head as his brain spun in his skull. "I'll beat you, then _I'll_ be the Raving Lord!"

"First of all," said Ur, "that's 'Ravenlord', if the locals had it right."

"Which they did, at least _that_ much," said the spirit.

"Second, you're pretty banged up already. I'll take care of this guy."

Ravenlord snorted. "Right. And you are?"

"Ur Milkovich," said the ice-mage, pointing to Ultear. " _Her_ mother."

"Oh, so I take it you're a tad upset?"

"That's not how I'd put it."

"Ice-Make _Rosen Decke!_ "

Tiny thorn vines wound around the ground, carpeting the rocky cliff while leaving the kids and Ur space to move. Ravenlord kicked off from the ground and rose into the air, swirling his hands near his chest, as if he held an invisible ball.

"Dark Magic _..._ " His voice echoed as he spoke. " _Black Star._ "

Now that ball he'd been rolling became visible, it shot from his hands like a comet, crashing into Ur. She wasn't knocked back, but took the blow on her false leg, shattering it into splinters.

"Damn," she muttered. A quick ice conjuration fixed her mobility. "I gotta ask Shade to build me a stronger one."

"If you survive," said Ravenlord, swooping around the group. "Dark Magic _Demon Crusher_."

A black claw exploded from his own, or was he merely enlarging his hand? Nevertheless, it was the same spell he'd used to trap the children, and Ur would have none of it.

"Ice-Make _Dahlia._ "

The hand froze in place, snapping off at the wrist as Ravenlord continued to circle. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, he stopped.

"I'm done," he said plainly.

The mist around Ur's hands remained, as did her battle stance. "What?"

"I'm done," Ravenlord repeated, sounding bored more than anything else. "I'm appointing myself referee and calling this a no-contest. Cedgewick can rot for all I care."

"No, wait!" Lisanna shouted at him as he started to fly away. "That's not fair!"

"Fairs are for peasants, girl." He gave her one last narrow-eyed smirk before swiping his fingers against his forehead. "So _fair_ -well!"

Cackling triumphantly, his body swirled into the shape of a raven, flying away from the sunset.


	9. Happiness Is a Warm Kitty

**Happiness is a Warm Kitty**

"Is he always like this?" Ur asked, warily eyeing Natsu's queasy expression. Didn't help that he was strewn across the cushioned seat, facing Ultear, in perfect position to fire on Ur's daughter.

"Natsu gets motion sickness," Lisanna said regretfully.

"Wonderful," sighed Ur. Just what this train ride needed.

Natsu shifted, stretching himself into a more awkward position. "Rrrrgh, stupid Raventurd and his stupid chair with his stupid feathers... Stupid..."

If there were any rocks on this train, Natsu would be kicking them. He was blue in the face but that wasn't going to stop him.

"So much stuff..." Natsu groaned. "Could've got my own place in the woods… Kitchen… Urk, hammock instead of a bed..."

The women just endured it, Ur sighing and wondering how her daughter had managed to put up with Natsu this whole time. Lisanna just watched him attentively, elbows on her knees, chin in her hands, until finally Natsu's dreams were finally swallowed by his nausea and he just passed out into blissful oblivion.

"So, Mother," Ultear asked, enjoying the first untainted moment they'd gotten since boarding, "what were you doing up here?"

"I was actually following a highway robber," said the ice-mage. "Slippery customer. I chased him up the mail route he'd been staking out. Cedgewick was my second-to-last stop before the end of the road, way out in the desert."

"Wait, what do you mean 'up the mail route'? He stayed on the road the whole time?" Lisanna piped up.

Ur nodded. "He ran the first time I saw him. Even then, he still found time to rob people, people traveling down the route who didn'/ know better. All I had to do was follow the trail of victims and hope I found him in time."

"Why wouldn't he go to a different road?" Lisanna asked. "The things he took couldn't have been much different, could they?"

Ultear slunk down in her seat, falling asleep. "Perhaps it was less _what_ he stole than who he was stealing from."

Ur perked up. "Wait a minute. If the job you all took came from Cedgewick, at least one of the mail carriers got through. But that flier would've gone through the route days ago, before I got there. That carrier I saved wasn't carrying it, just packages and letters."

Ultear opened on eye. "Strange that Ravenlord fled almost immediately upon your arrival, Mother. Though he certainly did his best to hide it."

Ur was about to object, as she didn't know _what_ her daughter was talking about. Then, like a puzzle, all a manner of coincidences began to fall into line: locations, timing, motive. How would a common thief be able to outpace a wizard like her? How had none of the carriers seen or heard anything before they were attacked? How had he managed to slip away from her so many times?

Shape-shifting into a raven would've certainly come in handy.

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"Look," said Shade, pouring Natsu another tap of fizzy apple soda. He then took a sip for himself and spat it out. "Pyagh…"

Snatching the shot before Natsu could drink it, Shade dumped it out and chucked the bottle over his shoulder, crashing it onto the sizzling stove. Glass flew everywhere and a fireball shot up, prompting Shade to sniff the air.

"Wai' one second," he said, before going to check on the meat he was cooking. "Hmm, no' quite."

Flicking away the broken pieces of glass, some with a spatula, he returned to Natsu.

"So," the cook continued, "not every job gohnna work. Sohmetimes, things 'appen. Sohmetimes, you ge' the job done, and i' gets _un_ done. An' sohmetimes, clients don' wanna pay."

Natsu looked up at him, a half-dead look in his eyes. "What do I do then?"

A slow, evil grin spread over what showed of Shade's face, until the corners of his mouth slid behind his mask. He hooked his fingers into the edge of the bar and leaned over, in that same gargoyle-like manner as when Lisanna had first met him.

"Ooooh, jefeeee!" he sang, to which the Fairy Tail guildmaster immediately jolted awake, his eyes wide. "'Chu remember tha' time I do tha' one job-"

Makarov's eye began to twitch.

"-for tha' one _reeeally_ loaded cabrón-"

"I TOLD YOU TO NEVER SPEAK OF THAT AGAIN!" bellowed the guildmaster.

Still grinning, Shade turned his… Mask? Yeah, mask, back to Natsu. "I think it'll cohme to you. You got the right attitude."

Speaking of Mother Nature, Natsu was getting a call from her. The bathroom was locked, no doubt filled with grown-ups emptying out their legs, from how fast the drinks had been flying off the counter.

 _Who the crap builds a guild hall this big with bathrooms that tiny?!_

Hastily he dashed outside, looking around for some place to go.

Too public...

Too crowded...

Too moldy...

He'd never forgive himself if he went there...

Off to the woods, then!

He ran a good ways in before feeling comfortable that no one would see him. Once his business had been sorted out, he decided to stick around, do some exploring. Maybe he'd run into something mean; he could use a good fight to fix his bad mood.

The only thing he could find was a crow. He chucked a rock at it, for reminding him of the beatdown he'd taken yesterday. Somehow his head hadn't swollen up from all the times Ravenjerk had knocked him silly, but that didn't make him any less livid about it.

" _Stupid birds!_ " he squawked, pitching another rock. This one came within an inch of creaming the crow and it took off, cawing and flapping its wings. Natsu lost track of it in the tree branches, until he heard it knocking its way back down, hitting every limb on its way. That crow must've been heavier than he thought, if it was…

Wait, since when were crows heavy enough to rattle a freakin' tree branch?

Natsu lit his fists with fire. Seems that Ravencreep wasn't so tough after all, if he got peeved at having rocks thrown at him. He was almost down, just about to come into sight…

"Huh?" Natsu's fire went out as he saw what had _really_ been tumbling down the tree. "What's a giant egg doing in a tree?"

Oh, what indeed.

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"In the east forest, eh?" Makarov grunted, eyeing the smooth blue markings along the side of the over-sized egg.

"You gonna grill that thing up?" asked Gray, watching from a nearby table.

Wally tapped him on his bare shoulder. "'Ey, Streak."

"What?"

"Yuh feel a draft?"

It took a moment for Gray to realize that, as a matter of fact, he did.

While Gray scrambled to find his shirt, Lisanna trotted up to Natsu and tugged on his shirt.

"Huh?" The fire wizard turned to regard her, taking care not to drop the egg balanced on his head with his hands.

"You're going to hatch it, right?"

"Well sure!" He paused, then his eyes wandered off. "If I can figure out how."

Lisanna put a finger to her chin. "I think you just have to warm it up."

"Oh, that it? Sweet!"

Natsu's hands blazed, making it look like his pink hair had caught fire.

Something struck him from behind, knocking him down before vanishing. The egg now floated in the air above him.

"The only thing you'll do with _that_ course of action," said Erza, standing next to a glowing-eyed Ultear, "is fry whatever lies within."

The time mage nodded in agreement, before floating the egg gently to the floor.

"Still..." Erza turned away, so that only Ultear saw the rather frightening look in her eye. "I wonder how it would taste if baked in a cake..."

Ultear shuddered. Erza had the darkest thoughts about the simplest things.

"Here," said Lisanna, spreading her arms, "let me. Take-Over Magic… _Animal Soul!_ "

In a flash of light, the little white-haired girl was now a green ostrich-sized, plume-headed goose. Her wings spread and wrapped around the egg, pulling it to her feathered chest.

"Awesome!" Natsu exclaimed.

"Just leave it to me," said the Lisanna-bird. "Birds are experts at this sort of thing."

No one saw the look Ultear was giving Lisanna and Natsu, no one except two people in close proximity to the bar. The third might have caught it, if he wasn't smiling at little Lisanna's puppy-dog love.

The couple took their egg to the park, where the sun was shining and the grass smelled like the color green and the towel Natsu laid out was oh so _fluffy_. A leper on the steps had been playing his ukulele all… Wait, he wasn't a leper, just a one-armed man. The lack of plague robes gave him away. Still pretty amazing he was able to pluck with his toenails.

Lisanna's voice yelped in surprise, startling Natsu into seeing what was-

 _Bonk!_

The thing that jumped up and smacked Natsu in the face was the last thing he'd expect to do so. That egg was suddenly back in his arms, twitching like Natsu had been that time he'd downed all those sugar biscuits and careened off into the woods for the next night-and-a-half. It wasn't like something was kicking at the inside; no, the whole egg was contorting, slightly but noticeably, in Natsu's cautious embrace.

"What the- Whoa!" Natsu nearly dropped it. "What the heck?"

The two wizards tensed, bracing for another ovuin outburst, but the egg never moved.

Natsu was lost. "Now it's calm again..."

"Wait! Maybe it's trying to say something!" Lisanna poofed back into her human form and got up off her knees. "I think it wants _you_ to warm it up."

"Ya think so?" Natsu looked from her to the egg. "How 'bout it, egg? You want _me_ to sit on you?"

From inside, their came a tapping noise.

Lisanna's face lit with excitement. "I think it said, 'Yes'!"

"Well alright then!" proclaimed Natsu, hoisting the egg above his head. "Just call me Egg-Daddy!"

"And that makes me the mommy!" Lisanna added. "But now we need a house."

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Natsu had once seen a weird-looking contraption in a toolmaker's shop, sitting in the window like a bizarre metal flower. It looked like someone had taken a handle and jammed every single conceivable thing into the wood, then hammered each thing down until it was flat and could slot itself in with the rest. Gildarts had called it a multi-tool, the idea being that it has something for every occasion, so you'd always have exactly what you need to get the job done.

Lisanna's magic was starting to remind him of that.

Upon seeing the sorry little house he'd cobbled together, his girlf-… bud-… Um, friend-who-was-a-girl had Taken Over herself into a giant purple bunny rabbit. Apparently, rabbits had hut-building instincts, because in no time, Lisanna had gathered a collection of leaves, wood, and stones into a circular yurt, with a bed made of reeds in the middle.

"All done!" said the big purple bunny.

"That's so cool!" exclaimed Natsu. "All my magic's good for is breakin' stuff."

One puff of Ethernano later and Lisanna was back to being a girl again. "It's got plenty of room, too. Take a look!"

Carrying the egg, Natsu ducked his head under the archway. "I'll say. I didn't think it'd be this big on the inside."

"Isn't it, though?" replied Lisanna, happily skipping up next to him. "Anyway, why don't you take a seat?"

Huffing a mildly fatigued breath (building a house out of boulders had really been a haul), Natsu plunked down on the reeds, Lisanna next to him, with the egg squatting between them.

Lisanna giggled softly. "It's almost like we're a family now, huh."

"How do you figure?"

"Well, I'm the mommy, and you're the daddy, which makes this egg our little unborn baby."

Natsu's posture relaxed. He didn't realize that he'd been tensing up. "I guess that's not so bad."

Lisanna beamed at him, a small blush on her cheeks. "Hey..."

"Hm?"

"Why don't we try warming the egg together?"

"Um… Okay." He didn't see much wrong with that, either. Scooting around its side, Natsu draped himself over the egg while Lisanna remained where she was, covering its opposite side.

"This is nice..." she breathed.

"Yeah..." He didn't have the heart to tell her he'd been kidding about the "Egg-Daddy" thing.

Outside, a short, stocky form lurked in the fields, watching the hut.

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"A dragon's egg?" The resident lightning mage, Laxus, tsked at the thought. "Don't tell me you actually believe that."

"Why not?" Macao replied, having finally recovered from being mugged by his guildmates. "Natsu was raised by a dragon, so he'd probably know more than we would."

"Sure," said Laxus. "Sounds totally legit."

"Give 'em a break; they're kids," Wakaba remarked. "Lisanna even made a little house for it."

"Aww, isn't that the cutest thing," a fourth, and female, voice chimed in, approaching the table with a horde of men trying (poorly) to remain unnoticed behind her.

Laxus walked away. "Tch, you guys are lame..."

They couldn't blame him. The Magic Council's S-Class Trials were said to be excruciatingly hard, and if Laxus passed, Fairy Tail would be allowed to set up their own trials, having proven they could produce S-Class caliber candidates. Laxus seemed to be the only one worried, though. As the guildmaster's grandson, no one doubted his abilities.

Enno shook her head, trying to not spoil her flock of admirers' commitment as they inevitably were seen as her gaze followed the lightning mage. "Laxus can be such a nudge sometimes."

"That he can. Right, Macao?"

At that moment, Wakaba's best friend's mouth was open, but no words were coming out.

"Macao? Yo, answer me."

"Wha-?" The blue-haired man shook his head. "Oh, uh, sure."

 _SMASH!_

"Hey!" Macao darted to his feet. "What the heck's _your_ problem, Mira?"

"Can't ya just sulk around like a _normal_ teenager?" Wakaba barked.

"I knew something was wrong when she didn't stop by the guild..." Mira was seething so much that she was shaking. " _SHE CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE FROM TEAM ERZA!_ "

Wakaba felt his pipe rattle in his mouth from that scream. "Yikes, chill out, would ya?!"

Enno chuckled. "Kids. Wouldn't you agree, Macao?"

"Who? Wha-" Macao suddenly found himself in the spotlight of three-dozen angry eyes. "Me? I would love to have some. No, I- Wait. I meant kids. I mean yes! I mean-"

The glares got hotter, because Enno was now standing in front of him. And she was smiling.

"Actually," said the dancer, "I wanted to talk to you about that."

Macao looked dumbstruck. Enno noticed this, and so gently grasped his fore- and middle-fingers to lead him away from her literal followers.

Wakaba raised an eyebrow, and then his glass, to his friend. "Now or never, Macao. Make it count."

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Lisanna looked up into the tree's canopy. "So this is where you found it?"

"Yup." Natsu steadied the egg with his foot; it had begun to twitch and wobble. "Some noisy bird knocked it down while I was throwing rocks at it."

"Natsu!" scolded Lisanna. "What did that poor bird ever do to you?"

"Sheesh, it was just a crow."

"Oh." Funny, Lisanna was usually more protective of animals, given her proclivity for turning into them. Guess crows didn't count.

A massive foot hitting the ground nearly spooked both kids out of their skins. Behind them, emerging from the tree line surrounding the grove they were in, was a massive simian monster. A forest vulcan it was, easily six-times as tall as the two kids, long arms and banana-shaped head giving its species away. Its hands and feet-hands were much larger than its head, even without making fists. Drool leaked from the side of its toothy grimace, showing off its worn-down pearly yellows. Incidentally, its favorite food happened to be-

"Egg," it grunted, beckoning on the children. "Give it to me."

" _In your dreams!_ " snapped Natsu. "You hungry?"

The boy launched himself forward, leaving the egg in Lisanna's capable hands.

" _HOW 'BOUT YOU TASTE MY FIST?!_ "

"Hehe, that tickles," said the vulcan, itching the spot where Natsu struck its iron-like abs.

" _You asked for it!_ " A flurry of punches followed, Natsu leaping all around the vulcan like a flea.

Only to get swatted like a fly.

The young fire wizard went careening into a tree, bouncing off a limb before crashing down into the ground, sinking a good three inches deep.

"Natsu you're hurt!" Lisanna squeaked.

"Stay back..."

"But why?!"

"Because..." he huffed, climbing to his feet before slamming his fists together. "I'm the dad. I gotta protect my family."

A faint tint of pink settled on Lisanna's cheeks. "Natsu..."

"Besides, I'm the son of a dragon..." A small flame lit in the back of Natsu's throat. " _I AIN'T GONNA LOSE TO A MONKEY!_ "

A few seconds later, Natsu was zero for two.

Now zero for three.

He would've gotten worse, had the vulcan's last smack not sent him out of its reach.

"Natsu, use your magic!" Lisanna called. _What's wrong with him?_

"No way!" shouted Natsu, dusting himself off yet again. "If this ape wants to fight with his fists, then that's how I'll beat him!"

Lisanna nearly bit her lip. Of all the times to be a hot-headed, egotistical _boy…_

The fire mage grinned, wiping some dirt from his teeth. "You better step it up," he barked to the vulcan. "I'm gonna paint you white, and kick you all the way back to Mount Hakabe!"

That, of all things, seemed to upset it.

The oversized gorilla sent Natsu flying once more, but this time he was prepared. Taking the blow on his crossed arms, Natsu rolled back through the air, a quick snap of his torso arresting his rotation. Crashing feet-first against a tree, he nearly uprooted it when he pushed off, putting his thick skull to work by ramming it into the vulcan's face.

The two tumbled to the ground, the boy rolling off of his battered foe, managing to get to his feet.

"You did it! You did it!" Lisanna cheered. "I knew you- _What happened to your fa-ace?!_ "

Later at the guild, with Ur working her ice magic to reduce Natsu's swelling, the ice mage couldn't help but inquire.

"You and Lisanna an item now?"

"Nuh..." Swollen lips were a language hazard to anyone, even someone as direct as Natsu.

Ur chuckled. "It's okay," she assured him, the touch of her finger spreading petals of ice over his other cheek. "Before you know it, you'll be chasing _her_."

"Whuh?! Nuh, Uh whunh!"

"If you keep squirming, you'll get ice burn on your eye."

Ur's little fib worked and Natsu ceased his panicked flailing, sitting quietly. In no time at all, Natsu's flesh was unpuffed and his speech was back to normal.

"Aaah, thanks a lot, Ur!"

"Anytime, Natsu." She smiled at him. "I think Ultear was looking for you, if you have a minute."

"Nah," he said, waiving her off, "I gotta get back to Lisanna."

" _And where_ is _my sister, Natsu?!_ "

The She-Demon came out of nowhere, blindsiding the boy with her terrifying aura. Leaping in surprise, Natsu bolted under a table. His crawl to the other side failed, a hand karate-chopping through the wood and grabbing him by the collar.

" _You,"_ snarled the beast, holding him before its face, " _keep your Erza-loving paws away from her._ "

"I'm sorry, Mira!"

What Mirajane didn't realize, though, was that he was apologizing in advance.

A fiery plume of smoke whooshed from Natsu's mouth, stinging Mira's eyes and getting ash in her white hair.

"Agh! You little creep! _When I get my hands on you-!_ "

By the time she'd cleared her vision, Natsu had already split, and no matter who she pressed, no one seemed to know which direction he'd gone. Grinding her teeth, Mira could only stand in the hall and fume, much to the amusement of one particular wizard.

"Heh heh, sohmebody jeeeal-oous?"

" _SHUT UP, SHADE, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!_ "

"Of course not," he replied sarcastically, before grabbing a pot lid and wielding it like a shield. Mira's magic was unpolished, but her raw strength was no joke.

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"See?" Lisanna said, trotting along beside her Natsu, "I told you Mira wouldn't like it."

"Yeah, yeah, I know..." Natsu hated being wrong; Lisanna could tell. But, at least he'd gotten out with his arms still attached, and his eyeballs still in their sockets. Oh, she knew Mira wouldn't _actually_ do that to him, but Natsu would never believe her if she told him.

Up ahead, they spied their little house on the prairie, surrounded by tan reeds and shielded next to a tall oak tree. As the got closer, Lisanna spied the egg inside, sitting on the circular bed where they'd left it.

"Hold on; wait here a sec," she said, putting a hand in front of him before jogging inside. Kneeling next to their baby, Lisanna dusted off her pink dress. "Okay! Come in!"

Natsu did so, looking slightly perplexed, even more so when she chirped, "Welcome back, dear!"

"Oh, uh… What?"

Lisanna's smile turned upside-down. "I _said_ , 'Welcome back, _dear_ '."

"Um, hi honey, I'm… home?"

 _See, Natsu,_ she thought, smiling at him, _that wasn't so hard, was it?_

Neither of them noticed the small blush on the other's cheeks.

Soon enough, thunder rumbled and rain started to fall. Lisanna's craftsmanship was top-notch, as not a single drop of water leaked through the roof, and the erosive outflow ran _away_ from the door, down the hill and into the field below.

"Looks like we got here just in time," remarked Natsu.

That's when his stomach growled. "Oh, heh heh, sorry." He sheepishly leaned back on his hands. "I guess I forgot to grab something at the guildhall."

His stomach (audibly) agreed, chastising him for it. Lisanna didn't mind; boys seemed to have huge appetites, or at least the ones in _her_ life.

"Hey, Natsu? I was wondering…"

"Wondering what?"

She got down on all fours. "You live alone, don't you?"

"Yeah…?"

"So then who cooks your meals for you?"

"No one does. Why do you think I eat at the guild all the time?"

"Oh, that's not too bad."

Natsu hung his head. "Except Shade said I need to pay for my food, now that I can work."

Lisanna flopped down on her stomach, looking off to the side. "That's mean..."

"I think that means we _all_ have to keep working," said Natsu glumly. "And we couldn't even finish our first job."

"You know," Lisanna said, her features perking as she looked up at him, "I could cook you dinner some time, if you'd like."

"Really?!"

"Sure!" chirped Lisanna. "I'm not as good as my sister, but I get the job done."

"Wait." Natsu's left eye twitched. "You're telling me..."

An indigo hue settled around his eyes.

"That _Mira..._ "

The image of the She-Demon resurfaced in his mind, along with what she'd do to him for that stunt he'd pulled earlier.

"-can _COOK?!_ "

Lisanna nodded. "M-hm! And not little kids, either. Elfman's a chef, too."

 _That…_ seemed way less strange, in Natsu's opinion. Wait a sec-

" _No!_ " The pink-haired lad dove for his precious egg. "You can't have it! What if it's Igneel's kid? I gotta protect it!"

"Will you stop it!" yapped Lisanna. "I want to hatch the egg as much as you do."

She waved her hand about the interior. "I built this house for us, didn't I?"

"I guess," Natsu growled. "Don't scare me like that!"

Lisanna could practically see the hearts floating around Natsu's head, from how he was hugging and squeezing and cuddling it. "Aww, did that mean wady scare you, wittle buddy? Oo's my wittle buddy?"

Lisanna giggled. "You get into fights all the time, just like Mira, but you have a sweet side, too."

"I do?" Natsu asked.

"M-hm. It's been fun playing house with you. Maybe some day..." Her eyes grew extra wide and endearing for what she said next. "...I could be your real wife?"

"HUH?!" Natsu's 12-year-old brain clearly wasn't ready for _that_ one. His feet began shuffling and shifting in opposite directions, both of them trying to get away and neither one on the same page.

The girl's hands pressed to her cheeks, her head swooning from side to side. "I just love how strong and brave you are, and you love kids."

"I-I _am_ a kid! Don't, don't get any funny ideas about all this!"

Lisanna giggled again. "Relax, I was only joking."

"WHY'D YOU DO THAT?!" Natsu screeched. "I KNOW A WORD FOR THAT! 'NUVAJENILE'!"

Lisanna's smile remained the same, but her twisting brow made a smirk out of it. "'Juvenile'? Wow, you're one to talk..."

"RRGH, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO SMARTER THAN ME ALL THE TIME?!"

"I think you just answered your own question."

"STOP IT! I ALREADY GET ENOUGH OF THIS STUPID CRAP FROM ULTEAR AND I DON'T NEED IT FROM YOU, TOO!"

"To be fair, you're a pretty easy target, Mr. Nuvajenile."

" _ **AAAAGH!**_ "

Their little one-sided spat settled down as soon as Lisanna stopped teasing the bear. Frankly, she was just glad she'd gotten out of _that_ one. It was so embarrassing, telling Natsu something like that! Thankfully the lovable lug had bought her little fib.

It had been dusk when the dust had settled, and night soon fell. Natsu was all burned out by then, and collapsed into a sort of post-rage coma. Thankfully, he'd thought to rescue some blankets from his own ramshackle lean-to, right before it collapsed and buried him in skinny sticks. Turns out that Lisanna had unwittingly built _him_ a house, too.

The thought put her to sleep with a smile on her face.

Still, Lisanna couldn't help but wonder… How much time _was_ Natsu spending with Ultear, for a lug-head like him to notice similarities between the two of them?

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" _THE EGG IS GOOONE!"_

Lisanna was so horrified that she didn't even complain about Natsu waking her up. It didn't take long before he found some suspects to grill.

"All right!" he barked, leveling a finger at… Just about everyone in the guild hall, actually. "I'm on to you, so cough up the egg and nobody gets hurt!"

"Nobody wants your cruddy egg," Gray softly shot at him.

"Streak, yuh duds're gone again." Wally didn't seem that suspicious, either, but maybe…

" _Erza!_ "

"There's no need to jump to conclusions," chided the redhead, turning away from the message board. "Besides, I wasn't aware you _had_ an egg."

Lisanna, though she feared what kind of response she'd get, approached her older sister. "You didn't take the egg, did you, Mira?"

"Wish I had," Mira admitted, before turning to Natsu. "Just admit it, Pinky: you got hungry and had a midnight snack last night!"

"Mira!" Even Erza was shocked at _that_ one.

"Why you..." Smoke was rising from Natsu's nostrils. " _You're going down, Mira!"_

" _Yeah?! Well BRING IT ON!_ "

It occurred to the adults that the guild hall could use a good sweep, from how much dust the children kicked up in their squabble.

Even more when Gray got dragged into it. "Ow! Watch where you're punching, Natsu!"

Then Erza. "Come on, you three, break it up!"

And then Wally. "You guys're lame. Lemme show yuh a _real_ fight."

At the bar, Wakaba took another drag on his pipe, despite it failing to ease his nerves. "What're we gonna do with these kids? Hate to think what the guild's gonna be like in a few years."

"They only fighting because they try to outdo one another," said Ur, catching a rogue flying chair that nearly smashed into her skull. "The same reason Mira always tries to get Erza worked up, or why Wally always joins a fight."

Soon enough the kids wore themselves out, though not from injury, and stood around in various states of distress.

Natsu sniffled. "W-Why you have to be so mean?" he sobbed. "I just want my egg back."

"Aw, look at you crying," Mira sarcastically cooed, clutching her arm. "How cute."

" _I am not cute!_ "

"Look," said Erza, "just stop teasing him and give the egg back."

That got Mira _all_ up in Erza's face. "I told you I ain't got it. Maybe _you_ ate it, porky."

" _What did you call me?!"_

Wally cranked his shoulder. "Ah boy, here we go: deh _big_ one!"

" _WHAT WAS THAT?!_ " both girls screeched. More brawling ensued. Wally was a tough customer, but even _he_ couldn't stand against both Erza _and_ Mirajane.

Lisanna was left all alone, sad and depressed, thinking about their poor baby. Who could've done this? Did the forest vulcan come back and take it? Did someone stumble upon it and think it was worth stealing? Did Ultear find their house and try to spoil their family?

"Hey, Mira?" Lisanna asked tentatively.

The trio of older kids halted their scuffle, the side of Mira's mouth pulled back by Wally's thumb as she balanced precariously on his left foot, his right reared back and ready to play offense on Erza's gut.

"Whah-yh?" replied the elder Strauss sibling.

"Have you seen Ultear anywhere?"

"I'm right here," called the time mage, sitting on the side where she always was, studying her tome. "And haven't seen any signs of an egg."

At that moment, Levy, the newest girl in the guild, trotted up to the gang. "I remember Elfman mentioning the egg, something about being jealous since he lost his parakeet."

" _He's_ the one who took it?!" Natsu and Lisanna exclaimed.

"Well..."

The culprit in question appeared on the top step, of the stairs that led to the cellar. 'Culprit' because he'd brought the evidence with him.

"My egg!" Natsu shrieked.

"Elfman, how could you?!" Lisanna chided.

"I didn't actually wanna _steal_ it," the boy admitted. "I just heard about how Natsu tossed around in his sleep and thought he might not be able to keep the egg warm."

"Who told you that?" Natsu asked.

"Actually," said Elfman, "Ultear did."

The time mage looked up from her study. "It was only a suggestion, Elfman."

Natsu was still pretty shocked. "Woah! Really?!"

"I might not be good with magic," said Elfman, "but I kept it close all night, to let it soak up my body heat."

Natsu ran up and nearly caused Elfman to drop the egg, taking his hand and furiously pumping it. "Thanks for the help, man!"

Ultear was next, getting a less manly and more friendly-like hug. "And thanks for watching out for me, Ultear."

Her mask of indifference broke into a smile. "Any time, Natsu."

The egg twitched. No one paid it any mind.

Then it _cracked_.

"It's hatching!" squeaked Lisanna. Now the whole _guild_ flocked around to watch, rumblings of anticipation echoing throughout the guildhall. Pieces of the eggshell splintered off, dropping to the floor and turning to dust upon impact. The interior was dark, what snippets of it could be seen, until a bright blue light shone from the inside. The egg disintegrated as the ball of light shot into the air, hovering a good twenty feet above the gathered head. What was finally revealed, with a cute squeak and sky-blue fur, was-

"A freakin' cat?!" cried Wakaba. Macao was nowhere to be seen.

"It has wings!" Natsu exclaimed. "Is it a dragon?"

"No, it's a cat! A blue cat!"

The little guy's wings were fluttering and twitching as he floated around in the air. He'd just come out full of energy, yet already his big round eyes were drooping shut. He wobbled down towards the ground before plopping softly on Natsu's head. His wings folded in, then vanished in a puff of glitter. His claws came out and retracted, foregoing knitting Natsu's skin, instead perking up and waving to the guild.

"Hai!"

And that was when, a historical moment in time, that a nearly five-dozen manly-mans and pretty womens alike all chorused in unison,

" _HE'S SOOO CUUUUUTE!_ "

"Hey, my parakeet's back!" Elfman shouted, a blue-and-green bird having flown through the door and landing on his shoulder.

"Yeah right..." muttered Mira, a crooked, half-repressed smile on her face. " _His_ parakeet was red."

Just like that, all traces of animosity were gone, like that little blue cat was, in fact, a little bluebird of happiness.

"Then I'll name him Happy!" Natsu declared.

"Happy!" peeped the cat.


	10. Ouroboros

**Author's note:**

If you didn't check in yesterday, I added Chapter 9 then. That's why I took so long updating: I had _two_ chapters in the pipes. Make sure you go back and read it, especially if you're a NaLi shipper. Now, to balance it out, here's a fun little Natear chapter.

...by way of August Derleth. _BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!_

* * *

 **Ouroboros**

"Natsu."

The Dragon Slayer was a smart lad. He knew his name, he stopped. Swiveling around on the bench, he quickly found who'd called. "Yeah?"

Ultear stood directly in front of him, her older body having hit its growth spurt, in more ways than one. Her formerly cute dress had since been replaced with a skin-tight body suit, white with black patterning, and she'd already started filling it out. Erza and Mira were the same way, having each gotten upset when they caught Natsu staring. He couldn't explain why he did it; there was something about their chests that just caused him to… look at them. Maybe it was like Happy's thing for shiny objects; Natsu would have to ask, once his buddy had learned to talk better.

"Ultear!" peeped the cat, who even now was laying atop Natsu's head.

"Hello, Happy," the girl replied, before refocusing on Natsu. "You mentioned once you were looking for a dragon?"

Natsu leapt out of his seat, sending Happy flying as he nearly head-butted Ultear. "Yeah! You seen him?"

Ultear said nothing, peering past Natsu at the adults gathered at the bar. Shade was standing alongside Master Makarov as they listened Macao's nervous rambling. Meanwhile, at the other end of counter top, Ultear's mother was chatting up an excitedly gushing and very pregnant Enno. Enno's hand suddenly smacked the counter, and as he'd done many times before, Shade already had a small meal prepared for the expectant mother (as per Ur's advice).

Noting all of this, Ultear took Natsu by the hand. "Come with me."

"Look, if you found something, tell me! Come on!" Natsu insisted, his dug-in heels squeaking on the wooden floor.

"Not here," she said secretively. "Somewhere private."

That… made Natsu feel weird, hearing Ultear say that. The same kind of weird feeling he got while staring at her chest. _Definitely_ needed to teach Happy to talk.

Once outside the guild, and after ensuring no adults had followed them, Ultear bent down and spoke.

"How much of the East Forest have you seen?"

"The East Forest?" Natsu repeated, sliding a finger under Happy to itch at his pink hair. "All the stuff around here, I'd say, plus some more."

 _How informative_ , thought Ultear. "What about Comet Grove?"

"What?!" Natsu exclaimed, waving his hands in front of him. "No way! I ain't gone anywhere near there!"

Ultear put a hand to her hip. "Never?"

"Never," Natsu repeated, before he grinned. "I ain't ready to take on Gramps or Gildarts yet."

"Well," said Ultear, still holding her orb, "I decided to see what was so forbidden about the grove, if both Master Makarov _and_ Gildarts agree about it."

Floating above her hand, the surface of the orb shimmered to display an image. "Look what I found."

Natsu gazed into the orb. The building it showed was cyclopean (a word he'd learned from Ultear), with all sorts of wonky bricks forming a cave-ish entrance to a dark tunnel. The rocky surface of Comet Grove's crater spilled inside, like the entrance was a mouth and it'd somehow drunk the ground. The image blurred.

"Hey, bring it back!" Natsu demanded impatiently.

"This is a memory," Ultear replied. "An image caught in time. I'm skipping all the things the orb saw on its way down."

"No, don't!" Natsu whined. "I wanna see what else is down there."

" _Nothing else is down there_ ," growled the time mage, before letting out a huff, "only what I found at the bottom."

Sure enough, the blur reformed into a still image. It was an enormous lake of fire, lava bubbles forming and popping all around. There was a huge rock island in the middle, upon which sat the shimmering form of-

" _A dragon?!_ " Natsu cried excitedly.

"Dragon!" peeped Happy.

Ultear shuffled up alongside the slayer. "Is this the one you've been looking for?"

"Nah."

Which, to the time mage, felt like punch straight to the heart.

"But he might know where Igneel is! Let's find Lisanna and-"

"Let's not," Ultear suggested, rather insistently.

"But why not? She's gotten a lot better at her Take Over stuff since the last time we did a job."

"This isn't a job," Ultear stated matter-of-factly, "it's a covert operation, and the more who know of it, the greater the risk that Master will find out and stop us."

"Uh… Okay. That makes sense, I think." To be frank, Natsu wasn't sure. It's not as if Lisanna was a tattletale or anything. Or, maybe she was? He didn't care. It was just a stupid tunnel and a big lake of lava. That pretty much described where Natsu had been raised.

Ultear un-summoned her orb and turned away. "We'll go tonight. Make sure no one sees you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"...Natsu?"

 _Sniff sniff._

"What a weird-smellin' smell," Natsu remarked, gazing down the maw that stood before them.

"That would be the grove's glowmoss," said Ultear, before pointing to his head. "But what, may I ask, is that?"

"That's Happy."

"I thought we agreed: no witnesses."

"Well I couldn't just leave him behind! The poor guy gets lonely after dark!"

"Lonely..." mewled the blue kitten, before he began pawing at Natsu's temple.

"Aww, it's okay, little buddy. Here." Natsu reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a mackerel.

Ultear's brow furrowed. "How long have you had that?"

"Caught it today," he replied. "Last one, though. Happy already ate the rest."

"And there's no chance of _that_ being our mysterious odor?"

"No, it's not that. This one's coming from inside the cave."

Ultear sniffed the air. "I don't smell anything."

"Don't expect you to," said Natsu, tapping the bridge of his nose. "Your nose ain't a dragon's."

"Neither is my breath."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Natsu whined, failing to notice the smile his friend was sporting as she lead the way inside. "My breath doesn't stink!"

"Your breath catches fire, Natsu," Ultear replied.

"It's _supposed_ to do that!"

"But how do you know it's your magic?"

"Rrrgh, _it_ is _my magic!_ "

"You know, if you pull at your hair like that, you'll eventually go bald."

" _AAAGH!_ "

Natsu's half-crazed cry echoed down the shaft, winding deeper and deeper into the Earth. It suddenly occurred to the two of them just how far down the lake of fire lay, and how long they'd have to spend in the dark.

Natsu gently shouldered his way past her. "I got this."

A small fire appeared, illuminating the fist from which it burned. The inside of the cavern was, indeed, made of a hodgepodge of bricks, all of them roughly cut into the same shape but each looking like it came from a different quarry. Strangely, all of the original masonry was intact, with not a single brick-shaped hole to be seen.

Some birds had made their perch on a series of branch-like stalactites jutting sideways out of the wall deeper in. Crows, by the look of it. A bat hung upside-down nearby, hopefully not a blood-sucker. Natsu hated those.

"So… We go down?" Natsu asked.

"You're leading the way," Ultear reminded him. "Watch your footing. It gets very steep very quickly."

Natsu tilted his head back. "Aah, nothin' to worry about then."

He said as he took one step over a sheer drop.

" _YEEP!_ " Natsu darted back, Happy falling off his head and floating around in the air.

The cat looked down, then back at Natsu. "Yeep," he mimicked, before daintily settling back on Natsu's cranium.

Natsu, meanwhile, had let his fire go out in his leap back from certain splattery doom. He had his limbs hugged to Ultear, who stood immobile as a tree trunk, his body pressed tight to hers.

"Perhaps you should stay close to me," suggested the time mage.

Natsu turned his head to hers, about to answer, except his face was muffled by something; it felt like a pair of over-sized marshmallows.

"Ngh." Tilting his head up, his next attempt at an answer proved successful. "How close?"

"Just leave this to me," Ultear said confidently. Keeping perfect balance, she took a step up on to her materializing orb. "If you wouldn't mind?"

"What?"

"It's very dark in here."

"Oh yeah, sorry."

Sticking out his hand, the interior of the cave was visible again. Not as many birds in here now, which was strange, because Natsu would've thought he'd have caught the sound of them flapping.

"Now don't let go," said Ultear, pulling his head close against her… chest. "Look to your left, for a smashed section of rock. I'll do the same on the right."

"What for?" Natsu asked, despite the fact they'd already begun their descent. He tried to pull away to turn his head unimpeded, but with Ultear holding him close, he sort of got another nose-full of her chest. _That_ was coming back to haunt him, if Erza and Mira were anything to go by.

"When I first sent my orb," Ultear explained, "there came a point where this shaft slanted. My orb cracked the wall, since I couldn't see. The cracks should be visible; they'll mark the change in direction."

"Makes sense to me," said Natsu. His keen eyes-

Wait, did the wall just…? Nah, must've been his imagination. Closer now, he could see the cuts on the bricks weren't worn down or anything. Which was weird, since climbing seemed to be the only way down besides falling. Maybe there was an elevator at the bottom, like in a mine shaft he remembered navigating a few jobs back. Ultear wouldn't have caught it, not with everything being pitch-black the first time around. Wait, that would leave scrapes on the wall, too. Darn it! What was the deal here?! And did that spot of bricks just-

"There," said Ultear, snapping Natsu out of his dizzying internal tirade. "Something wrong?"

"Wh-? Uh, no, nothing's wrong."

"You're holding on tighter than before."

"No I'm not!"

The girl shrugged, a little on the edge of her lip. "Suit yourself. I don't mind."

Leaning slightly to compensate, Ultear took here orb down at a slant, the shaft becoming a chute. Shortly thereafter, both of them could see level ground. It was perfectly smooth, black despite the light shining on it. Upon reaching it, they discovered its surface was reflective. Natsu was suddenly glad they _hadn't_ brought Lisanna. Knowing her, she'd already be on him about peeking up her skirt, and the fact she'd be so… "insincere" about it, nixing any case he had for yelling or arguing back. Come to think of it, Ultear liked to rag on him, too.

"Finished admiring yourself?" Ultear asked sardonically.

Speaking of rags…

"I'm _not_ , actually!" Natsu shot back, jabbing a flaming finger at her as Happy hopped off his head. "I think I wanna stare at myself some more! Got a problem with that?!"

"I don't," Ultear admitted, a hand resting on her hip as the corner of her mouth curled up. "But that dragon might leave before we get there."

"Yeah? Well- _Well-_ "

"Happy, what are you doing?" Ultear called, peering past Natsu.

At the edge of the light from Natsu's literal hand-torch, his blue cat was sneaking up on… a bird? A black one, too, idly pecking at its own reflection on the smooth ground. The thing practically blended in with the floor, as well as the empty space beyond. If the thing weren't pecking at itself, it might've escaped being lunch.

And as if Happy were reading Natsu's mind, he cried out, "Food!"

The bird (was it a crow? Hard to tell) squawked and fluttered away, but Happy was in hot pursuit, zipping along this way and that. Natsu wanted to cut out the light, before his buddy tuckered himself out, but Ultear squinted and trotted away towards the wall, inspecting it close. So, looks like Natsu was stuck being a lamppost.

"Happy, didn't you eat enough already?" said Natsu, looking for _someone_ to kvetch at. "Seriously, you're gonna start putting on weight if you don't cut back."

"Aye!" peeped Happy, ignoring Natsu, as he'd knocked the crow out of the air. Pinning its wings with his rear paws, he gave it a smack on the head with his front one.

 _Boop_.

" _ **Wrong.**_ "

"Eee! Lemme go lemme go lemme go lemme _go_!"

"Happy, you can talk?!" Natsu's surprise was replaced with a different kind, as he saw that Happy no longer had the bird, but he was being held upside down by a human hand. And the voice that went with that hand was one that Natsu took a moment to place.

" _Ravenjerk!_ Whoops." His outburst interrupting his concentration and causing his flame to go out.

"Isn't that nice," sneered the spirit sarcastically, still where he'd been once Natsu got the light back on. "All these years to learn it and you _ssstilllll_ get my name wrong."

Ultear was pressed to the wall, eyes wide with fear. "What are you doing here?"

"I ask the same of _you_ , Ultear." Ravenlord's yellow eyes shifted slightly to the left. "I also recommend _against_ pressing oneself to those carvings."

"Wh-" Ultear's next question was cut off when she _leapt_ off the wall, whirling around, eyes wide and wary with fright. "It moved."

"Are you _suuurrre_?" Natsu prodded, eager for some payback.

"As sure as I am of who my mother is."

"The imagination does funny things, you know."

"I don't need your advice, Ravenlord."

The harvest spirit smirked. "Oh reeeeally."

He promptly dropped Happy, who zoomed over to stuff himself down Natsu's shirt, shivering.

"Funny," Ravenlord said with _far_ too much satisfaction for Natsu's liking, "because if you'd followed my advice instead of questioning it, the wall wouldn't have gotten so friendly."

Ultear had no response to that, leaving Ravenlord open to quietly murmur, "Thinks he's right, for he's not often wrong..."

"Oh, come on, Ultear! Rock doesn't just move on its own, you know."

"I think we have more pressing concerns, Natsu." Ultear's eyes were now darting from Ravenlord to the carvings and back again.

"I'll say!" Natsu agreed. "Once we clobber this jerk, we gotta catch up to that dragon!"

"You know, strangest of things," remarked Ravenlord, still blocking the way. "I've been to the chamber beyond, and _I've_ seen no dragon."

Before Natsu could retort, Ravenlord's yellow eyes grew wide as he leered at the pinked-haired boy. " _So am I blind, Natsu Dragneel, or just a liar?_ "

"Pick one, I don't care!" Natsu's 13-year-old fists caught fire. "Just get outta my way."

Ravenlord shrugged. "Very well."

The fire went out, plunging the tunnel into darkness again. "Wait, what?"

Once the lights were back, Ravenlord was over by the wall. Looking at the carvings, Natsu could make out the images of some kind of old-looking building. Huge tentacles were coming out of it, with little masks on the end of them, which they were sticking onto the people nearby. Further to the left, that same building had some kind of… Waterfall? Leak? Something was coming out the front entrance, where the tentacles were about to, except this whatever-it-was flowing out was colored red. Not red like blood, more like burnt jasper. Natsu couldn't see what happened next, as Ravenlord blocked his view.

"Do you know what this place is?" the spirit asked them.

"Gramps never gave it a name. Never mentioned it either," said Natsu. "Why? What's it to you?"

"I stand to gain," said Ravenlord, rather plainly. "You two should leave, before the creature realizes where you are."

"And what if we don't, huh?" Natsu marched up to Ravenlord, crossing his arms and leering up at the bird-creature's face. "You gonna do something about it?"

Ravenlord's lip curled. "Hardly. But should the beast catch on to your presence, it's likely you'll be e-" He paused, his eyes rolling up to the top-left corner of their sockets, searching for a better word. "Devoured."

"Why the sudden concern?" Ultear asked, the suspicion in her voice heavy enough to cut up and sell by the pound.

"No reason, not yet." Ravenlord then smiled at her. "But if I'm right, then I shall be your only way out when the chase begins."

"What? The dragon?" Natsu thumped his chest. "I'm a freakin' dragon slayer! I got this!"

"I believe I already… Oh, never mind." Ravenlord waved him off and turned towards the shaft from whence Natsu and Ultear had stopped. "On the other hand…"

He resumed walking. "Probably not..."

He stopped again. "But then, I could… No, it wouldn't work..."

" _What do you want?"_ Ultear must've seen something Natsu didn't, and he was the one with the light!

"I'm sooooo glad you asked," Ravenlord replied, spinning around, his feathery cloak fluttering against his body. "A wager. Should you need my help to escape once you inevitably incur the wrath of the dw-" Once again, right word. "- _diner_..."

He turned his gaze squarely on Natsu. "You, boy, will be in my debt, to the tune of a single favor."

Natsu knew well enough to keep his trap shut, if it meant Ultear got out of paying. Not that there was any danger of that.

"And what if we get out on our own?" the time-mage in question inquired.

"Then, _I_ shall owe you _each_ a favor, equal in value to… Shall we say, one life or one million jewel?"

" _Deal._ " Both guildmates said it at practically the same time.

"Excellent." With a twist of his body, Ravenlord shapeshifted into his namesake and fluttered away. The flapping of wings stopped almost as soon as he was out of sight.

Natsu looked to Ultear. "You think he was serious about being eaten?"

Ultear looked back at him. "Why would he lie?"

"To scare us off!"

"And for what reason?"

Natsu wracked his brain, probably the hardest he'd thought since picking his last job. "Because he doesn't want us meeting the dragon, finding Igneel, and-, and-"

"As long as _you_ understand, Natsu," said Ultear, affectionately stroking his hair before having her hand swatted away. "Even so, we should be cautious. If there really _is_ a dragon down here, it may not be friendly."

"Friendly or not, I'll get him to talk." Natsu thumped his chest again. "No problem."

"I'm sure you'll find a way."

As they walked on, Natsu finally got a look at what the last part of this carving was: the masked people forming a line, handing buckets of the red stuff to each other, the last one in line dumping it into some kind of… Glass? Like, the kind Shade gave out at the bar, only fancier and more snobby-looking. It was held by a massive tentacle-hand which ended at the border of the picture. After that, the wall was a mess of more tentacles sculpted on to the wall. He saw another carving on the other side of the tunnel, but the pictures were too small for him to focus on. He told himself to take a look on the way out, once he'd talked to the dragon.

After walking across what felt like hundreds of feet of black-mirror floor, Natsu saw a soft orange glow at the end of the tunnel.

"Finally!" he exclaimed, killing his torch-hand. He had running to do, and setting his clothes on fire would only slow him down.

"Natsu! Wait!" Thank goodness the tunnel was a straight line, for even with the glow at the end, seeing the walls up to the edge of that glow was nigh-impossible.

Natsu, meanwhile, had come upon an enormous lake of _something_. It definitely wasn't lava, because this big cavern felt the same as the rest of the place; Natsu'd felt more heat from his own hand while lighting the way. The walls were carved out of rock, not like bricks but like a really pretendy sculpture Natsu had once seen, where the guy who'd made it tried to sell him on the jagged, jewelry-like surface was "a van-guard", or something like that. The ground, on the other hand, was that same polished black stone that Natsu could see himself in, but weirdly, it didn't reflect the orange glow from the not _-_ lava.

What _was_ that stuff in the lake, anyway?

He didn't get long to think about it. A fountain of it started bubbling and churning at the center of the not-water, and in seconds a massive head was rising above the surface, dripping with the glowing orange goo.

It was exactly like Natsu had seen in Ultear's orb: a stubby horn on the tip of its snout, like the one Igneel had, plus the pointy horns on the top of its head. At first, the dragon looked a lot fatter than Igneel, until more of that orange stuff fell off and settled on a leaner, more muscular shape. It didn't have wings, only nubs on its back, to mark where its wings kept folded against its sides.

Natsu suddenly found himself so nervous that he didn't know what to say. He'd never met another dragon besides Igneel before. What was standard procedure for talking to dragons? Did he have to bow? Do a dance? Click his heels? If he pissed this big guy off, no _way_ would he find out anything from him.

The dragon broke the awkward pause, saying nothing, but rather raising a claw above the lake and beckoning Natsu forward. Natsu was nervous about even putting his foot in the stuff, which didn't smell like anything he could name. Dazed and confused, he jerked his head to Ultear. She wasn't any help; for her eyes were on the lake and the dragon. Something didn't sit right with her. Natsu could tell.

Natsu looked back to the dragon, up into its eyes. Actually, he looked into the solid-blue orbs that he _assumed_ were its eyes. No hints there, either. This dragon was harder to read than Natsu's first book. Welp, as Igneel taught him, when life gives you a fire-bath…

"Jump in it."

So Natsu did just that. And immediately regretted it.

The viscous goo clung to him like a second skin, getting into his shoes, soaking into the bottoms of his pants. In fact, it almost felt like this stuff was crawling _up_ his legs, just to get him deeper into it.

" _Natsu, get out of there now!_ "

"What?! Why?" he exclaimed.

"Ravenlord was right: there _is_ no dragon here!"

Natsu immediately tried to walk himself out of the knee-deep swamp he'd stupidly dropped himself into, but found the stuff now pulling at his legs, keeping him pinned to whatever floor he was standing on. He now _knew_ it was crawling up his legs, suctioning into his skin like an octopus to try and pull him under.

"Hey!" he shouted, swatting at the stuff, only to be grabbed by his hands. "I ain't nobody's lunch!"

He threw an angry snarl at the dragon, bearing his tiny fangs at the monster. It was then he realized: dragons had lungs easily four times the size of a human being, yet even in this literal echo chamber of a cave, he never once heard the thing breathing.

The "dragon" began to melt, the blue in its eyes dissolving into more orange as it lost form. Its horns wilted like candle wax as its body crumpled in on itself. The goo level got higher, now up to Natsu's waist as he struggled to break free.

"Rrrrgh, LEMME GO YOU STUPID GUNK! _Fire Dragon..._ "

Happy, who'd been clinging to Natsu's head through thick and thin, zoomed off behind Ultear.

" _ROOOOOOAAAR!_ "

A torrent of flames spewed from Natsu's open mouth and on to the stuff that enveloped his legs. The force of burning ethernano pushed the goo down but a thin film of it still stuck to him.

"Natsu, grab on!"

The young Slayer looked up to see a familiar orb floating above him. The goo made a swipe at it but the orb simply floated around it, almost bonking Natsu on the head as it swooped back into his reach. He didn't hesitate this time, cleansing the goo on his hands with a Fire Dragon Talon blast, before taking hold of the orb.

When it zoomed up, Natsu immediately lost his grip.

"Ack!" He instinctively slapped at the goo, getting it on his hands again. It slid around his fingers when he tried to blast it, latching on to him and now throwing itself further and further up its arm.

"Natsu, grab my paws!"

The slayer knew that voice, even if he'd only heard it speak three words at a time before.

"Happy!" Indeed, floating above was Natsu's little blue buddy, his wings only as far out as his paws, but nevertheless determined. The blue cat caught Natsu's hand between his paws and began pulling, only to find himself being dragged towards the muck as well.

"Don't let go, Natsu!" squeaked the cat. "I'll get you out!"

"I ain't letting go, but you better make good or I'll be orange juiced!"

"Keep pulling, Happy!" shouted Ultear. "I'll see to that muck!"

Ultear's orb rushed in and barreled through the gunk that clung to Natsu's right leg. The orb was immediately snagged by another tendril, but disappeared as soon as it stopped. It quickly reappeared above Ultear's hand, before smashing more slime off of Natsu.

"Almost… Got it..." Happy looked like he was ready to throw his little back out, from how hard he was puffing and straining against the death-grip that The Lake had on Natsu.

"Screw you, sludge!" Natsu barked at his tormentor. "Fire Dragon _Half-Wing Attack!_ "

Like the coil of a whip, a line of fire slashed through the remaining slime on Natsu's leg, washing over his skin while parting the orange tendril with its ferocity. He immediately went sailing into the wall, knocking a brick loose along with the last of his baby teeth.

"Thaanks… buddy..." he croaked, leaving a small red line as his face slid down the wall. He felt himself get caught, then a small ball of warmth settle on his chest.

"...-tsu? Natsu!" Ultear's voice broke through the haze on his mind, and he tumbled out of her arms.

"Uh'm okay..." He was still soar from that hard landing, even if the second one had been softer. The Lake was roiling, its fluid contents sloshing all around the edge. "Sucks to be you, Snot Lake."

Then, to Ultear, "Guess it was alive?"

The time-mage nodded. "I tried prying it off. My magic had no effect."

" _It's not the, mmm… 'slime' that's alive,_ " Ravenlord's voice echoed.

Sure enough, the lake began to roll over the edge, the level rising in the center as it sped towards Natsu and the others.

"Ah crap, run!"

"I have a better idea!" Ultear proclaimed, grabbing Natsu and jumping atop her orb. Happy clinging to Ultear's flowing hair, the oldest member of the trio flew them back into the hall, quietly cursing herself for falling for the slime's shapeshifting. Something shattered against her orb, and the next thing she knew, all three of them had run chest-first into a clothesline. Going slack, its outline cast in the glow of the approaching Lake, Ultear was the first to see its other end.

Connected to the stone wall, amidst a placard of roiling, serpentine and very much moving stonework.

"Natsu!" She looked down to see her teammate still a little worse for wear, spitting out one of his molars as his eyes glazed over.

Even though her mother had taught her otherwise, Ultear decided that, surrounded by a growing garden of stone tentacles, now was an appropriate time for a "vulgar interjection". Doubly so when she remembered The Lake was gaining on them.

" _Out of my way!_ " she barked, her orb smashing its way through a writhing wall. This did little to slow its growth, or the approach of said wall's tips towards her. "Arc of Time-!"

Nothing. These stone tendrils were unaffected by her magic, too.

She tried to uncouple the foundation that kept them tethered to the wall; nothing.

She tried to tear a piece of the polished black floor free and use it as a shield; nothing. That meant…

"It's all alive." She was too horrified at the thought to speak louder than a whisper. Desperate, she tapped into her Ice-Make magic.

" _Very astute, Ultear_ ," came Ravenlord's smug, victorious call. " _Yes, you two picked a rather nasty lifeform to go plundering for dragons. The Ouroboric Shrine, or at least this particular blueprint of it. Regardless, I think it's taking a liking to your succulent magics, however diluted they might be. A few more minutes in its viscous liquid, and you'll be swimming in your own self._ "

"How can something like this have carved stone on the inside? How did it get here?!" Ultear was speaking out loud, even while the tendrils began to snake around the gaps in her ice.

" _You assume it behaves according to biology. This creature wasn't born or grown, Ultear. It was_ built."

That almost made her lose focus on her next spell. Almost.

" _Beyond this world or the next, in dimensions where such concepts as 'life' and 'spatial relations' are more malleable, creatures like this one are constructed and given intelligence, then sent to these more static realms at the behest of their creators' master. Here they serve as portal, place of worship, museum and factory all in one, whichever fits the master's designs._ "

"I really wish he'd shut up," Ultear muttered to herself. She still had to figure out a way to outrun the orange slime, and Ravenlord's chatting wasn't helping matters.

She heard the fiend in question chuckle. " _If you insist, child._ "

With Ravenlord gone, Ultear made the conscious choice to get her act together.

"Ice-Make _Rosen Decke!_ "

Borrowing her mother's spell, Ultear conjured a modified wall of brambles, two of them, to lay out a path to the shaft ahead.

"Happy, take Natsu and fly on ahead!" she commanded.

"Wh-whuh?" The cat was still confused, shaking Natsu's half-conscious body.

" _Now,_ cat!"

"Uh, uh, aye sir!" he squeaked. The mage to whom he spoke didn't waste time correcting him. The tentacles had already given up worming their way through the much finer fibers of the Decke; she could hear the coarse sound as they ground against her ice, reducing both it and themselves to dust to get to her. She quickly conjured a second helping of thorns with another Rosen Decke spell, just as an orange glow permeated her ice.

It was moving upward.

The Shrine's juices were climbing her thorns, leaving a hole behind for the tentacles to snake through.

"Ice-Make…"

In that moment, Ultear's mind blanked for the first time since she'd escaped the Bureau of Magical Development. Watching that strange living liquid eat away at her ice was horrifying and yet oddly fascinating. Some part of Ultear's mind wanted to know more, her natural curiosity compelling her to scrutinize and study the way that slime moved, almost like a natural liquid acting against gravity. Or how this ice didn't seem to be melting so much as "unmaking" her Ice-Make magic. No water flowed from that mass, no impurities showed themselves in the orange mass despite how much water it was taking in.

Or _was_ there? Was that a spot of clear in the jasper flow, just now? Perhaps if she could get a closer look, just for an instant…

And in the next instant, the cloud over her thoughts parted.

"B- _Block!_ "

A cube the size of a young cow came sparkling out of her hands, barreling along and smashing into the tendrils. She couldn't afford to waste time seeing the damage.

"Happy!" she called down the still-crumbling Decke walls. "Fly out of here!"

"But I can't see!" the cat called back. "And my magic's low from getting him out of the goo!"

Another vulgar interjection. The same one, lest Happy let it slip around her mother. She _refused_ to die here, a sentiment she'd had when escaping the Bureau.

With Natsu still worse for wear, it was clear to Ultear that he had a concussion. She'd have to fly blind.

"Give him to me," she ordered, the cat letting go and dropping Natsu into her care. Slinging him over her shoulder, she only hoped she had the fortitude to survive whatever was left for this Ouroboric Shrine to throw at her.

Her orb had yet to fail her. Once summoned, it carried her up the shaft. This being her third time, she knew the relative moment it would curve to vertical. Ultear breathed a sigh of relief when she saw The Shrine's liquid flow between the cracks of its own masonry, so fine a liquid that it couldn't pass over the minute gaps in the brick work.

"Just a little more," she whispered to Natsu. "Then we're free."

From up above, she heard Ravenlord snicker.

A small speck of light appeared, high above at the shaft's apex. It started to grow, faster than her approach should have made it.

"Oh… _No…_ " Ultear could now see the section of the cylindrical shaft above her, thanks to the orange slime seeping from the walls.

Pooling every ounce of magic she still had, she made sure to cradle Natsu's head so as not to snap his neck. Her orb rocketed towards the ceiling, straight into the tubule at the center of the orange mass above. The wind of her wake jostled the liquid, tossing it about even as it began to snap shut around her. Her capacity for magic was greater than most, thanks to all those horrible experiments she'd undergone as an infant. She could feel her windpipe burning in pain, like she'd breathed too heavily while working too hard. This was a toll she'd have to pay.

This top portion of the shaft was a lot longer than she'd remembered it being. It was as if it was stretching out before her, more bricks being added to the top as the light from the cave's mouth still seemed so far away. Would she even be able to make it?

"Leave my thoughts alone, you disgusting worm!"

It was too late. That second's worth of doubt was all it took for the creature's slime to snap around Natsu's leg, hanging ever-so-much lower than Ultear's foot atop her orb. Her ascent was arrested, as she wouldn't let her friend be devoured, not while there was so much left for each of them.

The Shrine, though, had other plans.

" _NO!_ " Cry as she might, even managing to conjure a _second_ orb to beat back the Shrine's fluids, Ultear still found herself awash in otherworldly orange matter. It tingled at the touch, the sensation of thousands of tiny straws sucking on her skin flooding her senses. Ultear thrashed and screamed but slowly, surely, that sensation began creeping up her neck.

" _My offer stands, Ultear Milkovich._ "

Ravenlord… This was his fault. If he hadn't been so cryptic, Natsu and she wouldn't have gotten into this mess. He'd known exactly what this Ouroboric Shrine had been capable of and yet he'd still allowed them inside. For what? A grudge that Natsu and Lisanna (who wasn't even here) had almost forgotten about?

" _Say the word,_ " he cajoled from above, " _and you'll be free._ "

The time-mage felt herself tiring, and not just physically. Her magic was rushing out of her body, that "thousand straws" analogy proving sickeningly accurate. Her vision blurred, that cloud on her thoughts becoming a heavy dew. She could barely spare the thought that, if she accepted, Natsu would be the one to do this mysterious "favor" for Ravenlord, not her.

But, before her vision was reduced to a mass of orange, her last thought was that Natsu would at least be alive.

"Please..." She was so weak her shout came out as a whisper.

Then, everything went black, a feeling that was somewhere between "ash" and "sand" the last thing she was aware of.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"WAH!"

Natsu bolted upright, shielding his eyes from the sun as it poked out from between the treeline.

"What the-?"

"You're finally awake, kid," said a familiarly gruff voice.

"Uh oh."

"'Uh oh' doesn't _begin_ to cut it, Natsu," said Gildarts, squatted down next to a campfire as he roasted some de-feathered bird on a spit.

"I'm sorry!" the boy blurted out, dropping to his knees and planting his face on the ground. Or rather, in the fire.

"Hey, hey, you're messing up breakfast!" Gildarts shooed him away from the pit, turning the meat this way and that to try and even out the roast. "Wipe that ash off your face, while you're at it. I meant on the _grass,_ Natsu!"

The panic-stricken boy pulled his filthy mug out of the dirt and nodded, sprinting over to the ledge where the grass grew on the cliff face. Down below, Comet Grove was noticeably different. All that weird glowmoss wasn't glowing anymore. The whole place had been bluer than the ocean when Ultear and him snuck in, and now it was all greenish, almost yellow. No sign of the cave, or the orange slime that had been hiding inside. Instead, a deep, dark hole sat on the spot where the cave had been. Some kind of waterway-looking thing swerved away from the hole, going all around the grove before ending at _another_ dark hole, same size as the first. Looked like something big had dragged itself all over the place, in the same pattern Happy made when he chased birds.

" _Ravengourd!_ " Natsu exclaimed. "Where'd he go?"

"Never heard of him," said Gildarts, gesturing to the unconscious form of Ultear, who lay behind Natsu. "The only ones here were you two plus the cat."

Seeing the state she was in made Natsu want to kick Raventurd's sorry butt even more. Ultear looked sick, a bad rash covering the backs of her hands as well as her neck. Her lower jaw was only a little red, like a sunburn, and her face could pass for a small blush.

Natsu wanted to grind his teeth. She looked like she'd gone bush-diving in poison ivy. That was gonna _itch_ when she woke up. But when her eyelids started fluttering, he curled his fingers into a fist, and when she opened her eyes, he gently nudged her shoulder.

"Thanks," he said. "Thanks for getting us outta there."

Pushing herself from prone to sitting, Ultear smiled. "Any time, Natsu."

"Perfect timing," remarked Gildarts, taking the spit off the fire. "Here. Not as good as Shade's cooking, but I think I made it edible. Eat up; I got a feeling it might just be your last meal."

The two non-S-class Fairies swallowed, and they hadn't even started eating.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Anyway, I don't know what this Ravenlord thinks he knows," said Master Makarov, seated atop the bar counter in the Fairy Tail guild hall, "but his reading on magical fauna is sorely lacking."

Natsu and Ultear sat perfectly still, having endured not one but _two_ thunderous dressing-downs from the diminutive guild master, the second one due to Natsu opening his big mouth on the subject of how, the heck, were they supposed to know the Grove was dangerous?

"I'd known about that creature for some time," said Makarov. "It's known as a Masonry Mimic, the only known one of its kind. It possesses an ambient mind magic, inflaming its victims' curiosity until they're compelled to crawl down its throat."

Natsu felt his skin crawl. He saw a nauseous tingle travel through Ultear's flesh as well. They'd gone spelunking down into a monster's lower tract. That such a monster even existed, and had nearly swallowed them unawares…

"But where'd it come from?" Natsu asked, desperate to get his mind off the thought.

"I couldn't say," replied the guild master. "It only appeared here while I've been in charge. Master Precht never made mention of it, though he did speak of the Comet."

The elderly guild master took a sip from his drink. "It _has_ appeared elsewhere, though. Information is scarce, as it never remains long enough to be studied. From what little is known, that molten jasper it produces is its digestive fluid, luring victims into itself by taking the shape of whatever its catch most desires."

"Oh, so _that's_ why it looked like a dragon!" Natsu exclaimed, realization blooming on his face, "'cause what I want most is to find Igneel, and I've been keeping an eye out for other dragons while searching around for him!"

"Then the Mimic must have sensed your desire for Igneel's whereabouts," declared Makarov, "and presented you with a facsimile of a clue."

Natsu's fist rattled the table. "Screw him, then!" His fire was but a flash, as he readdressed the guild master. "Speaking of facts, Gramps, how come you didn't tell us about-"

 _BONK!_

A second, less-audible collision sounded from Natsu's face falling forward against the table.

"We're very sorry for going against your will, Master Makarov," Ultear said politely, her orb disappearing as it rolled off her friend. She bowed her head, and with her hand manipulated Natsu's head to simulate the same, like he were a sock puppet. "We'll never go near the Grove again."

"Ah, it's fine." Makarov waved her off with his hand. "The Mimic's gone, and from what Gildarts told me, it swallowed the Comet on its way out. The magic in the grove should return to normal in no time, though I suspect the glowmoss will remain."

He hiccuped. "Heh heh, might make quite the spot for romance."

Whatever Makarov might've said next, his mind was changed when a hand laid on his shoulder left his arm locked in place, courtesy of the flower-shaped ice-brace around the joint.

"You didn't have my daughter in mind for that 'romance'," Ur stated matter-of-factly, "when she's older."

"Lighten up, Ur," said Gildarts, a quick tap of his finger reducing the ice-brace to powder. "You'll scare off the good boys."

"If they were good," Ur countered, "then they wouldn't be scared of me."

Her eyes then fell upon her daughter, a half-smile creasing her cheek. "Say, Ultear, Natsu isn't afraid of anything, right?"

The time mage's eyelids drooped as she met Ur's gaze. "I'm not answering that, Mother."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Night had fallen, but there was one Fairy who could not sleep.

At her home, her mother asleep in another room, Ultear beat herself silly, her face bright red (and not from the irritation) beneath her pillow as she pounded at her skull.

 _Whatever its catch most desires_.

Master Makarov's words kept echoing in her head. She'd had a stressful day, and keeping a cool head, after _that_ revelation had nearly caused her to blow her top, was a Herculean effort unto itself.

 _Whatever its catch most desires._

She'd come within a hair's breadth of the biggest embarrassment of her entire life, one of her most closely-guarded secrets nearly deciphered in front of the whole guild, had Natsu's thick-headedness not spared her. Lucky her; now she'd could count down the days until someone arrived at the inevitable conclusion, someone who _wasn't_ her mother (possibly; it was difficult to tell at the moment).

 _Whatever its catch most desires_.

The shape the Shrine-Mimic's juices took had been slightly different than what she'd seen in her orb. It was the minor details, like the twin whiskers she'd seen drooping from its chin, in place of a stubbed horn on its nose. Logical, because while the shape in the lake was tailor-made for a certain pink-haired boy, the shape in the orb had been a memory. _Her_ memory.

 _Whatever its catch most desires_.

Ultear groooaned and hammered at her cranium again. The pieces of the puzzle were all there, and if she was smart enough to figure it out, then eventually someone, even someone as slow as Natsu, would do the same.

 _Whatever its catch most desires._

The monster's catch had been her, that first time: her orb, her eyes, her desire. And the desire it gleaned from her, the thing it had fabricated in order to lure her into its gut?

Was the means to give Natsu _his_ greatest desire.


	11. Aiming High

**Author's response**

 _To DarkShadowsrr_ : Would this count as a long hiatus? If it does, then rejoice, as I have a _new_ system in place for getting these out faster. My goal is now 1000 words a day, minimum. Also, if you've seen my Sekirei fic, and how long _that's_ been going for, then you should know _exactly_ what kind of epic this is going to be. The word I like to use is "Virgillian". I'd use "Homerian", but having been subjected to both The Iliad _and_ The Aenead, I feel my stories stray somewhat closer to Virgil's style of character dilemma than Homer's. Though, Homer's influence is definitely there, as The Iliad was infinitely, ahem, "fun".

 _To REiNozomi_ : Isn't it, though? I _did_ just devote an entire chapter to Natsu and Ultear bonding over peril and death. That and setting up a minor plot element to be paid off in chapters to come, in a manner that I guarantee NOOOOOO one will be able to guess. Here's a hint: it's the issue of Natsu's debt.

* * *

 **Aiming High**

" _LAXUS IS BAAACK!_ "

The entire guild thundered in unison. Their favored lightning-wielder had been gone for weeks on end. His exposed arm was in a sling, and the other was wrapped in bandaging, but the cracks in his stoic mask, that allowed a small, involuntary smile to form, told of everything that anyone needed to know.

Fairy Tail had another S-Class mage on their roster.

"Way to go, Laxus!"

"We knew you had it in you, Laxus!"

"What else would you expect from the guild master's grandson?"

"Do we make the best wizards or what?"

"Makarov's gonna blow his voice celebrating."

As Laxus crossed the hall, up to the second floor where Makarov waited, his smile slowly vanished. The elderly guild master was the only one who noticed.

"Laxus, my boy," he greeted upon Laxus's arrival. "I take it you were successful?"

The lightning mage nodded. "I'm a certified S-Class, _Council_ certified. But that's not what you really care about, is it, Gramps?"

"Nonsense!" Time, battles and stress had long since taken their toll on the old man's height, leaving him too short to lay a hand on his grandson's shoulder. He refused to use his magic for such a triviality, especially for Laxus, so mere words were the only option.

"This is a momentous occasion, both for you and our family," said Makarov. "However-"

"You need my shiny new status, don't you?" Laxus asked, the irritation in his voice already noticeable, even if slightly.

Makarov nodded. "As soon as Gildarts returns, we can begin planning our own S-Class trials."

Down below, the older members of the guild were abuzz with gossipping.

"Does this mean-"

"Yup. The old man can crown his own S-Classers, no approval needed."

"What do you think he's going to come up with?" This one came from Natsu, aimed at the two girls seated on either side of him.

"Likely," said Ultear, "trials far more grueling than anything the Council demands."

Natsu chomped on another chicken thigh (Shade always seemed to have them ready to serve), and chuffled something in response.

This earned him a smack on the ear from Lisanna's spoon. "Don't talk with your mouth full, Natsu!"

That same spoon was now thrust in the fire-eater's face. "You don't want to choke."

"Neither do we," Ultear added, casually popping another piece of rye bread in her mouth. After dipping it in a generous amount of olive oil, of course.

Natsu swallowed, finally, then spoke. "Why do you guys eat that stuff, anyway?"

"Why don't you?" Lisanna countered, smiling. "Peaches are good for you, you know."

"Easy!" proclaimed the dragon slayer, holding up his half-eaten lunch. "Because meat's the best!"

"Ai, sir!" a certain blue cat chimed in. "Especially raw!"

"Nah-ah, little buddy." Natsu lit a fire on the end of his fingertips (further charing his chicken). "Here, lemme get that for you."

The next thing Happy knew, the raw trout in his little blue paws had been charbroiled to perfection, not a blue hair burnt in the backdraft.

"Nooo!" Tears streamed down from the cat's big black eyes, his once-delicious lunch sliding out of his paws to rattle down on the table. "You ruined it..."

"What?" Natsu was confused. "How's it ruined? You can still eat it."

"He's a cat, Natsu," said Ultear.

"So?"

"More importantly, he's your son!"

"Ow! Hey, enough with the spoon, Lisanna!"

"Then show a little more sensitivity!" With that, the white-hair girl went back to angrily scooping diced peach into her mouth.

Natsu huffed. "Yeah? Well..." He pointed to her fruit. " _You_ skipped out on answering me!"

He then turned to Ultear. "Seriously, what's with the bread and the lamp fuel?"

"It's filling and nutritious," Ultear replied. "And yes, it can also fuel a lantern when my usual matchstick isn't on hand."

Lisanna ceased her peach-consumption. "When did you start carrying a matchstick?" She then looked at Natsu. "Oh."

Natsu didn't, though, and rather than once again out himself as a dummy, moved in on Lisanna. "What about all that? What's so good about a bunch of lousy peaches?"

Lisanna swallowed yet another mouthful. "Porlyusica said eating peaches and other things like this would make me a healthier woman when I'm done growing."

She beamed at her friend. "Plus a better wife."

Natsu felt he _should_ gag at Lisanna's sappiness. She'd known him long enough, she knew he hated when she joked around like that, and it always made his face shrivel up in cootie-induced sickness. And no matter how many times he tried to argue his point, she'd always turn it around on him and get him on the "I'm just being honest" card, and what was he supposed to do after that? Tell her to lie to him?

Actually…

"Why you gotta do this all the time, Lisanna?" he asked, holding in his most diabolical snicker.

Her smile remained undeterred. "What? I'm just being honest."

 _It's_ _**time**_ …

"Then why don't you _not_ be honest?" said Natsu. _Ha!_ He'd like to see her get out of-

"What would be the point?" the girl replied. "You already know how I feel."

 _THUD!_

Natsu nearly cracked the table from how hard his head slammed down on it. Luckily for him, he'd already moved his lunch out of the way, so the _real_ travesty was avoided. Still...

"I never win," he groaned.

"I wouldn't be a good wife if I let you, silly!"

"AAAGH!"

Natsu felt a hand slap his away from his pink-covered head.

"What do I keep telling you about pulling at your hair?" said Ultear.

"You're not my mom..."

"A fact for which I'm glad," said the time mage. "Do you know how much older I'd have to be?"

The time mage then addressed their white-haired third. "Speaking of parent figures, Lisanna, since when does Porlyusica allow _anyone_ to see her?"

"What are you talking about?" Lisanna finished off her peaches, then scooted around and hopped off the bench. "I visit her all the time!"

With that, she trotted off to refill her bowl.

Natsu watched her go, still flopped down on the table, scratching his head. "Doesn't she eat anything else any more?"

"The only one whose diet is one-note," Ultear deadpanned, swatting his hand away from his head again, "is you."

"So? Chicken's all I need!"

"No, chicken is all that _Shade_ needs." Her finger prodded his shoulder. "And unlike you, he's fully grown. Also unlike you, I've seen him eat other things."

"Pft, like what?" sneered Natsu.

"Avocados, peppers, and tomatoes, for one. He mixes them into a paste-"

"Bleh!" Natsu's out-stuck tongue got a taste of the wood table, facilitating a few more "Bleh's" before he could complete his retort.

"Regardless," Ultear finished, "it's a much healthier diet than the fattiest portions of chicken meat."

"But they _taste_ the best!"

"Attention everyone!" The guild master's gravelly voice cut through the din of the guild hall and silenced those below. Beside Makarov stood his grandson, his expression unreadable.

"My children," spoke the elderly wizard, "it's been a long time coming, but thanks to the efforts of Fairy Tail's own Laxus Dreyar, the Magic Council has, ahem, 'granted us permission' to anoint our own S-Class wizards."

His hands grew to mammoth size for those air quotes. Priorities indeed.

"Permission..." scoffed the guild master. "Permission to lie beneath their thumb, perhaps! The fact it's taken so long only proves two things: that the Magic Council hoped we'd never cultivate wizards who could pass their rigorous trials, and that no one, not the Council, nor our countrymen, not even the rival guilds, should _ever_ bet against Fairy Tail!"

The cheer that erupted from the below left a ringing in the ears of every participant.

"To that end, we'll be holding our first annual S-Class trials..."

There was a massive inhalation of air, as everyone thought that by doing it quietly, no one would notice their anticipation. Well, no one did, besides those with ears.

" _RRRIGHT NOW!_ "

Pandemonium erupted. Benches were knocked over. People began shoving food into their mouths, choking on it, punching out those who tried to slap the debris out. What chaos reigned! Barely two words from an old man's mouth had sent Fiore's #1 guild into a whirlwind of rioting and-

"Ah, just kidding."

All motion ceased, apart from the waving of Makarov's elderly hand.

"You kids are too high-strung. Relax a little more." With a hop and a flip, he somersaulted off the top floor railing and on to the bar below. "You should know me better than that, my children. I wouldn't-"

A floppy pink slice of uncooked fish smacked against the back of Makarov's head. As it slid off, taking his two-pronged hat along with it, the old man slooowly craned his neck around.

" _Shaaade..._ "

The cook looked over his shoulder, brushing his hood aside so he could see, and shrugged. Makarov almost bought it, until Shade's lips pursed into a toothy little smirk.

"Cohme oooon, you know me better than _tha'_ , jefe!"

No one saw who threw the next piece of food at the guild master, but as soon as that roll bounced off his shoulder, a wild Wally appeared from behind the bar, leaping atop it with a corked bottle in each hand, thumbs in primed firing position.

"FOOD FIGHT!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Once the food had stopped flying and Shade finished cussing everyone out for denigrating his finely-cooked foodstuffs-

"But you threw stuff, too!"

 _SWACK!_ "I'm the cook, _I_ decide what 'appens to food!" Such as using a slab of beef to pimp-slap the face off the obsolete mule who dared question his craft. Now tenderized, he plopped the beef on the burner and began sprinkling seasonings on it.

-cleaning up was in order. Ultear, as usual, was a blessing from the heavens above, fixing broken tables and benches with a wave of her hand and a mutterance from her lips. However, that was as far as she'd go. The food would have to be sorted out the old-fashioned way, and _not_ by Natsu's suggestion.

"Whadda ya _mean_ it's no good?" he demanded. "It's plenty good!"

"I eat stuff that falls on the floor all the time!" Happy chirped. To prove his point, he swooped down and picked up a pink piece of salmon that lay flung over the banister railing. "Food is food!"

" _See?!_ " Natsu pointed to the cat atop his head. "Happy gets it."

"He's a cat, ya mook!" Wally called, mopping up the evidence of his attempt to harness the power of soda water for flight. It had _almost_ worked.

"Who're you calling a mook?!" Natsu stormed over, his face squishing Wally's long nose. "You _started_ all this!"

"Yeah, 'n' now I'm fixin' it." Using the mop like a staff, he shoved Natsu away. "So buzz off 'n' lemme."

"Or _what?_ "

Halting a second time, Wally slung the dripping mop over his shoulder. "Or you's gonna eat more den just yuh words, pally."

"Oh ye-"

 _FWUP!_

True to _his_ word, Wally cut off Natsu's calling of his bluff by feeding him the business end of his mop. Natsu lurched away, sputtering and blowing the awful taste out of his mouth.

" _Yeah_ ," said Wally. "Jus' cuz I ain't got spells don't mean I can't knock yuh block off."

Wiping his mouth clean, Natsu growled and stood, balling his fists. "I'll show-"

 _FWUP!_

"Bluh! STOP THAT!"

"You first."

"Natsu, leave Wally alone!" Lisanna hollered, in the middle of helping her brother sweep up the crumbled remains of a plate of sweet rolls.

Natsu's rage deflated, along with his puffed-up chest. "Fine..."

Wally, to his credit, said nothing more. Besides which, his mop could now hold a little more water.

Natsu stormed back over to where he'd been, scooping up a mash of pulled meat and gravy that miraculously remained on someone's plate. Not even caring what people would think, he stuffed the whole wad in his mouth before moving to wipe his hand on his pants.

An otherwise mundane motion, but he forgot he was in Fairy Tail.

A bandage caught his hand, squeezing and rubbing it all over.

"Hey, what gives?!" Jerking his fist up next to his face, he saw the "bandage" was actually a dinner rag, and it was moving by itself.

"Your pants are dirty enough, Natsu," said Ultear, her legs crossed as she leaned back, tome in her lap.

Already angry enough, the rag erupted into a fiery plume before flaking off his hand. "You're not my mom, Ultear!"

"I'd hope not," she replied, still not looking up from her reading. "I'd be ashamed to have taught you manners like that."

Natsu was ready to _scream_ at this point. " _Why is everybody against me?!_ "

"That depends. Are you still hungry?"

Natsu ceased his teeth-clenched, head-thrown-back implosion. Now Ultear _was_ looking at him, and the hand which wasn't holding one end of her book was instead balancing a plate of… Chicken.

Seeing his utterly baffled look, Ultear explained. "This is _your_ lunch, Natsu. I rescued it for you."

Setting it on the table next to her, she patted the adjacent stool. Natsu needed no invitation and zoomed over, going to town on what was left of his lunch. To Natsu, it was maybe a third of what he'd started with. To normal people, it was easily a whole meal.

"Perhaps we should do this more," Ultear suggested.

Natsu swallowed. "Get into food fights and eating the food?"

"If you like." Ultear folded her book and leaned on her uncrossed thighs. "If nothing else, it's quite the spectacle."

"No complaints here!" _Chomp._ He pointed a greasy finger at her book. "By the weh, where'd you get that?"

Ultear's expression remained unchanged, keeping her eyebrow from showing her interest. She _knew_ she'd told him this story before, but more importantly, she was fairly certain he hadn't forgotten it. From his tone of voice, it almost seemed like he'd forgotten the tome entirely.

"It was a gift," she began, "from an ancient winter spirit named Mr. Sacks."

She settled back into her seat, one of the few that actually had back support, courtesy of Shade.

"I was told of Mr. Sacks by two traders from the far north. I met them in a tavern, where my mother worked." She looked over to where Ur was even now monitoring the clean-up of some fools who, during the food brawl, made the mistake of breaking a bottle over her head. "How times change."

A glance back saw that Natsu was staring at his food instead of her. Letting out a sighing hum, the young mage leaned on to the table, allowed her early-bloomed bosom to rest on top.

"They explained Mr. Sacks: his methods, his machinations, his… strangeness. Frankly, I had no idea what to make of him." Clasping her hands and leaning more on her elbows, she pretended not to notice Natsu staring. "To think I almost rejected their offer..."

Now she trailed off, genuinely lost in thought as she pondered it: what _would_ her life have been like without this tome she carried? How differently would the battle against Deliora have gone? The journey to Fairy Tail? The battle with Ravenlord? The trip down the Shrine-Mimic's gullet? Being a time mage, it was good exercise to contemplate possible futures.

The contemplation ceased, however, when she felt a finger poke her arm.

"You finished?" Natsu asked.

Ultear smiled, leaning her head on one hand and quite deliberately revealing what her skin-tight suit could not _possibly_ hide. "Am I boring you?"

"Umm-" Natsu swallowed, his eyes darting all over her, to places she found rather odd, and ones she found rather pleasing.

"One of them had a small effigy of Mr. Sacks on hand." Ultear decided she wouldn't even give him the chance to panic. "It was then I realized who the spirit was, and that I could trust him. I couldn't imagine how at the time, but the spirit that delivered gifts to the people up north, was the one who delivered _me_ home to Mother."

"Why the detour?"

"Detour?" Ultear repeated, somewhat surprised, for _she_ hadn't taught Natsu that word.

"Yeah!" said Natsu. "The guy leaves gifts in people's beds, and suddenly he's a stork?"

"Well, _obviously_ ," the time mage smirked, "I was a gift to my mother."

Natsu's neck seemed to turn into goo, from the rate at which his head lowered to the table. And he grooooaned.

"I haven't summoned him since," said Ultear. From the air, she conjured the effigy she'd received so many years ago, kept safe in the same alternative future as her orb. "Perhaps..."

"Let's do it!" Natsu shouted. "Maybe _he_ knows where Igneel is!"

Ultear smiled; the snare had caught its prey. The feeling only expanded when she saw Lisanna's face across the room, the whitette's lip curled with jealousy.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Much to Natsu's disappointment, Mr. Sacks wouldn't show for about 4 months. In the meantime, life went on for Fairy Tail. Talk around the guild floated about many a gossip, from rival guilds to potential S-class jobs. Lisanna caught wind of Ravenlord, but nothing came of it, no matter _how_ many jobs she and Natsu (and Ultear) took to find him. He'd disappeared off the map, perhaps into the same hole as the Mimic-Shrine.

"The what?" Lisanna asked.

"This giant stone worm thing that makes slime-dragons out of its stomach goo and I swear _if I ever get my hands on it-_ "

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, Natsu," spoke the youngest Strauss sibling.

Both Lisanna and Ultear laid a hand on his shoulder. While not the _same_ shoulder, it was still enough for the two friend[ly rival]s to shoot each other a competitive, slightly possessive look.

Summer quickly turned to fall, nearly two years since Ravenlord released his stranglehold on Cedgewick and let the town die, yet not one word was heard of the autumn spirit.

A more consistent rumor concerned a renegade group of wizard-athletes putting on underground fight shows, in conjured arenas and seemingly behind the Magic Council's back. No one could know for sure, because according to Master Makarov, the Council wasn't letting _anyone_ know about a guild that could exist without their knowledge, let alone their consent.

However, Mr. Sacks would have to wait, as a certain someone arrived long before winter did.

 _CRISCH!_

"Not now, Natsu." Gildarts lowered his fist and continued his ascent up the guild hall's staircase, leaving Natsu to un-wedge his head from the wall.

The fire mage giggled giddily. "He's so awesome…!"

"Yeah..." Cana may have had Natsu's wrist, but her gaze idly settled on Gildarts.

"For deh workin' man," Wally remarked, grabbing Natsu's other wrist and pulling the rest of him free. "Bricklayers probly breakin' 'is door down every week."

"I just wish he'd be more gentle!" Lisanna huffed, standing on a stool to examine Natsu's head. "Does it hurt?"

"Does it ever?" Natsu replied.

"Pff, you should know better, Flame-Brain." Now _where_ , oh where, had Natsu heard that voice before?

Gray was already sauntering up to the recovering mage. "That's what you get for going past your league."

"Says the one," Ultear remarked with a small smirk, "for whom a _shirt_ is out of his league."

"What'd you say, Ultear?!" Gray barked.

"She ain't wrong," Natsu growled, his brow meeting Gray's, their eyes locked. "You want a fight, I'll give it to ya!"

 _And I just fixed the wall_ , Ultear mentally sighed, her handiwork now going unnoticed. Perhaps she should stop her Restoration from now on, let the guild recall the twin hassles of carpentry and masonry. Nevertheless, the two managed to restrain themselves from breaking anything but each other.

Cana looked around, shuffling her Tarot deck in her hands. "Where's Erza when you need her?"

"On a job," said Wally. "Didn't want me dere, for whadevah reason."

The card mage sighed. With how much energy those two had, Ultear had to agree.

"Attention everyone!" Makarov's voice cut through the din, even that made by the boys, and called the attention of Fairy Tail. "With Gildarts here, I've finally- _WILL YOU TWO CALM DOWN FOR_ _ **FIVE MINUTES?!**_ "

All motion in the boys ceased, Natsu's fingers entrenched in Gray's hair.

"Thank you," said Makarov. "Now then, after discussing ideas with our most accomplished wizards, the trials for S-Class have been set."

The old man thrust a finger to the ceiling. "The trial will be held on Fairy Tail's most sacred ground, Tenrou Island. Now, in one week's time..."

Ultear tuned out at that, not being of any concern to here. Who was chosen and who wasn't, all it did was unlock a new set of higher-paying jobs. With her mother to help support her, she had no need for the lucrative deals on offer, nor did she feel any particular desire to prove herself. She knew exactly how talented she was, and time spent at this trial would be time away from jobs, studying and training. If she was ever going to best her mother, she needed all the managed time she could get.

"Ultear Milkovich."

... _What?_

"Aw, lu-ckyyy!" Cana whined, drawing a card from her deck. Her eyes widened in surprise, before she quietly shuffled the card back into her deck.

Ultear still doubted her hearing. "Me?"

"That's what he said!" Natsu exclaimed. "So who's gonna be your partner?"

"'Partner'?" Ultear sounded like she'd never heard the concept before.

"Sheesh, pay attention!" Natsu seemed to take an annoying amount of satisfaction in chastising her, which Ultear realized was due to a role-reversal at play.

"Gramps said anyone who went got a partner to take with 'em, to help 'em through the trial," the dragon slayer continued. "You're picking me, right? Right?!"

Closing her leathered tome, Ultear's eyelids came to rest from their bewilderment, as she pondered the idea. Natsu _was_ a capable fighter, as she'd seen first-hand, and his zeal would make him a die-hard comrade if they ended up coming to blows with other candidates. A quick look around the guild hall marked out her competition: those who had flocks of wizards gathered around them, all looking to stand beside the first ever Fairy Tail-certified S-Class mage. All except Enno, whose audience had grown somewhat (among other things) ever since her little rendezvous with Macao a few months prior.

Except now, said audience was almost entirely female, and there was one part of her body they were all excited about.

But that was of little concern to Ultear. The only wizard who might've given her pause was Mirajane, who from the look of it had already shanghaied her brother into being her partner. Like the trooper he was, Elfman merely kept mum and allowed his sister to drag him out of the hall by the finely-tailored neck of his suit.

"I think..."

Ultear's words had Natsu nearly falling out of his seat, so far forward-leaning was he.

The time mage turned slightly to her left. "You."

"AW COME ON!"

Now it was Lisanna's turn to question her hearing. "Me?" she asked, pointing to herself. "But why?"

"Several reasons," said Ultear, "many of which you share with Natsu."

This had both girls eyeing the fire mage. Natsu was now on the ground, hands clasped together, rattling off pleas so rapidly that even a dog might not hear them all. It was clear, though, how he wanted Lisanna to respond.

Lisanna, on the other hand, was debating over whether she should say-

"It's fine if you don't want to come," Ultear assured her, leaning back in her chair, her developing breasts pushing against the fabric of her one-piece suit. "Frankly, Natsu _was_ my initial choice, so perhaps I'll take him."

"OH YEAH! I AM _SO_ FIRED UP FOR THIS!"

Lisanna's eyelids drooped in disdain, though not towards her future husband. _You didn't just… You did, Ultear, didn't you?_

Then her air of cheeriness reasserted itself. "I'd be happy to help, Ultear! Together, we'll be unstoppable."

"Thank you for that," said the time mage, before turning to the utterly crushed boy with the thunder cloud over his head. "Next time, Natsu."

His head jerked up. "Whadda ya _mean_ 'Next time'?!" A finger was thrust Ultear's way. "You're comin' back an S-Class, and don't get any ideas about not!"

"No, she meant when _you_ go for S-Class, silly!" chirped Lisanna, before taking his hand in her own. "Then I can help _you_ , too!"

"Oh?" said Ultear, her brows held high. "And what would make you more qualified to be his partner than I?"

There was _venom_ in that cute little smile. "Because you'll be S-Class already, remember?"

A slow, equally diabolical smile crept across Ultear's face. "But of course."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise that the young fire mage hadn't come. If Natsu turned green at a train rattling, then from how much this ship was pitching about, he would've thrown himself overboard as soon as they left Hargeon Harbor. Lisanna herself was getting a little seasick, watching the land tilt back and forth, imagining the houses and hills just… sliding off like food off a dinner plate. Her arms draped over the side, the Strauss sibling's stomach felt ready to heave itself any minute now. She couldn't get to Tenrou Island fast enough.

Countering that blessing was the very _real_ curse of Erza. Astonishingly, the young redhead had raced home in time to kidnap a partner and make it to the maiden voyage of the _Siren's Song_. That partner being Wally (unsurprisingly) meant that Erza would probably gel just as much with him as Lisanna would with Ultear, or Mira with Elfman.

And if Ultear didn't win, and Lisanna was away on a job without Natsu, then the next time the S-Class Trials were held...

"Gather 'round!" Makarov's voice psyched her out of the vicious cycle of worrying nausea and nauseating worry. Sliding off the banister, her feet crossed and nearly sent her tumbling to the deck, the wind setting her snow white locks in a flutter. Her normal dress might've betrayed her all the same, if she hadn't swapped it out for a more practical combo of a t-shirt and skin-tight shorts.

A hand was offered from above. "I hope you didn't catch that from Natsu," Ultear jested, hauling her friend to her feet.

"We really need to find a cure for him," Lisanna remarked. "This is horrible."

She then looked at the time mage as they walked to join the guild master. "How are _you_ not sick?"

"There's a certain rhythm to the boat," Ultear replied. "I follow along with it."

"Alright, pipe down!" Makarov insincerely scolded. "Now..."

Behind him was a drawn picture, depicting a series of earthen cave entrances, a white letter over the black mouth of each.

"Just above the landing are a series of tunnels," said the short Wizard Saint. "Each will provide a different challenge to whomever enters. Two, for instance, intersect one another, and the two pairs that meet will fight to advance. One is the Tunnel of-"

Right as the master's tongue pressed against the roof of his mouth, the "L" sound it formed sent two young wizards spiraling into covert fits of self-flagellating regret.

"-Luck."

…oh…

"Should you happen upon it, then luck is on your side, as there's no obstacle to overcome. The pair will be free to advance to the camp."

Makarov folded his arms behind him. "And the remaining two passages contain S-Class wizards."

Everyone swallowed a little at that.

"Be warned: once a tunnel is taken, it cannot be used by a second team." Makarov then slapped a finger on the tunnels on the far right. While the first five were labeled with letters "A" through "E" in the alphabet, these last three all had an X over them.

"These three passages are out of bounds and forbidden," said Makarov, in a tone that promised doom and recompense to any who defied him. "Now, off ya go!"

The ease at which he swapped out his doom-voice for that grandfatherly timbre drew a collective sigh from the gathered masses. Then, all was pandemonium as each team scrambled for the bow of the ship. One by one, everyone went over the side, Lisanna and Ultear unfortunately bringing up the rear.

The air of this late-September day made the ocean no less frigid. Lisanna had gotten a first-hand taste of it when a breaker had crashed against port side (as the crew had called it), splashing cold, salty water on her bare legs.

Thus, she took the scenic route: the one that involved bird wings, gliding, and _not_ getting wet.

"My thoughts exactly," said Ultear, floating alongside her, cross-legged upon her orb.

"We do think alike," Lisanna remarked, smiling as they passed the swimmers below.

"About more things than one, unfortunately."

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that," said Lisanna as they touched down on the shore.

"As did I," Ultear replied as they surveyed the tunnel mouths. "Which should we take?"

"You're asking me?" Lisanna gave her partner a look. "Your the contestant. Why don't you pick?"

"I'm a woman of logic," said Ultear, "and this decision lacks any."

Lisanna thought about it for a moment. "So I'm _not_ logical?"

Now Ultear was giving Lisanna that same look. "I didn't say that. You're better at trusting a hunch than I am."

"Oh, well in that case..." Lisanna closed her eyes, twirled around once, then pointed straight ahead. "That one."

Tunnel C: lit by glimmering crystal rock, refracting the light of its entrances all along the interior.

"Now then," said Ultear, about two minutes into their spelunking, "what did we want to talk about?"

"Natsu," Lisanna replied.

"Ah yes." Reaching a small ledge, Ultear grabbed her reappearing orb and floated up. "And the issue?"

Lisanna merely hopped up, skipping her magic. "We can't be around him all the time."

"Indeed we can't." Ultear carefully stepped down a descending patch of outcroppings, forming a rudimentary staircase. "I have a few proposals for you, and I assure you, none of them are like the one you're seeking from Natsu."

Lisanna chuckled. "I'd certainly hope not."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"See? I was right to trust you."

Emerging from Tunnel C, with not a foe in sight, Ultear and Lisanna squinted as their eyes became reacquainted with the noontime daylight.

"And we'll trust each other to keep our promises," Lisanna stated, working up to a jog as they found a semi-overgrown trail.

"With Natsu to act as insurance," Ultear finished. After all, if the pink-headed lug was going to be far too honest about everything, they should exploit that.

Soon enough, they arrived at Fairy Tail's base camp. Looking around, they were surprised to see that they were in fact the last ones who'd made it, despite their route being that of literally the least resistance. Gildarts and Laxus were both present, speaking quietly to Guild Master Makarov, who it seems had circumvented the paths altogether.

A storm cloud rumbled over the bruised and bandaged quarter who sat beneath separate pavilions, the two alphas of the group fixing glares upon each other.

"Mira!" Lisanna rushed to her sister's side. "What happened?"

Her ponytail was a mess, frayed edges all over and a thin streak behind her ear where some of the hair had been pulled off at the scalp. Her bangs had been burned in half, ending in black stumps instead of trailing down the sides of her face, and the purple ribbon which normally held back her hair was fighting for its life to not fall to shreds.

Mira's glare shifted to her sister, and she scowled, jerking a thumb towards Laxus. " _He_ did," was all she said.

Then, it was back to glowering. The one she glowered at didn't look much better. The young knight-mage was nearly half-purple in the face, bulbous welts and contusions marring her normally flawless features, though the discoloration blended well with her shiny (if banged-up) breastplate. Her pretty red hair still frayed on its ends where it wasn't cleanly sliced to streamers at the times. Her left cheek had been busted open, and by a blunt force, too, judging from the bruising around the scab. All over her legs, her skin was red with microabrasions; she winced as a small insect landed on the area. Erza said nothing, but from the way her partner, Wally, was angrily laying in to Gildarts with his eyes, it wasn't hard to deduce which path they'd taken.

Ultear sat down next to the pair, but knowing better than to prod her destitute friend, instead turned to Wally.

"How strong was he?" she asked.

Wally huffed. "Freakin' scary, like da enda duh world. I tought I was gonna sleep duh big sleep fuh sure, 'til Erza..."

He fell silent on the subject. Not a good sign.

"Can yuh believe he asked us if we wanted 'n easy fight?" Wally huffed, wrinkling his pointy nose at the very thought. "Like it woulda meant sometin' to win like dat..."

Ah. So Erza was to blame for her thrashing. Or, more specifically, a stubborn refusal to know her own limits. Hopefully, thanks to the humbling she'd suffered, that feeling wouldn't take to habit.

"And with Ultear's arrival," announced Makarov, stepping away from the other two strongest members of the guild, "we may proceed."

The old man strode out into a nearby clearing in the forest, beckoning for his children to follow. Laxus lingered behind while the rest of them filed in behind their guild master. The lightning mage eyeballed the camp for a moment, as if looking for a reason to stay, then, his arms still firmly crossed, shuffled along.

"Now then," said Makarov, turning to address his literal followers, "as we're left with only two candidates, the final test will be something… different."

He looked to Ultear, and to his credit _didn't_ ogle her chest, then to Macao, the only other candidate to pass his trial, though not without taking a few lumps of his own. Ultear's eyes looked upon her master's, and right away she knew.

Master Makarov was improvising.

As if to compound her assertion, Makarov dug his heel into the soft earth beneath his boots and began shuffling backwards. He put a little rotation in his step, eventually dragging out a shallow circular trench in the ground, about six times as wide as Makarov was tall. Credit to him, his drawing skills were impeccable: it was as near-perfect as an elderly wizard could've made it.

"For the final test..." Makarov looked as grim as he'd been the last time a letter concerning Gildarts had arrived at the guild.

Then he nearly blinded everyone with his pearly whites.

"You must put me..." He dropped a finger towards the edge of the circle. "...out of bounds."

The old man's arms folded behind his back. "Who's first?"

"I am," Macao declared, running a hand through his spiky blue hair before stepping up to the line.

"Oh yes, I almost forgot..." Makarov's formerly narrowed eyes now opened fully, though his grin remained. "You have… exactlyoneminutetodoit. _Starting now!_ "

"What?! Rrrgh..."

It couldn't be helped. Violet flames burned to life, their endophotonic color always a fascinating thing to see. However, Ultear didn't make the mistake of looking at them, not if she wanted to win.

 _Fifty-eight seconds later…_

"Time's up, m'boy! Better luck next year," said Makarov affectionately.

For how short a battle it'd been, one wouldn't know it from the scenery. Charred, broken branches peppered the area. Sheets of glass had been blasted on to a nearby sand pit. A few patches of grass still smoldered among deep purple coals. A blackened line of ash and melted pebbles had been cut clean through the earth, dividing the guild master's circle into uneven halves.

And Makarov himself was unblemished.

Still, as Macao stepped away, his failure allowed Ultear to form a plan of attack. She'd watched Makarov carefully, seeing his every movement as the agile old-time made a mockery of Macao's attacks. Hers was a complicated, multi-faceted strategy, but should see her victorious in only half the time needed

"Ultear, whenever you're ready,"he said, "which I do hope is now, because your fifteen seconds have begun."

…

It was an amazing thing, magic. Among its many properties, it could create fire where there was none, and without any need for fuel. It could rewind the clock on a tree, turning it from a rotten hive of termites into a _healthy_ hive of termites, before compressing it down to its original seed. It could warp a person's body into any number of things: animals, monsters, demons, even machinery if Ultear's reading in the Fairy Tail library was time not wasted. It could even alter the senses, not merely through shapeshifting, but through illusions, fantasies and other blankets upon the mind. Though far less impressive a spectacle, such magics were doubtless far more potent when disabling a foe marked the objective for the day.

Yet Makarov had done it with merely a sentence.

Ultear was frozen. Her plan was in shambles. Her powers seemed to be deserting her; not a single spell came to mind. Her best chance at becoming an S-Class mage was dissolving right before her eyes, something she realized she wanted very dearly now that it was under threat, all at the feet of a grinning old man.

Her finger twitched, her orb half-forming beneath her hand before fading back into the temporal miasma. She could hear the cogwork of the eternal clock that was time, ticking down the seconds to her failure.

 _Eleven._

 _Ten._

 _Nine._

Desperation gave way to inspiration: what would Natsu do?

The answer: _something_.

So that's exactly what she did.

"Arc of Time, _Continuum!_ "

A plan began to form again.

 _Seven._

Her orb speared into the ground, burrowing through the soft dirt. She made sure to roll it along, lest the compression of dirt and debris slow its movement. Every microsecond counted.

The orb burst through the ground, right in front of Makarov. As nimble as ever, the Titan mage flipped back and away.

 _Six._

 _NO! I WASN'T READY!_

He was already airborne. _He was already airborne_. The one facet of her half-plan that she'd build do was now delivered unto her and she couldn't even take advantage of it.

 _Five._

What madness had struck her to conceive of this: a maneuver that required a spell she could barely cast in a _calm_ state of mind, and here she was attempting to do it while elbow-deep in panic!

 _Think: move the Master outside of the circle._

Would it even work?

 _Four._

No time to waste. Holding her orb in the air, she swept a hand sideways. A tidal wave of earth began to form, like a hand sweeping crumbs off a table. A stroke of genius on her part compelled her to use _only_ the dirt inside the drawn circle, lowering its altitude by several feet and warranting more time in the air for the Master.

 _Three._

The Master, ever the crafty one, didn't even finish his flip before his wary eyes saw the threat. His arm and the sleeve that held it exploded in size, giant fingers burrowing into the ground, and _within_ the circle. Makarov was proving just as cerebral as she was, perhaps more so.

 _Two_.

Through the tidal wave came her orb, breaking through as it crested and catching the guild master off-guard. Or so she thought. In reality, with an anchor on the ground, and Makarov's small frame orbiting it, it was a simple matter for him to bend his elbow and pull himself beneath its trajectory. The orb zoomed overhead before curving up, coming around again for one more pass.

No inspiration left here, only desperation. Ultear's beautiful brain was at once fully active: observing, predicting, calculating, maneuvering, and yet completely blank.

 _One_.

Abandoning her tidal wave, Ultear instead uprooted the ground beneath Makarov's fingers. More than that, she compressed the dirt into a more slab-shaped projectile to push against the guild master's palm. He attempted to grow the limb some more, and while it broke the dirt, it also meant he was higher in the air when he re-anchored himself.

That, and her orb had just about completed its spin-'round.

 _Zero._

The crash was deafening. Every plant left unscathed by Macao's trial was bent back from the sheer impact of Makarov upon the ground. Those his purple flames _had_ touched were ravaged, snapping in half or in some cases disintegrating outright.

Some among the gathered Fairies had seen areas in Earthland where rocks had fallen from the heavens above and smashed holes in whatever had been unfortunate enough to linger beneath their descent. The crater left by Ultear's final gambit was a perfect match for one. It completely overshadowed the meek and meter-deep circle that Ultear and Makarov had dug together, albeit consecutively, for size and depth.

When the dust cloud cleared, Makarov was on his stomach, pushing himself to all fours as Ultear's orb rolled off of him.

" _Oh no!_ " cried the children, rushing over to their dirty and disheveled guild master. All save for Ultear, who loitered well away from the crash-landing. She told herself that if the adults weren't worried, then she shouldn't be, either. But she still had hesitance when looking upon her handiwork.

"I'm- _Puh!_ I'm fine, I'm fine!" a disgruntled Makarov cried, spitting some errant dirt from his mouth. Wiping his lips on his sleeve, he stood up and dusted off his jacket.

Or, rather, he tried, but that white parka was now decisively more tanned, and not because of its leather.

"You kids… Take a hint from them!" he shouted, pointing at the more senior members of Fairy Tail. "They know I've had worse in my prime!"

Laxus, leaning against one of the few undamaged trees, snorted. "You're not _in_ your prime, old man."

"Ah, you wound me, Laxus, far more than our new S-Class mage managed to."

Ultear said nothing. Lisanna, one of the mass gathered around Makarov, did a double-take towards the man-shaped silhouette at the center of the crater, before beaming brightly.

"Oh, right! I suppose she won!"

"Indeed she did," remarked Gildarts, reaching down to squeeze his new equal's shoulder. "Welcome to the big leagues, Ultear."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _I'm so proud of you!_ "

"Mother… Everyone can see you…"

Ur didn't hear, possibly due to the din of the guild hall. After all, Fairy Tail wasn't a guild for formalities, and never needed an excuse to go hog wild anyway. Empty plates were already piling up around Natsu as he mowed down every piece of meat he could reach, halted only when he bit into his own hand.

"AY-EEE-ow!" Natsu began flopping his wrist, but the pain wouldn't be wrung out so easily. "Man, I got a strong jaw."

"Natsuuu?" came a cute but disapproving voice. Natsu warily turned his eyeballs to his left, where Lisanna's eyes were giving him the look, and not the nice kind, either.

"Did you congratulate Ultear _before_ you started stuffing yourself?" she asked, hands firmly on her hips, and feet firmly planted on the bench.

"I, uh..." Suddenly he'd lost his appetite. "I'll go tell her again!"

"You do that," said the white-haired girl, who was then off to console her bitter older sibling. At that moment, Mira looked ready to level the guild hall, which simply wouldn't do, not one bit.

Natsu quickly found his way to the bar. By now he'd mastered the art of scaling the stools.

"So you're finally S-Class, Ultear!" He chiseled a hand out from her mother's death-hug to shake it. "Congrats!"

"Oh, come on, Natsu, you can do better than that!" proclaimed Ur, dumping her daughter back on to her own half-used stool. "At least give her one on the cheek."

"A handshake?" said the boy.

A strawberry-flavored one, to be precise, given the color of Ultear's face.

" _Mother..._ "

"What? You two'd make a fantastic couple!"

Now Natsu had it. "Aw, no! Yuck! Gross."

"Girls are gross now, flame boy?" said the ice mage.

"Girls aren't, no, but all that kissy-slobbery stuff sure is!"

"You let me stick my tongue on your face, don't you?" Happy asked, now feeling safe enough to fly over and sit near Natsu, fish in hand. He wasn't about to lose a tasty mackerel to a Natsu feeding frenzy, after all.

Natsu pointed at the cat. " _You_ don't drool all over me!"

"Natsu," said Ultear, "that's not what Mother's referring to, nor how it's done."

"Yeah it is!" Natsu protested. "I see Macao and Enno do it all the time, and they're always-"

"See us do what, Natsu?"

Suddenly, Enno was behind him, not so much 'standing' as 'looming'. For a woman who wore less clothes in winter than most people did in summertime, she could be surprisingly ominous.

"I, uh..." Natsu didn't want to look. "Couldn't say..."

"Couldn't say?" Enno asked, that aura still suffocating him with fear. "Why don't you show us?"

"Ew, no!"

"You aren't up to it?" Enno asked sweetly. "You could ask Ultear for help."

"Enno," warned Ultear, but before she could continue, she was shoved off her seat.

"Yeah! Go get him, honey!" Ur shouted.

Enno chuckled. "I was joking, Ur. No need to rush things along. They're still young, after all."

"Easy for you to say," remarked Ur. "You haven't seen yours yet."

"And just what do you mean by that?"

Ur's hand rested on her hip. "You really wanna know?"

Ultear took this as her cue to slip away, while her mother was distracted and so the time mage wouldn't have to endure the conversation that would surely follow. She dragged Natsu along, sparing him the same, and evidently he'd become a germaphobe in the last few minutes.

"Wait! No! I'm clean! Keep your tongue in! Don't slime me!"

She ignored him, eventually let him go, and made her way to Master Makarov at the other end of the bar.

"Master?"

The old man paused in his drink and lowered the tankard, now dressed in his more casual guild attire, silly hat and all.

"What seems to be the matter, my dear?"

He read her like one of her books. "Why did you make the final test so simple?"

"Simple?" he repeated, raising an eyebrow. "You think those stunts you made my raggedy old body perform were simple?"

"No, no, I..." She sighed, recollected herself, and tried again. "Given the harrowing nature of the first trial, I was expecting the second to be more complex than a simple battle."

"Ah," grunt Makarov. "I see. And this expectation has nothing to do with your choice of the Path of Luck?"

She was still hearing a different "L" word in her head when he said that. "Somewhat."

Makarov set his mug down. A dull wooden ring on his finger glowed stark white, before leaping off his hand to become his gnarled old wooden staff.

"When you were about to accept my challenge," said Makarov, leaning on it, "what was your first plan?"

Ultear looked up at him, then turned away and sighed. "No, it's idiotic..."

"I'll be the judge of that," said Makarov. "Let's hear it!"

Ultear hesitated. "To force you up, then uproot the ground and move the circle to a different spot before you landed."

Makarov gave a pair of nods. "I suspected as much. And what would such a stratagem have accomplished?"

"My passage into S-Class," said the young time mage, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world (which it was).

"True, true, but..." Makarov leaned a little more on his staff. "What was the _point_ of that particular trial?"

Ultear thought for a moment. Why would the guild master choose to do it that way, out of any number of options he may have had? The contenders: Macao and her. How were their skills? Definitely above average, but nowhere near those of Laxus or Gildarts. Their powers were nothing alike, Ultear's requiring a physical focus while Macao's fire needed nothing but his own magic to work. They certainly weren't the same age, Macao being nearly 20 years her senior. What separated them from the other three candidates, outside of passing their first trials?

Wait, the trials themselves… Macao facing another team, and Ultear facing nothing but a negotiation with Lisanna, then perhaps…

"You wanted to see my powers yourself," she concluded. "You needed something to gauge them, as no one in the guild's upper echelons had felt them first-hand."

"Indeed," Makarov grunted, sipping the foam from his drink. "I knew you'd be watching, formulating a plan of attack from every movement I made, every trick I used to stay in that ring. And no doubt you'd think of a way to circumvent my power. I also knew your plan would work well within the allotted time, hence the shorter time clock."

Makarov leaned on the staff some more, and this time fell right off the bar. He took a chair with him, and the crash was lost in the sea of noise that the guild lobby had become.

"I wanted to see you both succeed," he said, dusting himself off, "and to tell one of my children that they'd failed _because_ their plan succeeded?"

He shook his head before looking right at her.

"It would've broken my heart. So I'm afraid your plan had to go, in favor of mine."

Ultear smiled at her master's warmth. "You seem awfully confident that this post-15-second plan was at play. You're certain I had one?"

Makarov raised an eyebrow at that, then grinned. "It's the same kind of plan you're using on Natsu."

"...please don't tell him."

"O-ho, I wouldn't dare. You kids are a barrel of laughs!"

Then, out of nowhere, Makarov's tankard exploded as a few strands of Ultear's hair began to rise, her face as serene as ever.

"Duly noted," she said calmly, before walking away. Mess aside, at least now she knew where she'd honed that hitherto unheard-of skill at improvising.

* * *

 **Author's promise:**

Hope you like pro wrestling and Christmas, because [by Chapter 13], you're getting both.

 _HOLLER… IF YA HEAR ME!_


	12. The Most Wonderful Time

**Author's note:**

Yes, I miscalculated. All things big, bad, and booty-related (paternally speaking, of course) will have to make their debut come next chapter. For now, enjoy this two-months-early Christmas chapter.

Two months on the day I finished writing it, anyway. Happy Halloween!

* * *

 **The Most Wonderful Time**

He wasn't sure what was weirder: how Mira and Erza would always give him hell for staring, or how Ultear wouldn't. Sometimes he thought Lisanna might try to _get_ him to stare at her, but that couldn't be.

Whatever it was, he thought about maybe blindfolding himself around the guildhall to stop the girls from cleaning his clock. Both of them were S-Class mages, Erza becoming one last year and Mira just a few weeks ago, and whatever the old geezer did to people on that island seemed to make them scary-strong and hot-tempered as Hell.

Except Ultear, of course. She was always nice to him.

Natsu scratched the side of his head, staring. Didn't help that she always smelled nice, too.

"Something wrong, Natsu?"

The dragon slayer's ear and gaze turned to his other close friend, Lisanna. He had to wonder what she would've looked if she'd stuck to her little girl dress while, uh, "filling out". The dress she wore now was still salmon, just like his hair, but with a turned-out collar around the neck and sleeves. She'd also started wearing a… vest? Lisanna called that magenta thing something else, but for Natsu, if it went over the shoulders like a vest, and it buttoned up on the front like a vest (even though Lisanna always left the top one undone), it was a vest. Same as his, but more girly, which was fine as long as it wasn't him who was wearing it. For one thing, Lisanna always insisted that top button stay undone, for "support". What, like he didn't support her enough?

"Nah, just thinkin'," he replied, before his eyes unintentionally jumped down for a moment. Yup, that was Lisanna, too. "You smell nice today."

Her giggle was like a schoolgirl's, not that Natsu had ever been to school. She sat down next to him and slid over, close, like she always did, tucking herself under his limp arm.

"Don't I always?" she asked, smiling playfully. "You've never told me I stink."

"That's 'cause ya never have," he replied. "What's your point?"

"Oh, I don't know," she said, turning away, baiting him to draw closer to her face. "Maybe that I'm due for a change."

"Of clothes?"

She giggled again, this time more jovially. "In a way."

She then turned back. Natsu suddenly found himself inches away from a pretty face with great big blue eyes.

"But that's not the way I was talking about."

"Then what _were_ you talking about?" asked a newcomer's mature, womanly voice.

Lisanna reluctantly turned her gaze away from her future husband and on to her present rival. Ultear had somehow moved from the other side of the hall to atop Natsu's table, in the span of time that Lisanna had taken her wary eyes off of her.

"Because," Ultear continued, "I myself was thinking of affecting a change. A change in the way Natsu..."

She looked at him. She knew he couldn't help but notice the way her crossed legs pushed her supple flesh against the fabric of her bodysuit.

"…'smells' me."

"Don't know how you're gonna do that, Ultear," Natsu observed, pointing at his face. "I only got one nose."

"As you always do," she sighed, looking at Lisanna. A more open yet clandestine rivalry there hadn't been since Phantom Lord and Fairy Tail last clashed. Still, Lisanna shared Ultear's sympathy. Feelings were hard to explain, especially when the object of one's affection had managed to remain oblivious to them for literal years.

" _HEY, NATSU!_ " thundered the usual peanut gallery. Elfman had grown up like a creeper vine, and out like an ox. He was Natsu's age, yet dwarfed some of the fully-grown adults in Fairy Tail with his height and width. Not to mention his spiky white hair, which seemed to have grown up with him. He swore up and down he didn't use hair gel any more than he tailored his own indigo suit, despite how often that suit would "forget" the damage it took from his brawls with Wally.

"Listen," spoke the giant, "I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times, but I'll tell you until you get it: a real man takes responsibility for a woman he likes."

"Not this again..." moaned Lisanna, putting a hand to her face, though mayhap that was to hide her smirk.

"I mean it, Natsu!" Elfman asserted, jabbing a massive finger into Natsu's face. "If you're gonna be with my little sister, she's Priority Number 1."

"Elfman, stop pressuring him!" Lisanna scolded, though she still looked halfway to laughing. She already knew how this would probably end.

The hulking man retracted his digit. "Just making sure he gets the message."

Walking away, he added, "Natsu was always slow on the uptake."

" _YOU SAYING I'M STUPID, MANIMAL?!_ "

" _A REAL MAN TAKES CHARGE OF THINGS, ESPECIALLY WITH GIRLS!"_

" _WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!"_

"Exactly his point, heat-breath."

"SHUT IT, ICE CUBE!" Natsu turned back to Elfman only to eat a face full of hand.

"Then get back to my sister, Natsu," Elfman told him.

"What? Why?!"

"Do we have to spell it out for you, flame-brain?" shouted Gray, stomping over.

"I don't need any lessons from you, flasher!"

In moments, fists and insults were flying, soon joined by other members as Fairy Tail got into yet another brawl. Ultear sighed, though not for this; at her level, cleaning up messes was easy, so long as they weren't bodily related. No, this was a sigh for her, and somewhat for Lisanna, before the two's eyes met and sparks flared between them.

Years, it had been. Years since the grand kickoff of their rivalry. Neither was any closer to conceding the game.

Even if the keeper of their prize remained completely oblivious to it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I'm still not sure about this," Natsu muttered.

"If you were consistent," chided Ultear, hauling him over by the collar of his vest, "you would be as certain of this as you are of the sun rising."

Natsu's only response was grumbling, doubly so, as time here was time he could spend playing in the freshly-fallen snow outside.

If anything, he sounded like a bitter sibling, and for Ultear, that kind of resentment simply would not do.

"Here," she said, plunking him down in front of the wooden figure. Natsu had seen this before, whenever Ultear had him over when they were kids. She recalled how he'd questioned it, as, sharp as always, he knew she wasn't one for dolls. That was more Lisanna's thing.

"Here what?" he asked.

"Here," she said, "is where you call upon Mr. Sacks."

Natsu stared at the doll. It kinda reminded him of this old geezer he'd once seen the Church of Xentopia talking about, this saint guy who broke into people's houses by sliding down the chimney. Red cloak with white fluffy trim, black woolly pants, big sack (not like that), guy looked more like a burglar than a bringer.

"So I just… I dunno, talk to it?"

"Yes."

 _That all?_ thought Natsu. _I shoulda had Ultear show me this_ years _ago!_

"I did," replied the time mage, laying hands on his shoulders. Natsu felt his back grow warmer as something soft pressed against it. "But there would always come a day when you wouldn't visit me."

Her fingers slid over his shoulders, and her head rested upon one of them. He felt her breath against his ear.

"It would get so cold in my cabin, all alone..." she cooed.

He looked back at her. "What about when your mom was here?"

" _Focus, Natsu_." Her hand on his head twisted his vision back to the doll. " _Speak to it_."

"Uh..." He felt kind of on-the-spot here. "Hey there, uh, Mr. Sack."

 **Sacks.**

Ultear nearly hit her head against Natsu's. How long had it been since she'd last heard that voice?

Natsu continued, unfazed, possibly unaware. "Drop by my way in a few d- _nights_?"

No response this time. Ultear decided to roll with it.

"There," she said, massaging his shoulders, wishing he'd turn around and massage hers. "That wasn't so difficult, was it?"

Natsu was just about ready to leave, and go for a midnight romp through the snow. He stood, towing Ultear up with him-

"Oh yeah!" he exclaimed, his knees thudding back to the floor. "And Lisanna and Ultear and the rest of the guild, too. Uh, please. NOW LET'S HIT THE SNOOOOW!"

He pushed out of Ultear's arms and sprinted for the door, once more oblivious to the woman who'd literally been covering him with herself.

"Hap-payy!" she heard him call.

"Ai, sir!" The cat's call was followed by a muffled smack. More resulted, until a storm of snowballs began splattering against the side of the Milkovich house.

In which, Ultear sat: flustered, frustrated, destitute. What was she doing wrong? What keystone was she missing in the bridge that separated her from Natsu? Sometimes she wondered if he was even worth the trouble.

She heard the door swing open, and looked over to see Natsu tumbling backwards inside, a melon-sided splatter of snow on his front, quickly melting.

"Not on the throw rug, Natsu," she called, standing and walking over. Yes, now she remembered why.

Wiping the perspiration off his face, Natsu grinned ferally and stood. "I'll make a throw rug outta him for _that_ one. YA HEAR THAT HAPPY?!"

Ultear sighed, one that quickly turned to one of surprise as she was grabbed by the wrist and hauled outside.

"You can be on _my_ side!" he told her. "Ya hear that, you guys?! You're goin' down!"

Over a snowbank, clad in furs over her pink dress and magenta vest, Lisanna was bundling Happy in her arms, the blue cat giving the worst fake tears Ultear had ever seen.

"How could you, Natsu?" Lisanna scolded, hugging Happy close to herself. "You're his dad! Be more gentle!"

"Not right now, I'm not!" called the dragon slayer. "This is _war!_ "

Lisanna's hand shimmered into a massive cat's paw as she batted away another snowball, still looking rather displeased. Natsu tossed another, and she shielded her face as well as Happy's. Having set the blue cat down, Lisanna now possessed _two_ enlarged extremities, fur-lined and blue.

They were currently packing snow together.

She looked ready to make Natsu pay, like an angry spouse who'd caught their husband sneaking in late with lipstick on his cheek. Lisanna's arms glowed and reemerged in her blue-green Queztal wings. In such a state, her chest muscles now possessed the proportionate strength of a bird's, as the girl could most definitely achieve flight. Which, in turn, meant she could wing (pun intended) that snowy projectile-

And there it went, speeding towards the lovable oaf's face like a runaway train. Oh, if only a sharp-minded, multitalented sorceress were on hand to save him.

Natsu seemed genuinely surprised as a blockade of ice exploded from the ground in front of him, looking around with an angry frown on his face.

" _Graaay!_ " he shouted.

To Lisanna's credit, that snowball of hers sounded more like a cannonball exploding than a sphere of childhood fun. Nearly knocked the wall over, too, it occurring to Ultear that she neglected to anchor it.

Natsu jumped out from behind the wall. "Where are ya, ice-prick?!"

-only to eat a snowball to the face.

"You're too easy, Natsu!" Lisanna hollered.

Ultear shook her head; Lisanna wasn't wrong. Now, if only he were easy in a _different_ sense.

Grumbling incoherently, Natsu dove back behind cover, a fanged grin splitting his white-powdered face. Lighting a small flame on the tip of his lips, he melted a portion of snow with a light blanket of fire, watching it sink into the freshly-made divot. Scooping up a portion, he hurriedly packed it together.

"Hey, Lisaaannaaa!" he called. "I got a wet one for you!"

That… _surprisingly_ brought out the Strauss girl from behind cover. She was immediately sent diving back behind once she saw the "wet one" Natsu was talking about. Good thing, too, lest the juice run down her boots.

Natsu cackled evilly, heating more snow and packing another dirty weapon.

"A slush ball, Natsu?" Lisanna called back. "I'm ashamed of you!"

"Be ashamed of somethin' else," Natsu replied, stepping out and winding up. " _Like the-_ "

 _WHUMP!_

-cubic foot of powdery snow that knocked the dragon slayer clean off his feet. He thought he saw the words "To Natsu, Love Lisanna, xoxo" written on the side that crashed into him.

"Puh! Bleh!" He was rolling around, getting more snow on his winter gear and leaving himself open to an aerial attack.

"Bombs away, sir!" Happy dropped his first white payload, this one the size of a cantaloupe, bullseyeing Natsu dead in the chest.

"Hey, no fair!" he shouted, kipping up to his feet. " _For you!_ "

Happy already had another.

 _WHUMP!_

Spitting out the snow, Natsu turned to Ultear. "A little help here?!"

"I already provided it," said the ice-mage, pointing to the teetering wall. "You would take advantage of me... again?"

"Ye-es!" Natsu whined.

Ultear glanced Lisanna's way, reveling in the girl's venomous pout. Oh, that _definitely_ got on her nerves.

"Now hurry up!" he barked. "We got a war to win!"

He turned his attention back to the enemy, to find said enemy standing atop her trench wall, one arm across her chest, the other resting on it. This second limb was turned up, that her hand pressed to her cheek, and her eyelids were low.

"You wouldn't wage war on your future wife," Lisanna called softly, "would you, Natsu?"

Natsu stood there, utterly dumbstruck, his mouth wide open as his jaw tried to re-engage. It made for a perfect target.

Lisanna was furious, in her own precious way. "Happy! He was about to give up and come back to me!"

She turned her pretty blue eyes back to the fire freak. "Right, Natsu?"

"Unlikely."

Now a tidal wave of snow came roaring forth, towering over Lisanna while Happy watched helplessly from above. His tiny mind was flashing back to the shrine, and the sticky orange goo. How _horrible…_

Lisanna, however, spread her arms and shifted back to her Quetzal form. Feathered for flight instead of fighting, she kicked back and swooped away, leaving the snowy wave to crash down and bury her previous defenses.

Natsu, finally roused from his stupor, turned that shocked and surprised look to his newfound teammate.

Ultear smirked at him. "If you're going to drag me into this, then I plan to win it."

Natsu flashed a grin of his own, and threw his fist in the air. "All _right!_ They don't stand a chance! Let's go over there and-"

"Not so fast, Natsu Dragneel." A firm yet feminine hand on his shoulder stopped him from charging off. "We won't go after them; they'll come here, to us."

A wave of her hand called forth a spell circle.

"Ice Make _Bailey!_ "

Two hands sent its energies spiraling out into field. The ground started to shake, Ultear having learned from her previous oversight, and moments later a thick, logged wall burst from the ground. Four walls, in fact, each looking like they were made from some crystalline tree trunk, spiked and wound with brambles like barbed wire.

The walls climbed high, around the primitive ice block that marked Ultear's first effort at war engineering. As the tops surpassed it, they grew new segments out of the sides, unfolding like mirror images in a kaleidoscope's facet. These, too, looked bound by wiry bramble vines, an illusion of Ultear's making, since all were a single block of ice. The logged columns of ice finally rumbled to a halt, their tops spired into points as roses bloomed along the sides. These, too, had their petals gleaming with razor-edged menace. A more beautiful threat to an invader, there could not conceivably be.

Proud of her initial handiwork, another wave of Ultear's hand called upon her ever-handy Continuum spell. The snow beneath her and Natsu's feet melted, then harded into a platform of ice, before rising above the newly constructed fortress. Now they needed a keep.

Setting them down in the middle of the structure, Ultear swept her hands into another casting stance.

"Ice Make _Motte!_ "

"Who's he?" Natsu asked. "Bailey's pal?"

"In a sense," said Ultear, as more tremors shook the ground.

What burst from the earth wasn't a wall so much as a roof: a huge, flat square of ice with a rectangular hatch to one side, marked by the snow that fell through it. The tops of four walls sprouted around it, then the whole structure lifted up as more ice came to be at the bottom. Nothing as complex as the joined-log sculpting she'd used on the walls this time; their keep took the smooth, well-worn design of southern Earthland architecture, where lands were more arid, and stone more plentiful than wood; where the prevalent duststorms ground down the corners of brick houses. This soft-cornered design suited Natsu's fortress well, as it wouldn't lose its design should his fires glaze the outside.

Now that the massive monolith had been completed, it needed a few embellishments. A balcony, for one, with the same simple grace as its parent structure. An opening to the inside, and a few slits for shooting Ice-Made Thorn Winds at invaders. No way up, though, not unless one could fly.

" _So awesome!_ " squeaked Natsu, his fists clenched and shaking. "What's the inside look like?!"

Exhausted, Ultear lowered her hands and collapsed into the snow. "In a minute, Natsu."

"Screw that, I'm takin' us there now!"

One moment, Ultear found herself scooped up in a pair of warm, toned arms; the next, she was sailing through the air, up to the balcony, her raven hair billowing behind her. Just as planned.

Slinging an arm around Natsu's neck, she slid out of his grasp, nearly pulling his head into her chest by the sudden movement.

Natsu jerked his face back, 'fore he touched his lady friend's ladies. "Sorry Ultear!"

"It's fine," Ultear assured him, sliding her arm off. "It was an accident, after all."

Now _that_ part was a lie.

Just as much as the interior of their keep was a bland, featureless nothing of a hall, a simple room with a rectangular hole in the roof, where snow drifted down. Unlike her fib, this could not stand.

"Ice Make… Hmm..."

Ultear lowered her arms and turned to Natsu. "What would you like the main hall to be?"

"I like it how it is!" Natsu proclaimed. "Nice and simple. No decorations to mess up."

 _Of course he does_ , thought Ultear with a disappointed smile. Natsu's difficulty to impress came from rather unorthodox reasons.

It was then that Lisanna's last exchange brought something to mind: Natsu would always get rather flustered whenever the girl brought up the subject of marriage. Not that Ultear wanted to admit her rival had a lead on her, being Lisanna's superior in just about every way, but just in case...

Ultear snapped her fingers and widened her eyes, not daring to risk a glance at Natsu. "I knew I forgot something."

Natsu didn't respond. _Now_ she glanced at him, and found him looking at her, waiting. He could never take the bait when it mattered most, it seemed. A quick spell circle and the crackling of ice finished her thought, as an ornate throne of ice now graced the hall.

Natsu looked a little wary. His last experience with a mysterious throne had, well, sucked. "What gives?"

"Every castle needs a king," she said, taking his hand and guiding him up to it.

Natsu grinned. "Or a dragon."

Reaching the mighty chair, he didn't sit, but instead slinked over it on all fours, laying both hands on one of the armrests as smoke rose from between his fangs. The hall wasn't _too_ high up, so Natsu could still see Happy and Lisanna down in the moonlit snow.

Oh yeah, this felt just as good as he'd expected it to.

He felt Ultear lay a hand on his and draw close, murmuring, "And what is a king _or_ a dragon… without a queen?"

Now _that_ caught him off-guard.

"...HUH?!"

He looked at Ultear, desperate to find some clarity for that statement, and found a pair of narrowed eyes, like a hungry panther's.

"Well put," she purred, before a second throne of ice appeared behind her, sharing an armrest with the first. "You know, since this is a _dragon's_ keep…"

Another wave of her hand collapsed the entry to the balcony.

"It seems I'm trapped here," murmured Ultear, sultrily eyeing Natsu's exposed chest.

"I… Guess?" Natsu was still taken aback by her 'queen' comment. This wasn't helping.

"So, mighty dragon," spoke Ultear, resting atop her throne, as Natsu was once again reminded how soft her chest felt atop his hand, "what would you have from your hostage?"

If Natsu's eyes grew any wider, they'd probably fall out of his head.

 _Crash!_

"Natsu!" called a voice from above. "Where are you?!"

Leave it to Lisanna's apt sense for terrible timing. And to think, they still had eleven nights to go.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So this Sacks loafuh's supposed ta knock first?" Wally inquired, as he mopped up yet another puddle of ale his fight had caused.

Mira shot a death glare, not at Wally, but at the other thickly-accented member of the guild, who was busy cleaning mugs at the bar. Rather, the _only_ other member of the guild, as everyone else had gone home for the day.

"I don't know," she growled. "Ultear just said he'd show."

"If he doz," Shade called. "But 'e's no' going to clean up for you, niños."

"Yeah, yeah, we geddit." Wally waved him off and got back to mopping, when there was a particularly loud banging on the doors. And considering how large the gates to the guildhall were, whoever was on the other side must've been pretty darn strong.

"Someone should get that," Mira grumbled. She received no response, and as she found, it was because she was closest to the door and both men were expecting _her_ to freeze her butt off opening it. Fine, but only because she was so nice…

Her mop clattering to the floor behind her, Mira stomped over to the door and threw it wide, because if she was going to suffer the cold, she was going to take the whole damn winter on the other side of that door-

...towering a hulking behemoth of a man. The muscles on his exposed chest and abdomen rippled as he uncrossed his arms and reached down to his waist, his unbuttoned winter vest shifting atop his deltoids. Mira couldn't see one trace his face, even in the dim candlelight emanating from behind her. It was like he had no face, only a black shadow where his head should be, an empty void sitting atop his visibly meaty neck.

Brushing aside the crimson cloak he wore, he revealed his muscular arms as he unslung the burlap sack from over his shoulder. It was easily big enough for Mira to be stuffed into, if its round shape didn't give away its near-full state. Thunking it on the ground, the being hooked his gloved fingers into the rim and yanked it open.

" **Your house's summons I heed,** " he thundered. " **Now my sack requires filling.** "

Mira could barely move, awestruck; this creature's presence had sucked the life from her limbs.

"W-Wally? Shade?" she called back into the hall.

An audible sigh reached her ears, one that she knew would be retracted. Footsteps approached from behind, to light to be Shade's heavy feet. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Wally, still wearing that stupid paper fedora.

"Yeah?" he said nonchalantly, glancing at Mr. Sacks' chest, then at the sack itself. He began fidgeting nervously, looking about his person for something, _anything_ to pay the tribute he'd been forewarned about. "Well, this ain't dandy..."

Somehow, Mira managed to overcome the spell placed on her, but only on her lips. Her jaw was out of the question.

"Fr crying out loud," she hissed through clenched teeth, " _givim something!_ "

"I ain't got jack!" Wally cried in protest. "All I got's my hat and my duds!"

" **Nothing?** " boomed Mr. Sacks. " **I've had tribute from those with far less, Wallace Buchanan. Offerings of flesh, of blood, of precious kin.** "

The crimson beast leaned forward, his broad form blocking out the moonlight. " _ **There is**_ **always** _ **something to offer.**_ "

Mirajane Strauss, badass S-Class mage that she was, stood petrified before this monster, too scared to offer anything herself, as moving was out of the question.

"Hrry up, Wally!" she spat, her teeth chattering from the cold.

"I'm thinkin'!" Wally spat back, a horrifying compulsion dawning on him. Something trickled into his mind, and Mira's: this notion of just what kind of tribute Mr. Sacks was looking for. The shirt Wally wore and the pants Master had given him wouldn't do, oh no. There were more ways to measure worth than coin, more things precious than gold, especially to those who'd never known the aurelian metal's seductive glimmer. Such things were exchanged daily, by merchants, warlords, farmers, thieves and villains alike. Such worthless trinkets were the most contemptible offerings of all.

Slowly, shaking, Wally reached up with both his hands. This paper fedora had been with him since the beginning, ever since he'd escaped with Erza, ever since he'd scratched and clawed his way to Fairy Tail. This was the first thing he'd ever made with his own two hands, without the baying of guard dogs or the crack of a slave driver's whip to threaten him. It was a memento of the first ray of light he'd seen since he'd been taken to that damn tower, the first time he'd ever felt admiration, determination, _hope_ in himself.

It was literally everything to him: the best years of his life, the worst years banished to forgotten memory, all in this beaten up imitation.

And yet, after a long, forlorn look at it, turning it over in his hands, noting the creases and stains it held from years of use without a good wash, he couldn't stop himself from tossing it into the open sack. He watched it float down, deeper and deeper into the dark within, finally disappearing into whatever magical space Mr. Sacks lugged around with him.

"There," Wally croaked, tears freezing in the snow by the door. "I hope yuh choke on it..."

" **Very well** ," said the winter spirit, before closing the top with its leather drawstring and slinging it over his shoulder. " **I shall remember this, wizards of Fairy Tail.** "

That was the last sign of Mr. Sacks that Fairy Tail would see, until…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Natsu finally got sick of waiting. "Open it already!"

"That's what we're waiting for you to do, Natsu," Ultear replied.

"Can't you read readin'? It says it's for Lisanna!"

Lisanna's brow furrowed with worry, looking at her salmon-haired friend, then at the card. Then a big, cheerful smile broke the sourness and she laughed.

"You almost got me, Natsu!" she exclaimed.

"Whadda ya mean? Got you what?"

She giggled again. "You had me fooled for a second. I honestly thought you'd forgotten how to read."

"But I _can_ read!" he protested.

"Sure you can," Lisanna joked, before handing the envelope to Ultear.

Now it was the time mage's turn to frown. "My eyesight is fine, Lisanna. We all know you should be giving that to Natsu."

"Well _I_ sure as heck don't!"

Now the three began various levels of bickering proper, all agreeing, at least, that the envelope was for someone else. The one who ended up breaking the stalemate was Levy, the petite blue-haired girl who was quickly usurping the title of "Fairy Tail's bookworm" from Ultear.

"Problem, you guys?" she offered.

"Tell these two I can read!" Natsu demanded.

"Tell Natsu to take his gift and stop fooling around!" Ultear insisted.

"Is this envelop magical?" Lisanna asked.

The other two looked at her. "What?" they said in unison.

The white-haired girl shrugged. "It would certainly explain some things."

Levy now had a pair of fancy-looking glasses on, magical ones, which were sucking up and _eating_ the lettering off the paper she held in her hands.

"It's spelled, alright," she concluded. "What it actually says is, 'To someone else'."

Lifting the glasses up, she found the print now read, 'To Natsu, Lisanna and Ultear'.

"Ah." The epiphany came to the raven-haired time mage in an instant. "So that someone in the guild would know who it was meant for."

"Hmmm..." Lisanna pondered for a moment, then said, "Why don't _you_ open it, Levy?"

"Me?"

"So we can see what's inside without the magic playing with us again."

"You mean without _Mr. Sacks_ toying with us," Ultear corrected. "I told you he might do this."

"Yeah yeah, tomato, potahto," Natsu said, his arms vibrating with excitement. " _Somebody_ open it!"

With nary a shrug, Levy jammed her finger under the folded paper top and broke the unmarked wax seal on the envelope. A small slip of paper floated out, unfolded itself, and settled on the table in front of the original trio.

 _The greatest gifts are those that continue to give._

 _To the recipient: I wish you best of luck with them. - "Mr. Sacks"_

The next moment, came light. Light, like a glimmer passing over a cresting wave on the ocean, sweeping over the strange note before it rolled itself up and separated itself into two hollow cylinders. The material fluffed itself, growing thick with woolly softness. Both floated apart from each other before slipping on to the forearms of Ultear and Lisanna. Glowing brighter once more, when it faded, emblazoned on to the wool was the red, spiraling form of a fire-breathing dragon. Out shot two thin white ribbons, like tassels, from near the elbow.

The two girls looked at their new apparel, then each other, wondering if the magic was done, then what the note had meant. But it was Natsu who was the first to speak up.

"Hey, how come I didn't get one?! It's got a frickin' dragon on it!"

Both girls reached for theirs, until each realized what the other was doing.

"Nah, you guys keep yours," Natsu told them. "They're way too cool for me to take 'em from ya."

Sliding down under the table, he ditched the two girls to scamper over to the bar. He found Wally there, staring at a purple fedora with a bow on it, a bow whose pink hue was _volcanically_ hot.

"Whatcha got there?" Natsu asked.

"Dunno," replied Wally, wrinkling his lip. "But this ribbon's givin' me agita."

"What?" Natsu blinked, then realized he didn't need to know. "So pull it off."

"Would, but I'm already skeeved," Wally replied, turning the hat over in his hands, "and the stink from the pink ain't leavin' me, not if I get caught dead with it."

As if on cue, the pink turned to pitch black, perfectly complimenting the violet dye on the leather.

"...It's a start."

Now that _that_ was solved, Natsu turned his brain back to the question at hand.

"Hey, Shade? Gildarts?"

Both men, ever-present in their respective positions, turned to regard him.

"¿Qué pasa?"

"What's on your mind, Natsu?"

Natsu jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "What's up with those two?"

* * *

 **Author's note:**

In case anyone might be confused by that "keeper of [Lisanna and Ultear's] prize" line, no, that was still referring to Natsu. I apologize for any potential confusion. Anyone who cares enough to wonder why I worded it that way will have to ask me in a PM.


	13. A Highly Educated University

**Author's response:**

 _To Earth Dragon Arnighte (Ch 11)_ : If you look at that chapter name, down there below this response, and you're a pro wrestling fan, then you should know _exactly_ what kind of pro wrestling you're in for. Maybe. I swear I did _not_ get this idea from the Outskirts Battle Dome Wiki. I bring this up only because I discovered it while looking for promo material and this guy's OBD page is _amaaaziiing!_

To anyone who _doesn't_ know who I'm talking about, look up that exact wording and brace for lots, and lots, and LOTS foul language. No no, not "prepare", I mean _BRACE,_ like how you brace for a _car wreck_. Anything less would simply do no justice to the man's 20-year feud against the tag team of "Good Taste" and "The English Language".

* * *

 **The School of Hard Knocks, Part 1:**

 **A Highly Educated University**

"I hope you gag on them, you guild barbarians!" cried The Hosen Heister, scurrying down the street with the pilfered laundry flying through the air behind him.

"Oh yeah?!" Natsu shouted back, smoke trailing from his mouth. "I'd burn ya to charred steak if you weren't wearing those socks!"

"You wouldn't!" squawked the thief, horrified. His black trenchcoat billowed behind him, leaving a trail of discarded socks as they spilled out of his overstuffed pockets. "You uneducated peons have no regard for finer wear!"

"Now, Natsu!" Lisanna shouted from above, pointing with one of her wings. "Before he reaches the canal!"

Natsu planted his feet and made a leap for him, arms outstretched for a hard tackle. Alas, this guy was too quick, darting aside even as his maneuver cost him four more pairs of stolen stockings.

"Oh no ya don't!" snarled the dragon slayer. Pivoting on his heel, Natsu kicked off again, this time blasting straight into The Hosen Heister's invisible body. Cotton apparel exploded around the dragon slayer as he and his quarry were sent tumbling over an iron fence surrounding an outdoor tavern. As rotten luck would have it, they happened to tumble into the only table with an occupant at it, spilling frothing alcoholic drink all over the man's black t-shirt and chainmail coif, not to mention a few droplets on his sunglasses. Natsu didn't notice it, being locked in a wrestling match atop The Hosen Heister, but this patron did not look pleased.

"Come on, just give up the goods already!" Natsu barked, trying to find the Heister's transparent wrists, even as the latter was stuffing socks back into his coat pockets.

"Never!" cried the Heister. "These garments deserve a patron!"

"Well it ain't gonna be you!"

Oh, how peaceful Natsu must have felt in that moment. How gleeful he was, locking in hand-to-hand combat with some invisible weirdo with a clothing fetish. How joyous this seemed, in contrast to the pissed-off mountain of meat who was rising out of his chair, flexing his muscles and flaring his nostrils.

"Hey you!" shouted the guy, flipping the table over. Natsu suddenly found himself hauled up by the back of his vest, hanging face-to-beard with a man who had to be at least 55, from the folds of skin hanging off his neck. He was big, though, easily six feet tall, and from how thick his forearms were, and how Natsu could feel abs against his kneecaps, this guy was _jacked_.

"Whatcha want, old timer?" cheerily asked the dragon slayer, only to be dropped on his hands and knees, and the toe of a massive boot shoved against his mouth.

"Lick my boots," snarled the patron, _"_ until every droppa beer you wasted's clean!"

"I'm not puttin' my mouth on your stinky old boots!" Natsu protested, raising his head, only to have it shoved back down by a single meaty hand.

" _Like hell you are! Pucker up and kiss 'em!_ "

"Sir," said a waiter, tentatively shuffling over with a dinner rag over his arm, "it's more than a simple matter to clean up."

" _This scarf-wearin' queer_ ," screamed the patron, grabbing the waiter and pointing at Natsu, " _had the_ **balls** _a disserspec me!_ "

Now he was pointing at his chainmail. "Lookit this! You think I'm gonna get as much action now, wearin' rusty, beer-smellin' chain?!"

He nearly punctured the waiter's chest with his finger, jamming it into him. " _HELL_ NO!"

Tossing the man away like an old shoe, the still-unnamed patron turned straight into an uppercut to the face from the salmon-haired slayer. Like a mighty oak, the elderly brute toppled back down, crashing across another table and on to the flagstone beneath.

Satisfied with his work, and finding that Lisanna had swooped in to sink her cat-paws into The Hosen Heister in the meantime (man, Animal Soul sure was handy), Natsu hauled the Heister to his invisible feet, making sure to find his wrists before he and Lisanna bound his arms. Strange, though: they couldn't really tell what he was wearing under that invisibility spell.

"Job well done?" he asked Lisanna.

The girl glowed, and in a moment she'd gone from her cat-fure bikini to her leather winter coat and yusha-… yusha-kanker? Natsu forgot what she'd said that hat was called.

"Got a fiiine hoochy right here," called a voice from behind. "You lookin' to go home with a one-man freakshow?"

Natsu was about to bite back, if only to remind this guy how he just got decked, when Lisanna put a finger to his lips. "It's alright, Natsu."

"Grandpapa Pump's better than alright, baby," he said, strutting over and shouldering Natsu aside. What did he need the extra (outdoor) space for? Flexing his peaks.

"I'm a myth, a legend, a phenomenon," he proclaimed, his biceps looking like chiseled rocks beneath his shirt, "the man with the largest arms in the worrrld!"

Before a rebuttal could happen, Lisanna's hands snapped onto Natsu's shoulders. "Just ignore him, Natsu, please."

The slayer chortled and started walking away with her. "Come on! Like that jerk could ever light a fire like me!"

"So that's it, huh?" jeered the granddad. "You take one shot, then run like a little bitch?"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY, OLD MAN?!"

Grandpapa Pump, if that was even his real name, was leaning on the side of the tavern's bar, his shirt now on the ground, exposing every veiny inch of his engorged musculature.

"I said I was wrong," sneered the geezer, in his own, thuggish way. "I said maybe you oughta sell that faggoty scarf, buy yourself a sex change potion, and then, maybe, have the _balls_ a take your ass-beating like a man!"

That was it. Screw that: he'd gone _way_ past "it". Natsu jumped at him and planted his fist right in the middle of that engorged chest.

Only for Granddad Douche to backhand him in the face like an abusive husband.

"Natsu, please!" Lisanna begged, kneeling next to him. "He's not worth it."

"I'm worth every inch, baby," the Grandpapa assured her, flexing his arms and pecking one of his massively oversized biceps. "There's nothin' finer, than Rex Steiner."

Natsu growled and leapt back to his feet-

" _I FUCKIN' DARE YOU_."

The behemoth loomed over him, staring down through his sunglasses. Natsu could feel this guy's gaze burning into him. Ha! Like this chump could burn a Fire Dragon Slayer.

"Dare me to what, old man?" Natsu shot back, only to eat a slug to the jaw.

"Dare you to hit me a _third_ time; see what happens, _pink trash,_ " snarled Steiner.

Natsu was more than happy to oblige.

Unfortunately, this shot to the midsection only got Natsu's wrist caught in a death grip, which saw him pulled into a rib-crushing bear hug. He didn't have to endure it for long, though, as Steiner planted his boots and carried him over to the bar. The air squeezed from his lungs, Natsu lit his fists on fire, only for Steiner to crank on the pressure until he felt like his ribs would shrivel up into paste.

Setting Natsu atop the bar, Steiner released him. Natsu's gasp for air was cut off when, in a mind-blowing display of athleticism, Steiner jumped up, grabbed Natsu's head _with his knees,_ and whipped the dragon slayer's head one hundred and eighty degrees around, straight into the flagstone flooring.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Natsu!"

This was bad. Kneeling beside him, Lisanna could already tell he was out of it. His eyes were unfocused, the top of his forehead swelling up and turning purple from the impact. Lisanna quickly felt around the area, careful not to touch the welt. Thank the gods he hadn't shattered his skull. Upon hitting the ground, Lisanna had a flash of his forehead cratering like the stone beneath him.

The Strauss girl broke into a tearful smile. If he wasn't so thick-headed...

"But enough 'boutcher ex."

Lisanna stifled a miserable groan as Natsu's attacker _somehow_ thought they could still be civil, standing in front of her and her fallen Natsu like he was offering them a drink.

"What do you want?"

He crossed his arms, _solely_ to flex his muscles. "You ever been in showbiz, baby?"

The way he emphasized 'baby' made Lisanna's stomach turn. She backed up a step, if only so she wouldn't mess up his pants when she puked. That wouldn't help matters at all.

"I, um, haven't. No." That 'no' was to both questions, particularly the one he hadn't asked.

"Once in a lifetime opportunity, to make it big with a one-man freakshow," Steiner assured her, stepping over Natsu while leering at her with his mouth. "And I mean _big_. So what do you say we go back to my place, and make some of our very own…"

The shadow on him blocked out the sun, as he leaned over her and said, "…' _home movies'_?"

For a moment, Lisanna regretted that Steiner was wearing sunglasses, if only because the flash from her Animal Soul wouldn't blind him.

Her cat claws came out and dug into his face, searing red lines across his leathery skin, a small amount of blood leaking into his beard.

Steiner grinned. "I knew a fine divine like you liked it rough."

Her next scratch saw her paws caught in the iron grip of the giant's hands. Try as she might, pulled this way and that, shifting between bird wings and human arms and even to her Oxen form (much as she hated using it), Steiner had her dead to rights. Just how strong _was_ he? She only escaped when he chose to release one of her sore limbs. Capitalizing on her newfound freedom, she wound up and gave a good hard slap across the face.

The brute didn't even mind, smirking, as he reached towards her chest before releasing her other arm. Lisanna immediately pulled away and scampered back. Too late, she realized that Steiner had something of hers, something that, in her haste to get away, had slipped off: her wool arm bracer.

"Give that back!"

"Woah there, baby," Steiner hooted. "You can't get something for nothing."

Already Lisanna thought of just letting him keep it.

"You want a piece of White Lightning," he declared, "'cause I look into those eyes, and I see a fiiine freak who's positively thunderstruck."

Now _why,_ thought Lisanna, was he going down on one knee?

He pointed to her skirt, grinning like the arrogant jock he was. "So how about you show me what color lace you're wearin'?"

Instead, Lisanna showed him the shape of her hoofen feet, smashing him dead in the face, breaking his sunglasses.

Along with shattered lenses, the tiniest of cracks formed in his mask of confidence, even as he declared, "Oh I _know_ I'll be seein' you again, baby."

His expression remained smugly optimistic as he stomped over to where Natsu lay, still half-conscious.

"I got news for you," he warned jovially, then pointed to where Lisanna stood. "Your freak? Is comin' to the Poppa."

Lisanna could only watch in horror as Steiner, with one hand, reached down to Natsu's neck…

And pulled off his silver scarf.

"Mean time, -"

The lights flicked back on in Natsu's head immediately, and a flaming hand snapped around Steiner's arm. For his trouble, Steiner picked him up by the throat and slammed him even deeper into the ground.

"I'm takin' your rag." Steiner hoisted his stolen gains up high, sunlight glimmering off the silvery material. " _Come and get it, bitch!_ "

That was the last thing Natsu saw before a Size 12 boot came down on his face.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Stop rubbing it, Natsu!"

The dragon slayer couldn't help it. Try as he might, he couldn't stop his hands from massaging his bruised neck, no matter how many times Lisanna yanked his hands away. He felt naked right now, which was dumb, considering he still had his vest, pants, boots and underwear, but that's just how he felt. After bagging that Hosen Heister guy in the nearest guard outpost, he couldn't get out of there fast enough. It was as if, without his scarf, everyone suddenly started judging him, especially with that scar along his neck.

"I'm gonna find that guy," he snarled, trudging on his way from guard station to train station. "Nobody touches my scarf..."

"Natsu, st- _Ow!_ "

"Lisanna?!"

Quickly Natsu took her hands, sticking his face close to examine them. Given where his attention lay, he didn't see Lisanna go from wincing to blushing in an instant. Neither did he see her turn her head and lean back a little, extending her arm more, bending her wrist, so that he held her hands like a gentleman.

 _All he needs to do now is kiss them_ , Lisanna thought. _Or me._

"Your hands…" A warm, gooey smile spread across Lisanna's face. "They were a little hot that time."

"Yeah, sorry about that. I'll fix it!"

"Wah! Natsu-"

The dragon slayer pulled her hands-first down into the snow. "A burn like that'll keep cookin' if it's not cooled off."

Lisanna sighed, in a… weird, out-of-it sort of way, if Natsu was being honest.

"...You're so considerate, Natsu..."

On her hands and knees, she started leaning forward. The cold air was making the blood rush to her face, apparently, but that still didn't explain why she was closing her eyes or tilting her head sideways.

Closer.

Now they were almost touching.

Maybe, he'd finally…

...

Nope.

Natsu shifted back on his legs, pulling out of reach.

Lisanna opened her eyes. "Natsu?"

"Not feelin' it."

To Lisanna's mind, the world had just ended.

This, too, slipped past Natsu's attention as he climbed to his feet. "Not yet, anyway."

Just like that, the world was back on, the birds were still singing (somewhere else, granted, since it was winter time), the sun was still rising and Lisanna was still holding out hope.

But she had to know. "'Not yet'?"

Natsu took her by the hands, her blush now absent in light of her shock, and helped her up. "I, uh..."

His gaze turned to something on the ground to his left. "I don't wanna talk about it. It's embarrassing. And I'm already feelin' kinda down."

Lisanna opened her mouth and leaned towards him a little, but quickly closed it and tilted back. Much as Natsu would say how he loved food, he probably wouldn't like salt on himself.

"I mean," muttered the slayer, as the two wandered on, "how was _I_ supposed to know that grumpy old man was gonna pull something like that..."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"...but that still doesn't change the fact that THAT RAGGEDY JERK STOLE MY SCARF!"

The train ride had been two hours long thus far. It seemed that, if the slayer was angry enough, his sense of balance was maintained, and his motion sickness beaten back.

Natsu let slip a final snarl and sank into his seat. Four seconds later, his face had gone from red to a sickly blue.

Lisanna sighed, smiling and scooting over, stroking his head as he collapsed sideways on the seat. Poor Natsu just couldn't win; she genuinely felt sorry for him. The sight of towns and villages flying by outside, the slow-moving clouds in the sky, the rumble of the wheels on the tracks, the muffled sounds of someone watching a magicast on a vision lacrima in the next cabin over, the chugging of the magical engine as it spewed ethernano smoke from its stack, all of it was so… tranquil. Everything was the way it should be, and with all the crazy situations Lisanna's work as a wizard had gotten her into, both in the field and back at the guild, these few hours of precious normality were welcome.

She sighed again. If only Natsu could enjoy them with her. Now, not only was he suffering motion sickness, but his precious scarf had flown off in the hands of an oversized mountain vulcan named Rex "Grand Poppa Pump" Steiner. Natsu had nowhere to start looking, and for that matter, neither did Lisanna. For all they knew, Steiner could've vanished off the face of Fiore, never to be seen, never to be heard from, never-

" _Y'see I come, from a highly educated university!_ "

…

" _So when I come out and speak t' all these trash... I gotta dumb myself down!_ "

No way...

"Zssss..." Natsu was so sick he could barely pronounce the first syllable. So, it was up to Lisanna to investigate.

It seemed Steiner's voice was coming from the next cabin. But it sounded… hollow, not really rattling the walls like someone with his resonance would. Leaving her poor Natsu alone on the seat, Lisanna slid out the door and into the hallway. The curtains on the cabin were drawn, but Steiner was still talking, repeating the words "trash" and "faaat asses" quite a lot in the 9 seconds it took Lisanna to finish knocking.

Right away, the low-brow chatter ceased. The cabin curtains parted a smidge, revealing a wide, panicked eye. The eye looked this way, and that, before a voice was married to it.

"Just, just talking to myself."

A male voice, that was distinctly _not_ Grand Poppa Pump's.

"Oh?" Lisanna asked politely. "Is Rex not in there with you?"

"Why w- Nope! Don't know who that is, and they're not in here with me, miss!"

Lisanna frowned. "But I heard his voice. Is he afraid to come out?"

" _Rex Steiner's afraid of-..._ "

Lisanna gave the unnamed occupant her best "the-jig-is-up" look, raising her eyebrows and tilting her head forward.

"Afraid of what?"

"Af-, uhm, n-noth-nothing, really. Just, erm..."

The eye retreated back behind the curtains.

"Just passing through..."

"Sir," Lisanna said cordially, transforming her finger into a cat claw so she could turn the screw for the hinge hook, "I'm not looking for trouble. I just met Rex today-"

The bursting door nearly hit her in the face, revealing a bespectacled brown-haired man in a purple jacket

" _You met Grand Poppa Pump?! What's he like up-close?! How many push-ups can he do?!_ "

Lisanna had repress a _hard_ cringe. Really, how could a bully like that be so popular? How many more groupies did he have?

But instead of that, she chose to ask, "...How do you know him?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

All was quiet at the Fairy Tail guild hall (for a change). The desiccated furniture was already being righted by Ultear's Arc of Time, and the brawlers were picking up their scraps under the masked glare of Shade. Elfman and Wally, though, were still at it in a silent tug of war: a grappling match, Wally electing _not_ to use his… "unique" brand of newly-acquired magic, as that, he'd said many a time, would be cheating. What _wasn't_ cheating, it seemed, was Mirajane butting in and slamming them both to the floor. The She-Devil had been working her way through the guild roster during these impromptu brawls, her emerging the victor from this most previous one. Seemed she'd made a list, and had been saving her brother for last before moving on to loftier guildmates.

Mira was in the middle of her snickering gloat when the doors to hall slammed open, setting the cold loose upon the still-very-sore post-combatants.

Natsu immediately lowered his foot. "SOMEBODY TELL ME ABOUT THE FWF!"


	14. Alumnus Among Us

**Author's response:**

 _To Earth Dragon Arnighte:_ "Style over substance"? Is it not the style of a wrestler that makes them who they are? Is it not the style of their moves, matches and mic work that defines them? Is wrestling itself not the apex of stylization, due to the over-the-top moves and personalities that draw people to watch it? Pro wrestling, at its core, is _founded_ upon style, man. To reject style in favor of whatever this "substance" is that you speak of… Well, that's like rejecting Sterdust [not a typo] because he's a shrill, bleach-faced fat man in purple spandex who can barely wrestle. On the contrary, it is the very _fact_ that he is shrill, fat, painted white and barely a wrestler that people (like me) come to see him in, erm, "action".

Besides, I'm emulating late-'90s WCW more than anything else.

 _To NatsuDragneel97_ : Well, with the way I've been writing Makarov, do you reeeally think that test is a mere measure of strength? As the S-Class trial demonstrated, the man is nothing if not unorthodox. On Ur, her lack of S-Class status has less to do with her strength and more to do with her character. You'll understand once it's divulged in-story, but even in canon there were hints at it. And as for The Beast, all I'll say is, "Faster than you might think."

Speaking of the Strauss siblings...

* * *

 **The School of Hard Knocks, Part 2:**

 **Alumnus Among Us**

Off to the side, Mirajane snickered. "Since when can _you_ spell?"

" _I_ tell you about the Federation!" called a certain cook, enthusiastically raising his spatula.

"Shut up, Shade."

The masked bartender twitched back a little, shocked by the crass retort from his pupil. Apparently, being on the receiving end was far different from watching it.

"One of their jerks stole my scarf," Natsu growled, to no one in particular, "and started creeping on Lisanna..."

All present saw trails of smoke rise from between his grimaced teeth. Fire plumed from his mouth as his fists swung skyward. However, his brewing outburst was cut short by the clawed hand of a demon, grabbing a handful of his hair and forcing him to stare into the steely blue eyes of the She-Devil.

" _Natsu..._ " Mira was spitting venom from between smiling grimace. " _You didn't let someone touch my sister, did you?_ "

Eyes pleadingly wide, or as wide as they could get with his forehead all swollen, Natsu glanced at Lisanna.

"Nothing happened, Mira," she assured her, laying a hand on Mira's demon arm. "All he did was take my bracer."

"That so," remarked Mira, before letting go of him. "Alright."

Natsu could breathe again. "You know, for a sec, I honestly thought you were gonna deck me."

Mira smiled, a sweet, stomach-turning smile. "You thought right."

 _BAM!_

Over he went, groaning in pain, "Whyyy..."

She chuckled. "You were next." She turned, and looked at him over her shoulder. "And now you're not. Small miracles, right?"

Her walk was short, as Shade was standing right in her way, his arms crossed and his mouth pursed disapprovingly between the twin points of his goatee.

Mira looked up contemptuously. " _What._ "

Shade slowly shook his head, before jabbing a finger into Mira's shoulder. "I didn' temper your magic for things like this."

Two blue eyes leered at him, then at his finger, before the hooded cook was knocked all the way back to the far wall.

"My power, my rules," sneered Mira, lowering her fist before smirking. "You brought that one on yourself, Shade."

At that particular moment, Wally and Elfman were having a quiet talk over on the side, fueled by their mutual ire for Mirajane. Levy, meanwhile, was speaking with two relative newcomers, Jet and Droy, over the possibility of what to call their team now that they'd formed one. Erza quietly sampled a delicious piece of strawberry cake, while next to her sat Ultear, curled up in a good book, both of them long since acclimated to Mira's outbursts. Ultear's mother was at her post, the ice master entrenched in a conversation with Gildarts, one that she'd yet to realize had become one-sided.

Among them, theirs were the only sounds in the hall. All else had fallen silent. All eyes fixed on the masked wizard, still embedded in the brickwork.

Wally was the first to notice, halting mid-grumble to take stock of the place. "Hey, what gives?"

One by one, the rest of the youths became aware of the startling quiet that had swept the guildhall. This was Fairy Tail, easily one of the rowdiest places in Magnolia, if not all of Fiore! What was all the lack of commotion about?

Shade, still embedded in the wall, gave a slow nod. "I did," he assented, lumbering out of the he-shaped silhouette in the masonry. Right away, bricks and bits floated back into place. "Gracias, Ultear."

"De nada," she replied, which prompted Shade to do a double-take.

"¿Cuando aprendió…?" After a moment, he waved it off. "Bah."

These fringe groups: Erza and Ultear, Wally and Elfman, Ur, Team Invisibo (name still pending), all of them had by now fallen in with the rest of their guildmates, joining them in watching the scene unfold. All felt the tension in the air, more than just emotional. Cracks appeared in the woodwork around Mira as Shade slowly strode toward her.

"So iss my job to set it righ'," he said simply. "To set' _chu_ right."

Mira snorted. "You never could take a hint."

A slow, courteous nod was the response she got, before the cook reached into his cloak.

"And yet," he said, "I _still_ manage to train you."

From that cloak pocket, he produced his trusty spatula. With it, he gestured towards the door. "After you."

A discourteous shrug preceded The She-Devil's exit. The She-Devil preceded Shade's exit. Shade preceded Natsu and Lisanna leaving, and they, in turn, played vanguard to the entire portion of the guild who were over 25. The S-Class mages brought up the rear: Laxus, detached but begrudgingly curious; Erza, regal in her armor and one hand on her sword, eyeing the stone walls surrounding the guildhall; Ultear, quietly calculating, watching every move not of The She-Devil, but of the cook.

What was he hiding? Surely mere knowledge of Mira's abilities wouldn't let him close the insane power gap between them. And why, since the day she had joined the guild, did the veteran members shy away from speaking about him?

Mira came to a stop just shy of the wall, on one side of the iron portcullis. On the other, next to the arch-shaped frame that held the crisscross of metal in place, Shade stood his ground, spatula drawn.

"'Ey, Natsu."

The dragonslayer wanted anything but to get dragged back into Mira's affairs. "...yeah?"

"You wanna know abou' the Federation?"

Shade stuck two fingers out and beckoned towards his mask. "Kip your eyes solo en mí, reeeal good."

Mira folded her arms. "Works for me. Then he'll know what he's _really_ in for, once I prove he's lying about Lisanna."

"He wasn't lying, Mira!" Lisanna pleaded.

"Give it a rest, Lis," said the deep baritone of her brother, having now joined the crowd to lay a hand on her shoulder. "Mira wants a piece of Natsu. This entire fight is just a momentary distraction."

"One that Natsu's completely ignoring," muttered Laxus, glancing at the pink-haired youth. "What an idiot..."

Off to the side, Gildarts chuckled. Next to him, Ur nudged his side.

"What's so funny?"

The grin remained on Fairy Tail's #1 mage. "Just watch."

Whatever the joke was, Shade seemed to be in it, slowly shaking his head and saying, "Chu can' win, Mira."

"Like Hell I can't," snarled the mage, which she meant literally.

"'Caus you're no' worth _spit_ cohmpare to me."

Mira didn't shout; she was too composed in her rage. Instead, her body flared with black light as she uttered the words, "Satan Soul."

The light literally hurt to look at, not because it was so bright, but because it was so… _un-_ bright, like someone had taken a saw to the world in the rough silhouette of a slender, 17-year-old girl. The aura of black quickly lost its shape, expanding into a corona of salwan hue, before flaking into chunks and evaporating into the air.

Now there stood a very different Mirajane. Her white hair was still in its ponytail, but the parts that weren't bound now hung frazzled and frayed in front of her face, like a feral savage's. Everyone still recalled how her arm had looked when she'd first arrived: gnarled and black, with bulbous violet orbs embedded in the bark-like flesh. Well, now that bark had spread over all four of Mira's limbs, winding around her shoulders and hips and down her legs to her feet, like a second layer of musculature. Those same violet orbs lay scattered over her form, pulsating in complete asynchronization with each other in a scattered, droning hum. Her hands were clawed, as were her feet, giving her the likeness of some demonic mountain vulcan. The purple stuff surrounded her neck and forehead, like an iron crown of a barbarian king, three orbs pulsating below her ragged hairline like a trio of eyes.

Mirajane's tank top had almost been swallowed up by her new form, her midriff completely visible, as the black fabric had retreated under the purple bark that covered her bust. The waistline of her black leather shorts was still visible, as was her winged skull belt buckle, but the rest was encased in the swollen mass of her new form. It was as if the demonic flesh had opened a doorway to Mirajane's torso, assuring all who looked on that yes, there was indeed a human girl within.

"...Beleth."

Shade curled his lower lip and nodded. "Yez, very good. But wha' can you do with i'?"

"This."

One moment, Mira was a good ten feet away.

The next, she was on the ground, landing face-first against Shade's chest, his well-toned arms squeezing her head.

Only a few of the guilders saw what happened in between. Mira had lunged with a swiping claw. Shade had countered with an odd but effective trick, about-facing and bridging backwards, so that his front would face the sky upon landing. He then brought a knee up to nail Mira right in the demonic chops, forcing her head into his waiting grasp as he gave gravity a hand, driving her cheek into his left collarbone.

Mira's eyes narrowed, her mind reeling at this newfound revelation. "That... _hurt_..."

Shocked and confused as she was, Mira reeled for a moment. That moment was all Shade needed to roll over and stand up, moving her head from over his arm to below it. His headlock firm, Shade kicked out his legs from under himself and dropped back down again. Just before impact, he gave his torso a little twist towards the side that held Mira's head, adding his own abdominal strength to the fall.

 _Crack._

"Mira!" Lisanna made to run to her sister but was held back by Natsu. Good thing, too, because that blow lit one hell of a fire under Mira's ass.

A giant hand reached around and grabbed Shade by the throat. It picked him up and slammed him into the ground, before Mira rolled over and slung him across the guild courtyard. Whoever had built the privacy wall, clearly they _had_ made it with Gildarts in mind: Shade's sideways plummet barely left a scratch.

It left more than a scratch on Shade, though. His mask was knocked askew, blinding an eye and forcing him to readjust it. Mira wasn't hesitating any more; she was out for _blood._

Her own blood, as it turned out, for her rush to Shade's prone form saw him swing his legs up, push off the wall with his hands, and nail Mira in the face with both his feet. Just like she'd expected.

Mira angled her head forward and took the drop kick on her crown of demon bark. Credit to Shade: if she hadn't, those boots would've hit her square in the nose. He springboarded off her hard noggin, moonsaulted back and touched down on his stomach. Shade gave a violent cough and clutched at his rearward ribs.

Mira smirked. It felt soooo nice, seeing him helpless at her demonic feet. Then, he lay _under_ her feet, after she put a foot to his back and leaned.

"You done posturing, old man?" sneered the She-Devil.

Mira couldn't see it, as everything from Shade's shoulders and up was hidden from her view. Everyone else, though, saw the masked cook raise his head up and curl his lip in a very done-with-this kind of way.

Scissoring his legs, Shade dumped Mira's foot of his back and made a grab at her other appendage. He drove his shoulder into it, trying to topple her.

Mira snorted. "Ugh, really? We're doing this, now?"

She was about to reach down, when he changed directions and went straight up, catching Mira between the legs and hoisting her onto his shoulders.

"What the _hell_ are you-"

She quickly found out, when he gave a little hop that saw his mask all up in Mira's… "unholy place". Good thing her demonic form shielded that place with armor, else she might've ditched the kid gloves and blasted his head clean off.

Then Mira was falling, Shade driving her back-first into the ground. Hardly painful, thanks to her armor. She almost laughed.

"NO YOU _DON'T!_ " Mira screamed. She screamed so loud that the sonic wave blew Shade out of the air, sending him sprawling out beside her, his double-stomp aborted.

 _Did he seriously forget I could do that?_

She sat up and looked at her fallen "mentor"… only to eat a toe to the unarmored cheek.

Rubbing the bridge of her nose, Mira snarled and swept back up to her feet. "This footsy shit's getting old..."

Shade was already ten feet away, his spatula sticking out of his folded arms. One of his hands now sported a black velvet glove. He was shaking his head.

"To eager," he said nonchalantly. "I never did fix that."

"I'll fix _you_ , old man."

Now it was Shade's turn to snort, and stroke his exposed goatee. "Shooer. Y soy el campeón mundial."

Mira didn't know what that meant, but if it wasn't a spell, it didn't matter to her. As she leapt back and planted her feet on the wall, it occurred to her that, in all her time training with him, and all her time in the guild, she'd never once seen Shade cast a spell.

Pushing off the privacy palisade, Mira rocketed towards her mentor, who was already crouching down, ready to leap.

 _A drop kick_ again _? Pff, please, as if that even worked the_ first _time he tried it._

Mira dug her claws into the flagstone and slowed her approach, then kicked off the ground and threw her limbs wide. A humming bass note thrummed from her bulbous purple growths, cracking the flagstone and bulldozing a pulverized path towards Shade.

The masked mage quickly changed course and dove to the side, not the least bit fazed by his guild mate trying to turn him into chunky salsa.

Lisanna was, though. "Mira, stop! Enough is enough!"

Natsu did his best to hold her back, bear-hugging her and lifting her up, so her feet couldn't run.

"You made your point, now please, stop before it goes any further!" She thrashed about in Natsu's grip. "Let me go!"

"No way!" piped the youth. "If you get mixed up in that, Mira's gonna have me for dinner!"

"Kick her ass, Shade!" Wally hooted. "Send her back to Hell's kitchen!"

Shade glanced Lisanna's way, taking in the sight of the struggling girl held in the arms of her future husband (according to her, anyway). He cocked his head to the side, then turned back to Mira.

"How about it?" he asked. "Chu don?"

Mira grinned ferally. "Not on your life."

The fingers of his gloved hand began to drum on the air. From his other hand dangled the spatula, swinging idly from side to side like the pendulum in a clock.

Mira squinted scornfully. Was that supposed to distract her? Did he seriously think she'd fall for that?

Shade continued to swing his utensil, the sunlight glimmering off of it as he began to rotate it a little with each swing. The flashes of light stung Mira's eyes, but they were barely a nuisance. Honestly, she was more annoyed by a trick this cheap being used on her.

"Wha' say you to… a bet?"

Mira folded her arms. "I'm listening."

"If I win, chu gotta help me out in the keetchen."

This got a small eyebrow-raise from the She-Devil. "And if I win?"

"You win," said Shade, "an' I becohme your man-servant."

" _Deal._ "

Suddenly, Shade whipped the spatula through the air, sending it end over end and turning those flashes into a rapid-firing strobe.

Mira fought back the urge to shield her eyes. Good thing, too, because that spatula was flying right at her left shoulder. She almost wanted it to let it strike her.

 _Don't let it_.

Because if Shade threw that at her, knowing exactly how hard her armor was, and knowing _she_ knew how hard it was, then he was seriously banking on it piercing her.

The strobe got worse as Mira leaned to the side and allowed the spatula to spin by.

But, in doing so, she took her eyes off of Shade.

Two knees struck her in the chest, her armor holding but her body toppling backwards on to the ground. Shade's elbow was already drawn back, which he brought smashing down on her jaw even as she blasted him with sound from her palms.

He stopped, shielding his head with his black glove. As the magic struck the glove, his forearm shimmered like a desert mirage, and a trio of silver spell circles popped up along it. Mira's power burned brighter and Shade slumped back, his gloved hand brushing the side of her head, dazed and stupefied out of his mind.

Then he smiled.

As it turned out, his hand was in perfect position to grab the side of her head armor. As it also turned out, the point of his elbow was a lot harder than her cheek. Then, in a final act of discourtesy, Shade slapped her in the face with his spatula, somehow back in his hand.

"'Ey, Mira," he said, leaping off of her.

The She-Devil didn't answer, her murderous glare doing all the talking.

"In order for a guild to do S-Class trials, they need three S-Class mages, ¿sí?" Shade stepped back and stuck out his gloved thumb. "Gueeldars woz the first."

From that same hand sprouted his middle finger. "Laxoos woz the third."

Now, his index, slowly extending to complete the triad. "Chu wanna guess the second one?"

Slowly, as the pieces fell into place, as those in attendance took note of just where that index finger was pointing, Mira's eyes gradually grew wider, wedged open from scornful fury to unpleasant surprise.

Shade began nodding, slowly, as a smug smirk twisted his lips.

"Síííí," he slurred, as that velvet glove flashed with light and was replaced by a dull metal gauntlet with a punching spike on the front end. "So you don posturing, chica?"

That stung. But, Mira kept her cool. She knew Shade, probably the best out of everyone here, and had already paid once for trying to rush him with what she _thought_ was her superior speed.

She rested a hand on her armored hip, and her arrogant 'tude reasserted itself.

"Then what sent you running to the guild kitchen, huh? Screw that, when's the last time you even took a job?"

Shade shrugged. "I lost a fight," he replied, "also a bet."

He swept wide his spatula and gave a small bow. "So now, I cook the winner's food."

That spatula was flapping about slightly, the head pointed. in the direction of… Gildarts Clive.

It flashed, and suddenly Shade held not a spatula but a hexagonal rod, studded with iron bumps.

"I _tol_ ' chu you can' win," he reminded her, before stepping forward.

...Okay, then she knew him _second_ best.

Mira swung. Shade took the droning claw on his dueling gauntlet. His studded mace came around and smashed Mira in the _back_ of her skull. Then, his forehead connected with her front. Droplets of red spattered across Shade's mask as the She-Devil crumpled before him.

Dazed, reeling, her eyes unfocused, Mirajane still wasn't done. She braced herself on her elbows, power coursing into her body, about to blast Shade to-

He wasn't in front of her anymore. He was beside her, his mace clattering to the ground. Before she could even turn, Shade hopped up, did a front flip in mid-air, and channeled all that centripetal force into his outstretched leg.

What came down on Mira's collarbone felt like the falling towers of Crocus.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The dust finally settled, giving it something in common with the ones who'd kicked it up.

There he lay, in a courtyard of silence, staring up at the sky. Beneath his leg, Mirajane's body shimmered and shrank, back down to her usual self. No one might've guessed the hell Mira had just been through from how her clothes had been miraculously preserved. Not a scratch on her toned legs or lovely bust, nor her slender arms. From the chest on down, she was immaculate.

The rest of her looked like she'd been set about with a meat hammer. Her pretty face was swollen like a tumorous plum, her bangs matted with drying blood, stuck to the lumps left by Shade's legs and feet. Her upper chest hadn't fared much better, stained purple from Shade's last attack. Drying blood leaked from her nose, the spatter matting her bangs, binding them to her forehead. Her eyes remained half-open as her chest heaved and fell, wheezing ragged breath after ragged breath.

"Tha' woz my finisher," Shade lamented, dusting the ground with his shaking head. "Til I los' tha', too."

Executing a backwards roll, he relieved Mirajane of his leg and was back on his feet. The mace and dueling gauntlet flashed and faded back into their previous forms. Tucking the glove away, and carefully sheathing his spatula within his sand-colored cloak, Shade took to a knee beside his fallen protege.

"Sohmeday, chica," he said softly. "Sohmeday. But a man's goht to know 'is ohn limitations."

He was careful to cradle her head, as he slid his arms beneath her and lifted her off the hard ground. Turning to Natsu, he gave his last piece of knowledge.

"The Federation push me ou' ten years ago," he told the young Dragon Slayer, "after I lost a 'Loser Leaves' match."

Mira groaned and tried to shift out of Shade's care. The S-Class cook wouldn't allow her further injury, curling his arms and clasping her closer to him.

"Meinning," Shade continued, "that I woz never the best there. Wha' chu saw 'ere? Those were the moofs of a Shade who is ten years older than he woz when he was fighting people like Rex Steiner an' Shamrock Haynes."

Shade nodded again, bobbing his head up and down like a buoy on a fishing line. "So anyone you peek a fight wi' there? They won' be as nice to you…"

He nodded to Mira's broken face. "...as I woz to her."


	15. Math Class

**Author's anecdote:**

This one goes to all my fellow writers out there, because, as I discovered, you never know when certain skills might just save you a whole lot of hassle.

See, the day I posted the previous chapter, there was a minor incident at my work involving this one guy getting mad at me. I tried to defend my actions, he was having none of my perfectly valid explanation, and it eventually got to the point where he said, and I quote,

"I'm about to slap the shit out of you."

Now, why do I bring this up? Because what tipped me off to his mental state, and what allowed me to ultimately diffuse (though not resolve) the situation, is the same thing I use to write my stories:

WORD CHOICE.

The key word in the above quotation: "about". That single word implied that his proclamation was merely an expression of anger rather than an outright threat; that the psychological desire to cause violence was _encroaching_ , but not quite present yet; that my attempts to defend my actions, while perfectly valid, were only angering him further, as our conversation did not start off on such a hostile note; finally, that I should cease trying to defend myself and just walk away.

So, I did just that, and while he still complained about me to my boss, I was correct in my observation that he did not yet intend to commit violence. Ours was ultimately an unpleasant but completely nonviolent encounter.

Now, if he'd said, "I'm _going_ to slap the shit out of you", that would've been a different story.

"Going" implies that this _is_ an actual threat; that the psychological desire to cause violence was _present_ , not merely encroaching; that I should behold this man as a potential threat to my personal health and safety, and prepare to defend myself if need be (there were security cameras so there would've been clear evidence that I was not the one who escalated to violence); finally, that I should call my boss over right then and there, and hope they could resolve the situation or at least bear witness to the start of the violence.

That heavy analysis of subtext and context, and the subtle differences in implication? That's how I tackle word choice in writing. So consider, dear writers, not merely which words work, but what those words specifically imply. Their flavor, if you will. _Why_ use a word, and not a different one? Get into a habit of viewing words like that.

* * *

 **The School of Hard Knocks, Part 3:**

 **Math Class**

He was paying more attention to that soppy dish rag than he was Natsu.

"Come on, Shade!"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"But you said-"

"No."

"Can't you say anything else but 'No'?!"

"Pregúnteme otra vez."

Oh, Shade, doing his runaround and double-talk and weird words that only Ultear seemed to understand. Unsurprising, since she was the smartest girl Natsu knew, but still!

"What does that even mean?!"

"Natsu," the brainy Time Mage interrupted, sashaying over to him (and thus drawing Natsu's attention to her hips). Scooting her hindquarters into a stool, her elbow met the counter top and she gave him a sly what-do-you-think-you're-doing look.

"Do you know the definition of insanity?" she asked.

"Yeah, it's… Uh..." Natsu wracked his brain under 'Things He Knew But Sorta Didn't', while cross-referencing 'Dumb, Useless Trivia'. Kinda hard to think while pressing a prime cut piece of meat to the welt on his noggin. He still didn't get how a steak was supposed to help, 'specially when it was uncooked.

That look Ultear was giving him didn't help. While he was busy driving his brain to an early suicide, she wore the same expression as when she'd popped that 'captive queen' question a few weeks ago. No _way_ would that fail to make his insides feel screwy.

Still didn't feel... 'right', though. He should ask Gildarts or Shade about it.

Finally his torture-wracked brain came up with, "A really bad mental place usually happening because-"

Ultear chuckled. "That's not what I meant, Natsu."

"Then what _did_ you mean?! I got enough nightmares about that three-day spellin' lesson without you bringin' it up again!"

"It's an expression." Still smiling, Ultear's finger came out and gently tapped him on the temple. "'Insanity is repeating the same action while expecting a different result."

"...So?"

"So," she said, "how many times will you pester Shade before you realize he's not going to budge?"

"As many times as it takes to change his mind!"

Shade finished swabbing the bar. "An' _that,_ Natsu, is 'er point."

The S-Class cook was too nimble for Natsu's swipe at his wrist to catch him. "Well it wouldn't have to be if you'd just tell me already!"

"You been asking for two days," said Shade, pointing to the fourth in their company. "Try asking Gueeldars."

All three looked rather perplexed, the pointee included.

"How would _I_ know where to find them?" Gildarts asked, befuddled as he glugged back his drink.

"Chu wouldn't."

Natsu by this point was spewing smoke from behind his twitching eyelids. He _grabbed_ Shade by the chinstrap of his mask and hauled his face close. " _THEN_ _WHY'D YOU TELL ME TO ASK HIM?!_ "

 _WUHK!_

As the Dragon Slayer slumped into a slouch, Shade kept his palms affixed to the sides of Natsu's head, so as to gently lay him to sleep on the counter.

It was subtle, a blink-and-miss-it moment if ever there was one, but a few strands of Ultear's hair froze over and chipped off at the tip. Less subtle were her eyes, hinting that she was _absolutely livid._

"Would you please," she requested, as her fingers began crushing the edge of the counter top, "explain why you did that."

"Because 'e touch my mask, for one," Shade replied, readjusting his trademark headwear, "an' because 'e nees to learn to take those, if 'e don' want Steiner to make him hohmble again."

"Ah." Ultear's violet eyes went from wide to saucer-sized. " _Is that all_."

"Sí," said Shade, before, oh darn, if he didn't have something to do… somewhere. Anywhere. Anywhere else. The stove, maybe! Yeah, that was it; cannot pick fights near a hot stove.

"'Make him humble'?" the ever-present Ur inquired skeptically, sliding over with a drink in hand. Truth be told, most of the brawls that erupted happened nowhere near the bar, or the drinks, but old habits died hard, and bar bouncing was the one thing Ur did better than anyone else in Magnolia. Thus, as she'd put it, why forgo something she's good at?

Shade turned back from turning on the stove. "Eh?"

"What does it _mean_ , Shade?" she asked, hand on her hip. "Another piece of sage advice you apparently forgot to give your student?"

Ur's daughter shook her head. Poor Mira; the girl's attitude had been owed an adjustment for a long time, but she didn't deserve a literal browbeating from an older S-Class mage. On the other hand, perhaps Shade being the one to do it would help the lesson stick. It had certainly stuck with the guild's younger generation.

Shade gave Ur a pursed-lipped cock of the head, which despite his mask carried the unmistakable air of an eyebrow being raised. "Oh, Gueeldars knows wha' tha' means, an' who said i' first."

Gildarts once again looked confused, until Shade said, "Caus 'e'z seen Destroyer Di-… Destroyer Du-…"

Now he wore a creeping mask of alarm; meanwhile Shade wrinkled his lip and lolled out his tongue.

"Lehhh. De-stroy-er Da-var-iii... before."

Shade beheld Gildarts again, this time with a smile. "'aven't chu, Gueeldars?"

The muscles in the Crush Mage's throat ceased moving. It seemed he'd lost his thirst. At the same time, Natsu started coming around.

"Las' week, ¿sí?" smirked Shade. "When 'e suplexed Vanir The Vampire into the ground?"

By now, Gildarts was bereft of his drink, lest he drop the tankard. His eyes had grown unusually wide for a man as nonchalant and collected as him.

"Hold on a sec!" Natsu, now over his daze, jolted upright and nearly fell out of his seat. He was saved two-fold, when Gildarts shot out a hand to catch his back, and Ultear's feminine fingers snatched up his wrist.

The Time Mage smiled. "I thought you were past this."

"Guess he's not as grown-up as we thought," added Gildarts.

"Shut up and spill!" Natsu barked at the older mage. "What the crap is Shade talking about with you and vampires and stuff?"

"Yes," Ultear added. "What _is_ Shade talking about?"

Gildarts hesitated to answer. He glanced across the hall, at a table where sat Lisanna, Cana, Enno, and a newcomer to the guild named Alzack. Below them, on the floor, Elfman was engaged in a wrestling match with little Romeo, the still-unbalanced son of Enno and her husband, Macao, who was now more commonly referred to by his nickname, "The Luckiest Bastard in Fairy Tail".

Romeo currently had Elfman by the leg, while Elfman was making an effort to dislodge the spirited 3-year-old with a rear waist-lock. The sincerity of the contest was hard to gauge, as from Elfman's gritted teeth and frequent muttering of the phrase "real man", he seemed to be taking the toddler quite seriously.

The other four weren't doing anything of note, unless Alzack cleaning his magical revolver (he was a Gun Mage, apparently) counted as noteworthy. Cana, it seemed, had acquired a taste for brew, for the froth in her tankard was the same as the stuff in Ur's.

"How did she get that?" the Ice Mage inquired dispassionately.

Gildarts finally spoke. "I've got a cabin on the edge of town, little place to crash whenever I'm back from a hardcore job. Come on by in three days' time after dark, around eight o' clock. Natsu knows where it is."

" _Three days?!_ " Natsu exclaimed. "You tryin' to give me the runaround? I gotta get my scarf back _yesterday!_ "

Shade answered for him. "No, 'e jus' knows iss not in today."

"What is?"

This was asked by Natsu, Ultear, and Ur simultaneously. Shade's only answer was a grin aimed at Gildarts.

"We shall 'ave fun."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Those must've been the longest three days of Natsu's life, and no amount of brawling, hunting, fishing or job-searching was going to change that. In fact, Natsu had been turning down requests left and right, if they'd take him even a little out of the way. Whatever Gildarts had in that cabin, he wanted to be front and center when Friday night rolled around.

Sure enough, the day came, the sun set, and Natsu was already planted on the front step of Gildarts' humble abode by the time Ultear arrived. It was the epitome of the word "functional": hardly any décor, outside of some vines creeping up the front wall, and the most basic paint job one could give to a pair of window shutters. The wooden door was little more than three slabs of oak bolted together, with only a ring for a door handle. Poking out of the roof was a brick and mortar chimney, covered by a cowl to keep the rainwater out.

Natsu's blue friend floated down from on high, his wings evaporating into glitter as he touched down on the dirt path.

"I can't see anyone, Natsu," Happy reported. "No light in the back, no fire down the chimney."

Natsu's fist slammed into his palm. "Gildarts must be tryin' to give me the runaround after all… Well I'll show him!"

 _Bung bung bung_

"Open up, old man!" Natsu hit the door again on principle. "I didn't waste five days'-"

"Three days, Natsu..." Happy sighed.

"-three days' worth of jobs so you could play hide-and-seek!"

No answer.

"Gildarts!" Natsu shouted.

Still no answer.

" _Quit messin' around and open up!_ "

He wasn't answering, a fact Happy was quick to point out.

"Yeah, I know," Natsu huffed, his shoulders slumping. "But I still had to try."

He then grinned evilly. " _Before doin' THIS!_ "

The fiery Slayer only got as far as raising his foot. Right when he was ready to turn that door into kindling, his sandal suddenly up and try to fly away with his foot.

Natsu spun sideways, off-balance and flailing, as his rogue sandal dragged him into a fall against the stiffened body of Ultear. The Time Mage caught him handily, Natsu sprawling into a jelly-legged heap against her torso, with his chin embarrassingly tucked into the apex of her cleavage, just below her collarbone.

Closing her lips, and lamenting her miscalculated aim, Ultear smirked down at him.

"If I may suggest something?"

It was so cold out tonight that Ultear could see the steam from Natsu's breath washing against her body suit. Despite the luxury material (one of the perks of taking S-Class jobs), the suit only kept the cold at bay. Ultear usually measured at a temperature of indifference, neither too cold nor too hot, nor even content, just nonchalantly aware of her lack of thermal awareness.

Despite that, Natsu's warm, fire-powered body felt so nice against her, penetrating the thin wall shielding her and flowing into her body. It was magical, after all, so why shouldn't the sensation be, as well?

"Yeah?"

Ultear blinked, still smiling. "Hm?"

"What were you gonna say?"

"Oh, that." She reluctantly released him, and much to her disappointment, he righted his posture. Of all the times to be polite…

"Ultear, ya gonna tell me or what?"

Rather than tell, Ultear reached out and turned the handle. Well-oiled and well-fitted, the bolt made no sound louder than the wood as the door creaked open. Inside was a neat and orderly estate, with a bedroom on one side and a small living room on the other. The fireplace was a basic brick and mortar alcove, with a comfy chair in front of it. There was a rectangular table in the kitchen, with legs as crooked as the branches they were no doubt carved from. Similarly irregular were the three wooden chairs idly arrayed around the table, one of them still pulled out.

Ultear was the first inside, her gaze swinging about as she observed it all. "It seems my mother isn't the only ascetic in the Guild."

"Why's that?" Natsu asked, eyeballing the joint himself.

"I'm reminded of my mother's cabin," Ultear replied, "albeit with more decorum."

Just then, Natsu's nose twitched. "What's… Smells like..."

Happy gasped. "Is it fish?!"

"No dice, little buddy."

"Aw..."

Natsu sniffed the air again, then dropped to all fours and planted his schnoz on the ground. Taking a looong drag, he was cut off by a coughing fit.

"Something wrong, Natsu?" Ultear inquired.

Natsu gagged one more time. "Cack! Dust."

He then dropped down again. "But not everywhere…"

His nose led him to the kitchen, where upon closer inspection, there was a square-shaped hatch cut out from the floor, with a round-cornered divet on the side facing the front door.

Ultear strode passed him, noting the lack of visible hinges. "Aha."

"A secret door!" Natsu was-

"Calm, Natsu. Calm." Over the years, Ultear had gathered precisely which tone of voice could tame the savage beast. Since then, it had become a quest to find the one to _awaken_ the beast. More specifically, Natsu's beast.

Grasping at the rounded trough and finding a hand hold carved into it, she slowly pulled the hatch up.

"- _eight and a third chance a winnin', at Grand Slamboree!"_ came a distorted, hollow-sounding voice, like one filtered through a communication lacrima. It was also a voice that prompted a low growl from Natsu.

The hatch had a neat little mechanism, wherein one need merely pull it up and allow it to slip back into a slot behind the ladder.

" _But then you take my SEVENNY-FIVE perchance-chance a winnin', if we was to go one-on-one-"_

Holding a finger to her smiling lips, Ultear quietly put her boots to the ladder's first rung.

" _-and then add sixty-six and two-thirds ch- PERCENTS..."_

Natsu was next and nearly fell off when his foot slipped out of his sandal. Ultear's magic saved him, for while she couldn't levitate him directly, she _could_ levitate his pants and vest.

" _...I got a hunderd and forty-one, and two-thirds chance a winnin', at Gran' Slamboree!"_

They found themselves in a small room dug directly from the dirt, with wooden support beams laid out on the sides and above like a mine shaft. A shining lacrima hung from a claw-like clasp in the center of the low ceiling, the floorboards above quite visible.

At the end of the room floated a very strange crystal lacrima. It was a perfectly spherical orb, approximately two feet in diameter, broadcasting an image from some unknown, crowd-filled arena. Attached to the lacrima's bottom was a smooth cylindrical section, with a slot .

In front of this oddly-shaped lacrima sat two figures. One was clearly Elfman, by his spiky white hair and dark blue jacket, not to mention the dark skin on raised fists.

" _YEAH!_ Now that's a REAL man!"

The other was a little harder to identify. Fairy Tail had a lot of girls, and none of them regularly wore a black T-shirt. A few were brunettes, but only two of those brunettes had caramel-colored skin. Maybe by her voice…

"A real moron, you mean."

Cana. Had to be.

The bearded man _within_ the lacrima, however? Natsu knew him right away.

" _Senior Doc?!"_ Steiner barked, into a microphone while pointing at the viewing audience. " _The numbers don't lie, and they spell disaster for you, at Gran' Slamboree!"_

While the crowd roared their approval, Natsu puffed, "Even _I_ know that doesn't add up!"

"Actually," Ultear remarked quietly, "the math itself was impeccable."

Steiner wasn't done, though, as the cheers of his surprising number of fans died down.

" _But I'm gonna break it down, for all you ladies._ " He turned to the woman who was holding the mic to his mouth. " _Would you rather be with me, or would you rather be with McGraw?_ "

The lady shrugged. " _Well, I think he's kind of nice, I mean, you know?_ "

That prompted Steiner to glance around at the crowd for a second, like he was just _waiting_ for them to share in his bewilderment. They shared it all right, jeering the living daylights out of that poor woman.

A rogue shoe came flying out of the crowd. It would've beaned the woman dead in the face, if Steiner hadn't snatched it and hurled it back where it came.

" _See you're one a those girls that like romannic stuff_ ," Steiner explained, before readdressing the feed. " _I'ma talk to all my freaks out there._ "

He ran a hand down his torso, as if splitting himself down his rock-hard abdominal line. " _Would you rather come home to me, a One-Man Freakshow, to be satisfied every night-"_

Silently, Ultear scoffed at the very notion.

" _-or go home to that leathery jackass?_ "

"His vocabulary is certainly charming," murmured the Time Mage, with sarcasm so thick it could double as a bludgeoning tool. Or, if she was being honest, her chest.

" _See tonight,_ " Steiner ranted, " _I laid out the odds, and in case you didn't catch it, 'Champ'..._ " The way he spat the word, he seemed sickened to even pronounce it. " _I'll spell it out for you. The only reason you got that belt, is because you never had to fight me for it."_

Grabbing the microphone out of the interviewer's hands, he held it to his mouth. His other hand rose into view, clutching a familiar piece of shimmering fabric, held in a fist that, uncannily, seemed to point directly at Natsu.

" _An' one more thing:_ _ **real men don't wear scarves.**_ "

" _I'LL KILL HIM!_ "

Cana whirled. "Woah! Natsu? When'd you get here?!"

The Slayer made a beeline for the lacrima. "YOU HEAR ME, GRANDDAD?! I'LL TURN YOU INTO JOCK JERKY!"

"Natsu, let go!" Elfman shouted.

"YOU'RE GONNA BE SORRY!"

The wrestling had started early, it seemed.

"Natsu, he can't hear you!" Elfman's monster-transformed hand closed around both of Natsu's, his other hand trying to unwedge the Dragon Slayer. "Put it down!"

"GONNA BE PUMPED FULLA _PAIN_ WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU!"

Cana would've helped, if she hadn't found the scene so funny.

Meanwhile, Ultear slid up alongside her. "Did we interrupt?"

"Nah," Cana said, waving her off. "The broadcast is almost over. It's no big-"

Then she caught a glimpse of a new image in the lacrima, one of an equally aged man rocking a slicked-back black ponytail, dressed in a white surgical shirt that barely contained his bulging biceps and made his curly black beard seem even blacker.

Now the match had become a triple-threat.

"Come on, Natsu!" Cana whined, locking in a full nelson on the pink-haired maniac. "We're missing the best part!"

"JUST WAIT 'TIL I SINK MY TEETH IN YOU!"

On it went, the whirlwind raging, at the epicenter of which thrashed Natsu. He would not part with that lacrima, not until he'd willed himself to the other side of that 'broad cast' and gotten another piece of Steiner.

"I can't hear the Doc!" Cana wailed.

"THAT CHAINMAIL'S GONNA TASTE THE INSIDE OF YOUR NOSTRIL, SLEAZEBAG!"

" _ENOUGH ALREADY, NATSU!_ "

That shout his last warning, Elfman's fist walloped Natsu right between the eyes and sent him reeling as Cana tried to steer their fall. Alas, all she managed to do was put him between herself and the floor, Natsu's shoulder blades perfectly aligned to bump Cana in her bikini-clad breasts.

As the dust settled and the last specks of dirt fell from the walls, the lacrima rolled away from the pile of bodies. It clinked to a halt on an errant stone, right at Ultear's feet. The viewpoint of the image was now farther away, beholding not two but _three_ men: the one who'd entered just before Natsu had rushed the lacrima, now hacking and wheezing on all fours, both hands orbiting his windpipe; Steiner, stripped of his chainmail and sunglasses, curled up in pain and clutching his groin beneath the bottom rope; the third, however?

He was exactly as Ultear had remembered him. It was as if time had forgotten him, the wear of all these years invisible on his form. Not a line on his face, not a hair fallen out, not one less shade of sneering contempt in those eyes. The anachronism that was him was fascinating to behold.

He stood over the two men, his arms spread wide as he slowly turned around, showing off all sides of the thick black belt he wore, with the words "Interkingdom Champion" embedded into the giant golden buckle. The scarf, once held by Steiner, now wrapped around this Champion's neck, glistening like a starry night against the black of his feathered robe.

The jeering must have been deafening within the arena, as at times the sound became scratchy and harsh. By the time the robed figure finished his spin, and leaned over the downed men, the crowd had dimmed just enough for him to be heard.

"Gentlemennn," he slurred into a held microphone, "am I truly an afterthought? My name to be forgotten to history, a mere footnote in the rivalry between two angry throw rugs?"

His voice hadn't aged, either.

"I do so hate to be ignored," he lamented, waltzing down to one of the wrestling ring's corner posts, the feed's viewport following him. "And you, Doctor, have been ignoring me for… Dear me, three weeks now? Three weeks of seesawing, back and forth, 'Steiner' this and 'Steiner' that. You of all people should know the dangers of... _unhealthy_ obsession."

He stopped at the post, turned, and casually leaned on the top rope with one elbow.

"Why _do_ you ignore me, Doctor?" he asked, as a small smile began creeping onto his face. "You ignored me last time, and now, here I stand, wearing _your_ belt."

He raised a halting finger, as the Doctor's hacking shrunk to a cough.

"Except," said the Interkingdom Champion, "it's not your belt. It never _was_ your belt. It's _my_ belt, and has been from the moment I laid eyes upon it."

He gazed down at the item in question, tenderly running his fingers along the grooves in the gold.

"I just _lllove_ the contrast with my feathers..." He looked back at the good doctor. "Now that I've finished letting you play with it, I'll be keeping this bauble for myself."

Something garbled came tumbling from the Doctor's pursed lips, the veins on his thick neck bulging as he spat venom at his heckler.

"What was that, Doctor McGraw?" asked the heckler, putting a hand to his ear and leaning out.

 _Ah,_ thought Ultear, _so this is 'McGraw'._

Then, in a flash of black, he was dropping out of the air to plant a knee on the small of McGraw's back, sending the good Doctor flat on his stomach and knocking what little air remained out of his lungs.

"Thought so. And you!" chirped the champion, turning to regard the still-writhing Steiner. "How thoughtful of you, bringing me a congratulatory gift! A tad early, I'll admit, but _verrry_ much appreciated."

He loomed over Steiner, slowly lifting the big man's leg with the toe of his boot.

"Unfortunately for you, and your soon-to-be shattered dreams..." He gestured about the ring. "Between these ropes, I play no favorites."

To prove it, he grabbed Steiner by the leg and pulled him out from under the rope before stepping squarely on his groin, _h_ _ard_.

Even the freshly-beaten audience in this little dirt-coated room groaned in sympathy, Natsu very much included. He failed to notice Ultear eyeing his shielded "dreams" and smiling to herself.

"Still," Steiner's tormentor continued, "I almost pity you, for what it's going to be like after Grand Slamboree. After all, I took your glasses-"

He waved his hand, and from out of a black spell circle came the shades Steiner had been wearing.

"I took your chainmail-"

Out it came, into his hand, from that same circle.

"I even accepted this..." He trailed off as he ran his fingers through the fabric of Natsu's scarf. His eyes stared not into the crowd, but off into the distance. They slowly expanded from slightly odd to disturbingly wide, like a ethermene addict who'd stumbled upon their dealer's stash.

His gaze lingered on the cloth, stroking the fabric as if it were his favorite pet. It seemed he was a bit of a hypocrite, as he only now caught Doctor McGraw slowly making his way out of the ring; yet, he did nothing. Instead, as McGraw rolled out and thudded to the floor, the focus shifted back to Steiner's abused toolkit.

"You have nothing," sardonically sighed the champion. "And after Grand Slamboree, you will _be_ nothing. Your odds failed to factor _that,_ now didn't they?"

A groaning Steiner began to roll back under the ring ropes, one massive hand shielding the fruits of his parents' Steiner aligned himself with the ropes, a toe was pressed to his hip.

"Whereas I? I foresee a one hundred and forty- _two_ percent chance..."

With a nudge, Steiner was sent tumbling off the edge and on to the floor.

"That you will never forget the name..."

Now, only the champ stood tall, raising a hand over his head like a ballet dancer, the edge of Natsu's scarf flittering through his fingers.

He inhaled sharply through his front teeth. " _Suuuuu…"_

Before throatily whispering, "Of _Ravenloooord._ "


	16. Omake: 44 Caliber Serenade

**Author's response:**

 _To TurboWolf (Ch 5):_ I'd italicize them woyds, except then it becomes a bear to figure out which are supposed to be emphasized and which aren't.

 _To TurboWolf (Ch 1):_ Because there's nothing I love more than torturing my readers and their tender little heartstrings. Also, if you're torn over which ship to pick? Don't be! I already picked it for you, fuahahahahahaaa. You'll just have to keep reading, to find out the missing letters in "The S.S. Na_".

 _To everyone else:_ Due to lack of reviews for, and by extension perceived interest in, the "School of Hard Knocks" arc, I have decided to pen out this little omake after watching all the kick-ass gun play in "Dirty Harry: Magnum Force". Excellent film, by the way, and the perfect counterpoint to all those people who think Dirty Harry is some fascist police state power fantasy. I mean, come on! It's a movie where Dirty Harry spends the entire run time trying to pin down a jackbooted vigilante blackshirt wearing a traffic cop's uniform, and it is _a-maaaziiing_!

But enough about _my_ Christmas. I promised you all a navy. You can't build a navy out of one giant ship, just ask the Third Reich (speaking of fascists).

* * *

 **Omake: .44 Caliber Serenade**

The only sound between them was the rumbling of the train wheels. Erza Scarlet sat, stoic and silent with the light from the mid-afternoon sun glaring off her breastplate and bracers, arms folded over her chest. Her crimson hair jumped with every new rail passed over, eyes closed in thought. Not a muscle moved, not a digit twitched, not even the flutter of her eyelids as she remained shut away in her own little landscape, the perfect image of a proud but reserved warrior maiden.

Unfortunately, that made it rather awkward for her traveling partner.

Alzack Connell checked the cylinder on his right-hip-mounted revolver for what must've been the hundredth time in the past hour. Like the last ninety-nine times he'd done so, everything was well-oiled and in working order. The hammer slid back nice and smooth, the cylinder rotated, the springs inside the handle and firing mechanism had not a speck of rust on them. As always, his gun was perfect, ready to fire the instant his finger commanded.

He supposed, with a heavy sigh, that he could always check the gun that sat at his _left_ hip. Or…

"So..." he began, inserting the hexagonal key and twisting the handle bolt back into place, "do you always come this far for dessert?"

Erza didn't answer, the steady rise and fall of her shoulders her only response. So much for getting to know the higher-ups of his new guild. Maybe tagging along was a mistake.

Left gun it was, then.

Screwing the bolt back into place, Alzack began rechambering the specialized rounds for his first firearm. Looking outside, at the crags and cacti that cast shadows all the way back to the plateaus in the distance, the memories of his first time being out here came flooding back. He remembered how he'd been back then: a young, impressionable immigrant, hitching a ride out to the boonies to find work, get his start, get rich, and get laid if there was time left in the day. Sadly, only two of those things ended up happening, and neither of them his favorites. Nevertheless, after one particular robbery-turned-duel, the locals had decided they'd just about had enough of him putting holes in their walls, good intentions or no. He'd gathered up his money and hit the trail; for where, he couldn't have said.

Holstering his revolver, he was just about to reach beneath his poncho and produce his other trusty sidearm when the squealing of metal rose from beneath him. He quickly realized he was on the wrong side of the train, got up, and slid out the door into the hallway.

"Looks like our stop," he muttered, remembering that old wooden sign from the last time he'd been this far south. He wondered what his life would've been like if he'd turned further south and gone straight to the ocean; 'different' wouldn't begin to describe it.

Shouldering back into his shared cabin, he quickly packed up his portable toolkit and pocketed it in his belt.

"Let's go, Erza."

The S-Class grunted confusedly and awoke.

…

Huh?

Alzack's question wasn't nearly as baffling as Erza's.

"Alzack?" she asked. "When did you arrive?"

The gunslinger's jaw went slack. "I've… been here the whole time."

Erza tilted her head, her features set in stone. "Not on the train, you haven't."

"I was here when you _boarded_ the train, remember?"

The redhead shook her head. "When last we met, it was at the guild hall."

Now Alzack's jaw _did_ hit the floor, once he'd fallen backwards into the hallway.

How?! How had she walked all the way to the train station in Hargeon, boarded, sat down, and dozed off without noticing him? He'd _asked_ her to tag along on this glorified grocery trip! 'Get out and visit the old stomping grounds', he'd said. 'See what's left of the place', he'd said. Yeah. To deaf ears, apparently. That's what he got for mistaking lack of objection as confirmation.

"Well, it doesn't matter. You're here now," said the armored mage. "I seem to recall you mentioning you knew the town?"

So she remembered _that_ , but not-?

 _Questions for never_ , thought Alzack, remembering he wasn't there with her blessing. Woe be to he should he get on Erza Scarlet's nerves, after seeing what S-Class wizards could to do _each other_. Poor Mirajane…

So, all that in mind, honesty was _still_ the best policy.

"That was years ago," he admitted, hoisting himself to his feet. "I might not know it so well anymore."

Erza gave a nod. "Be that as it may, it will still make my errand that much easier."

"Errand?" Alzack repeated as the train rattled to a stop. "What errand?"

Erza's eye glimmered, and from out of nowhere she whipped out a gourmet magazine.

"The finest caramel mousse in Fiore, possibly all off Earth Land!" she exclaimed, before crushing the paper stack in her fist. "And I intend to taste it!"

Alzack blinked once, twice, three times, his brow slowly furrowing. A long walk and a two-hour train ride for a lousy dessert? Then again, when _he_ started making S-Class money, maybe he'd understand. The most eccentric people were the usually ones who could afford to be.

Stepping off the train, Alzack looked around the small station. "Well, this hasn't changed, at least."

Indeed, the harsh ground and sparse trees of the mid-south Fiore serengeti were still aplenty, with the closest buildings a good five minutes' walk up the winding dirt road. The town looked closer to counting as "civilization" than when Alzack last saw it, with a few more buildings encroaching on the land towards the train tracks, mostly houses by the look of them. Wind still kicked up dust clouds on the outskirts. Small reptiles and burrowing mammals still scurried in and out of holes between structures. No sign of stones that weren't part of the natural landscape; this place was as rugged as Alzack remembered it.

Or so he thought, right up until he guided Erza to the town square.

Still no stone paths, or buildings, just good ol' timber and shingles making up the construction. Pool Hall was still standing, thankfully with no broken or boarded-up windows to speak of. The courthouse was in need of some new paint on its eastern side, since that's where the wind blew in from the coast, taking the coarse dust particles of the serengeti with it. The gunsmith was still here, though his decrepit little shop looked in desperate need of a new, better-hung sign and significantly more business.

No, what irked Alzack was how the old Cactus Jack Juices pub had been transmogrified into a big, pink, brick-and-mortar sweets shop complete with gaudy bay windows up top and iron street lights on either side of the front entrance. It even had a stoop, an _actual_ paved stone stoop, jutting out beneath the door. It looked like someone had uprooted a building from Crocus or Hargeon and planted it in the middle of this rural town. Where was the neighborhood going?!

"Fruits Park!" Erza shouted, clapping Alzack on the shoulder. "You have my thanks for leading me here!"

The Gun Mage lowered his head. _Just accept the gratitude, Alzack…_

Before she raced off to satisfy her sweet tooth, Erza took note of the establishment next door. "'Pool Hall'? It hardly _looks_ like an indoor aquarium."

"No no," Alzack interceded, "pool's a game."

He pointed to the diamond-shaped array of dots beneath the hall's printed name. "See those? On a pool table, there are nine balls just like those with numbers on them. There's also a white ball, and using a long stick called a pool cue, you have to knock the numbered balls into the pockets on the outside of the table in order. Whoever sinks the 9-ball wins."

Erza put a gauntlet to her chin. "I see. And it takes skill, this game?"

"Great focus, great hand-eye coordination," said Alzack, patting one of his revolvers. "I used to play all the time to help with my aim."

"Then we shall play each other before we leave, you and I!"

Her proclamation startled him a little; he'd never seen Erza enthused. Little did he know, due to his newcomer status, that when a certain white-haired girl was done recovering from her fight with a masked wrestler-turned-chef, he'd yearn to see just how enthused Erza Scarlet could get. For now, though, he instead saw Erza stroll on down to the Fruits Park sweet shop and waltz right through the front door.

'Through' as in 'without working the hinges'.

Alzack sighed. If they were high-class enough to get their dish featured in a magazine, then there was little hope of that mangled door cutting their profits, and so little chance of Cactus Jack returning to town and buying back his land. Unless… maybe Jack's mixes merged with Fruits Park's menu when they bought him out? His signature _was_ a bafflingly sweet concoction made from the rare and oft-rumored magical Serengeti Cactus. He'd have to check it out later, once Erza's sweet tooth concluded its rampage.

The gunslinger instead chose Pool Hall as his destination. Indeed, if one wanted to get the lay of the land around her, then while Cactus Jack's had been the place to drink, Pool Hall was the hub of information.

Straightening out his billowing poncho, for fear of the wind getting dust into his revolvers, Alzack shouldered his way across the square. About halfway across, he started catching looks from the locals, none of them friendly. The more things changed, the more they stayed the same, it seemed.

Or so he thought, until he got inside.

"You're…!"

The barkeep, a different man than Alzack remembered, was on his case before he'd even finished looking around. The man stood stone-frozen, pointing a trembling finger at Alzack's face.

Frowning, the Gun Mage approached the counter top, a group of patrons on his right suddenly becoming equally fearful of him.

Leaning on the wood, he asked the bartender simply, "I'm what?"

The man was on his knees in an instant, or at least Alzack assumed so, since he'd ducked behind the bar.

"We haven't done anything, we swear! Please don't wreck our town!"

"Woah, slow down!" Alzack pleaded. "Who said anything about wrecking anything?"

"Nobody!" squeaked the man. "Just tell your friend we don't want any trouble!"

"My..." Alzack frowned. "...friend?"

" _Hey!_ " barked a voice from behind. " _He's with Fairy Tail!_ "

" _RUN FOR IT!"_

" _GET OUT WHILE YA STILL CAN!"_

" _OUTTA MY WAY, I GOT FIVE KIDS DEPENDING ON ME-HEEE!_ "

Pandemonium reigned as every man in Pool Hall stampeded out the front, back and side doors, whichever was closest to them and furthest from Alzack. Soon enough, there was nothing left in the place but him, the barkeep, a girl playing pool at the end of the hall, and half-a-dozen round tables, all flipped.

Still frowning, Alzack rapped on the counter top. "Say, barkeep-"

"Look, whatever we did, we're sorry!"

" _What are you talking about?!_ " Seriously, all this panic was really pissing the Gun Mage off!

"Don't try to pretend!" the barkeep growled, raising his head back into view, along with the dishpan he was wearing on it. "The only reason your kind'd be here is because Moulin Rouge called you in!"

"'Moulin Rouge'?" Alzack repeated.

A woman's voice answered him. "Who's asking?"

It was the one at the pool table, now turning to face Alzack for the first time.

And holy damn, she was smoking like a spent pistol cartridge. Unkempt coral-green hair shorn short but kept long enough to frame her angular face and brownish purple eyes. Magenta lipstick that matched her belly free vest, knuckle gloves, and leather boots. A sleeveless goldenrod short dress that did absolutely nothing to hide her slim waist or stacked rack, the frills on the low-cut neckline highlighting _all_ of her cleavage. No pants, just black tights beneath the frills of her dress, and no stocking to hide her thick, toned legs. Everything about her just _screamed_ danger, daring him to come over and try her, promising deadly consequences if he made a dumb move. In that sense, she was exactly like that gun tucked into her waist sash.

The girl, no, the _woman_ looked him over. "Ain't seen you around before," she said, that slight rasp in her voice _so_ very sexy.

Her eyes narrowed as they met his. "What brings you?"

Alzack wasn't sure how exactly to respond, partially because, as his father had told him when it came to women, first impressions were last impressions. The other reason was less succinct, an epiphany scratching at the door of his mind, trying to get in.

Warily, he risked a glance over his shoulder at the terrified bartender. Whereas before the man's focus had been on Alzack, now it was switching between him and this mystery sage hen, Moulin Rouge. He was afraid of _both_ of them. Then there was what that other guy had said, just before the stampede started in the Hall…

Alzack set his eyes back on Rouge. "You're with Fairy Tail?"

She smirked. "Damn right I am."

"People around here seem to take exception to that."

Rouge chuckled. "They should," she said. "Here's how it works: you piss me off, you provoke my guild, and let's just say they got a bit of a rep when it comes to small towns and big fights. I got friends who could flatten this town like a bug on a rail line."

Alzack had heard all he'd needed, as his hand started drifting towards his waist. "That we do..."

The click of a hammer being cocked focused his thoughts like only a loaded pistol could.

"'We'?" said Rouge, turned sideways and her gun trained squarely on Alzack's forehead. "What the hell's this 'we' stuff?"

There was a mirror behind the bar, sitting next to a shelf full of bottles. It also happened to be directly on Alzack's right side, highlighting a particular area on his exposed neck. Against his tanned skin, the white mark was clear as day, even with only peripheral vision to spare.

The sight of it drove Rouge to bawling laughter. "Well, shit, if it ain't the genuine article."

She approached a little closer, not taking her eyes off of him. "Guess the jig is up. My rep's gonna need a new meal ticket now that the cat's outta the bag." Her eyes widened with murderous inspiration. "And I think I got it..."

She took another step. "I think I'll march you, a _real_ Fairy Tail wizard, out into that square, right in front of the courthouse. Once I put the hurtin' on a member of the most feared guild in the region, no one'll ever want a piece of me again."

She beckoned to him. "So hand 'em over."

"Hand what over?" Alzack asked.

"Whatever it is you were reachin' for a second ago," said the outlaw. "The one on the other side, too."

"You want my guns?" Alzack said, trying to hide the sneaky smile creeping into his voice. "Come take 'em."

"Oh no you don't," countered Rouge. "I'm not running hands all over your belt line lookin' for loaded pistols."

She grinned. "Tempting as it might be..."

Now if _that_ didn't make Alzack blush, the literal gun to his head notwithstanding. Maybe it was because of this little trick he had, one that his dad taught him, cocked and loaded like his revolver was about to be.

"Now," Rouge ordered, flicking her gun towards herself, "real slow, and nothin' funny."

Alzack nodded slow, just as he'd been told. His right hand drifted up, catching the handle of his revolver on his middle, ring and pinkie fingers. Carefully, making sure to keep his index finger well within view, he slid the firearm from its holster. Then, on his left side-

"Hold it."

He did so. Oh, and he stopped moving, too.

"One at a time," Rouge said, taking another step towards him, "and like I said, nothin' funny."

"Wasn't planning on it," Alzack replied, which was a _lie,_ but it did hide the sound of the cylinder being rotated by his middle finger. It stopped nearly at the next chamber, but not quite.

Rouge was now right in front of him. "Give it."

Dangling the grip between his middle finger and thumb, he rotated his hand and allowed the underside of the frame to settle into his palm. The barrel pointed at the ground, his index finger curled in and hooked the trigger guard; his middle settled on the cylinder. The ring and pinkie fingers were there for support, and to make sure his trick didn't see the gun fall from his hand.

Rouge's empty hand started forward, reaching for his weapon. Her eyes never left him, or her weapon, lest he try something with that other hand of his.

Now.

Step 1: click the cylinder into place and hope the sound draws her eyes to it. It did.

Step 2: with the free hand, push her gun away while crouching down. It worked.

Step 3: do the trick. It took less than half a second.

The middle, ring, and pinkie fingers of Alzack's hand straightened out. His index finger remained just curled enough so that when he tilted his hand, the trigger guard remained hooked while the gun fell against the rest of his fingers. It was then a simple matter of flicking his wrist and spinning his gun around on the trigger guard. The grip settled back into the pad of his thumb, and the muzzle pointed forward.

Step 4: pull the trigger, and say the magic words.

" _Mud Shot!_ "

It sent her slamming back into the wall in a giant brown splatter. Success, even if her return shot managed to knock the gun out of his hand. Man, under ideal conditions, Moulin Rouge could probably shoot the wings off a fly.

" _Crap!_ " Alzack muttered, tearing across the floor and retrieving his gun as he dove behind the end of the bar.

Alzack had been expecting that magical shot of his to knock her out, at least keep her pinned. What he _hadn't_ been expecting was for Rouge to shrug it off like… Well, like _mud_ , and come back guns literally a-blazing. Splinters flew and planks popped as her rapid flurry of return fire chewed up the wooden bar. Glass shattered and the bystanders outside ducked away from the windows.

Alzack rose and popped off a normal magical round, just to get her moving. Rouge was already in motion, speeding like a lightning bolt behind a column before popping off another shot at him. This one came within an inch of biting off his right ear lobe. A little too close for comfort, so back down he went.

As he sat down and a cloud rolled in outside, a bullet ricocheted off a lantern above him and nearly punched a hole in his leg. Then another bounced off the metal frame on one of the windows and might've nailed him in the shoulder, had he not slid down to his back.

"Nice reflection you got there!" Rouge jeered. "Little wide, though! How 'bout some of Moulin Rouge's One-Second Weight Loss?"

Her next shot went straight through the corner of the counter, drawing a red line on his ribs. Wincing, he fought the urge to clutch his side and expose his elbow. Rolling behind the bar in earnest, Alzack stumbled along as more bullets punched through the wood around him. Damn, if that gun wasn't as strong as its owner.

"Alright, let's see how you like _this_ one," Alzack murmured, spinning the cylinder on his left revolver. He stopped it on a particular chamber, his ethernano flooding the cartridge inside.

He waited until Rouge's barrage had halted, then darted up.

" _Sunlight Shot!_ "

At the rate that a speeding bullet flew, a split-second delay in its magical charge could have it go off dozens of feet away. Despite what all she'd done, he hoped the blinding blast of light didn't leave Rouge permanently blind. Alzack would sooner cut off his trigger finger than retire a hawk-eyed artist like her.

He heard a _click_ from her side, but no cry of pain or anguish. Guess speaking the incantation had tipped her off.

"Hold up!" he called before she fired again. "I got a proposition for you!"

There was a moment's pause, and then, "What _kind_ of proposition, Fairy boy?"

Alzack smiled. She'd taken the bait. "How'd you like to patch up your reputation?"

"What're you talkin' about?"

"Think about it," he said, popping the spent shell casings from his guns and reaching for his ammo belt. "Your secret's out. Word'll spread that you're not actually a part of Fairy Tail, and there goes your meal ticket."

"Oh?" Rouge sounded intrigued. "And what's your fix, huh? Gonna take me home, make an honest woman of me with that loaded pistol of yours?"

Alzack nearly dropped his bullets.

"N-, no-!" He shook his head to clear it.

"Look," he called, still lying on his side, "I say we have ourselves a duel, fair and square. May the faster draw and better shot win."

"'Fair and square'." Rouge sounded amused. "That's asking a lot from a bandit."

"I'm a Fairy Tail wizard," Alzack reminded her, sliding the last bullet into its chamber sliding the cylinder back in. "You beat me, without any tricks, and just imagine how much you'll scare people then."

There was another long pause. The Fairy Tail mage began wondering if she'd just toss it and try to sneak up on him. If she was fast or quiet enough, he could be right back to where he started their gunfight: at gunpoint, being forced to turn in his arms.

"Alright, how are we gonna do this?" he heard her call.

 _Yes!_ He could win this fight _and_ show off! Wait, why would he…? Was he seriously considering that "honest woman" proposal?

Alzack turned red as a beat. He really shouldn't have called it a 'proposal'…

"Hand- hands out where I can see 'em!" he stuttered, holstering his guns. "I'll do the same!"

Silence for a moment, then he heard, "Take a look, cowboy!"

Peering over the top of the bar, he saw two slender arms sprouting out from either side of Pool Hall's central support beam, with two gloved hands attached to them. The fingers on each were splayed.

Keeping a hand close to his belt as he rose, Alzack slowly made his way around the bar. Hearing him, Moulin Rouge stepped out as well. His eyes couldn't help but sneak a peek at her, uh, "neck line".

"There's a reason I'm called the fastest draw on the continent," Rouge warned, a crooked smile wrinkling her cheek.

"See?" Alzack said, smiling courteously, hoping she hadn't noticed his errant glance. "You're playing fair already."

"There's a difference between playin' fair and braggin'," Rouge countered, reaching down to touch a jasper brooch at her hip.

"Don't brag too much," Alzack warned wryly. "In a minute, I might be more famous than you."

"Doubt me, do you?" the bandit asked, before looking outside at the terrified Pool Hall patrons returning to the window outside.

"Those that doubt me," Rouge shouted haughtily, "suck cock by choice!"

A moment passed in silence; it was not pride that held everyone's tongue. Everyone, that is, except Alzack.

"I don't doubt it," he said, smiling a little himself. "I don't doubt you're _called_ the fastest draw, anyway."

Rouge cocked an eyebrow. "You're really dead set on doing it like this, aren't you?"

The question caused Alzack to blush a little.

"Alright, stud, I'll give you a shot at proving me wrong. In fact," remarked Rouge, eyeing the holsters on either side of Alzack's waist, "I'll give you as many as you can get."

Tugging at the handle tucked into her belt, Rouge spread her legs and settled into a shooting stance, at least from the hips on down. Her left hand remained in a closed fist at her hip, while her right had its thumb tucked into her belt, well away from her piece, but close enough so that her bicep pressed against her firm breast.

Rouge kept that thumb wedged in her belt as slow, wry smile curled her ruby lips. "On you, raggedy man."

Alzack slowly inhaled through his nose. Every muscle in his body tensed, then relaxed. Everything in his vision blurred, all except Moulin Rouge. He took one last opportunity to admire her dangerous beauty, from her pale green hair to her cock-sure attitude. Now he understood why he wanted to show off: somewhere, deep in the back of his mind, he _really_ wished this could end some other way, _really_ wished he could get to know her, and _really_ wished he could take her up on that, ahem, 'proposal'.

But, she was still a bandit by trade, and had the added discrepancy of besmirching his guild's good-

…

 _Lawful_ -

No, that wasn't accurate, either...

…

... _honest_ reputation.

So, as sorry as he was, there was only one thing left for Alzack Connell to say.

"Draw."

Alzack drew.

Rouge's hand twitched.

A shot rang out.

Alzack's right gun went spinning out of his hand, wrenched from his grip and nearly clipping his ear on the way over his shoulder.

The gunslinger whirled in disbelief, going back and forth between his fallen gun and the green-haired bandit.

Rouge's left hand was still near her hip as she leaned towards him, which allowed him to sink his gaze straight down her cleavage.

"What's the matter, stud?" she jeered mockingly. "You did say 'Draw', didn't you?"

Alzack went for his other revolver, squeezed the trigger-

-only to get clocked in the face by the bottom of its grip, a microsecond after it went off.

Opening his eyes as he felt a draft, Alzack realized that _three_ shots had been fired: one to knock the gun from his hand, another from his gun as the hammer fell, and a final one that nicked the side of his belt and dropped his pants to the floor.

Rouge smirked maliciously, now clutching a smoking pink pistol. "Well, look at that: shit outta guns, shit outta shots…"

Sashaying over to where Alzack had collapsed in a heap, the Fairy Tail mage found himself staring down the barrel of her ornate pistol.

"...and shit outta luck."

The piece looked like a double-action but lacked a cylinder behind the barrel, meaning it must've been magazine-fed, meaning Moulin Rouge still might've had as many shots in that used hand cannon as Alzack did with his guns fully loaded.

"And the only reason I'm not gonna make you swallow lead as you die," she began.

"Screw you," Alzack spat, now realizing she must've been using some illusory magic to hide her already-drawn gun. She might've been fast, but his keen eyes never even saw her move; no one was _that_ fast.

Rouge's eyes flashed, and her barrel prodded his lower lip. "Open up."

Alzack's lip clenched firmer in a scornful scowl.

"Bite the barrel or bite the bullet. Either way, you're takin' _something_ down your throat, cock-sucker."

Alzack had a sneaking feeling that he'd get both either way, and with his eyes sneaking one last glance at Rouge's still-bountiful cleavage, he slowly unwedged his teeth and did as he was told. The taste of gunmetal and spent powder was awful, but it was better than sampling the Grim Reaper's cuisine.

"As I was saying," Rouge continued, "the only reason you're still alive, is because you're kinda cute knocked flat on your ass."

Now her face drew very close, so close Alzack could feel her coral-green bangs against his own inky salwan locks.

"So _stay_ on that ass," she warned softly, before backing away and saying, "or I'll drop you lower than cow shit."

Alzack Connell was no stranger to the world. He'd travelled around, seen everything from the prairies of western Fiore to the mountains of southern Seven and the rocky crags of Bosco. He'd encountered all sorts, partaken in all kinds of customs and festivals and rivalries throughout those lands, and encountered all a manner of women who'd made him feel all a manner of things, some good and some not.

Yet never in his life had Alzack Connell been so frightened and turned on at the same time. He thanked his lucky stars for his poncho.

Suddenly, to his right, a loud explosion of rock and wall continued the theme of Moulin Rouge being wrong about things.

"It seems my information was correct," growled a commanding alto. "The culprit was indeed next door."

"Erza!" Never had Alzack been so happy to get caught with his pants down.

Stepping through the debris, the dust cloud around the redhead thinned, revealing an evacuation of Fruits Park patrons behind her.

"She seriously changed her clothes for _that?!_ " griped a woman in a swan costume.

"I didn't even get to eat my caramel mousse!" whined a blonde customer. "This isn't fair!"

Soon, Fruits Part was empty, leaving only Erza.

...who for some reason, Alzack noticed, was wearing a waitress' uniform.

" _Alzack!_ " barked the S-Class, storming over to where he lay in Rouge's wake. Honestly, if getting scolded for his weakness was the cost of-

" _How DARE you!"_

Why was she holding a sword to his throat?

"We took you in as a member," hissed the pissed-off knight. "We gave you our emblem, called your our guild mate..."

Down at the end of that sword blazed two eyes, the power behind them blinding.

" _AND YOU USE OUR NAME TO COMMIT CRIMES?!_ "

Alzack, Rouge, and all the huddled masses at the windows had the same reaction.

" _Huh?!_ "

"Hey, lady!" barked one of said masses, another waitress from Fruits Park. "I said Moulin Rouge was a 'she'!"

Erza looked at the dissenter, then at Alzack, then withdrew her sword blade. "You're right."

 _Clonk_.

Alzack didn't care how much the floorboards hurt his head, his neck was just too relieved, and dumbfounded.

" _YOU!_ " barked Erza, turning her attention to the _real_ Moulin Rouge. "You've been wielding Fairy Tail's name, haven't you?"

Her sword was aimed at Rouge's heart. "These will be your last words; make them count!"

Rouge, halfway between Erza and Pool Hall's front door, merely snorted. "Another one? Seriously?"

Erza swept her sword to the side. "So much for making your last words count. Alzack, stop laying around and pull up your pants."

"Uh, yes ma'am!" He hastily scrambled up, taking off his poncho and tying it around as a makeshift belt.

"Look, Fairy girl," Rouge said smugly, "they call me The Lightning Bandit, and I've got a theory why: you might get struck by lightning..."

In a flash, she was behind Erza, gun now holstered, for her hand was on the tie to Erza's apron.

"-but it's way too quick to catch!"

 _That speed!_ She hadn't been that fast before! Had she held back? Maybe she _was_ that fast a draw.

Pulling hard, Rouge sent Erza into a spin, tearing her uniform free and leaving only her apron to shield her modesty. How did Alzack know this? Because the blush on the windowed masses' faces gave it away, and how they were all staring at Erza's butt.

Not Alzack, though. He was still blown away by the absolute valkyrie that was Moulin Rouge.

"These are such cute uniforms," the bandit quipped, holding up her prize, "and so easy to take off!"

" _Return that immediately!_ " Erza squawked.

Rouge merely laughed and tossed it away. "See ya, slowpokes!"

Alzack felt a chill run up his back, and instinctively ducked behind the hall's big central column.

" _Coward..._ "

Yup, definitely a good idea when Erza's on the warpath.

" _Before, it wasn't personal..._ "

Power flared around her, halting Rouge's exit. Turning to behold its source, the bandit made the ill-fated decision _not_ to flee the country.

" _Disrobing me, tarnishing my guild, tearing me away from eating caramel mousse..._ "

The power dimmed, revealing a new outfit for Erza. A set of flame-patterned red pants adorned her legs, while a more humble white wrapping covered her bust, leaving her stomach and shoulders bare. Her hair had been tied back into a high ponytail, with only two bangs spared to frame her face. There was no metal left on her person, since her sword had vanished.

Her eyes flashed. " _YOU HAVE SEALED YOUR DOOM!_ "

Oh, now Rouge tried to run, but it seemed that speed of hers came in bursts. Erza caught her before she'd made it three steps, palming her head like a ball.

Alzack had a flashback to a bar fight he'd seen, where a drunk had grabbed a smaller guy and dragged him down the bar top, crashing his face through drinks and plates before dumping him off the other end. Erza now did something like that, only she dragged Rouge _through_ the bar, like it weren't no thing, splintering the wood into kindling before the two women exploded through the other side.

Tossing Rouge to the ground, Erza folded her arms. "That was just a warm-up."

The bandit climbed to her feet, only slightly more rocked than before. "Gotta admit, you're tougher than I took you for, certainly tougher than your friend was."

Alzack hung his head. His wounded pride…

...could wait.

"Watch it, Erza!" he shouted. "She's a master at the quick-draw!"

"A master, hm?" The redhead sounded more intrigued than anything. "Go ahead and draw."

Rouge nearly loosed a mouth-fart. "You serious?"

As serious as the sword that shimmered into the Requip Mage's grip, prompting Rouge to reach for her gun.

"Look," she said, "I'm not one for giving tips to my enemies, but fighting a gun with a sword is suicide, even if I _wasn't_ the quickest draw on the continent."

She looked straight at Alzack. "Ain't that right, stud?"

Right in the pride again... He couldn't take much more of this…

Erza didn't even blink. "A poor choice for an epitaph."

Rouge's purple eyes shot wide. " _Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you!_ "

Alzack saw Rouge draw, barely.

He saw her gun kick back twice, and heard the shots ring out; Erza swung her sword with each.

Then he heard the clack of pool balls on a nearby table. The cue ball had struck the 1-ball, and sent it into a corner pocket.

Moulin Rouge couldn't believe it. She _knew_ she'd drawn, and unlike with Sheriff Stud over there, she'd aimed to kill; no sense taking chances with a freak like Fairy Girl. So then how could she miss? She never missed!

"...No way," she whispered.

She fired again. Like the Fairy Tail boy she'd flirted/fought with, she, too, heard the cue ball strike the 2-ball into a pocket.

" _No frickin' way._ "

Three, four, five more shots, and three, four, five more balls sunk by the cue.

"What are you, some kind of monster?!"

The Fairy Girl was on the approach now, swatting away bullets like they were flies. By the time she had Rouge at swordpoint, the ceiling was made porous, the 9-ball sunk, and the game won.

"It seemed your hand was faster than your bullets," said Erza. "Admit your defeat."

Eyes panicked and fearful, Rouge got a good long look up the sword blade, and at the terror which held it to her throat. Meek, shaking, she tried to raise her gun to Erza.

"You could try." The redhead's eyes narrowed. "But as I've wrapped up my game of pool, the only place that bullet will go is back."

From his hiding place, Alzack couldn't tell which way Rouge would swing. This was a proud, dominant woman here, who'd managed to (possibly) out-draw and out-shoot him. He'd been as confident in himself as she'd had in her own skill, and now had to swallow the bitter pill of being outclassed. That bullet was never easy to bite.

"You..." Wait, was Rouge crying? "You witch…!"

Yeah, she was! Not quietly, either: she was sniffling and whimpering like she'd been punched in the heart. Her gun clattered to the floor, her arm and will too weak to keep up the pretense.

"I'm sorry, okay? I messed up!" she croaked. "I know it was wrong for me to steal, but I'm a migrant. They don't trust foreigners here…"

Her choked-up throat started stifling her words. "I, I haven't been able to… to find a single job! Stealing's the only way I can make ends meet." She gestured to the outside. "I only ever took enough to survive. Just ask anyone out there honest enough!"

Her eyes screwed shut as the tears flowed in earnest. "Please, don't kill me! I deserve whatever I get, but without money, Sunny would die, too, and none of this is his fault…!"

Rouge had broken. She was on her hands and knees before her conqueror, clawing at her brow in anguish. Erza looked unmoved by her pleas, but Alzack? Well, he just felt awful. Some nagging little voice in his head told him this was just another trick, before he reminded it that he was here and her gun was out of her hand, not to mention out of bullets (he'd counted).

Erza broke her stoney mask and sighed, shimmering back to her standard breastplate and skirt, while offering an armored hand to the unfortunate victim of circumstance.

"Though you've only justified their prejudice, I won't kill you."

Rouge sniffed, taking it. "Thank you..."

"THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO CLAIM VENGEANCE!"

Moulin Rouge was sent flying through the air by a vicious uppercut, crashing down on the very pool table her bullets had played a game on. Alzack and the crowd of onlookers were left shell-shocked: poor girl just couldn't catch a break.

"Given the circumstances, I can overlook your banditry," Erza pronounced, "but I will _never_ tolerate the abuse of Fairy Tail's name. You've brought shame to my guild, and that crime is unforgivable. Every single choice a Fairy Tail wizard makes is a reflection on the guild, its members, and its values. The mark we wear is more than just iconography; it is a symbol of the oath we swore when we joined, a symbol of dedication to our ideals."

Venom dripped from her gaze. "Should anyone trample on that, then good or wicked, I will cut them down."

Erza looked like she'd do it, too. This was bad. Alzack had faced a similar life back when he'd first gotten stuck here, and only through his never-say-die attitude had he managed to force the townsfolk to tolerate him. He'd swallowed his pride and kissed as many boots as it had taken to win the acceptance of the townsfolk, only ever drawing his guns to defend himself or dissuade the thought that he was servile.

But Moulin Rouge wasn't him. If anything, she had every right to her pride, being a better shot and all. So when she'd turned to crime, there was no going back: she'd given the town everything they needed to shun her, having been ready to do so from the minute she'd rolled in. That just wasn't fair, and it wasn't fair that, despite Rouge's struggles, she end up in an early grave regardless.

Swallowing and wishing himself luck, Alzack stepped in. "That's what it means to be in a guild."

Both women turned to him; Alzack would've preferred staring down the muzzle of Rouge's gun.

"You can understand," he continued. "How much you care about Sunny? Enough to take a bullet for him? That's how we feel about Fairy Tail. _That's_ dedication."

And, lo, what was that, creeping up on the horizon? Why, yes, Alzack did believe it was inspiration coming to call.

"If you're looking for work, Rouge, you should join Fairy Tail," he suggested.

"I agree," Erza said, shocking the both of them. "You'd fit right in."

With that, Erza turned and headed for the hole she'd made in Fruits Park. Oh yeah, she did say she'd missed out on that caramel mousse.

Looking around at the damaged Pool Hall, and remembering his guild's _actual_ reputation, Alzack decided he should be somewhere else.

"Wait!" he heard the bandit call. "My name isn't really Moulin Rouge, it's Bisca! Bisca Mulan!"

 _Good to know_ , thought Alzack, still hastily making his defenestration.

"Um, I didn't catch yours!"

That made him stop, along with his lungs. He turned… only to see Bisca staring at Erza, not him.

"It's Erza," said the armored mage. "Erza Scarlet."

A pink dust settled on Bisca's cheeks. "I won't forget… She's so cool!"

That was the final straw. Alzack's pride could take no more. Out-shot, out-drawn, and she didn't even care enough to get his name. Head hung low, Alzack made his exit from Pool Hall. Maybe he could catch an early train back to Hargeon; if not, then he'd walk back. All he wanted right now was to be as far away from this town as possible.

* * *

 **Author's note:**

And that, class, is how two people with a very clear attraction to each other can be totally petrified about talking about said attraction. After all, why settle for _mundane_ reasons like natural fear of rejection when you could saddle them with post-gunfight emotional baggage and embarrassing inter-gunfight flirting?

Stay tuned for the follow-up omake, "Shoot From the Hip". If you're a W.A.S.P. fan, and are in fact familiar with that song, then you should be able to guess what flavor of citrus fruit _that_ chapter's going to have.


	17. Higher Learning

**The School of Hard Knocks, Part 4:**

 **Higher Learning**

Natsu's rage practically dripped from him as the image in the lacrima faded. So for years, at _least_ since Ultear and him went into that Shrine thing, Ravenlord had been using his powers- no, not _his_ powers, the powers he stole from Cedgewick's guardian -to _showboat_. Granted, those strangers he showboated for still had enough sense to hate his guts, but that didn't change the fact he ruined a whole town just so he could waltz around in front of a crowd.

Ravenlord... Twice that guy had Natsu's number. Twice Natsu had upped his ante on the job front, just to make sure that feathered freak never showed him up again, and what did he have to show for it? A sore ego and a major headache courtesy of Steiner, himself a guy that Ravenlord _also_ thought he was better than. Worse still, there was no arguing that last point: Ravenlord was the champ and Steiner wasn't. So where the hell did that leave Natsu, a guild wizard who'd busted his ass year after year, between taking jobs and wrestling forest vulca-

…

Maybe… _Yeah…_ Natsu's epiphany slowly pushed him into a soft fit of evil chuckling.

"I have a notion," said Ultear, her voice finally getting through to him.

"Yeah," breathed the Slayer ferally. "So do I."

"I thought that scarf looked familiar," said Elfman. "That was really yours?"

The Dragon Slayer flashed a toothy grin. "Sure was." His fist slapped into his palm. "And I'm gettin' it back."

"ALL RIGHT!" bellowed Elfman, his fists raising high and accidentally thumping the ceiling. "THAT'S BEING A MAN!"

"And I believe I'll help," said Ultear, giving Natsu's shoulders an encouraging squeeze. "Perhaps we might enlist Shade, too?"

Cana laughed. "What, are you gonna wrestle for it?"

As no answer greeted her, the bikini-clad drunk slowly went from gabbing to gawking. "You're not really going to-… Seriously?"

Natsu's grin grew feral. "I've been tossin' around forest vulcans for years," he growled enthusiastically. "After seeing how Shade put the hurt on Mira, I know _exactly_ how to give this jerk the face-pounding he deserves."

Behind him, Ultear purred as her hands grew more sensual on his shoulders. "So you saw it as well. You're getting smarter every day, Natsu."

"Smarter?" Cana stared in disbelief. "Natsu, Ravenlord's been doing this for _years._ He's won the Interkingdom Championship _twice_ , plus Tag Team silver before he went bad."

Ultear raised an eyebrow to her feminine friend. "'Went bad'? Why, Cana, are you implying that he was... 'good'? Between the time he left Cedgewick to rot, and now?"

Cana shrunk a little, looking away. "Well, he, uh… He was kinda cool at one point."

"But that's nothing," Elfman interjected. "Ravenlord's one of the only guys to not get squashed by The Ultimate Renegade."

"Who?" Natsu asked, the name piquing his interest as well as his fire.

"The reigning World Champion." Elfman's fists pummeled more dust from the ceiling. "And the MANLIEST MAN TO EVER MAN UP!"

"No joke," Cana grinned. "He's crushed so many contenders that now, management only let him out when _he_ thinks it's worth his time."

"Oh wow," piped in Happy, floating just below the floor/ceiling joists. "And Ravenlord beat him?"

" _ **HA!**_ " The twin outburst was mutual and simultaneous.

"As if!" cried Cana.

"He lasted about six minutes," Elfman explained, "before The Renegade broke the ring with him."

That sealed it, as far as Natsu's to-do list was concerned: trash Ravenlord, get his scarf, get a piece of this Ultimate Renegade Guy, and maybe, if there was time left in the day, pay Steiner back for dropping him on his head.

And what luck Natsu was in, because at that moment, a hazy series of letters appeared in the vision lacrima at his knees.

 _Next stop: Magnolia's South Gate._

 _Pass: insert 1500 Jewel._

 _Front row pass: insert 3500 Jewel._

Cana was already producing a papery wad of Jewel from her cleavage and stuffing it into the lacrima's weird slot. "Oh HELL yeah! I am there!"

After a moment, out came a small rectangular piece of glazed wood, thin as pottery but far sturdier, with the words "Monday Night Mania" carved above a much smaller "Admit One/Magnolia".

Elfman's giant elbow nudged Cana's caramel-colored arm. "Hey Cana, mind loaning me a couple hundred?"

"Oh you are _so_ getting a bill for this month," Cana smirked, handing him a stack of 300 to add to the one he'd pulled from his pocket.

"FRONT ROW, HERE I COME!" In a moment, the white-haired giant snagged his own pass.

"Where exactly does all that money go?" Ultear inquired, curiously examining the crystal's slot.

"No one knows," Elfman replied. "The FWF's not exactly on the reg with the Magic Council, so nobody's sure how they do business or travel around."

"Hold up," Natsu interrupted. "Is this whole FWF thing… against the law?"

"Wellll..." Cana pressed her fingers together, her pass tucked away in the pocket of her capris. "It's not _illegal_ , exactly, since no one in the fights is using magic, but it's not really _sanctioned_ , either, and nearly everyone on the roster is a wizard of some kind."

Elfman summed it up rather nicely. "They're like a guild made entirely of S-Classes, except they're not a guild. Don't even try to be."

"That might change, though," said Cana. "Rumor has it they're petitioning the king to do this huge mega-event in Crocus."

Natsu leaned back against the wall. "So what's stopping them?"

"Natsu," Ultear reminded him, "you're getting your clothes dirty."

"So I'll go swimming later with 'em on," he replied, at which Ultear's eyes widened slightly towards his shirtless torso.

"Now spill, Cana," said the Slayer. "Why's the king not into it?"

"It's got nothing to do with the king," she replied. "They'd need their World Champion to make it work, and he apparently doesn't wanna wrestle right now."

"Not even Steiner?" Ultear asked. Surely such a mammoth of meat and veins could prove a worthy challenger.

"Nope," said Cana, shaking her head. "Not yet, anyway."

"Steiner's pretty manly," said Elfman, "but he needs to get his heat back. The Doc was the one that took his IK title, then Ravenlord took the title off _him,_ so Steiner's going to beat them at Grand Slamboree."

"You sure about that?" Natsu inquired crossly.

"Why don't you come see for yourself?" Elfman asked, waving a stack of Jewel in front of him.

Cana leveled a friendly glare. "I thought you were strapped for cash."

"I was saving this for a special occasion." Elfman turned back to Natsu. "So how 'bout it, Natsu?"

Natsu looked to the stack, then touched the divot between his collar bones. Then his gaze turned to the lacrima on the ground, then to Ultear.

"Only if you're comin' with me," he said to her.

The Time Mage appeared confused, yet pleased. "And why would my presence be necessary?"

He stepped forward and grabbed a handful of her upper arm. "Because you wanna see Ravenleech get his butt whooped as much as I do. After everything he put us through, you deserve that much."

Ultear didn't know how to respond to that. Natsu was willing to challenge an immensely strong foe for a record _third_ time; a foe who, mere minutes ago, leveled two muscle-bound powerhouses in a manner of seconds, one of whom had himself given Natsu a skull-splitting headache. That Natsu would fight such a foe, just to satisfy a need for revenge that Ultear didn't even possess? That offer was so very boorish, arrogant, and mulish, not to mention how it reeked of macho posturing.

It was the sweetest thing Natsu had ever said to her.

Ultear offered Natsu her hand, a pink dust on her cheeks. "I'd be honored to go."

Natsu happily shook it. "So, uh, you got money for a ticket?"

Well, if that didn't put a small crimp in Ultear's good mood. Still, she was an S-Class wizard, and S-Class jobs meant money was something _other_ people worried about.

"I do," she said softly, in the process restoring her good mood.

"Oooo, she _liiikes_ him," Happy sang mockingly. The cat's teasing scaled back to snickering once he found an S-Class glare leveled at him.

"Great!" exclaimed Natsu. "Then all I gotta do is get Lisanna on board and we'll have the whole gang!"

One could practically hear Ultear's smile crack as it twisted into a farcical counterfeit of its former self.

Lisanna. Of all the people the lovable pink-haired oaf had to bring, it just _had_ to be her: the only person in all of Earthland who could possibly drive a railroad spike into things. Here Ultear thought she'd be able to enjoy a gladiatorial contest, good versus evil, akin to a noble knight fighting for a lady's honor against a most despicable creature, but no, it seemed Natsu had to recall that Lisanna, too, had suffered from Ravenlord before.

Trying to reason with Natsu was pointless. The thought of such a tenderhearted girl enjoying a vicious three-way mauling was ludicrous to anyone with a sound grasp of logic and any skill at reading people. So, naturally, it never once crossed Natsu's mind. Worse still, to point it out would be to jeopardize Ultear's own reason for attending, thereby dimming Natsu's drive to see justice done.

Or, perhaps… Yes… Perhaps Lisanna's more vulnerable(-looking) presence could afford Ultear a rare and valuable opportunity. From her readings, she knew of the observable link between violence and romantic attraction, especially in men, how each fed into the masculine ego that partially drove men to pursue them. So when Natsu was finished fighting, with his sweat brewing, his blood pumping, his muscles tensing, his veins throbbing… Yes…

Forcing herself to keep smiling, and praying her plans fared better than they did during her S-Class trial, she gave her consent.

"Indeed. We would."

"And then we can watch Steiner kick his ass together!"

That did it. She was done. Ultear turned right around and climbed out of this filthy grotto beneath the house of Gildarts Clive. She should have learned by now, after so many years around her pink-haired interest, to brave the pitfall of giving him too much credit.

 _Although_ , she thought as she left the front door behind, _credit to him for spotting a path of less resistance._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A full-fledged wrestling ring in the basement of Fairy Tail's guild hall should've surprised Natsu. He'd been down here plenty of times, and never once thought the place could withstand some of the stuff he'd seen Steiner, Shade and Ravenlord do.

Yet with a little work, a few shifted tables, and placement of three corner posts into some unveiled square-shaped holes, not to mention elastic cables hidden beneath a loose floor board, and Fairy Tail now had its very own… What did Shade call it? "Power station"?

"So, you wanna know the graps, eh?" asked the former luchador.

Natsu stood across from his back, a small audience gathered around the edges of the ring with a few more arrayed about the tables. "You bet! If Ravenlurch hasn't had enough when Steiner's done with him, I'm gonna beat him at his own game!"

Shade whirled and smashed him to the ground with an outstretched forearm to the chest.

Gritting his teeth, Natsu was understandably upset, far more at the sucker-shot than any pain he felt. "What the hell was that for?!"

"Iss no game, Natsu. Tha' was painful, ¿sí?"

"Whadda you think?!"

Shade nodded, satisfied with the result. "Now you do i' to me."

Growling and rubbing his head, Natsu planned to give at least as good as he got. Climbing up and winding up, Natsu's arm came around and smacked Shade something good. But as soon as his shoulders hit the ground, Shade pumped his legs and sprang right up, catching Natsu with his forearm again and sending them _both_ to the ground. The impact this time was less on Natsu's back than it was on his arm, for Shade leaned all his body weight into his chest and, consequently, Natsu's outstretched limb.

His muscle throbbing a little, Natsu pushed Shade off and looked to his audience. Elfman and Cana were on hand, eyes wide and eager to see the secrets of their beloved FWF revealed. Ultear didn't seem that moved, aside from a small tic in her lip. Lisanna looked ready to bawl her eyes out, making Natsu wonder why if she didn't like watching, she didn't just shove off and stop torturing herself? He'd never understand girls.

"Chu wanna know 'ow I did tha'?" Shade asked, detaching himself and standing up.

Natsu, still cross, admitted he was curious.

"Iss called 'bomping'," Shade explained. "Only 'alf of pro wrestling is doing the moofs. The other 'alf is _taking_ them. Bomping's wha' stops Destruyer D-... Des-... Agh, _Davari_ from _actually_ destruying people with 'is suplexes, or McGraw from breaking someone's neck with 'is Sawbones Cutter."

"Will it let me shake that move Granddaddy Jerk used on me?"

Shade snorted. "Oh no," he said. "No, you ge' caught in the Steiner Stupifier, you _don._ But chu take it righ', you still be able to walk after."

Natsu sighed. "So what's the way out if I get caught?"

" _Dohn'_ ge' caught," Shade replied. "And if you _do_ , push on 'is legs and tock your head."

"...Huh." Didn't strike Natsu as the best strategy.

Shade rolled his shoulders. "Right. Watch me."

The luchador fell away, legs high in the air as he landed flat on his back, his chin tucked and his arms outstretched so that his triceps hit along with his shoulder and hip bones. Then he swept himself back to his feet and, now facing Natsu, did it again. And again. And again, and again, and again, and again, and-

"Can you gimme some room?" Natsu asked. "I wanna try that."

Shade complied, rolling under the bottom rope and watching the ring surface closely. Natsu relaxed his shoulders, dropped back, and discovered that even with the small amount of give the ring had, he was still dropping on a hard floor.

"Watch the arms," Shade called. "Remember: at the sehm time as your back. Again."

Grunting, Natsu got up and dropped down again. His arms took more of it, but it was notably less blunt this time.

"Tock your chin more, an' mehk sure your back lands where your feet stood. Again."

Another drop to the mat, this time in harmony. Lisanna had elected to join him in his journey of pain, dropping to her back next to Natsu with Shade's advice fresh in her mind.

The Dragon Slayer was puzzled, to say the least. "Lisanna?"

Sitting up, the girl turned her pretty blue eyes on him. "You shouldn't have to do this alone, Natsu. I'm going to be your wife someday, so I'll suffer anything you suffer."

He was then graced with her smile. "Besides, if we train together, Shade can watch for mistakes."

"As can I," Ultear called, a small hint of venom in her voice.

Lisanna turned her smile on Ultear. "Thank you! I'm sure you'll be very helpful."

Was it just him, or did Lisanna sound like she didn't mean that at all?

A few minutes later, Natsu and her must've dropped to their backs well over a hundred times before Shade called a halt to show them the next kind of bump: the front bump.

"Kip your stohmach flat," said Shade, running a hand down his sternum. "Sehm thing with the back: chu wanna spread ou' the impact. Las manos-"

He held up his hands.

"-are to stohp you from breaking your nose. Watch."

He leapt reasonably high in the air, far below what the average wizard could achieve, before splatting down on his chest and abdomen. His hands slapped the ring the same time his body did, but in a strange move, he then bonked his head ear-first to the ground.

"Whatcha do that for?" Natsu asked, confused.

"Showboating," said Shade, getting back to his feet. "Mehkes you look tougher if you get hit in the face. A match is still a show, you know, as much for the crowds as it is for the guy you going to fight."

 _Aha,_ thought Natsu. _Bit of the ol' "playin' possum sorta". I get ya._

Now it was face-first a few hundred times. Then Shade had he and Lisanna practice doing it only when he struck them. They'd lean on the ropes, bounce off, then run towards Shade in the center of the ring. If he struck them, they bumped; if he didn't, they ran by. That is, until Natsu decided to get fresh and bump every time Shade so much as breathed on him, dropping to the mat like he'd been shot by a rocket.

The fourth time, he quickly learned why one shouldn't bump unless struck.

As soon as his stomach hit the ring and he prepared to do a little more over-acting, he felt a boot land right in the small of his back. Instinct kicked in and he tried to flip over, only for his arm to be grabbed and pulled over a muscular leg. Then Shade did the same to Natsu's other arm, culminating with the S-Class clasping his hands around Natsu's forehead and leeeeaning back.

"AGH! OW! HEY, SHADE, STOP-"

"Chu gonna take this seriously now?" the luchador asked in a _completely-_ done-with-this sort of tone.

Natsu's reply was a weak gurgle.

"Good," said Shade, and released him.

So premature bumping and goofing around led to back pain. Good to know.

"Now stand op," ordered Shade. "We got a looong way to go before you ready, _chico_."

Lisanna knelt over him, massaging his tenderized back. "Stay strong, Natsu," she whispered soothingly. "For your scarf."

"Yeah," grimaced the Slayer, crawling towards the ring ropes. "For my scarf."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day was Wednesday, and that apparently meant "mat wrestling": a whole lot of pulling and torquing, this time with a different dance partner.

"A key thing to remember," Ultear said, as she applied more pressure to his leg with her arm, "is that the human body is a system of levers. Everything can be manipulated to move a certain way, and the right technique can circumvent any opponent, no matter how strong."

Natsu wheezed. Cradles sucked, at least to be on the receiving end.

"Now how you get outta this," Shade said, sauntering over and bending down, "is picking the lock. Try and 'old this, Ultear."

"Oh, happily," replied the Time Mage, cranking on Natsu's head. Any more, and her right boob would probably suffocate him.

Although, Natsu could still see well enough to behold Shade as the latter dug his middle finger and thumb into the sides of Ultear's knuckles. He started to squeeze, and within moments her clasped hands came loose. Natsu immediately splayed out his limbs, breathing sweet, unimpeded air.

"See, Natsu?" said Ultear, giving him "the look" once again. "A system of levers. You can do all a manner of things to someone with that."

"If you need me to, Ultear," Lisanna called from the side, "I'll tag in for you!"

"Thank you," replied the older girl. "I'll keep that in mind."

Once again, Natsu detected lies.

"Now," Shade declared, "I show you the three-quarter nelson."

Natsu did not like that glint in Ultear's eye. Where had she learned all this stuff?

 _Several awkward and/or painful holds later…_

"My mother," she replied, sliding her heels out from under his waist. "These kinds of holds wear people down, no matter how intoxicated they might be."

 _And leave a major pain in the neck_ , Natsu thought while rubbing his own. _Ow..._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thursday: more bumping, this time with more flippy-stuff to wow the crowd.

"After all," explained Shade, "if you gonna do something big, do i' with _style!_ "

As Natsu flipped over and landed on his back for what felt like the millionth time that day, he actually kind of agreed. What was the point of doing something lame when you could make it look cool instead? Sometimes, anyway.

Next to him, just as laid out and huffing and puffing as he was, Lisanna looked over to him.

"You can beat him, Natsu," she breathed, reaching out to touch his face. "Do it for me."

Natsu grinned. "You got it."

From the side, it sounded like Ultear accidentally ripped a page in her book.

"Oooo, isn't that just precious?" caterwauled Happy. Who he was talking about, Natsu couldn't tell.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Friday: "chain" wrestling, with a renewed focus on escaping holds.

"Wrist control," explained Shade, adjusting Natsu's hand so he grasped Ultear at the wrist instead of the hand, "will ge' chu out of anything."

He held Natsu's hand, and by extension Ultear's arm, out away from the two. "Ultear, try an' bring 'im down."

At the snap of their coach's fingers, Natsu thrust his back into her chest and his hip away from hers, which for some reason got a low, throaty purr from her. Ignoring that, he quickly turned and "cut away" with his hand… only for Ultear to immediately drop to his exposed leg, hug it, and suplex him on to his back.

"How the heck am I supposed to stop _that_ , Shade?!" Natsu snarled.

Shade responded by gesturing for him to mimic Ultear's action, only for Ultear herself to step in.

"Please," she said, rather forcefully elbowing Shade aside, "allow me."

Natsu did his best to get her leg, but as soon as his hands locked around it, she flexed her whole body and drove her hip into his shoulder, slowly but surely forcing him down as his hands came apart.

"Like so," she said, leaning her chest upside-down on his bent back.

"Ack..." Natsu coughed. "When'd you get so heavy?"

Next thing he knew, she'd spun behind him and put him in a three-quarters nelson again.

"Never comment on a woman's weight," she whispered, before her lips brushed against the underside of his jaw. "Very naughty, Natsu."

"Even when he has a point?" Lisanna asked innocently.

Ultear released him immediately. "What. _Are._ You talking about?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Saturday: figuring out his finishing move. Only thing he couldn't do was a move called "the pile driver", on account of too many past matches ending with broken necks. Natsu's evil grin was on full display when he found out that moves _like_ , but not equal to, the pile driver were still fine.

Shade drilled him on the philosophies surrounding a finishing move: how it should be next to impossible to bump off of, flow well into one's favored moveset, maximize pain or other body malfunction, and minimize one's own relative weaknesses. As a gesture of trust to cap it all off, he allowed the flame freak to spend a good hour giving him a major headache.

Once that was done, it was time to go live and put it all together.

"No' with me, _chico_ ," said the luchador, gesturing for Natsu to turn around. Leaning on the ring ropes behind him were the two girls who'd been training alongside him all week, both looking quite eager to step in and spar with him.

"Spar"? Or was it "drill"? Eh, words were never Natsu's thing anyway.

"So, uh..." After the week he'd had, he wasn't sure who'd be worse to upset. "Who's first?"

Both girls ducked between the ropes at the same time, before eyeing each other.

"After you," smiled Lisanna.

"Oh no," replied Ultear, gesturing to Natsu, "as his future wife, you should go first."

"Oh, but, as his wife, I'll spend more than enough time wrestling with him," Lisanna countered. "You'll need all the time with him you can get."

"Oh, have no fear," refuted Ultear. "I'll spend _more_ than enough time with him in the coming days. You should cherish these premarital memories you make."

"I will, don't you worry," assured Lisanna. "However-..."

Natsu's head was by now red as a strawberry and stricken with a nervous twitch, something neither girl seemed to notice, as they were far to busy being polite.

"Okay, tha's it," Shade interrupted, pulling Natsu back and rolling him under the ring. "You two wanted to go with 'im, so show me 'ow moch you leech from 'is lessons."

The two looked ready to object, before seeing the state Natsu was in. An errant glance and a nod at one another put them on the same train of thought, about a certain opportunity that had just presented itself. Natsu was taking too long to come on to them despite all they'd tried, so maybe a little… "display" would speed things up.

Stepping in, Lisanna sporting a very small pair of skin-tight shorts and T-shirt in place of her usual dress, the two exchanged bows and readied themselves. Right off the bat, Ultear had the better stance: her legs spread more evenly, and her back straight but bent forward, with her hands in front of her to catch any blows.

"Aaaannn'… _¡Lucha!_ "

Ultear exploded into action, catching Lisanna with a double leg takedown that sent her straight to her back. However, Lisanna got a foot loose and kicked Ultear in the chest, sending her sprawling back against the ring ropes. Ultear bounced off and leapt to a diving elbow drop, but crashed hard when Lisanna rolled to the side.

Spinning to her feet, Lisanna caught another shot at both her legs, this time sprawling them back and hipping into her attacker. When that failed to get her off, the Strauss girl noticed that Ultear's face was at perfect pushing level for her arm. In moments, Lisanna's forearm drove Ultear back to her feet and into her perfect stance.

Now the two circled, trying to gauge each other, looking for an opening. Smiling innocently, Lisanna shoved Ultear but the Time Mage merely jogged back into the ropes, and within moments was back where she'd started. Ultear posted a hand to Lisanna's shoulder, but found her limb quickly swatted away. What could they do...

Both latched on to the other's wrist at the same time, clearly preparing to counter the other. However, they both pulled each other into a chest-to-womanly-chest bear hug, so the contest came down to who was faster. A contest that, surprisingly, Lisanna won, hauling Ultear up, over, and down with a suplex, pressing her own body against the Time Mage's to add to the impact.

Next thing either of them knew, they were face-to-face, bust-to-bust, inner-thigh-to-inner-thigh. Neither was sure who thought it first, but upon seeing a blush upon the other's cheeks, Lisanna practically sprang up and off of her friendly rival. A very strange, unfamiliar feeling washed over her, the effects of which could be viewed in her wide-eyed gaze of reeling surprise. Ultear had a similar look, and an even deeper red on her cheeks.

Slowly, uncertainty coursing through her veins, Ultear climbed the ropes back to her feet, looking to Lisanna for what, on Earthland, had just happened between them.

" _¡Hora!_ "

Shade's bark snapped them out. Beside him, Natsu slammed his fist into his palm.

"All right! So who wants a piece of me?"

Ultear couldn't get out of that ring fast enough. Whatever had happened in there, she was rattled to her core. Natsu watched her hurry over to the corner of the room and dive nose-first into her book. Guess she was done for the day, then.

"What's up with you?" Cana asked, sliding over to her friend, drink already in hand. When Ultear didn't respond, Natsu turned his attention back to the ring.

Rolling under the bottom rope, he grinned. "Don't think I'll go easy on you just 'cause you're nicer than your sis, Lisanna."

"Speaking of," Shade remembered, "I gotta go check on Mira. So, _¡lucha!_ "

As soon as he left, Natsu leapt at Lisanna and caught her with a crossbody block, sending her flat on her back with Natsu on top. He scooped her leg and counted to three, with his long time friend making no attempt to escape the pin.

"Hey, Natsu?" Lisanna asked after he, still confused, released her leg.

"What is it?"

She blushed a little. "Maybe we should work on ways to pin people. At least, until Shade comes back?"

"Sure!" he proclaimed, immediately leaping back on top of her. Oh, she _tried_ to hide her smile, but the combination of childhood nostalgia and womanly, covetous affection handily won the battle on her face. Truth be told, until Shade returned with literal egg on his mask, she didn't train so much as lie back and teach Natsu various ways to hold her legs or press to her chest.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sunday: rest. Natsu spent it pestering people around the guild hall, looking for someone with enough fabric to stitch him a wrestling mask. Then he could have _two_ epic reveals: one when he jumped Ravenface, and the other when he showed the jerk just who'd jumped him. It was gonna be so awesome…!

Or it would've been, if anyone was good at sowing, and Natsu flat-out refused to let Lisanna or Ultear waste time on his little flight of pettiness. So, he finally bit the bullet and sought out a tailor. It cost him double the price for the rush job, but a plain purple mask with eye holes and a wide mouth was a pretty cheap order, so it wasn't to hard on his wallet. In the end, he actually spent more time in the woods, trying to keep a lid on the whirlwind of anxious energy within himself. He also instructed Happy to keep a weather eye peeled for Lisanna, Ultear or Shade, because if Natsu knew himself (which he did), then no way would he be able to resist testing all the cool stuff he'd learned. Those three were the only ones who could give him a good rasslin' partner, so off into the woods he went, coming home just after the Magnolia clock tower chimed midnight.

Only to find Ultear waiting for him.

Natsu's fingers tensed. Oooh how he wanted to. She could lounge around on the bare-bones wooden couch all she wanted, leaning back against the raggedy cushions in her best act of relaxation, but Natsu knew better. She was ready for pretty much anything from the moment she got up in the morning, and all that bottled-up tension he'd been wrestling with was begging him to wrestle someone else.

Idle, at ease, Ultear raised her head to regard him. "I've been pondering for a long while, Natsu, and I can't stand it anymore."

His thoughts exactly, if his thoughts were anything like her thoughts.

She stood, walked over, bent over so that her eyes were level with his own, as he was slowly sinking into his wrestling stance.

"What am I to you?"

"A tough partner!"

Dropping down, Natsu laced his hands about her calf muscles and drove her backwards onto the floor. Instinct being another thing she had at all hours, she immediately twisted to her stomach and clenched her elbows in tight, shielding her head. Natsu not one to take cheap shots on friends, he instead hooked her leg with his own and drove his knee against her posterior. This allowed him to sneak his arms under her now-exposed side.

Ultear was ready, though, sliding her non-bound leg beneath herself and sitting out, allowing her to quickly swing it over Natsu's hip, reversing control. Her weight was nothing and Natsu stood, before he felt about 500 pounds of pressure on his lower back. Using her powerful legs, Ultear torqued Natsu all the way back until they were back on the floor, the Time Mage locking in a combination submission-pinning hold. Natsu still had an arm free, though, and started hammering away at her side with his elbow. He knew she was tough, and didn't hold back from those shots. After he felt his shoulder about to give, his sixth elbow shot got her to loosen her legs a little, and he wasted no time grabbing a limb and pulling himself around.

Now he lay on top of her, having slipped his arm out of her hold to lift her up by her hips. Still her legs remained locked around him, Natsu keeping his eyes on her collarbone area so his peripheral vision could see all of her. Good thing, too, because she wasn't holding back, either, delivering haymaker after haymaker at his head which he could only tilt away from, his hands occupied with her tightening backside.

Now back on his feet, Natsu dropped back down and slammed her to the floor with a perfect powerbomb. Even then her legs still squeezed him, not nearly hard enough to choke out his lungs, so he rolled her up against her shoulder and counted to three.

After their bout, what Shade would call a "technical" match as opposed to a "striking" styled match or the far slower "hoss" style of match, Natsu tried to topple off of her but Ultear came along for the ride, sprawling out on top of him, faces so close they could fall limp and land in a kiss, probably.

"Is that all?" Ultear inquired, her complexion reddened but her breath far from short.

"You sure you wanna go again?" Natsu grinned, sliding his hands under his head. "I mean, I did just beat you."

" _No_." Ultear winced a little. That reply was far more stern then she'd intended it to be, but after the week she'd had, the Time Mage was at her absolute limit.

"What I mean to say is," she began again, "am I nothing more to you than a good friend and a sparring partner?"

Natsu thought for a moment, then shrugged. "What else would you be?"

Ultear lay still, processing and grappling with what Natsu just said as she felt her power begin to flee her limbs, leaving behind a mere mortal in the place of a mighty sorceress. She couldn't meet his gaze as she peeled herself off of his body, holding her arms as she left him behind to walk towards the window.

"What indeed..." It took an awful lot of discipline to not choke on her words.

"That's what I said," Natsu affirmed, getting up to approach her. "You got an answer?"

Ultear whirled. "What about Lisanna?"

"Lisanna?" Natsu pondered her, too, then shrugged again. "Same thing, pretty much."

"That's all?" Ultear refused to believe him. "After all of her boasting of marrying you and living as your wife, she's still just a friend?"

The Milkovich girl felt herself growing angry, and with good reason. "You lead her to believe that you feel for her, the way she obviously feels for you, the way _I_ have made it as obvious as I can that I feel for you, manipulating her through her feelings when the fact of the matter is that you had no intention of fulfilling her little fantasy, now or ever."

Her glare was venomous as a serpent's fang. "Tell me, Natsu: does that mean you had your eye on me this whole time, and had me dance to your little melody until such a time as you decided it was time to have me?"

Natsu blinked. "Huh?"

" _Don't._ " Ultear thrust a finger into his face. "Lie. To me. I've seen the way men, _many_ men, look at me. I know full well my appeal. I've seen how many men look at Lisanna. And I've seen the way how those same men look at _you_ , ready to strangle you at the first opportunity for having not one but two women at your side."

Lowering her finger, she finished her rant by saying, "And I've caught the way you've looked at me, averting your eyes the instant I notice them, all while you feign ignorance of my feelings for you. I'll say it again. _Don't. Lie_."

Natsu sighed. "Well, you're right about one thing: I have kinda been pretending not to know, about how you guys feel about me. It's just… How do I say this… Ah, heck with it."

He looked her dead in the face. "I just don't like you how you like me."

Ultear's mouth dropped open and a small gasp slipped out. She took a step backwards, then another, as the full horror of something even worse than being manipulated, worse than being spurned, dawned on her highly intelligent mind. All this time, she'd never had a chance, for one could not expect love from someone incapable of it. A rejection or plot revealed might've left her with a way forward, some easy means of coping with his refusal of her. Revenge of some kind or an inquiry into whatever lover he _had_ chosen for himself could've eased her mind, knowing that he'd either get his just due or knowing that she herself was simply not the type of woman he found attractive (and, with that knowledge in mind, work to change his).

But to be left with a completely innocent and well-meaning asexual to pine over, knowing how much time and embarrassment she could've saved… It was just too much.

"Boy, that's a load off _my_ chest!" he proclaimed, reaching behind her to pull the door shut, grasping her hand in the process and leading her back inside. "Anyway, yeah. See, this one time I asked Gildarts about it, and he started tellin' me about human anatomical stuff-"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Monday night: _main event time._

Well, in a few hours, anyway.

A small crowd had already gathered at Magnolia's South Gate by the time the gang had assembled. Cana's bikini top was visible, or at least the shoulder straps were, beneath the powder blue T-shirt she wore.

"Not here to represent?" Elfman asked, sporting in place of his usual jacket a black one with a small 'McGraw Medicine' emblem stylized over the heart.

"You have your guy, and I have mine," Cana replied. "What about you, Natsu?"

Beneath his purple wrestling mask, Natsu grinned. "Oh, I'll get mine, all right. Don't you worry."

Beside him, Lisanna shook her head. Natsu could be so unbearably overconfident sometimes. But, that was one more thing she couldn't help but adore about him.

"I believe," said Ultear, drifting down from on high atop her orb, "we should make our way to that arch."

Indeed, as they got closer to where she'd pointed, a rather large man was taking passes from the event-goers and sliding them into a slot into a plain-looking metal archway. Those who had their passes accepted stepped into some invisible wall of liquid and disappeared, only the ripples of their passage remaining.

When it was the group's turn, the invisible portal before them shimmered as their passes went through the slot, and where they found themselves after stepping through?

They were inside an enormous stone arena, like the coliseums where ancient empires hosted everything from blood games to circus shows. White marble glimmered along the walls and flooring, reflecting the light cast by an array of floating lacrima about the ceiling. In the middle of all these lacrima was wide stone pyramid, upside-down with its top cropped off to affect a more trapezoidal shape.

Directly below this inverted stunted obelisk was the arena pit itself. A waist-high wall and a four-foot drop separated the seating from the floor, where a fully prepared wrestling ring sat in the middle of a sea of sand. Also rising from the sand was a stone walkway leading back towards a large, dimly lit alcove, where two side openings could be seen, equally dark. A lacrima floated about this section, too, but if it had any light magic, it cast none at the moment.

Above the entrance was a balcony, at which rested a pair of cushioned stone thrones. The pillows on these appeared a little more expensive than the ones attached to the arena seating, which looked like recycled drum tops had been used for the seat backs.

The seats surrounding the drop-off were marked with more luxurious accommodations, being padded with actual cushioning instead of overstretched leather, and the stone wall was carved not from marble but granite, no doubt to keep the audience safe from the carnage below. Overall, the place looked pretty maintained, despite how ancient it was. Natsu had to wonder if these FWF matches were really all that brutal, if they hardly left collateral damage.

"There's our seats. Come on, guys," Cana beckoned. Elfman volunteered to sit furthest into the row, lest someone with a hollow leg try to get 'friendly' with the girls. Cana rejected his offer and took the spot herself, sticking one of her magical Tarot cards under the seat next to her for… 'precautions'.

"So, how long till the show starts?" Lisanna asked.

"We got here early, so probably not for another half-hour."

Natsu groaned, pulling at the mask tucked away in his pocket. "Hey, Ultear, you can speed up time, right?"

The Time Mage smiled and shook her head. "Only on non-living or non-sentient objects, Natsu."

"Aw, cheer up, Natsu!" Lisanna beamed, seating herself on his other side. "The show'll start before you know it!"

"Yeah!" he shouted, slamming his fist into his palm. "Then it's payback time for Natsu Dragneel!"

"You ought to think of a name for yourself when you go out there," Elfman suggested. "Somethin' manly, like 'Firebreather'."

Cana frowned sardonically. "How can something be manly when it's mostly tied to dragons?"

"Dragons can be manly," Elfman replied.

"How about 'Ember'?" Lisanna suggested.

"That sounds like a girl's name," Natsu said, then thought for a moment. "I got it!"

"Care to enlighten us?" Ultear asked.

Natsu chuckled. "Oh, you'll see."

Ultear chuckled back. "In approximately 148 minutes."

" _That long?!_ "

"It's a two-hour show," Cana reminded him. "Ravenlord probably won't show till main event time."

"Rats..." Natsu muttered, at which a small blue head popped out from the back of his shirt.

"I like fishies more, but if the rats are fresh, I could go for some," Happy announced.

"Shhh!" Natsu quickly reached back and pulled his jacket over Happy's head. "You wanna get kicked out before we kick butt?"

"Before _you_ kick butt, sir," said Happy. "I'll stay up here in case you need me to _swoop down and save the day!_ "

"Yeah!" Natsu exclaimed. "Great idea, little buddy!"

"Aye, sir!"

"How long now, Ultear?"

"147 minutes."

"ARGH!"

In truth, Natsu's boredom only lasted for another 26, when the lights above dimmed and shadowy figures began moving about the balcony and floor entrance. The lacrima above the entrance ramp lit, and from the ramp's twin maws, a series of vision lacrima floated out on tiny metal wings, staggering themselves around the wrestling ring. Some floated high; others were so low they nearly touched the sand. Microphones glided out next, settling into between the middle and lower turnbuckles on the ring posts.

"Hey guys, reach under your seats," said Cana, pulling out some strange hook-like thing and affixing it to her ear.

A particularly obese man on her opposite side nudged her with his elbow. "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"

Then the man fell silent, and limp, as the card beneath his seat cushion gave him the shock of a lifetime.

The lights dimmed again. The shadowy figures stopped moving. The lacrima above the ramp turned blue, and a whooping siren sounded. And then...

" _WELCOME EVERYONE, TA MONDAY NIGHT MANIA!_ "


	18. School Daze

**Author's request:**

Let me know how the format for the wrestling matches work. There's a couple different ways I tried. I want to make sure I get this right for next time.

Also, fun fact: every single person we see in this chapter who is involved with the FWF has their persona based on a documented (note I did not say "real-life") wrestling personality. See how many you can spot. Whoever gets the most will get a shout-out, and possible enlistment as a beta reader for the remainder of the arc.

 _to TurboWolf:_ I defer you to the poll results I posted on Chapter 5, specifically the final line in the comment.

 _to FlamingSkyDragon:_ Thanks for the feedback. Your review convinced me to present the main event in a different writing style, hopefully a more engaging one.

* * *

 **The School of Hard Knocks, Part 5:**

 **School Daze**

The roar of the crowd was deafening, even to guilders as rowdy as Fairy Tail. Naturally, it quickly turned into a shouting contest between the mages and the rest of the attendees.

As it turned out, those hook-like things on everyone's ears were tiny communication lacrima, with the voices of the two commentators coming through.

" _WE ARE LIVE, OUTSIDE THE WALLS OF MAGNOLIA! I'm Haystack Haynes here with Superstar Taku Yatsuki at ringside!"_

Natsu reached across Ultear and poked Elfman, getting a feel for her chest when she leaned back in her seat and accidentally pushed her bust against his arm.

"Sorry about that, Ultear."

"No need to apologize, Natsu," she replied, while silently cursing biology.

Natsu readdressed Elfman. "If that's 'Haystack' Haynes, who's Shamrock?" he asked.

"His uncle," rumbled Elfman. "Shamrock still wrestles sometimes. Haystack's better at talking than fighting."

"Don't get any ideas, Natsu," Lisanna warned upon seeing the Slayer's evil grin. "He was still tough enough to compete here."

"Yeah," Natsu replied devilishly. "I know."

" _Among the great matches lined up, we'll see Jolly Roger in tag team action, Vanir vs. The Destroyer, and the current Tag Team Champions The Velvet Anvil Connection!"_

" _Not only that,_ _brutha, but Grand Slamboree's happenin' TONIGHT!"_ This new voice was probably Taku Ya-… _Superstar_ Taku Yatsuki, and for some reason Natsu felt compelled to use his whole name, title and all.

" _Is that so, Superstar?"_

Or that. That worked, too.

" _Believe it, my man, 'cause in the main event, Ravenlord's layin' down his Interkingdom Championship to make sure EVERYBAHDY knows that he's the man of the hour, the man with the power!"_

" _Do we have his opponent's name?"_

" _All we know is Doc McGraw's outta luck, brutha. Now let's get to it!"_

On the right wing of the group, Cana looked bummed out.

Happy poked his head out of Natsu's jacket. "It kinda smells in here, Natsu."

"Well, then come on out and keep a low profile," Natsu said, scooting against his arm rest to leave room for his little buddy. "I wouldn't want ya to get thrown out before it's show time."

For the first hour, Natsu actually didn't pay much attention to the show. He was far too busy thanking his lucky stars that not only was Ravenlumps on the card, but that shiny belt he loved so much was up for grabs. If the gravy train rolled on, then he'd come out with Natsu's scarf, and everything would be _perfect._

Appearing in the middle of the ring was a tall man in a gold dress suit, black pompadour hair, and a chin that could smash diamonds.

" **The following contest is scheduled for one fall.** "

" _ONE FALL!_ "

Natsu and the rest of the uninitiated winced at the crowd's callback. Guess this wasn't like one of those plays Lisanna and Ultear had dragged him to, where everyone just sat down, shut up, and watched.

A slow, toothy grin split Natsu's lips, while Happy covered his ears.

"Too loud," moaned the cat.

" **Introducing first, from the Department of Repossession in Russvik, Iceberg...** "

Out came one of the most bizarre combinations that Natsu and for that matter Ultear had ever seen, and the image cast on that upside-down pyramid by the viewing lacrima left nothing to the imagination. Here was a towering behemoth of a man with a chainmail shirt covering the hide he wore on his musclebound torso, with intricate tattoos lining his arms and a white streak in his great big bushy beard, the only hair on his head besides his eyebrows. Black trunks hugged his lower region, showing off his rippling quads.

He also wore a red neck tie.

" **RAGNAAAR! MAAAARDUUUUK!** "

Climbing into the ring, Ragnar scowled at the crowd before falling to his knees in the center, beating his chest like a wild gorilla and screaming until froth sprayed from his mouth.

" _Well, he's in a good mood."_

" _They always are 'til the bell rings, brutha!"_

" **And his opponent...** "

At that moment, a deep bell-gong rang and what sounded like a guitar followed soon after. The crowd went absolutely bananas before the ring announcer even said, " **From the mountains of eastern Joya… 'The Vampire'… VAAAAAANIIIIIIR!** "

Following Marduk was a slightly shorter but far skinnier man. His complexion was as pale as his hair was black, the lights casting shadows below the cheekbones on his gaunt face. He wore a heavy leather trenchcoat, chains dragging along the ramp behind him as he dragged himself down to the ring. Doing a full leap from the sand to the ring post, he splayed his fingers about his face and stuck out his tongue in a gargoyle leer, revealing his elongated canines and blackened gums.

The slick-haired announcer vacated, the bell rang, and Natsu was, much to his own surprise, left hooting and hollering with the rest of the crowd as Vanir and Marduk spent the next twenty minutes beating the unholy tar out of each other. They used everything as a weapon: the ring ropes, the posts, the turnbuckles, the sand around the ring, even the poor referee wasn't beyond abuse. For at one point, Vanir positioned himself between the official and his opponent before ducking away from a running haymaker, or "lariat" as it was called here. The long arm of that lariat caught the ref square in the chops and he went down like a sack of marbles, at which point Vanir aimed straight for Marduk's groin.

"Ow..." Natsu felt the fruits of his masculinity cower back into his body. No matter how tough anyone was, getting hit there was no picnic. It only got worse when Vanir rolled the larger man over, climbed the top rope, and dove elbow-first onto Marduk's family jewels.

Vanir then shook the ref awake (which took far less time than Natsu thought it would), climbed the rope, and hit Marduk with _two_ diving elbows drops. Three slaps of the referee's hand on the ring and Marduk was officially pinned.

" **Here's your winner… VAAAAAANIIIIIIR!** "

If not for the microphonic lacrima that the announcer held, no one would've heard him over the roiling deluge of "BOOOOOO!" the audience was showering Vanir wth. The fact that The Vampire looked so damn pleased with himself only made his win more infuriating, and even courteous Lisanna was joining in on the jeering.

As it turned out, Jolly Roger wasn't a man but two, dressed in striped shirts and festooned with tattoos and battle scars from a life on rough seas. Natsu didn't pay as much attention to this match as he had the last. These guys were pulling out moves _way_ too flashy and flippy for the Fire Dragon Slayer's liking.

Although Ultear seemed to enjoy it. Her shifting around caused Natsu to zone back _in_ for the match's finish. Good thing, too, because for all their flipping and flopping, Jolly Roger polished off the two no-names they were wrestling in pretty cool fashion. After bouncing the legal man off the ring ropes, both of the pirate-looking wrestlers stood side by side, jumped up, and planted all four of their feet in their opponent's face. One, two, three, ding ding ding.

Natsu was a little surprised when the tag champs, The Velvet Anvil Connection, turned out to be women. Pretty fit ones, too, rippling with muscle from their legs to their shoulders, though not at the expense of their lady-like curves.

"Wow," was all he had to say, looking to Ultear, then Lisanna, then back to the Tag Champs.

One was blonde, the other brunette, and the blonde looked _good_ in her blue and magenta ring gear, the mask she wore showing just enough to tease at the pretty face that doubtlessly lay beneath. Her skin was fair and her brown eyes were filled with energy that Natsu actually found pretty… nice. He squinted his eyes at her super-hard… Nope, still nothin'.

Theirs was the second match in a long-running feud with their opponents, which the announce team was quick to begin recapping. It was during this recap that the squashed pyramid about the ceiling revealed its alternative purpose. Cast on its four sides were projections archived footage, though once again Natsu lost interest pretty quickly. Though he didn't see it, Lisanna and Ultear looked genuinely disappointed at his lack of interest in the blonde below. Theirs was a long, long road ahead, but for a guy as dependable and gung-ho as Natsu, they held out hope.

After another hour had passed, after some other wrestler Natsu had no interest in won their match, the lighting in the arena dimmed, along with the noise of the crowd. A low whistle of wind permeated the arena. A sharp cawing pierced-

" _BOOOOOOOOO!_ "

Natsu couldn't blame the crowd, not when the lights came back on to reveal the feathered form of Natsu's nemesis. Standing in the ring with a microphone floating before him, he waited until the crowd had exhausted their air supply before speaking.

"So nice to see my reputation precedes me," he smirked, "even among Fairy Tail's brain-addled fan collective."

Natsu wanted to jump down there and cook his goose right now. Ultear and even Lisanna wanted to _let_ him.

"But even simpletons as yourselves can bear with this," said the champ, unbuckling his golden belt and hoisting it in the air. "Steiner and the good Doctor are mere boys amongst men, in the presence of my awesome mixture, of _MIGHT,_ and _POWERRR."_

He lowered the belt before tossing it into the air, where it hovered mid-rise about ten feet above the ring. "So before you good little sheep trample each other on your way to Grand Slamboree..."

He turned to the entrance ramp. "I'd like to offer someone, _anyone_ in the barracks a very unique opportunity. After all, it's not often that one may have the honor, nay, the _privilege_ of losing to Ravenlord!"

Above the chorus of jeering, he laughed. "Come on, boys!" he projected. "Who among you will _try_ to fly, suuuuuuuuu…"

After that sharp inhalation, he opened his eyes. "-with _Ravenloooord_?"

Silence followed. Natsu found himself on the edge of his seat, leaning over the granite guardwall as if it would let him see through the darkness around the ring entrance. Then…

" _HOLLER, IF YA HEAR ME!_ "

The crowd reaction to those four words practically blew the roof off. Everyone was on their feet. _Everyone_ was flexing or kissing their muscles in homage to the man that came down that aisle. Some waved glowing script wands in the air that cast such phrases as "Designated Freak Section" or "Rock Me With Your Peaks, Booty Daddy". Even without his chainmail, that man looked ready to kill. The women hanging off his arms only made those arms look even bigger.

" **The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the INTERKINGDOM CHAMPIONSHIIIP!** "

Natsu's night just kept getting better and better.

" **Making his way to the ring, weighing in at 268 pounds, Graaaand Poppa Pump… REX! STEIIIINERRRR!** "

"YEAH! KICK HIS ASS, POPPA PUMP!" Elfman bellowed. Even Cana looked happy to see him, albeit begrudgingly, as she remained in her seat while cheering on their last best hope.

" **And his opponent, weighing in at 228 pounds, he is the Interkingdom Champion… RRRRRAVENLOOOORD!** "

Natsu scowled in disbelief. "No _way_ is Ravenlawnornamant that heavy!"

Lisanna looked at him. "Natsu, you're doing that on purpose."

"Doing what?"

Whether he was sincere or not, Lisanna would never know, as the din of the crowd drowned out all but the movement of his lips.

Out came a referee, wearing a suit of comically padded armor. He looked like a fat man, waddling around with all that… Were those folded-up pieces of paper? They were! The ref was literally wearing paper armor! Just how was that supposed to do better than metal?

As the IK Title floated off of Ravenlord's form, Cana and Elfman were leaning so far forward they were practically falling off their seats. "This is gonna be good," said the former.

"I thought you despised Steiner," Ultear pointed out.

"Exactly."

 _Ding!_

" _And here we go! Steiner attempting to tie up now, and Ravenlord wants nothing to do with it."_

" _You don't get to be IK Champ if you're dumb, brutha."_

" _Indeed. Ravenlord with a right, to no effect. And another right! Another right! Ravenlord unloading on Steiner now! What IS he thinking?"_

" _He's thinkin' about what Steiner's thinkin', brutha."_

" _Steiner catches Ravenlord in a bear hug! Ravenlord's in trouble now! Wait, what's he… OVERHEAD BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX!_

The match had barely started and the crowd was already lighting up with energy, screaming their disapproval.

" _Ravenlord just tossed REX STEINER with a suplex!"_

" _See what I mean? Bigger man had to let go or get dropped on his head, by his own move. That's not just smart, that's disrespect."_

Natsu snorted. _He_ could've done that no problem.

" _Not a Steinerplex_ ," Haystack explained," _but a Rex Steiner staple nonetheless._ "

As Ravenlord sunk low in the corner of the ring, Natsu knew what was coming. Pond scum or not, this guy was always planning his next move, even when someone had him on the ropes, and that next move involved running up and dropkicking Steiner as soon as the larger man got to his feet.

After which Steiner bounced off the corner turnbuckles and forward-rolled _back_ to his feet, catching Ravenlord with a lariat right after. Ravenlord lay there for a beat, rubbing his battered collarbone before Steiner grabbed him and hauled him back to his feet. Ravenlord slipped out of Steiner's grip, sliding between his legs before bracing against the corner ropes and-

" _Shoulder block to the back of the leg! Steiner's down! And Ravenlord now, stomping away on the back of the knee!"_

" _Don't matter how big you are or how much muscle you got, stompin' on ligaments like that is gonna_ _ **hurt**_ _. This is the kinda thing that kills careers, the kinda thing that says, 'I don't just wanna win, brutha, I wanna put you down'!"_

Steiner rolled over on his back and used his good leg to boot Ravenlord in the chest, sending the feathered champion tumbling over the ropes and on to the sand outside.

"Seriously?!" Natsu squawked. "I coulda sent that guy _flying_ with a kick like that!"

Beside him, Lisanna giggled at the pun. Meanwhile, Ultear laid a hand on him.

"Perhaps, but remember..." Her grip tightened into a crushing vice. "He is a professional, and he also soundly beat you when you fought. Remember what Shade said about bumping?"

Natsu blinked, then hunched forward and began grumbling.

" _Steiner on the outside now, favoring his uninjured leg."_

In the ring, the ref began to slowly count. If he reached 10, the match would be thrown out.

" _Both of these guys, tip-top talent, they're not looking at just the IK belt, brutha,"_ Superstar explained. " _They wanna put on a show, get the World Champ outta that ivory tower he's livin' in."_

" _Oh come on, Superstar, The Ultimate Renegade's more than earned the right to pick his fights. Steiner now with a Kunish Whip-"_

Even with the crowd, even from where they were, the Fairy Tailers still heard the "clang".

" _-HEADFIRST INTO THE RING POST!"_

Natsu knew how tough Ravenlord was, and could see that the blow had left him rattled. So just _what_ were those ring posts made of?!

" _I think Ravenlord's forgotten what country he's in!"_

" _I wish I could forget the_ town _I'm in, brutha. Magnolia's got no class anymore, with that crazy guild runnin' the show."_

" **Screw you, Superstar!** " Cana, Natsu, Happy and Elfman all shouted.

" _Steiner's in pain, shaking out his knee. Those stomping blows must've taken their toll."_

" _Great strategy by Ravenlord setting a time limit like that. Rex Steiner's gonna be on his feet the whole match, and that leg's gonna give out sooner or later if he keeps hoistin' the champ around."_

 _Man,_ Natsu thought, looking down at the armored ref, _good thing that guy doesn't know how to count._ The ref had only now reached 8, Cana explaining that sometimes the ref would be instructed to count slowly.

However, slow count or not, that number was a little too close to 10 for Steiner's liking. At 9, Steiner hopped up and slid into the ring, only to slide back out and ease himself back to the sand. The ref then started his count back at 1.

" _Ravenlord looks out of it."_

" _Nah, brutha, he's just playin' possum. Makin' Steiner use that bad leg."_

" _Come on, Poppa Pump! Get back on the attack!"_

Steiner might've actually heard Haystack, because he gritted his teeth and stormed over to Ravenlord.

" _Steiner now, just_ smashing _Ravenlord's face into the ring apron. Five, six, seven, eight times!"_

" _Bet Steiner's thinkin', 'I could be doin' this to The Ultimate Renegade.'"_

" _That's what Steiner's thinking?"_

" _Nah, brutha, Steiner's thinking The Renegade's scared."_

" _Scared?!"_

"SCARED?!" Elfman bellowed as Steiner's leg gave out again.

" _Sure!"_ Superstar insisted over the commentary channel. " _Ravenlord wrestled him once before, so he knows what's comin'! And Steiner's the only man in the whole FWF that's bigger than Renegade. The World Champ knows he's in for a fight the next time he steps into the ring._ "

" _Maybe, but that doesn't change the fact The Ultimate Renegade is_ _our World Champion, and Rex Steiner isn't."_

" _Give it time, brutha."_

Steiner by now had climbed back to his feet and continued to pummel away on Ravenlord, the smaller competitor somehow able to stand up to blows that would've pounded a man's bones into dust. Once Steiner finished tenderizing him, he grabbed Ravenlord by the feathers and tossed him _over_ the ropes back into the ring. The IK Champ was cognizant enough to land on his feet, but he still collapsed, hacking up a lung from the sledgehammer blows he'd taken. Steiner didn't reenter the ring but instead climbed the corner post, seating himself on the top turnbuckle as Ravenlord regained his footing.

Steiner threw wide his giant arms. "C'mon, bitch! That all you got?"

" _Oh ho ho, don't say_ _ **that**_ _, brutha! You get the wheels in his head turnin', ain't no man alive ready for that!"_

Indeed, Ravenlord didn't approach. He scowled, then smiled, and slunk backwards out of the ring.

"He's running away?" Lisanna pondered.

The ref began his count.

"No," said Ultear, with a begrudging amount of respect in her voice. "He's forcing Steiner's hand."

Ravenlord began pacing, still smiling, just outside the ring. The ref was still counting, now up to 3. Steiner beckoned Ravenlord and cursed at him, but the IK Champ stood his ground. Finally, as the ref reached 5, Steiner hopped off the turnbuckle.

" _Excellent strategy by the champion, using the referee's count to lure Steiner out of his advantageous perch."_

" _Good thing he did. Woulda walked into a Steiner Stupifier."_

" _Steiner joining Ravenlord on the outside. A swing and a miss from Steiner. Shoulder tackle from Ravenlord but Grand Poppa Pump just absorbed it. He's got his hands on Ravenlord now, with a bearhug, squeezing the life out of- OH, and a kick to the knee of Steiner! How much more can the big man take?"_

" _Guess that leg was feelin' better. Not anymore."_

" _A power submission on the outside, followed by that. I thought less intelligent people couldn't be champion, Superstar."_

" _Why don't you go down there and tell him, Haystack?"_

" _I think I_ _ **will**_ _tell Rex you said that. Ravenlord rolling Steiner back into the ring, just beating the referee's count. Ravenlord inside now, running past Steiner. Ravenlord off the ropes, the big man trying to get to his feet, Ravenlord off the ropes again to- RUNNING DROPKICK! STEINER'S DOWN HARD! THERE'S THE COVER! TWO!"_

When Steiner's shoulder left the floor, the crowd exploded, the Fairy Tail members very much included. Like it or not, Steiner was now their guy, and they were gonna root for him just to spite the champ.

" _How? How did Steiner kick out of that?"_

" _See, brutha? Steiner ain't dumb, he's just extra thick."_

" _Well, that thickness might've saved him. Let's look at that again-"_

Above, the pyramidal display showed a shot of the move, this time with time slowed down so the audience could fully appreciate just how hard Steiner had been hit. From the slight downward angle of Ravenlord's two feet, to the ripple of impact resonating through the flesh on Steiner's face, to how Steiner's back bounced off the ring before Ravenlord covered him, every moment on display screamed the word "painful".

Natsu watched as Steiner achingly writhed on the ground, blindly shifting his limbs, trying to get back to his stomach so he could at least _crawl_ to safety. One hand hazedly pawed for the bottom ring rope, which Cana explained would save him from continued attack so long as he held on to it.

"So they can't touch him?" Natsu asked.

Cana shook her head. "You can't keep your hands on for more than a 5-count when someone's holding the ropes. Any longer and you get DQ'd."

Ravenlord was about to lay out Steiner with another running dropkick when the ref interceded, halting Ravenlord and forcing him to wait as Steiner began the long, arduous climb to his feet.

" _No title change on a disqualification. A rare bit of integrity from the champion, allowing his opponent back up."_

" _This ain't about integrity, brutha. It ain't even about the title. Both men are thinkin' about one very big, very loud thing: The Ultimate Renegade, brutha."_

" _Fair point, Superstar. Renegade's probably watching from parts unknown as we speak."_

Natsu noticed then that, from where everyone was positioned, no one below was looking his way. Ravenlord had his back to where he and his pals were sitting, the referee was checking on Steiner, and Steiner faced the same way as the ref. Natsu was just about to make his move when Ravenlord ran up and stomped both feet on Steiner's _other_ leg, sending the challenger back down and driving the ref into a furious fluster of finger-pointing.

Good thing he hadn't gone yet, or he would've been spotted. He nevertheless pulled his purple mask out of his pocket and slipped it over his head. He felt a small tug on his jacket, and turned just as Lisanna leaned into him and nuzzled his clothed cheek.

"Make sure he feels it, Natsu," she murmured, before her mouth pressed against his mask and she leaned back in her seat. Natsu was just about to jump the wall when a hand from his other side stopped him.

"Wait," said Ultear, her eyes focused in on Ravenlord. The heel champion was jittering, rolling his leg around on his toe. Crossing the ring and picking Steiner up-

" _Ravenlord has Steiner in a gorilla press! What IS he thinking?"_

" _Showboating, brutha. Look at him!"_

Ravenlord was pressing Steiner above his head like he was merely exercising. "Now, on _your_ knees!" he sneered up at the challenger.

" _Probably thinkin' about a- Woah!"_

" _SPINEBUSTER!"_

Steiner was slammed to the ground, arching and clutching his back in the middle of the ring. Ravenlord covered him, but once again Steiner kicked out. Growing visibly frustrated, Ravenlord backed up against the ropes and started leaning on them, bouncing off a little each time before leaning on them again. His back was to Natsu.

Ultear lowered her hand. "Go. Now."

She didn't have to tell him twice. Keeping his ear thing plugged in, Natsu vaulted over the guardwall. Sand kicked up around his feet when he landed, and already they were on to him.

" _Who the hell's that, brutha?!"_

" _Look at his shoulder. He's from Fairy Tail!"_

Ravenlord saw the ref looking past him and spun, his yellow eyes wide with… Was that hope? Whatever it was, it quickly turned to malicious excitement when he saw Natsu.

"How did I know you would be in attendance?" he asked.

" _Aw, no, Ravenman, not with_ _ **those**_ _clowns! I thought you were classy, brutha."_

" _Tacky is more like."_

Natsu ignored The Superstar's dig at his guild, but only because he needed to concentrate on what was happening in the ring.

Ravenlord spread wide his arms. "I was booked in a triple threat before. Come, boy. Let me see what you _think_ is power."

Growling, Natsu began approaching the ring.

" _Someone get security down there!"_

" _Hold on a sec, brutha!"_

That last comment wiped the smile off Ravenlord's face, realization dawning on his features. He quickly spun back to the ring, doubtless secure in the knowledge that any shenanigans from Natsu would not cost him his title.

Steiner was already in the air, his knees slamming closed around Ravenlord's head.

" _STEINER STUPIFIER! STEINER STUPIFIER! RAVENLORD'S DOWN! ONE! TWO!"_

Three.

The noise that followed was deafening, so much so that Natsu had to cover his masked ears.

" **Here's your winner, and NEEEEEWWW… INTERKINGDOOOM CHAMPION…** _ **REX! STEIIINERRRR!**_ "

Stumbling to his feet, Grand Poppa Pump reached into the neck of Ravenlord's feathers and pulled out a pair of sunglasses. Then with his other hand, he produced a familiar chainmail coif. Swinging it back on his dome, he stumbled over to where the Interkingdom Championship floated in the air, which just so happened to be close to Natsu. Like the belt had a mind of its own, it floated towards the ring and buckled itself around Steiner's waist, restoring his look to its former glory.

Grabbing a winged microphone out of the air, Steiner put it to his mouth and turned to regard Ravenlord's unmoving body. " _I TOLD YOU, THAT YOU WERE NO MATCH, FOR THE MAN WITH THE LARGEST ERMS IN THE WORLD."_

Then he jumped up and caught Natsu in a Steiner Stupefier, pulling the masked Dragon Slayer over himself to crash headfirst onto the ring. It came so far out of nowhere that Natsu barely had time to tuck his head; he completely forgot the rest of what Shade had told him.

His bell rung so hard it nearly cracked, Natsu felt consciousness fading. His last vision was that of his guild mates, landing in front of the guardwall and running towards the ring.

" _VINNY, VIDI... VUCCI!_ "

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Don't do it, Ultear."

"And why not?" she asked, glaring back at Cana.

Steiner stood above them, alone, leaning on the ring ropes as he watched. His sunglasses masked his expression, but it was clear, bad leg or no, he was still ready for a fight.

Cana opened her mouth to elaborate, closed it, then started anew. "Think about how it'll make the guild look."

"More than Natsu's interference?"

Elfman's giant hands enclosed her shoulders. "That was between him and Natsu, not the whole guild."

Lisanna stood by Ultear. "I still feel like we should do something."

" _HE GOT WHAT HE DESERVED!"_ bellowed Steiner into the microphone. " _I KEEP OUTTA THINGS THAT AREN' MY BUSINESS, 'CAUSE THOSE ARE THE RULES THAT I PLAY BY. BUT ALL YOU FAIRY GUILD TREHSH?! YOU PLAY BY DIFFERN' RULES."_

The audience had quickly soured on Steiner, booing him relentlessly.

Lisanna smiled. "It's nice to know we're appreciated."

" _THIS PURPLE SUNNUVABITCH COST ME A TITLE MATCH. NOW ULTIMATE RENEGADE'S GONNA SIT AT HOME AN' CRY, ABOUT HOW HE'S TOO MUCH A PANSY, TO FACE THE MAN, WITH THE LARGEST ERMS IN THE WORLD._ "

"Ravenlord was about to beat you!" Lisanna pointed out as Steiner flexed his biceps at himself.

In response to her perfectly valid criticism, Steiner pointed back at Ravenlord. " _I HAD EH SCARF-WEARIN' QUEER RIGHT WHERE I WANT HIM!"_

"Hold it! Hoooold everything!"

From atop the ramp came a stocky man, middle-aged with pitch black hair on both his scalp and his face, wearing a black leather jacket and holding a hand mic. He was mostly obscured by the ring (and Steiner's boots), but the pyramid above cast his image quite well. And as soon as they saw him, the crowd immediately started booing him, then quickly switched to chanting " _You screwed Doc! You screwed Doc!"_

"I on-da-staaand," said the man, "that there's some BULLSHIT going awn out here, in _my_. _Ring_. Rex, you're upset-"

" _YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I AM!"_

"-and ondastandably so. I'm the boss, I own the F-Dubbayew-F, and I put awn a _wrestling_ show, not whateva dis bullshit is."

He then addressed the crowd, who were still firmly against him. "You may not like Vinnie Ferrara at times, and dat's fair. But one thing's f' shawr: you all pay you hawd-earned money to see a good show, not bullshit. So Vinnie Ferrera's gonna go to the back, and do what he does best by pulling a good show outta all dis. And he's gonna stawt with a rematch."

The crowd booed even _louder_ at that, but Mr. Ferrera raised his hand nevertheless, swiping it through the air like a paintbrush. "Grand Pawpa Pump Rex Steiner..."

Then again, just next to the first invisible smear. "Against Doc McGraw..."

How quickly the crowd went from jeering to cheering.

"IN THE JAILHOUSE!"

Then, to all those people who moments before had been booing him, he said, "Vinnie Ferrera always delivas. And after he daws, Grand Slambuhree's gonna be the greatest show you _EVA! SEEN!_ "

The lights began to go out as the crowd roared their approval. Mr. Ferrera swept a hand towards the back, beckoning the Fairy Tail wizards to follow him. Steiner, meanwhile, was already climbing out of the ring, his faced lined by the smirk that he wore beneath his chainmail.

With nervous glances exchanged between them, the conscious Fairy Tail wizards decided, at the very least, they should hear Mr. Ferrara out, lest Natsu wake up and destroy the arena looking for his precious scarf. They might've simply taken it off of Ravenlord, but the former IK Champ was nowhere to be found.


	19. Getting a Date for the School Dance

**Author's r** **esponse:**

 _to FlamingSkyDragon:_ Go on YouTube and try to find Al Snow's lecture(s) on the wrestling terms "heat" and "pop". This is a wrestling story line, after all.

 _to TurboWolf:_ Because I enjoy torturing my audience, and because see my above response.

It's certainly been a while. I was going to focus on my Sekirei fic for pretty much all of 2019, until I realized I'd left this fic in the middle of an arc. So, I'll do me best to finish it up and at least end the arc before my next 4-month hiatus. Special thanks goes out to one of my beta-readers, SilverSoul XIII, for pointing out that this chapter lacked meat.

So I threw in one of the meatiest characters you're ever likely to see in real life. Because, as I believe I told one of my doubters in the reviews, this isn't WWE "sports entertainment". No, this is WCW, the year is 1998, and the upcoming pay-per-view is Halloween Havoc. SHPEAK TA ME, WARRIAAAAAAHS!

* * *

 **The School of Hard Knocks, Part 6:**

 **Getting a Date for the School Dance**

"I'm gonna level with you, bro: you couldn't have picked a worse time to interfere."

Vinny's office was a lot grungier than Lisanna thought it would be. She'd imagined the owner of such a wealthy business like the FWF living almost like royalty, in a pristine white marble citadel with silk tapestries hanging off the walls depicting the greatest moments in wrestling history; a red carpet leading up to a luxuriously carved wooden throne, where Vincent Ferrara would sit atop his empire of combat sports entertainment.

Instead, "Uncle Vinny" had a desk. Not a big desk, not a stone desk, just a normal, everyday wooden desk, the kind a merchant would count money or sign contracts on. His chair was a sturdy but otherwise normal wooden chair; in fact, it looked like someone stole it from a merchant-class dining room collection. The floor was carpeted in green, though it had a spongy feel to it, like there was some secret layer between the rug and the floor joists. No windows lit the room. Instead, a single lacrima cast a soft magical light on the walls, which were lined with old, faded title belts, the gold luster dimmed by age. Each was hung on a wooden kite shield, like a hunting trophy, and some of the worn-down letters hinted at their origins in federations _besides_ the FWF.

"I had it all planned out, bro," said Uncle Vinny, leaning back in his dining room chair, arms behind his head. "Ravenlohd and Grand Pawpa Pump goin' at it, da winner fights Doc McGraw at Gran' Slambuhree."

His eyes cast their gaze across the wall, over the many aurelian title belts adorning it.

"Dis was my chance to get the Ultamate Renegade out, big up Pawpa Pump as the next contender so he'd show." Uncle Vinny turned, giving the back of his chair to the guild wizards. "Now Rex looks like a dawk who can't get the jaub done, an' Ravenlohd's got grounds to ask furra rematch."

Lisanna stepped up. "Excuse me, but would he have honestly won if Natsu hadn't helped him?"

Vinny looked up. Even with how he stood, it was clear that the wheels in his head were turning. He knew this business better than anyone in that room, or even in the building, a consummate professional who had a plan for everyone under his employ. It was then, Lisanna realized, that he wasn't considering the result. He was considering whether or not he should tell them the result.

After much deliberation, Vinny finally spoke. " _I_ think so."

He turned back around, settling back into his chair.

"Now, I gotta go the only course I got." His thick greying hair swayed atop his head as he looked at Natsu. "You want Ravenlohd?"

"HELL yeah I do!" Natsu shouted.

"How bad you want 'im? 'Cause he's a pretty tough goiy."

Flames leaked from Natsu's mouth. "Roasted and crispy!"

"Take it easy, Natsu," Cana said, worriedly eyeing Uncle Vinny. Lisanna saw it, too: the self-proclaimed Mad Genius of Pro Wrestling had a glint in his eye, the same kind a cat might have when it's about to pounce on a mouse.

"How long you been gunning for him, bro?"

" _Yeeeears_ ," Natsu snarled hungrily.

"You wanna see him bleed?"

" _Natsu-!"_ Elfman tried to shoulder his way between the two, but it was too late. He was shouldered right back to where he'd been standing.

"ALL OVER THE SAND!"

Vinny slammed his hand on his desk, so hard it made the drawer rattle, and pointed at Natsu. "You got him. At Gran' Slambuhree, you're goin' awn in the main event, bro."

"ALL RIGHT!" Natsu was pumping his hand and already marching out the door. "I'M ALL FIRED UP NOW!"

"Natsu, wait!" Cana ran after him. "You don't know what you're getting into!"

Elfman remained silent on the whole matter, listening as Cana chased Natsu down before he glared at Vinny. "A real man is honest about his conditions."

That left Lisanna and Ultear to look at the open door, then at each other, and then at Uncle Vinny.

"If Natsu isn't delivered back to us," leered Ultear, "in _pristine_ physical condition, you'll be hearing from us, our S-Classes, and our Guild Master."

Vinny held up his hands. "I'm gonna level with you, bro: that kid's gonna see the absolute worst side of dis business. If he can walk the walk, he can come back and pick every fight he waunts to from now awn."

Slowly, deliberately, Ultear leaned forward and put her hands on Uncle Vinny's desk. Credit to Vinny, but he didn't even glance at her bust, even though it was literally right in front of him. Truly, a consummate professional.

Either that, or he was too preoccupied with Ultear's hands. Beneath her fingers, the wood began to crack. This wasn't Arc of Time; Lisanna could see the muscles in Ultear's arms rippling, willing her fingers to flex and her body to remain locked in place. She was a crazy-strong wizard, literally.

"What perchance _is_ 'the worst side of this business'?" the Time Mage asked. Her tone was even but carried all the subtle menace of a looming guillotine.

"The kinda thing we nohmally save for the absolute, final blow-auff," Vinny answered. "If that kid's had it out for Ravenlohd for as long as he has, den we can work with that, bro. Nothing gets the crowd pumped like a good stawry."

Uncle Vinny leaned forward. "So not only are we gonna keep the Jail House up, but you're gonna have yourselves a Pergrande Pit Fight."

Frowning, Lisanna raised her hand. "Excuse me, but what exactly do you mean, 'we'?"

"I mean," said Vinny, "you're gonna be in his corner, probably."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Seriously, Natsu, wait up!"

Natsu was making a beeline for the exit, through the winding masonic corridors of the ancient coliseum. The sparse lights from the ever-burning candles on the walls cast the cuts of the stone down to a blur. Their age was a testament to their staying power, yet Cana was still afraid Natsu's enthusiastic stomps would shake the bricks loose. Fairy Tail's reputation for property damage was well-respected (begrudgingly), but property damage against the FWF's S-Class roster? The only disaster _that_ recipe could net was a mob of angry wrestlers _punching_ the guild hall to death, board by board, window by window.

Cana sighed as she pulled out a pair of magic cards. _Why does the guild get the classless ones?_

" _Wind Catcher!_ "

With a deft toss, the cards flew past Natsu and exploded into a curving wall of dusty wind, enveloping him like a fishing net and (hopefully) stopping him in his tracks. Regardless, Cana double-timed it to where the wind was dissipating, leaving Natsu coughing his tonsils out with two thumbs jammed into his eyes.

"Warn a guy next time!" Natsu barked, furiously rubbing his dusted seeing-orbs.

"Well I'm sorry, but you were going the wrong way!" Cana snapped back.

"What are you talkin' about?" Natsu finished rubbing and flicked his nose. "I can smell my way outta here. That portal we came through had people smell on the other side, lots of 'em. So that's where I'm going!"

"The only people you're going to find are the wrestlers!"

"How do _you_ know?"

Cana pointed down the hall to a visible archway with bright green and pink symbols zigzagging along the sides, glowing in the dim light. "Because _that's_ The Ultimate Renegade's changing room."

Natsu's eyes widened. "He's in _there?!_ " The Fire Dragon springboarded to his feet and took off running. "C'mon, I want a piece of him!"

Cana sighed and gave up. She supposed Natsu would just have to learn his lesson the hard way. And hard it was, when a black limb stretched out of the wall and caught him mid-stride right in the throat.

Natsu fell the ground, coughing again and glaring at the limb. He knew it belonged to, apparently, because he was growling in rage when its owner emerged from the invisible door on the wall.

"No running in the corridors, _boy_." Ravenlord seemed to emphasize that word for maximum contempt. "You risk hurting yourself."

"I'LL HURT _YOU_ , BEAK-BREATH!"

Ravenlord snorted and stepped back from Natsu's swing. Growling, he doubled up and moved in, but Ravenlord simply gave ground. Left, right, up, Natsu took shots like Cana took cheap beer: sloppily and with great speed. Unlike the booze, however, Natsu's swings weren't connecting, so much so that a running cross nearly saw Natsu connect with the wall.

The wrestler sneered. "I see you've been practicing for our bout. Perhaps you're not as oblivious as I thought."

"I AIN'T-" Natsu cut his retort. "Wait, how'd you know about that?"

The bird-thing's yellow eyes flashed. "Because, _boy_ , I'm the one who requested it. Mr. Ferrara all but laughed when I suggested there was gold to be found in our encounter." Ravenlord held up a finger. "Ah, but he didn't know that you were part of Fairy Tail, and would _leap_ at the chance to see me when we came to town. He didn't know you were the brainless rock that _would_ challenge the tide for a record third time. And he certainly never thought you'd be stupid enough to jump the barricade."

Ravenlord grinned. "Would you care to guess who thought otherwise, _boy_?"

When Natsu rushed him, Ravenlord struck with a closed fist at blinding speed, jabbing at Natsu like a trained pugilist. Natsu ducked the swing and his wrestling training took over, sliding over one knee to loop Ravenlord's leg with his arms. From there, the former IK champion took a ride straight into a wall as Natsu swung him around like weaponized tree trunk. Cana's previous fear was unfounded, because the force of Ravenlord's collision didn't even _crack_ the brickwork.

Seemingly frustrated by this, Natsu peeled Ravenlord off the wall and swung him around again, this time throwing him into the other wall, head first. Ravenlord whipped his arms around and snapped a mid-air roll that saw him land sideways on his feet. His following leap smashed his shoulder into Natsu, knocking Natsu to the floor and the breath from Natsu's chest. Even then, he still tried to claw at Ravenlord's face. Credit to the Dragon Slayer for not quitting, much to Cana's resignation.

That all changed when Ravenlord's hands found their way to Natsu's throat.

Cana reached into her deck holster. Play time was officially over.

" _Lightning-_ "

A flock of ravens exploded out of Ravenlord in a shower of feathers, flying around Cana in a slashing, pecking, cawing frenzy. The cards in her hand were snatched from her grasp as all Cana could do was shield her eyes and face. She dropped to her knees as their talons seared shallow cuts along her exposed skin.

"Ravenlord!" she called, keeping hold of her bikini as the strap was cut. "What about the match? The gold?"

"That would be Mr. Ferrara's interest," she heard him reply. " _My_ interest lies before me."

Natsu yanked at Ravenlord's arms, but to no avail. His eyes grew more bloodshot as the fluids found their exit cut off.

"A query, if you will," Ravenlord whispered. It was eerie, how he spoke in a soft breathiness that carried over the cacophony of cawing. "How hard must I squeeze before his eyes pop out?"

Cana could make out Natsu, still struggling, pulling at Ravenlord's hands even as his limbs began to weaken. His kicks subsided to weak flutters. His face went from red to purple and slowly turned blue. His eyes twitched as the muscles lost their oxygen. He looked like he couldn't even summon a spell to save himself.

Then the candles, which hadn't the slightest bit of melted wax on them, blew out. The corridor was plunged into darkness save for the glow of the glyphs on Ultimate Renegade's arch way. As one, the ravens blew away from Cana, giving her an unobstructed view of the… complete darkness she was still in. But ooooh, she was hyped!

Because, standing beside Ravenlord, cast in the glow of the archway down the hall, was a tall, muscular silhouette, topped with a mock of long, raggled hair.

There was a meaty _Smack!_ of an enormous hand hitting a much smaller shoulder. Natsu gasped as the air flowed freely through his throat once more. The fact Cana heard his sandals hit the stones meant he was back on his feet.

"All right, no more mister cool guy!" Natsu punctuated his proclamation with a pair of blazing, fiery fists. "This time, we're-"

Standing before him was not Ravenlord. In fact, Ravenlord was nowhere to be seen. Instead, two wild eyes sat behind two flaring nostrils on a gorilla-like face, painted to affect the appearance of a mask. The shape was unusual, almost like a seraphim angel with razor-sharp wing tips, composed of a trio of pink, green, and black stripes. Wild, unkempt hair spilled down over his face, swaying with each heavy breath he took. With one hand, this man grasped Natsu's own, cutting the light in half.

Natsu's mouth dropped. Hardly surprising, for even where she was, Cana could feel how hot his dragon fire was burning. This guy took it like a champ, not even a twitch to hint at the pain he felt. That is, _if_ he felt it.

The twin fires of his eyes seized hold of Natsu's, fixing on him as he slowly turned his head from side to side. His lips pursed, and he spoke.

"Naht yehhh-t." A thick, rumbling finger was held in front of Natsu's face. "But _shooooon_."

Natsu only stared, dumbfounded, as this mountain of flesh, paint and tassels placed his mighty hand on Natsu's remaining light, plunging the corridor into darkness. One by one, starting from behind Cana, the candles along the wall relit themselves. Even before they reached Natsu, it was clear the mysterious figure had returned to parts unknown.

"Canaaa!" Lisanna's voice echoed off the masonry. "Natsuuu! Where are you?"

Natsu and Cana both stared at each other for a solid minute until their guild mates caught up with them.

"Finally." Ultear was the first to reach them, leaning on her knees as she examined the two, and their bewildered, wide-eyed shock. "Did something happen?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lisanna thought she'd be stuck in the woods babysitting Natsu, from how badly he'd wanted to fight Ravenlord. So, it came as a surprise to her when Natsu suggested they all go back to Fairy Tail.

"You sure you're okay, Natsu?" Cana asked as they strode through the portal and back through Magnolia's gates.

"I'm feelin' good!" Natsu shouted, throwing his fists in the air. "I'll get that jerk in seven days' time, where _everyone_ can see me do it."

"Wait a moment." Ultear stepped in front of him. "So what do you call ten minutes ago?"

Natsu's face wrinkled up in disdain. "I call it gettin' jumped. Kinda glad he did it, actually. Made me realize I still got work to do."

Lisanna groaned while Ultear smiled. "Then I'd be happy to help you train," said the Time Mage. "If Ravenlord is on par with an S-Class… Would you like me to take your place, Natsu?"

"No way! I picked this fight and I ain't backing out now!"

Ultear shrugged. "Suit yourself."

"So, Cana," Natsu asked, falling a step behind to look her way, "Ravenlibrary's a big deal, right?"

Cana shrugged here bare shoulders. "If you're a fan."

"And that Grand Slamboring next week is gonna be jam-packed with fans, right?"

"...Hopefully?"

"So _they_ all think he's a big deal, too, right?"

Cana was hesitant to answer that one.

" _RIGHT?!"_ Natsu barked. "Owowowowow!"

"Hush, Natsu," scolded Ultear before releasing his ear lobe. "It's late. People are trying to sleep."

This was true; they'd reentered the neighborhood of stone walkways and housing rows. Column upon column of windows stretched down the street, as far as even Lisanna's keen eyes could see, and nary a single one showed signs of life, not even a forgotten candle. It seemed either one embraced the Monday Night Mania, or rolled over and fell asleep, with no middle ground between.

"Anyway," Lisanna continued, "what do you think, Cana? Is Ravenlord popular?"

Elfman grunted, drawing attention to himself as they scaled the flight of paved steps leading to the park. "Everyone knows he's no pushover."

"Great!" Natsu barked, before a threatening pinching-motion from Ultear quieted his tone. He turned towards the grass, a menacing grin on his face as he smacked a fist into his palm. " _I wanna stick that jerk on a spit and roast 'im good where_ everyone _can see him."_

"You _do_ realize," Cana said, "that if you use magic, they'll ban you from competing for life?"

Natsu waved her off. "Ah, I'm not worried, long as the ref doesn't see me."

"That's not how it works, Natsu," said Elfman. "Normal rule breaking is forgiven-"

"Even encouraged, it seems," Ultear observed.

The big man nodded. "But no magic is the one rule _nobody_ breaks. Doesn't matter if the ref sees it or not, doesn't matter how sneaky it is; the instant someone uses magic, they're banned, for life."

"WHAT?! Ow!" Natsu swatted Ultear's hand away. "Why didn't anyone tell me that?"

Now it was Cana's turn to scold him. "That's what I was trying to do, knucklehead! But _someone_ was in a hurry, apparently."

"Well how was I supposed to know? Uncle Vinny seemed like a trustworthy guy!"

Elfman snorted. "Yeah, you can trust him, all right. Trust him to do what's best for his business."

Lisanna tugged on her brother's sleeve. "Is there some way we could convince him to change the rules?"

"'Fraid not, sis," Elfman said, shaking his head. "I hear that if they start using magic, then suddenly they're a Dark Guild running a fight ring. That rule keeps the Magic Council off their back."

"So, in summation," Ultear said as they just about neared the guild hall, "Mr. Ferrara has seen fit to feed Natsu to one of his best stars, knowing Natsu's history and thus making it all the more garish for Ravenlord to brutalize him."

As they entered the front door, they were greeted by a pack of bare tables, empty chairs, and no occupants save for three aging wizards and one disgruntled barmaid.

"Ah, my - _urp-_ children return to me," Makarov hiccuped. "Oh Mira, dear, pour me another?"

From how quiet Mirajane's retort was, she didn't want the old coot to hear it.

"Have fun, kids?" asked Ur, sipping from her own mug. "Was it as exciting as you hoped?"

Ultear sighed. "More so than I anticipated."

Ur frowned, placing her frothing beer stein on the counter.

Gildarts glanced at her. "You know Shade's gonna lose it when he sees those counter spots tomorrow."

"Then 'Shade' can chill out," Ur shot back before turning to her daughter. "You sound disappointed."

"I am… conflicted, Mother, to say the least."

It wasn't like her daughter to hesitate; Ur knew that better than anyone. "About what?"

Ultear sighed. "On the one hand," she said, "Natsu succeeded in spoiling Ravenlord's bout. He also secured a bout of his own next week."

Makarov took the news rather well, spitting out his beer and hacking and coughing up a, " _Pfwhat?!_ "

"And the bad news?" Ur inquired, eyeing the befuddled face on the guild master.

Ultear took her mother's hands, held them aloft, and backed away. Lisanna did likewise, as did Elfman. The safest place for Cana was apparently behind the counter.

Ultear looked her mother in the eyes as she said, "Natsu's bout will be a Pergrande Pit Fight."

" **WHAAAT?!** "

Makarov's thunderous bellow preceded his growth to giant size, his massive form blocking out the light fixtures on the ceiling. His eyes were like two white tunnels of oblivion, the kind people described within near-death experiences. The tree trunks his fingers resembled swung down and grabbed Natsu in one fell swoop, lifting him so he was face-to-nose with the angry force of nature.

" _ **Natsu do you have any idea what you've agreed to?**_ " roared Makarov. Ultear was too afraid to remind him of the late hour.

"I just wanted to-"

" _ **The Pergrande Pit Fight is one of the most savage and brutal gladiatorial contests on the**_ **continent** _ **,**_ " boomed the guild master. " _ **In the kingdom of Pergrande, it's used for public executions. What in the name of the First Master made you agree to go through with it?!**_ "

"I didn't know, okay? I heard Ravinglark was gonna fight me and got excited! Uncle Vinny didn't even tell me what kind of match it was!"

" _ **Hmph**_ **.** " Makarov's size began to shrink with his temper; his shirt and jacket rematerialized on his body. " _Then I suppose I'll just_ have to go to his place of business and… resolve this."

A big, unnervingly wide grin split the diminutive man's lips. "Might I have a volunteer to come with me? Mirajane?"

The elder Strauss sister rolled her eyes, until she caught what Makarov was implying. Flashing an evil grimace of her own, she cracked her knuckles and somersaulted over the counter. "Let's go, grandpa."

Nodding and waving goodbye, Makarov stopped at the front door. "This won't take long."

 _Twenty minutes later…_

"Mira, take it easy!"

"Get off, Lisanna!"

Mira was inches away from smashing up a table, yet another sacrifice to add to the growing pile of kindling coalescing in the middle of the guild hall.

"I understand you're upset, but breaking things isn't going to help!"

"It'll help make me feel better!" Mira snarled, throwing Lisanna off of her shoulder before she axe kicked another table to splinters. " _Gone! Not a trace!_ "

Back at the bar, Makarov's fingers were splintering the countertop; he looked like he was preparing to take a bite out of it. "I should've guessed there'd be magic involved... While I hate to agree with the Magic Council, they're right to be wary of this 'Uncle Vinny'. I'd heard of teleportation magic, but I never thought it could be used on so grand a scale."

"Cheer up, Gramps!" Natsu beamed. "So Vinny took his arena somewhere else. So what? All I gotta do is beat Rakin'-Lord and show 'em _both_ not to mess with me."

Makarov's finger massaged his wrinkled, balding temple. "Natsu… Do you know what lies in a Pergrande fighting pit?"

"No," Natsu admitted, "but it's like a cage, right?"

"Yes," said Makarov. "However, that's not the end of it. Pergrande blacksmiths produce a metal wire for their prisons and livestock pens that has hundreds of tiny saw blades aligned with the metal. They call it 'razor wire'; even a light brush is painful."

Lisanna, having picked herself off the floor, settled in next to Natsu, opposite Ultear on one of the few remaining unsmashed pieces of furniture. A look at her rival confirmed what she was feeling: the same foreboding sense as Lisanna.

"A Pergrande fighting pit's bars are wrapped in this razor wire," Makarov continued, "and if one fighter can't win by besting his opponent, then his only hope is to climb the bars and escape, with nothing but his bare hands."

Tiny "saw blades" Makarov had said. One slip of a hand which was bound to be slick with blood and sweat already, and…

Everyone, including Gildarts, winced at the thought.

"But that's not the worst of it." The drop in Makarov's tone seemed to carry its own echo, purely from the depths it reached. "While the fight proceeds, there are spectators lining the outside, passing weapons in through the bars. Nothing that could kill outright, for that would mean a quick fight. Chains, wrenches, silverware, some of it wrapped in razor wire, even a few magical things have been used. Sometimes, if the outsiders are feeling especially cruel, they'll force the fighters to reach through the razor wire and retrieve the weapons themselves, all without armor of any kind. It's a horrible, horrible way to die, and the fact this so-called 'promoter' would use it for sport is sickening."

Makarov locked eyes with Natsu, as serious as a grass mimic. "Is that something you're willing to go through, Natsu? To subject your body to that kind of punishment?"

At first, Natsu didn't respond. His brow furrowed in contemplation as he itched his crop of pink hair, staring down at the floor joists. Lisanna was more worried about why he was taking so long. Few things were subtle about Natsu, but there was a tiny, nigh-uncatchable giveaway between his "What should I say" face…

And his "How do I put this?" face.

"Way I see it," Natsu said, matching Makarov's look with one of his own, "these clowns _want_ me to back out. They gave me a fight I've been wanting for a long time, but then they slapped this big, scary cage fight on, without tellin' me. Probably expecting me to get on my knees, _beg_ 'em to take me out, so Ravenloafer can go have his three-way with Steiner and McGraw."

He didn't see it, but Lisanna did: Ultear's face turned red like someone just spent an hour spanking it.

"Well, those jerks ain't gonna get it. Weaverlord's got no magic, no toys, _nothin'_ inside that cage but his own two fists." Natsu's eyes fell to his hands. "Same as me."

He met Makarov's gaze once more. "This is the best shot I'll get at him. If he's on the payroll, Cana says he's as good as an S-Class. And if he's that good, then I'd have to wait 'til _I'm_ S-Class to take him. I owe him a black eye, and he owes a town their farm spirit, and that cage is my ticket to punch _his._ "

 _Clap. Clap. Clap._

Both Natsu and Lisanna's eyes fell upon Ultear, her hands coming together again and again, complementing the wry smile she wore.

"Well said, Natsu." Her fingers laced themselves and she leaned forward on the table. "I look forward to being in your corner."

Her eyes met Lisanna's, and right at that moment, Lisanna knew she couldn't go through with this. Uncle Vinny made it very clear: there would be blood in a Pergrande Pit Fight, lots of it. Lots of that "lots of it" would be Natsu's, while the most powerful non-Fairy Tail wizard Lisanna had ever encountered would be hammering at him like a rock in a quarry.

Lisanna had witnessed Natsu being beaten. As a child, she'd seen plenty of blood shed by the ones she loved. She'd even seen Ravenlord in action, how cruel he could be while toying with people. None of those things bothered her. Together, though?

Just imagining it now, the vision of Natsu laid out on a bloody wrestling ring, with Ravenlord smashing him in the face with a razor wire cudgel while a crowd screamed for more blood-

"Nooooo!" Lisanna groaned, turning into Natsu's arm and pulling him close to her.

"What the-?"

"Natsu, it's not worth it!" wailed the Strauss girl. "Since when have you cared what Ravenlord's thought of you? He isn't worth something like that!"

Natsu, through the watery haze that obscured Lisanna's vision, seemed flustered. "He thinks so, and that's enough for me." Lisanna thought she saw a grin on his face. "C'mon, Lisanna, it's me! I'll be fine!"

Lisanna let out a soft, disheartened sigh, blinking away her sadness and turning away. "If you really want to do this, I… I won't be there."

Then she felt a hand on her head.

"It's fine, Lisanna," she heard Natsu say. "I understand."

 _He understands…_ Lisanna sniffed and trekked across the hall, around the kindling pile to the hall's giant wooden gates. _But he's still going through with it._

She didn't dare look back, for fear Natsu might change her mind.


End file.
